38. Lilian
Chapter 38
Lilian
Sebastian follows my gaze. “Isn’t that—”
“My uncle.”
Marc’s face is unreadable, his arms crossed over his chest. I swallow hard, my hand tightening around Sebastian’s.
“Do you want me to come with you?” His thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of my hand.
I’m tempted to say yes, but I know I need to face this alone. “No, it’s okay. I’ll handle it. You should go.”
Sebastian studies me for a moment before nodding. “Call me if you need anything, alright? I mean it.”
“I will.” I press a quick kiss to his cheek before slipping out of the car. My legs are jelly, and it’s not because of what we just did in the car.
“Lilian.” His voice is neutral, giving nothing away.
“Uncle Marc. I didn’t expect you. ”
His gaze flicks to Sebastian’s retreating car before settling back on me. “I think we need to have a talk, don’t you?”
My stomach twists, but I force myself to meet his stare. “About what?”
“About you and Sebastian Barron. I had hoped you would come to your senses.”
This is not a conversation I’m ready to have. Not now, maybe not ever. I wrap my arms around myself, burying my nails into the soft fabric of Sebastian’s jacket. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“There’s a whole lot to talk about.” Marc’s voice hardens, his displeasure evident.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Then what exactly is it?”
I open my mouth, but no words come out. What can I say? That Sebastian is different? That he loves me? That I love him? Somehow, I don’t think any of that will make a difference to my uncle. Why can’t he see how happy Sebastian makes me?
He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “Let’s go inside.”
I would rather run after Sebastian and beg him to take me anywhere but here. But I don’t want to hide anymore. So I follow my uncle into the dorm with sagging shoulders.
Inside, he paces in front of me, his face etched with disappointment. “I don’t understand. After everything I’ve told you about the Barrons, how could you still be with him?”
I fidget on the couch, my fingers twisting in my lap. “It’s not that simple. ”
“Isn’t it? They’re our enemies, Lilian. They can’t be trusted.”
“Sebastian isn’t like that. He’s different.”
He scoffs. “Oh, I’m sure he’s very different when he’s trying to get into your pants.”
“It’s not like that! He cares about me, Uncle Marc. He loves me.”
“Love?” He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “You’re young. You don’t know what love is.”
“And you do?” The words are out before I can stop them.
“Watch your tone, young lady.”
I stand, my hands clenched at my sides. “No, I won’t watch my tone. Not about this. You don’t get to dictate who I love. That’s not your decision to make, and you’re not my father! Controlling my life won’t bring them back.”
He stills. “Do not speak of your parents that way.”
“Why?” I demand. “Why are you so afraid to even mention them? You act as if their memory is something shameful to avoid.”
“Enough.” His face hardens into a stony mask. “We will not discuss this.”
“No, we will discuss this! You’ve never really told me anything about them.”
“I’m doing this in order to protect you. Some things are better left in the past.”
“No. They’re not.”
“As long as you are my responsibility, it is my decision. ”
“Then maybe it’s time to let go.”
“You don’t mean that.”
Don’t I?
But the hurt in my uncle’s eyes stops me. He’s the only family I have left.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you.” I sigh, my anger draining away. “But I’m not going to stop seeing Sebastian. He makes me happy. Can’t you understand that?”
He is quiet for a long moment. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. The Barrons… they have a way of destroying everything they touch. They always have. What about Jason?”
“I don’t like Jason that way. I never did, and I should have never agreed to it. I did it for you.”
“Please. Come to your senses.”
“I have.” I fold my arms across my chest. “And I choose Sebastian.”
“You’re making a mistake.”
“No, the mistake was thinking you could choose for me.” I hold his gaze, refusing to back down. “Sebastian loves me. He accepts me for who I am, doesn’t try to control me, and he won’t hurt me.”
“As soon as you’re not blinded by this Barron boy anymore, you will come running back to us.” He shakes his head. “Still, I hope you’re right.”
“I am.”
He draws me into a hug. “When this all comes crashing down around you, I want you to know that I’m here. No matter what.”
I hesitate, then return the embrace.
“Good night,” he says.
“Good night.”
With that, he walks out, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I know he means well, but he’s wrong about Sebastian. He has to be. Because if he’s not…
The dorm room door creaks open, and I glance up to find Sebastian peering out, concern etched into his features.
Instantly, the tension seeps from my body, and I throw myself into his arms.
He catches me, one hand tangling in my hair while the other rubs soothing circles over my back. “Shh, I’ve got you. It’s okay.”
The dam inside me cracks, then shatters, a flood of tears I can no longer contain breaking free. All the fear, hurt, and frustration I’ve bottled up pour out in ragged sobs against his shirt.
Sebastian simply holds me through it. Here, in his arms, I can be vulnerable. I can be me. His embrace is my refuge, the one place I can break down without fear of judgment.
When, at last, my tears subside, I peer up at him through wet lashes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry all over you.”
“Shh.” He wipes the remaining moisture from my cheeks. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Still. This shirt is ruined.” I tug at it .
“Then I’ll just have to take it off.” His lips quirk into a teasing grin, and warmth spreads through me, chasing away the last remnants of my earlier anguish.
“Is that so? Trying to get me naked again, Barron?”
“Always.”
And he does, giving me another orgasm in the shower. After that, he wraps me in a towel and we cuddle under the sheets, my head resting on his chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His fingers comb through my hair.
Will Uncle Marc send Levi next? And then Landon? I don’t want to think about it.
“Not really,” I murmur. “Will you tell me about your childhood?”
“What would you like to know?”
“Anything. I like hearing you talk about it.”
“Alright, let’s see… Gemma loved me telling her scary stories. But you already know that.”
“It doesn’t matter. Tell me again. Please.”
“We’d build like a little tent in her room. At night, we’d turn off the lights, and I’d tell her scary stories about monsters that are misunderstood and fairy tales. Mom always brought us cookies and juice and snuggled up with us.” He chuckles. “Even Dad joined us sometimes.”
Though I have few recollections of my family before Marc, listening to Sebastian share these cherished moments from his past is like experiencing them, too, in a way. It’s like I’m being given a glimpse into another life I could have had.
“One time, Gem wanted to be a princess for Halloween, so Mom put me into a knight costume. I escorted her and her friends the whole night.”
“I bet you were quite the little knight.”
“Well, maybe one day I’ll escort you everywhere you want to go.” He grins. “And build you a castle with your own personal library.”
Warmth spreads through my chest at his playful yet sincere promise. “I’d like that. My very own knight in shining armor.”
He kisses the top of my head. “I’ve always been that for you, princess.”
“I know. Thanks.”
“Do you remember anything before you went to live with your uncle?”
“Not really. Flashes. Impressions. My mother baking cupcakes and her laughter.”
After a beat, he says, “Have you ever gone back to your old house?”
Levi and Landon ask me that every year, but the thought of going back there is… “I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?” Sebastian’s fingers continue to comb through my hair, his touch soothing.
Guilt rises in my throat like bile, and I bite my lip. “Of the memories. Of facing the reality that they’re really gone. At the funeral, everyone was crying, but I… I couldn’t. I tried, but the tears wouldn’t come. What kind of daughter does that make me?”
“Hey.” He tilts my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone processes stuff differently.”
“But I should have cried. If I loved them, I should have cried.”
“That’s not how it works.” He brushes his thumb over my cheek, catching a tear I didn’t realize had fallen. “I once did something where every normal person would have panicked or felt regret, but I didn’t, and I still don’t. What I want to say is that just because it’s the norm, it doesn’t have to apply to you. You were a child. You were in shock. That doesn’t mean you loved them any less.”
I bury my face in his chest again, and the tears come once more, hot and fast, soaking into his skin. He holds me close, murmuring soothing words I can’t quite make out over my hiccups. But it doesn’t matter. His presence alone is enough.
I sniffle, wiping at my face. “God, I’m a mess.” But I feel… lighter somehow. It’s as if a weight I didn’t even know I was carrying had been lifted.
“You’re beautiful.” He kisses my forehead. “And so fucking strong.”
I let out a watery laugh. “I don’t feel strong.”
“But you are. And if you ever decide to go back, I’ll be right with you. ”
Fresh tears prick at my eyes, but they’re different this time. Born of gratitude rather than sorrow.
“Thank you.” I press a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. “For being here. For listening.”
“Always. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I will be there.”
My heart swells at his words. “I love you, Sebastian Barron.”
“I love you too, Lilian Edmunds. More than anything.”