C H A P T E R 44
THE DEVILS LAIR
Puppet
Play - ‘Hate Myself - NF’
I move closer to the door, touching the wood, tracing my fingers over the bolts, studying the way it’s been cut off from the rest of the house and I'm so lost. What the hell could she possibly be hiding that is so terrible? She hasn’t killed for weeks? right?
My breath is taken from my lungs when a hand smothers my mouth. Her hand . I can smell her as she wraps her arms around my waist consumed by the waft of ash and leather, dragging me back upstairs as I thrash around trying to escape her hold and I don’t know why I bother. It’s useless. I can feel it through her grip that she’s angry as she yanks me with no remorse. A lump forms in my throat as she hoists me up the steps, kicking my feet against the wood yelping as I hit my Achilles heel. Fuck! I’m pulled out the door with my feet dragging across the floor as she slams the door shut so loud my heart jumps into my mouth, throwing me against it by my throat and I freeze. She has never laid her hands on me this way. I can feel her aggression through her fingers as she squeezes with malice, visibly shaking as she glares at me with fury.
“Ouch! You’re hurting me!” I stutter through depleting oxygen, clawing at her arm to let go and she doesn’t have to say anything, her face tells me what she’s thinking. Good.
“What did you expect to find, huh?! Dead bodies? A jar of organs! A memorial of all the people I've killed!?” She lets go reluctantly, smashing the palms of her hands against the door either side of my head so volatile that the wall shakes. I rub my sore throat, glaring at her with betrayal, but I can't be angry. We betrayed one another again . I should never have gone down there. I didn’t realise how angry this would make her.
“I was finding reasons to hate you…” She flares her nostrils, exhaling deeply with frustration and her hand crashes against my cheek leaving a familiar sting that makes my eyes water, holding my harm as I glare at the floor in disbelief.
“Do you hate me now!?” She spits venom as she pinches my chin, making me take in her anger.
“Fuck you!...” I’m hurt. And I know I shouldn't be. I caused this, but she left me no choice. She said no more secrets and she is still hiding things from me.
“I could give you plenty of reasons to fucking HATE ME Alora !” She’s right. She could. But I don’t want to believe she is a saint. I want to find something , anything that tells me I am wrong, that she is a monster . That all of this is delusional. That she is far worse than I can see so I can stop trying to fix her. Stop seeing the good I see in her.
“What are you so afraid of! What is so bad that you have to hide from me!” I challenge her, pushing my face into her personal space.
“Stop. Fucking. PUSHING!” I've never seen her this angry. It's frightening . She’s like a fuse about to blow.
“What could you possibly be scared of?! What are you not telling me?!” My back slams against the wood as she tunnels me, pinning me to the door with her eyes.
“If I told you, you would never fucking look at me the same again. Leave it the hell alone!” I bite my tongue out of frustration. That is the problem! I need to know what kind of person I'm sleeping with!
“How can I see you any differently if you don’t tell me?!” She frowns with hurt. She always wants to paint herself as a monster, but my words visibly hurt her. Deep down, she doesn’t want me to see that in her. She wants me to see the little girl who desperately wants saving. I see her.
“You see me for what I fucking am Alora, a Monster . There is nothing more to it! It’s how it should be!” I snap, striking her across the cheek and my stomach drops. Her face shoots to the side and she rolls it out with her jaw, licking the inside of her cheek as she side glances at me with annoyance, her tongue running along her teeth as her eyes meet mine once more full of pent up rage she’s desperately trying to resist. I can see it brewing in the storm behind her eyes.
“I don’t believe you!” Tears finally fall. We haven't argued like this for so long. We were finally getting somewhere. We were finally learning one another. This is infuriating. My fingers find her abuse in the dark, stretching my tendrils over the trauma in her face, the wreckage that is her hollow cheek as I fight back guilt and suppress tears I don’t have the privilege of streaming, for damage that was out of my control. I’m pining for answers beneath her skin like braille as I sink into the darkness behind her tired eyes. Wondering what kind of monster would sabotage his own flesh and blood with more flesh and blood.
“ You should be afraid of me.” She echoes against defeated sighs, like her hauntingly beautiful appearance should scare me away as she digs for signs of fear that I will not give her, visible distress falling from her eyes as I tend to her harm like my touch could cure the years of pain etched into her added smile. “ Why? Why aren’t you afraid of me?” How can I be afraid of someone who's barely understood what it is to be loved? The most terrifying thing about her is her vulnerability towards a glimmer of peace. She seeks to destroy it like a spider to a fly caught in its web. Deliberate. Calculated. Doomed.
“I- I…Don’t know-” I whisper so quietly through a shaky breath, unsure in myself why being in her arms has never felt safer. Even now, when her aggression is her only prominent emotion and her sweaty palms find my face in the chaos, gripping the hair behind my ear as she pins my body with hers, breathing deeply, cradling my cries. An apology without words.
“I’m bad for you Alora …I’m broken . Do you hear me? Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me show you how broken I am. Don’t make me open that door. It will kill us both.” I sob harder, gripping her shirt with so much internal rage.“Why are you doing this to me?”
She questions me, shaking my head vigorously, searching for answers in me, trembling as her lips graze mine and I choke trying to get the words out. Words I didn’t ever imagine could drip from my tongue.
“Because I need to know what kind of person I am falling in love with.!...” I mutter softly, closing my eyes like it will hide me from my confession as I weep for us . She squeezes my hair tighter, leaning her forehead against mine like she’s been defeated.
“ Don’t… Don’t say that. Alora . You can’t. Do you understand me? You can’t.” It’s too late. I don’t know what love feels like, but I know what I feel for her is far deeper than I can comprehend. Where you would do anything for that person. Where you will find the ounce of good that keeps you holding on. Where no matter how they treat you, you cling to the kindness that is engraved in your heart because you’re terrified to lose them. I’m terrified to lose her.
“Why…?” it slips from my mouth as I try to find the answer behind the guilt so clearly protruding on her face.
“Because I will never Love you back.” My heart sinks, releasing my grip on her shirt, dropping my shoulders with vanquish.
I don’t know what I was expecting. She doesn’t even know the meaning of the word. But if there is nothing between us then what the hell are we doing? I recite her words. Because she is just not ready to let me in. She is too scared to let someone in. To let them help her.
“Then never, I'll wait.” She shakes her head but I will not fight her on this. Her tongue glides against my salty cheek, lapping up my cries against the sensitive flesh she struck. The sting makes me squint but her warmth makes me melt into her hold. Her touch makes all the pain go away. She is fire. You’re drawn to its heat. The way it dances across everything it touches, destroys everything in its path, but you have the urge to touch it. To play with it. To dance with it on a cold night. It’s destructively beautiful and its consequences are ugly, but we still light fires, because they keep our blood pumping and our body warm. There is no beauty without consequence. No happiness without pain. No Love without hate.
Play - ‘Fuck me like you hate me – Jutes’
“You should be terrified of me.” She sinks her teeth into my cheek, pinching it until I hiccup a sharp breath, sliding her fingers between my thighs.
“Is that what you want… For me to be afraid? For me to hate you?…” She takes my bottom lip in her teeth, dragging it with just enough force that I follow her as she pulls and I can feel a puddle between my legs every time she touches me like this. With need.
“It would be easier that way…” That is what she wants to think but life has been easier since she finally let me in. She needs to realise I'm not going anywhere, that I'm ready to see all the broken parts of her and love her anyway. It can’t get much worse than this.
“ Then fuck me like you hate me, Hayden .” Her grip indents my skin sinking into my thigh as she glares at me for a moment, like she’s shocked that those words even came out of my mouth but she can’t resist me and I love it. I love that she can’t function unless she’s inside of me, where she belongs.
“You wanna sit real pretty on my cock Princess ?” Her famine unravels against my soft tongue as she devours my mouth like she’s trying to find something deeper, unzipping her jeans with haste and I will never get used to this. Pulling out her strap before gripping my outer thighs. She lifts me to wrap my legs around her hips and I still flinch as she stretches out my inner thighs with the width of her waist, securing me against the door only holding up my frame with one arm as she plays with my slit, already dripping, ready for her to slide inside me, forcing it in until I whimper into her mouth as I bite down on her lip so hard she growls. Her hold on me is inescapable as she wastes no time fucking me senseless, pounding into me with her jewelled knuckle dusters hot to my neck as I take every inch, choking on the pain she so desperately wants to make me feel. It burns, it burns so hot, but so does this.
“You’re nobody to me. My plaything .”
Her words are spiteful, talking with her teeth clamped shut down my ear. Disrespecting the secrets I'm leant against, fucking me into oblivion. As the door rattles I grip the handle for support accidentally causing it to swing open leaving nothing but us and a dead drop into the basement. I grab the frame of the door to keep me up, panicking as horror paints my face and she seems totally unphased, grinning at my unfortunate predicament.
“Are you frightened now?…” She tugs at my top, tearing it right down the centre effortlessly as I cling to her with just my legs, letting my breasts free, followed by my pants, ripping them clean off of me with thirst. She squeezes my fleshy thighs as she pounds into me mercilessly, her diamonds glued to my tits as they bounce before her, leaning in to me to take them in her mouth as she pinches them with her teeth, sucking until it bruises me.
“Fu-ck…” My head hangs back, peering into the black void awaiting my arrival, using all my strength to keep me from letting go but it’s getting harder, my mind's blank with only the thought of her between my legs. She’s already fucked me in the darkness. I feel like I'm consuming her demons every time she makes me scream.
“You get off on this fear, don’t you baby ?” Yes. It makes me feel alive. This momentary anchor between life and death. It excites me.“Let go.” I pull my head back up, glaring at her. She’s crazy. Let go of the door?! “ Don’t make me ask you again.”
She fucks me agonisingly slowly, feeling her slide against my walls, curving up into my sweet spot were my legs start to quiver. I do as she says, flinching as I gradually let go of the frame where my upper body falls, squinting as I prepare to hit the floor when she cups the back of my neck, squeezing it tightly in the palm of her hand to support me. I knew she wouldn’t let me fall.
“Do you hate me, Puppet?…”
“Yes.” I hate her for all the ways she makes me feel whole. She is three times the size of me so holding me up must be like holding a feather. Her nails dig into my scalp as she claws her fingers into the scruff of my neck, pushing my head forward to make me look down at her sliding into my wet hole as she spits on my chest making me gasp at the sensation, dirtying me with her foul mouth as it drips down the ravine of my breasts sending a chill up my spine.
“Say it.” She loves to be hated. She loves to feel feared. And I do feel all those things, but because once she has her way with me, none of it matters.
“I hate you...” She thrusts harder at her love language. She’s punishing me with her cock, spitting between my legs and I pulsate, taking my fingers to play with my clit like I know she wants me to. I don't realise how close I am, jolting through the pain as this pleasure overtakes me, grinding against her desperately chasing this release between my thighs, crying out until I hit it.
“Say it again.” Her lips part like she’s trying to moan out silently, glaring at her penetrating my hole but god I want to hear it. I want to hear her lie through her moans.
“I hate you!...”
“Desperate fucking Whore .” She holds me tightly, letting me let go on her cock, twitching as I cling onto that feeling, screaming out her name with wrath and I'm so sore. She’s not fucked me that roughly yet but I knew it was coming.
She tugs me sharply, tasting my tongue as she kisses me and it doesn’t matter how many times we kiss, butterflies batter against my chest.
I will be her plaything if she wants me to.
I will be anything she wants me to be. All she has to do is ask.