21. Lilian
Chapter 21
Lilian
I put on my clothes before smoothing my hair.
Sebastian pads over, shirtless in low-slung jeans, his abs on full display. “Everything okay, princess?”
I nod.
“Good.” He kisses me, slow and deep, backing me against the door. “Round two?”
“Gemma and Mary asked where I am.”
“Stay.”
“I can’t.” Getting on my tiptoes, I give him a quick goodbye kiss, but he deepens it, his tongue sliding into my mouth and his arm sneaking around my waist.
I push at his chest. “They’re going to wonder where I am.”
“Fine. Go downstairs, or I can’t be held responsible for what happens next,” he says.
“See you there?”
He gives me a peck on the nose. “I will be right behind you. ”
A giggle escapes me as I turn to the door. When I open it, I startle, finding Brandon standing there, fist raised to knock.
“Well, well.” His eyes dart between Sebastian and me, and a smug grin spreads over his face. “What do we have here?”
“Leave it,” Sebastian says.
Brandon winks at me. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”
My cheeks burn, and I’m not sure where to look. This is awkward enough.
“Bran,” Sebastian says.
“What?” He holds up his hands in surrender. “I met her first.”
“You didn’t meet her first,” Sebastian says.
What is he talking about? I did meet Brandon first. Didn’t I?
Brandon regards me. “At least help me win at beer pong, Lil? I could use a good luck charm like you.”
Sebastian’s arm sneaks around my waist in a possessive gesture. “Knock it off.”
“No need to get territorial. So are you two a thing now or what?” Brandon asks.
I open my mouth to say we’re not together—
“I won’t say it again. Get lost.” Sebastian’s tone leaves no room for argument.
Why doesn’t he answer it? It’s as if he’s lumping me in with all the other girls he’s been with, and that stings more than I care to admit .
“I should find Gemma and Mary,” I say.
Sebastian squeezes my hand. “I’ll come find you later.”
At last I lift my head, offering him a weak smile. “Sure. Later.”
I make my way down the stairs, keeping my eyes peeled for Gemma and Mary. I reach the bottom, and movement in the corner catches my eye. Two guys are kissing and groping a stumbling girl. My steps falter. Is that Blake?
Her head lolls from side to side as the guys maneuver her limp body down the hall. Bile rises in my throat, and I clench my fists. I can’t ignore this.
“Hey!” My voice comes out shaky. I clear my throat and try again, louder this time. “Stop!”
The two guys pause and look over at me, annoyed.
Please let me sound more confident than I feel. “Let her go.”
They laugh. “Mind your own business, sweetheart.”
One of them resumes tugging Blake along. She moans something incoherent, head sagging.
Anger wells up in me, hot and fierce. That’s it. I march over and shove the nearest guy away from her. “I said let her go!”
He stumbles back, and his friend steps toward me, puffing out his chest. “Back off, bitch.”
I stand my ground between them and Blake’s crumpled form. “Leave her alone, or I’m calling campus security.”
They size me up for a moment, and then the first guy spits at my feet. “Whatever. You’re probably saving us from getting any STDs from that bitch. ”
With that, they slink off down the hall. My whole body is shaking as I turn to Blake. She’s collapsed on the floor, eyes glassy and unfocused. Mascara tracks stain her cheeks.
“Blake?” I kneel beside her. “Are you okay?”
She peers at me blearily. “Fuck off. Just leave me alone.”
“I’m not going to do that. Here, let me help you.” I slide an arm under hers, hoisting her up.
She sags against me, mumbling incoherently. Slowly, I half-carry her down the hall to the bathroom. Once inside, I ease her down beside the toilet. She hunches over it, retching, and I pull her hair back from her face, rubbing her back.
After some minutes, she slumps against the wall, eyes half-closed. “Why are you helping me?” Her words come out garbled. “You hate me.”
I wet a paper towel and dab at the smeared mascara on her cheeks. “I don’t hate you. We’re not exactly friends, but that doesn’t mean I would let that happen.”
She snorts, then winces. “Saint Lilian to the rescue, huh? Must be nice up there on your high horse.”
I sit back on my heels. She’s drunk and lashing out. Rising to the bait won’t help either of us. “Let’s focus on getting you sobered up a bit, okay?”
“Why? So you can gloat about what a mess I am compared to perfect little you?” Blake’s glare is venomous, even in her intoxicated state.
“That’s not what this is about. I’m trying to make sure you’re safe. ”
“Safe?” She laughs a bitter, broken sound. “Since when does anybody care about my safety? You’d love it if I just disappeared. Then you could have Bash all to yourself.”
Her words hit a little too close to home. I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind before—how much simpler things would be without Blake in the picture, constantly trying to wedge herself between Sebastian and me. But hearing her say it out loud makes me feel ashamed for even entertaining the notion.
“That’s not true.” I wet another paper towel and hand it to her. “Whatever is or isn’t going on with Sebastian and me… it has nothing to do with you. I don’t want you to get hurt. No one deserves that.”
Blake’s eyes, though hazy, lock onto mine with surprising intensity. “He really loves you, you know.”
I blink, taken aback. “What?”
“Bash. He’s in love with you. It’s so obvious.”
My heart stutters. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Please. Anyone with eyes can see it. The way he looks at you… like he would burn down the world for you.” She supports her head with her right hand, wincing at the movement. “I’d kill for someone to look at me like that.”
I fidget with the damp paper towel in my hands. I should insist that Sebastian and I are just friends. But I don’t want to. Is that wrong of me ?
“You’re not so bad,” I say instead. “I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.”
“Yeah, right. Who’d want a bitch like me?” Her voice cracks on the last word, and she swipes angrily at her eyes. “You heard the guys.”
“Hey.” I reach out, tentatively resting a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
“I’m sorry, you know. For the thing with Mike. And for constantly throwing myself at Sebastian.” She hiccups, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. “I thought that maybe he would look at me like that.”
My chest tightens with a mix of sympathy and guilt. I’ve been so quick to judge Blake, to write her off as nothing more than a spiteful ex.
“It’s fine. Mike and I weren’t really together, and Sebastian. It kind of gave me the courage to do things I wouldn’t have done.” I give her shoulder a gentle squeeze.
She nods, sniffling. “God, are you nice. You should hate me.”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t let him go. Bash. He’s one of the good ones.”
“He is.”
She stares at me for a long moment, her eyes searching mine. For a second, I think there is a flicker of vulnerability, a crack in her usual hard exterior.
But then she looks away, pressing the cool cloth to her forehead. “Whatever. ”
I sigh. “Stay here and rest for a bit, okay? I’ll go get you some water.”
I stand to leave, and the bathroom door swings open. Sebastian steps inside, his eyes widening as he takes in the scene before him—me hovering over a disheveled Blake.
“What’s going on here?” He looks from her to me, his expression unreadable.
I open my mouth to explain, but Blake beats me to it.
“Lilian was just playing the hero.” She struggles to her feet, swaying slightly. “Aren’t you so lucky to have such a perfect little girlfriend, Bash?”
Sebastian’s jaw clenches, reaching out to steady Blake. “Come on, I’ll get you to Naomi.”
“I don’t need your help.” She jerks away from his touch, stumbling in the process.
I move to catch her, but Sebastian is faster. He scoops Blake up into his arms, cradling her against his chest. Something twists in my gut at the sight.
“I’ve got her.” He does not quite meet my eyes. “You should go find Gemma and Mary. Enjoy the rest of the party, and I’ll find you later, okay?”
I force down the knot in my throat, trying to ignore the sickening feeling as Sebastian cradles Blake against his chest. “I think I’m going to head home. I’m pretty tired.”
Sebastian’s brow furrows. “You sure?”
“Yeah. Just need some sleep. ”
He studies me for a moment. I can’t quite read his expression, but there’s a flicker of something there—concern, maybe? Or is it pity?
I lean in, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Goodnight.”
I turn to leave, but he catches my hand. “Lil.”
For a second, I thought he might pull me back or ask me to stay. But then he just gives my fingers a gentle squeeze before releasing me.
“Sleep well, princess.”
I nod and walk away, feeling his eyes burning into my back. It takes every ounce of willpower not to turn around, not to run back into his arms and beg him to choose me.
But that’s my insecurities talking, isn’t it? The little voice in my head that always whispers I’m not good enough, that everyone I care about will eventually leave me. Sebastian has given me no reason to doubt him. He’s been nothing but sweet and attentive, even when I push him away.
I square my shoulders. Sebastian and I have something special, something real. I need to trust in that.
And I hope Gemma will be okay with that, too, one day.
It doesn’t take long to spot her and Mary in the crowd, giggling and dancing together.
“Hey, guys,” I say. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
Gemma pouts. “Aw, really? Stay!”
Mary nudges her. “Let the girl sleep, Gem. She’s probably exhausted from disappearing with her secret lover.”
My cheeks grow warm with heat. “It’s not like that. I’m tired.”
“Okay, let me get my jacket, and we’ll walk home together,” Gemma says.
“You don’t have to,” I say.
Mary places her arm on my shoulder. “We’re not letting you leave alone.”
As we make our way to the door, I glance back, scanning the room for Sebastian. But he’s nowhere to be seen.
It’s fine. Everything is fine. Sebastian cares about me. I need to have a little faith.
He’s not going to abandon me.
Right?