C H A P T E R 41
ALL OF YOU
Puppet
Play - ‘High For This - The Weeknd’
I am no expert when it comes to Virginity. But am I wrong in thinking that is literally impossible ? My lips part, gawking at her with internal confusion and by the look on her face she gets off on that reaction.
“What-?” She doesn't speak. Taking my bottom lip in between her teeth and the pinch makes my eyes water, but the thought of something bigger than her fingers inside of me makes my heart race. Exhilaration and fear kiss in rhythm to the beating of my chest, bouncing between her eyes, sucking down my now non-existent purity. There is no point in backing out now. I want that feeling again. I want to consume it and let it build a home to visit.
“My Sweet, Precious, Little Innocence .” She says, merely above a whisper against the shell of my ear.
“Let me taint your pretty little mind with thoughts only the devil could deem acceptable.” Without time to think her groin pushes against my pelvis until her jeans are pressed firmly against me and a sharp hiss forces through my teeth followed by a pleasurable shock as a solid stiffness rubs against my weeping pussy. “I'll be gentle, I promise Love .”
My throat bobs but I can't ignore how good this feels as her thighs sit underneath the back of mine, radiating heat through both of us. Her hands burning my hips as she holds them, gently rocking into my body as her bulge puts pressure on my clit through her jeans, temporarily relieving me of this unbearable ache that's already wormed its way back inside of me. Isn’t there a cool down period for this stuff?
“Will it hurt?” I can't deny. I'm nervous. I know how sex works but I thought I'd grow grey and old and be a crazy cat lady. I only really know of sex through Kacey which isn't exactly the best source. She's tried to explain it to me a few times but I was never interested.Until now that is. Now for some reason all I want to feel is her inside me. How can I crave that when I don't even know what it feels like?
Fulfilment .It's like she's a missing piece I need to feel whole.
“It will, to begin with. You just need to relax for me and let me do the work, ok? ” There is something so calming in her words. I trust her more than I should. I'm afraid to admit I trust her entirely. I nod my head in agreement.
“Can I ask you something?” Her warm breath blankets my face as she leans in, ready to hear whatever I have to say, brushing my loose strands from my face and my cheeks flush with her warmth.“Do you think I'm pretty?” She sits her upper body on her elbow, peering at me and I'm more afraid of this answer than the sin we are about to commit.
“ Alora .”
…
“You're beautiful .” No one has ever called me that. And I'm suddenly all sorts of bashful. She could have just said yes or no. I wasn't prepared for that and my breathing escalates as she burrows her face into my neck, planting delicate seeds all over my un-flourished soil, bare and untouched. I go to speak but her finger finds my lips, silencing me to just focus on her before sliding her fingers inside of my mouth, wetting them against my tongue still able to taste myself as she draws them back out, watering my flower as she rubs me softly in circles.
“You want this?” Her words are deep and calm and I can feel her eyes studying my every movement through the darkness. I confirm without words but I should know by now she doesn’t like silence. “ Tell me . What do you want, Puppet . Be a good girl and use those words.” As she finishes her sentence, metal cracks the silence hosting the air, tightening my throat in knots as she unbuckles her belt sending chills to surf through me pinching at my entrance.
I know what I want. But knowing what I want and being able to handle it are two entirely different things.
“You…” Those words are acidic in my mouth. How could I pine for a woman who has hurt me in the most despicable way. Who's broken me down until I'm fragments in her hands. Who ripped me from life as I know it and showed me what it is to be afraid.
“All of you.”
My credence deceives me, startled at my own truths. This isn't just about sex anymore. This is about us. This is about how, through all my pain and grief, through all my suffering and captivity, her kindness has prevailed. The last fraction of my life resides inside of her. And even if I did one day manage to find a way to be rid of her. A sick part of me would find a way to miss her. Because in the end, I've found refuge in our catastrophe. Is this Love? Is this utility? Maybe it's delusion and I've finally lost my mind, but at least this way I don't feel judgement.
Her crescent moons in the midnight sky light up her face at my honesty, biting my lip harshly as the sound of her zipper grates at my ears. Crashing down on my mouth as she gauges my confession from my tongue, grinding against my wet slit, priming me for her to take what is hers .
“Beg me…”
“Please- Hays… I want all of you.” It's all I've ever wanted. Since my arrival I've dug deep to find out everything she has to offer me, searching for the human inside of her and everything I've learnt. It's still not enough . I need this. I need more.
“Breathe with me.” Her forehead rests against mine and her eyes are closed. Like she's ready to let me in. Feeling her wet herself against my arousal, heightening my breaths as she tries to guide my pace, calming me as a solid, smooth curve, dips against my hole, stretching it further than her fingers and my mouth gapes as she catches my gasp with a kiss, easing her way in slowly.
It's not real. But whatever it is. It's penetrating my dignity and I whistle through my teeth, trying to wield the pain, almost drawing blood from her bottom lip as I bite down, crying into her mouth.
“That's it.” She slides in further, stretching me out to fit her even though it hurts but we hurt. Everything about us hurts. Whatever this is, it’s built off pain and I’m finally learning to embrace its sting.“Such a good girl . You're doing so fucking good for me baby .”
She's breathless against me, like she can feel everything I'm feeling and it's encouraging me to let her in easier, yelping against her tongue as we chase a kiss.
“I know. I know it hurts, I’m sorry…shhhhh, baby girl … Relax.” She holds me, cradling my discomfort as she cups the back of my neck like I’m breaking, pulling me into her collarbone as I breathe through the sting and I don't know how far in she is, but it's tearing me apart.
“Play with yourself…” Her instructions cut through me like blades. I don't even know how ? But I do as she says, feeling for my throbbing clit, finding myself dripping with need and I run circles around my sensitive bud, already feeling a thousand times comfier. With each gentle thrust she sinks further, filling me to accommodate her inside my walls, breaching that point of no return. Her weeping angel.
“That's it. Feel me. Let me worship you. Let me in. ” Breathless growls vibrate from her throat as she thrusts firmer, stuffing my tight hole with her sins and my teeth tear at the flesh in her neck, biting down harder the deeper she penetrates me as she endures my pain, letting me harm her with my mouth.
“O-h my-” The sting remains but my pussy finally gives in, relaxing around her length as I coat it in my surrender. Sacrificing my body as a gift for Freedom . This ability to let go of control when she holds me. It’s compelling.
It’s no longer uncomfortable. Pleasure overriding the pain as I pulse against her, rubbing my clit at a faster pace to keep up with her. She’s being gentle for now. But I know she will show me no mercy once she’s stretched me out to mould around her and I twitch at the vulgar thoughts. The thought of her inflicting pain on my vulnerable body. Pain I cannot control, only overcome. It tips me over the edge and that pressure builds once more, chasing that relief like a starved animal.
“Yes…Yes. Yes-. Fucking hell-” my words leak out like word vomit, moaning in motion to her rocking me and she grins through a kiss against my bruise lips.
“Yes, you are baby .” The way she says baby has me losing it. There is something comforting about being Her Baby. Feeling so safe in her arms.“Let go for me. I’m right here.” She is. And selfishly, I never want to be away from her again. Maybe this is the hormones talking. But I now couldn’t picture a life without her which is ridiculous. This will never be normal. She’s a convicted criminal and I am her hostage, but I'm holding the key and I still don’t want to run anymore.
“ Mine .” Her tone is coarse and rough down my neck, pushing me to let go and this orgasm is far more intense than my first, crippling every muscle in my body. My mouth gapes as a sob shrieks into the void, my walls tensing around her cock so tightly it paralyses me as I claw my nails into her skin to create my mark as she makes hers, deep inside me. Slowing down her dominating thrusts as she imprints herself against my walls. A mark I will never be able to cleanse myself of. I’m finally impure . The feeling is serene as she carefully pulls out as not to hurt me, still hissing at the pressure and the dull sting that will most likely be there for a little while.
She gentle pulls at my wrist until my hands hovering in front of her mouth, kissing each knuckle with a touch so gentle I tremble as she glares right through me, cleaning up my mess with her mouth as she takes my fingers against her soft tongue, wallowing in comforting silence and the sounds of depleting pants, as I struggle to catch my breath.
“How do you feel?...” There are no words to describe how I feel. But I know that the feelings I felt have not run away with my orgasm. And she still looks disgustingly dangerous as she looms over my limp body, laying here completely lifeless trying to comprehend what the hell just happened.
“Dirtied.” I've always been under the impression that sex is something only sluts and jockeys did behind shower blocks in college. But that wasn’t dirty. It was raw, passionate. She didn’t fuck me. She made love to me, in the most disgustingly beautiful way possible and I'm still coming down, finding it hard to focus on her as my eyes adjust to the room.
“You better get used to that. Next time I won't be so merciful with your body.” I know she won’t. But part of me secretly loves it and I don't know why. I want to experiment with this newfound feeling. And it’s not like we don’t have all the time in the world. But maybe just wait a little first. “You took me so well…” I’m trying to calm down but her words are keeping my heart racing. This praise I’m sick for.
It’s going to ruin me.