40. Lilian
Chapter 40
Lilian
I stand in the backside of the library when warm, familiar hands skim up my thighs.
Sebastian.
His smooth voice caresses my ear. “Hello, princess.”
I try to twist around, but his strong arms cage me in from behind, fingers digging into my hips.
“Don’t,” he says.
“Sebastian.” Although it’s already late and most people are gone, someone could see us. Last time, we were lucky. “What are you doing?”
His hand skims up higher, calloused fingers tracing my inner thighs. “Can’t I touch what’s mine?”
“But… we’re in the lib—”
I gasp, my hands clutching the edge of the shelf as he bites down on my neck.
“Shh. You need to be quiet.” He presses my front further against the rough surface of the shelf. “Can you do that for me? Just like last time.” His fingers brush my soaked-through panties.
“We have to stop.” Even as the words leave my mouth, my body betrays me, arching back against him wantonly.
His lips find my ear again, his voice a deep rumble. “You don’t really want me to stop, do you princess?”
No, I don’t. I shake my head, and finally, he touches my aching center directly.
I bite my lip hard to keep from crying out, and my fingers dig into the wood of the shelf to stay upright, my knees threatening to buckle.
“That’s it, let me make you feel good.” His movements quicken in rhythm with my ragged breathing. “How badly do you want me?”
“Please.” I’m right on the edge, my thighs quivering.
But he stops, withdrawing his fingers.
“God, Lil, you’ve ruined me.”
Ruined him? He ruined me.
I hear the sound of a zipper, and then the blunt head of his cock nudges at my entrance.
“Tell me you’re mine,” he commands, his voice rough.
“I’m yours.”
My legs tremble as Sebastian teases me, barely pushing inside before withdrawing again. I’m desperate for him, my body primed and aching .
“Please.” I roll my hips back against him.
He groans, his fingers digging deeper into the flesh. “Tell me again who you belong to.”
“You, Sebastian. Only you. I love you.”
With a rough thrust, he’s sheathed inside me. I cry out, muffling the sound against my arm.
Sebastian sets a relentless pace, fucking me against the bookshelf. Hard, fast strokes that threaten to break me in two.
It’s all too much. Too good. The hard shelf scraping my skin, his thick length stretching me to the limit, his ragged breaths in my ear. I’m completely overwhelmed, lost in the pleasure and pain.
He growls. “That’s right, take it all for me like the fucking good girl you are.”
I want to turn again, but his hand comes up, covering my mouth, and keeping my eyes faced to the shelf.
Something is off.
“Pretend for me one last time that you love me.” His hand wanders down to my neck.
Why? “I do love you.” Of course, I do.
His voice is harsh. “Say it again.”
“Sebastian, why—” I manage to choke out, my voice mixed with whimpers.
“Say.” Thrust. “It.” Thrust. “Again.” Thrust.
“I love you, I do.” Tears start streaming down my face as I struggle to understand his behavior.
“Good girl. Always remember that. ”
His words are cold, not laced with the usual warmth, and his thrusts remain unrelenting, each one driving me closer to the edge. It’s overwhelming. It’s wrong—so wrong—but also right.
It’s him.
The man I love.
“Sebastian, stop,” I say.
His hand tightens around my throat, and he growls into my ear. “Come for me one last time, princess. I need you one last time.”
What? My body is aflame with pleasure, the ability to form coherent thoughts escaping my grip.
“Please, st—”
He sinks his teeth into the tender flesh of my neck again, causing a strangled cry to escape my lips.
“That’s it, princess. Take it all.”
I’m close, each rough snap of his hips pushing me closer to the edge. My fingers claw at the shelf, desperate for something to hold onto.
A few more brutal strokes and I come apart. His hand closes around my mouth, muffling the screams. But he doesn’t stop—if anything, his thrusts become wilder, more erratic, and the orgasm he wrings from me is almost painful in its intensity, my inner walls clenching helplessly around his hard length until he stills inside, his warmth filling me.
His head falls onto my shoulder, both our chests heaving.
“We could have had it all. Why Lil?” He places a kiss on my shoulder before pulling out slowly, leaving me empty and cold .
I try to catch a glimpse of Sebastian’s eyes as he adjusts my clothing, but his gaze remains lowered, his movements stiff and robotic. The instant his hands leave my hips, their steadying presence gone, my knees give out, and I collapse to the cold and hard library floor.
What happened? I stare up at him, waiting for an explanation. But what I see is not him. A monster.
His expression is closed off, almost cruel… and his eyes look disgusted.
This isn’t the Sebastian I know. What happened?
I want to reach out to him, but my body won’t function.
He crouches down and grabs my chin, rough and uncaring. “Did I make you feel good, princess?”
Nodding hesitantly, I sniffle.
“Am I the only one who can make you feel like this?” His tone is mocking.
Again, I nod, tears pricking my eyes. I don’t understand what’s happening. Why is he acting this way?
“I-I don’t feel good anymore. Please,” I say.
For a fleeting second, his features soften. But then his lips curl into a sneer.
“You’re a good liar. Too good.” He lets go of my chin and stands up.
I scramble to my feet, clutching at the bookshelf to keep me steady. “Please, talk to me.” I reach for his arm, but he jerks away.
“It’s over. Never speak to me again.”
“What? ”
“Stop pretending, Lil.”
“I’m not pretending. What are you talking about?”
He remains motionless, still not looking back at me. It’s clear he’s fighting with something, but I can’t fathom what it could be.
The pain in my chest intensifies. “Please don’t go. I need you.”
“Are you planning to marry Jason?”
“What?” My heart pounds heavily against my chest. “No, of course not. Why would you even think that?”
He finally looks at me again, his eyes cold and accusing. “Don’t lie to me. I know about your engagement to him.”
My mouth falls open. “That’s…”
“Go ahead. Lie to me, princess.”
“Did Jason tell you this?”
“Is that the only concern you have right now?”
The words hit me like a slap in the face. I never wanted to marry Jason. It was to help my uncle. He said I’d never have to go through with it. How can I explain that?
Tears continue to stream down my face. “It was never real.”
“You said you’re only friends.”
“We are.”
“Stop lying!” He slams his fist against the bookshelf.
I shrink back. “Please, listen—”
“To more of your bullshit? No thanks.”
“It’s not bullshit! Jason and I—”
“Don’t.” He holds up a hand, his expression twisted with disgust. “I don’t want to hear his fucking name. Not from your lips.”
Silence descends, thick and suffocating. Sebastian’s chest heaves with controlled breaths.
I search his face, desperate for a shred of the man I thought I knew. The man I lov—
No. I can’t even think it. Not anymore.
I try again, my voice small and broken. “Sebastian?”
Something flickers in his eyes. Something raw and wounded. But it’s gone in an instant, shuttered behind an impenetrable wall of ice.
“We’re done here.” His tone is flat. Final.
He turns to go, and panic seizes me.
I lurch forward, grasping at his shirt. “Wait.”
He whirls around, grabbing my wrists in a vice-like grip and pulling me hard against him, his face just inches from mine. “Don’t touch me. Don’t ever fucking touch me again.”
Then he shoves me away, sending me stumbling back into the bookshelf, and I collapse onto my knees.
This is a nightmare. I stare at him in shocked silence, cradling my throbbing wrist. There is no other explanation. I will wake up any second in Sebastian’s arms, safe and sound, with everything back to normal.
His hand lifts for a moment before it forms a tight fist and falls to his side. “You were nothing but a distraction. An amusement to pass the time.” He laughs, a cruel mocking sound. “Did you really think I fell for you? That I could ever care for someone as pathetic as you when I can have Blake?”
I can’t breathe. It’s like my lungs have collapsed, crushed under the weight of his cruel words.
“No. No, that’s not true.” I shake my head in denial even as tears fall. “You’re lying.”
“Believe whatever you want.” He shrugs. “Goodbye, Lil.”
He walks away without a backward glance, leaving me shattered in his wake.
Numbness spreads through me as I sit on the floor. Nothing makes sense anymore.
This can’t be happening. It has to be a nightmare. Please let it be a nightmare.
But the pain is too real, too visceral.
He’s gone. Replaced by a monster wearing his face. A monster who used me, manipulated me, made me believe he cared.
How could I have been so stupid? So naive? I let him in and trusted him with my heart, my body, and my soul. And he threw it all back in my face like it meant nothing.
It didn’t. I’m nothing to him. A distraction, an amusement. A pathetic little girl he could toy with until he got bored. Blake was wrong.
He doesn’t love me.
Humiliation burns through me as I recall every intimate moment we shared. Every whispered promise, every tender touch. It was all a lie. A cruel, twisted game.
Uncle Marc was right .
I want to scream, to rage, to break something. But I can’t move. I can barely breathe through the sobs that tear at my throat.
It hurts. God, it hurts so much. I’m being ripped apart from the inside out, every fiber of my being shredded by the razor-sharp edges of his words.
I trusted him. I let myself fall for him. And he destroyed me.
How am I supposed to go on after this? How am I supposed to pretend everything is okay?
It’s not okay. It will never be okay again.
I love him.
I hate him.
I can’t.
What is wrong with me?
Knocks. Someone pounds against the door.
Hide. You need to hide.
It’s my fault.
Knock.
I should have told him.
Knock.
He’s gone.
Knock.
I still love him.
And that’s the worst part of all.
Knock.
Red.
Knock.
That’s how it must have felt.
Hide.