C H A P T E R 48
C H A P T E R 48
LUSTFUL QUARREL
Puppet
Play – ‘Changes – XXXTENTACION’
I wake with sore eyes to the sound of shuffling and things breaking, peering at Sheps ears perked up knowing it wasn’t just me that heard that. I drag myself out of bed, trying to recall what even happened before I passed out and I realise she never came back in the house. It's dark out and I haven't a clue what the time is but I know this racket is definitely not necessary at this time of night. I glare at Shep, scratching at the door to let him out. I reach for it, opening it as I poke my head round, adjusting to the darkness consuming the room with only the moonlight highlighting her silver jewellery, trying to read the clock in the dull lighting knowing it can only be one person or Shep would be ripping their throat out.
“Hayden?” I reach for the little lamp on the side table, glaring at her from across the room, her face completely mashed up, bloody and bruised as she attempts to look at me.
“M-om…” She mumbles under her shallow breath as she stumbles over her own feet and my stomach plummets, dropping the keys as she slams the door shut trying to hold her body weight completely unaware that Shep sits at her feet.
“Oh my god. Your face, what the hell happened?!” I run for her instinctively, reaching out for her face before she grabs my wrists, restraining me with little energy and she reeks of alcohol, barely keeping her head straight as it flops around like a dead body.
“ Are you drunk?” I question. My affection is thrown as I'd expect, and logistically the only person who should be angry right now is me, but here I am aiding her drunk ass with concern.
“Ge-t off me…” She attempts to push me away lightly, backing into the door trying to keep herself up, smacking her head into the wood but I try to find her in her mass destruction, grabbing her chin, pulling her back down to earth to look at me.
“Hey! Hays. Look at me.” She certainly didn't fight very hard. I know she's better than this. I know she can hit. This was intentional infliction and it only makes me more infuriated that she was so bloody stupid, wiping the bloodied mess from her cheek.
“Stop.” She barely whispers through trembling lips, my hands find my sides as she throws them, hissing through the pain she’s clearly suffering.
“Jesus… What the hell did they do to you?” More an accusation than a question as I tug her head around, analysing the damage but she resists me. Snatching her face from my light clasp.
“What i-s it to you..” I'm rejected once more, but her attempts are weaker as she actually begins to use me for support.
“Stop being silly. Let me look.” The gash on her lip is still bleeding, crawling down her chin and I hate that I'm even blushing at the thought of kissing her right now. Is that wrong of me?
“I don't need your he-lp.” She is still fighting me. Even now when she's vulnerable and fragile. She's still finding reasons to build a wall that's practically broken. We've been through this. And right now is the worst time to push me away.
“You're bleeding. Sit down.” I gently reach for her forearms, trying to guide her to the sofa but I'm left with a hole as she rips her arms out of my hold.
“I s-aid I'm fine…” Sometimes I really wish I could beat some sense into her. Maybe this is a good thing. A lesson on stupidity.
“Where did you go? How the hell did you get home? Did you drive?” She's acting like a child as she sniggers, incoherent movement as she sways trying to find her feet but she's completely out of it and this is not something I wanted to be dealing with. For Gods sake.
“No, I flewwww.” She's being absolutely ridiculous, finding amusement in her joke but I glare at her blankly, trying to figure out what the hell she finds so funny. This impulsive spurt of idiocy could have gone terribly wrong.
“Hayden. This isn't funny.” I cross my arms, watching her make a complete fool of herself as she giggles at nothing, pinching her fingers together as she peers at me through one intact eye.
“Tis ju-st ah lilllllll-ll bi-t.” I'm glad she’s finding this amusing, collapsing into her own body as she belly laughs into me, pushing me down with her weight and I think she forgets she’s three times the size of me, almost crushing me as she is completely oblivious to her own strength.
“Woah there. Easy does it big guy. I'm only small.” Her laughs turn silent, trying to catch up with her own muddled up emotions as we usher towards the sofa, letting her fall almost on her face as she crawls into the cushions like an animal for closure, kicking her head back, hanging off the arm of the chair and I can tell she is not here right now.
“Don't move.” She lets a huffed out laugh escape, trying to focus on the ceiling as her head spins, I can physically see her world turning as she struggles to look straight, rolling into the back of her head whilst I head to the sink, grabbing the nearest tea towel, drowning it under the cold water along with a glass.
“Yes, Mom...” She mumbles, groaning at her uncomfortable aches and pains, trying to adjust in the seat as she continues to whisper into the nothingness and my heart sinks. “I’m s-orry mom …” I stand by the sink wanting to wrap my arms around her in the tightest embrace, but I stand stationary with the cloth dripping on the tiled floor as I watch her head role . “F-for-give me…” A tear follows until I blink, wiping my wet cheek before making my way back to her, watching her eyes now on me upside down as I approach her.
“Why were you so stupid?” I lift her head, surprised to see her let me, but by the whites in her eyes, she’s fading fast, struggling to keep her eyes open.
“Becaausee-... I am…” I grip her chin gently, trying to tend to her wounds, dabbing the cuts delicately not to harm her but she's too off it to care, instead peering back at me like a lovesick puppy and I hate what she does to me. How no matter how hard I try to resent her; she looks at me and suddenly none of it matters.
“No. You’re careless. There is a difference.” I try to avoid eye contact but I can feel her burning a hole in the side of my head as I glare at the gash in her mouth, wiping it gently, trying to figure out why the hell she would get into a fight with someone on the most important day of the year.
Play - ‘Drugs - EDEN’
“I’m sorry…” My heart sinks to the trenches of the ocean, where I’d been crying so many tears earlier today. I’d like to say I know she is but I'm finding it so hard to understand why she chooses to be so cold. So stagnant. Emotionally unavailable. When all I've done is show her I'm right here. Why can’t she see that? It’s like she is trying to be difficult to love so I’ll give up. But I'm not giving up.
“For what?” She slumps back in the chair, admitting defeat as I eventually lock eyes with her, trying to draw her responsibility out but her eyes are the definition of a calm before the storm. So bright they could blind you, leaving you star struck by their beauty but filled with a heavy darkness untold just waiting to consume you with its wrath.
…
“I g-et it…I hate, me to-” My anger softens behind my eyes, letting my empathy slide through as I stare at her heavy lids, trying to hold back my impulsive need to shut her up with my mouth. I do hate her. But only because she makes it so easy to love her. When I really shouldn’t. When I really don’t want to. Right now I should be sitting in a police station, filling out forms and trying to escape this trauma. Escape her . I’ve had so many opportunities to walk out that door but I'm still here. Doesn’t that tell her something? Isn’t that enough?
“I didn-t use you…” She mumbles, only just making out the syllables as I wipe the blood from her nose, cleaning up her self-harm. I don’t know why I'm trying to decipher what she's saying when she's intoxicated like it means anything right now.
“I’m- just af-raid…” She confesses. My jaw hangs low, eyeing her as she glances at my bottom lip like a chew toy stirring an unknowing guilt to let her have it.
“Afraid of what.” I play on her vulnerability slightly, cooing the words out of her as the gap between us closes and I probably shouldn’t. But she makes even the darkest of temptations seem feasible when adrenaline is your new power hungry, sucking in the familiar stench of metal under my nose as her open wounds still bleed.
“Who- I’ll be if I- let you in…” She jolts through her pain as she tenses her jaw muscles like she’s forcing herself to hold back just as much as I am. She’ll be free if she lets me in, she just needs to realise that feelings are not terrifying. Caring for someone is not a death sentence and Love is not punishable.
“I can handle it.” Truthfully. I’m terrified to learn more of her monsters lurking in the shadows, but she doesn’t scare me anymore. My chest tightens as she leans in, gripping the back of my hair with sloppy temperance as her blooded lip grazes mine, smearing it against my fleshy skin and I can feel myself burning up, licking it off slowly so eager to taste it. I don’t know what that says about me. But it only leaves me craving more and I slowly latch onto her wound, tugging it with my teeth before sucking it gently in my mouth. I let my tongue dance against the ball of metal as she hisses, tasting her sweet metallic wine on my tongue, throbbing as she groans into my mouth with nothing but pure satisfaction, feeding her sickness with more pain. I can’t deny, the way she’s reacting is making me feral to hurt her harder. Let her feel my storm as I claw at her face with my fingers, dragging her into a kiss so ferocious it’s barely a kiss. It’s emotions far greater than lust can comprehend. A vexation for understanding through the only way we know how. The only way she will understand.
Anger .
Her hands ride up my back, sitting up in the seat as she pulls me into her body making me straddle her waist, cupping her hips with my thighs and her bulge sends waves up my spine as I sit, pressing into me, drawing out an unexpected whimper. I know we shouldn't. I know this goes against everything I'm trying so desperately to hate her for. She said it herself; sex means nothing to her but the way she's clawing at me like I'm her oxygen is driving me beyond insanity. She's insatiable and I'm foolish enough to give in.
“ Alora… ” She groans down my neck filled with pent up resentment and I can tell she is trying to fight this just as much as I am but we are both thirsty to feel numb .
“ Don't… ” I whine breathlessly through her kisses; I don't want her to stop. I'll figure out my feelings tomorrow but for right now I need to lose myself in her touch. This drive to let go in her arms is taking up my moral compass and she doesn't fight it. How do you fight someone you have found freedom inside?
She kisses me harder, sloppier, panting like a dog as she sucks my skin into her mouth, gnawing at my neck as she sinks her teeth into my flesh and it's a pain I've fallen in love with. It's euphoric, drowning out my head as I flop into her dominant hand cupping my throat, feeding on my jugular like a starved night eater, tugging at my hips guiding them to grind against her cock only forcing my irrational greed.
“Fuck me…” I nearly choke on her words as she whispers into my mouth only intensifying my throb, burning bright red with anxiety. “Ride me baby. Show me how you hate me … ”
She bucks her hips into me, pushing into my sweet spot to lift me up, giving us a gap as she takes her free hand, undoing her belt lazily and my heart beats faster. She's giving me some sort of control and I freeze, nervous to comply but she wastes no time pushing me down onto her cock, sliding in effortlessly as she catches my moan in her mouth. I sit down on her length until it fills me up, trying to catch my breath at the way she's stretching me out to fit all of her, but I relax, finding sick pleasure in the way I'm taking every inch and I soon loosen, giving me more movement to grind against her, blushing as she gazes up at me with pride.
“Fuck baby -” She whispers and my breaths crack, seeing her underneath me, unable to feel anything yet it's like she feels everything, reacting to the way I'm driving her dick inside me with broken moans and fingers digging so deeply into my hips they may bruise tomorrow. I throw my hands to grab the back of the sofa as she grips my ass, pushing me down until I hiss with spite. I'm so full I can't see straight.
“Take me- take me Puppet . Such a good girl.” her praise only drives me harder, chasing it like it's keeping me breathing, doing as she says to hear it again, and again. She kisses me like it’s a reward for doing so well but I'm breaking as her split tongue lines my collar bones, nipping up my neck with this passionate hunger, biting harder as I begin to slide up and down around her strap, quickening my pace to grab that high I desperately crave. Letting her find her home inside me, where she belongs.
“Hurt me Innocence… ” Her words cut down my ears and I want her to hurt. I want her to feel my rage. How angry it makes me that she won’t let me in. I dig my nails, applying more and more pressure into her shoulder blades but she doesn’t even notice, too dosed up on her high, moaning deeply against my skin, so divine I want to let go already as it rings through my muffled ears. She only allows me to inflict pain, not tenderness. She only knows physical pain, so if that's what she wants, I’ll give it to her.
I tug roughly on her bottom lip, biting her wound harder causing blood to pool into my mouth, riding her length deeper as she rumbles into my mouth, tasting herself on my tongue as it coats in copper. She’s like a vampire, drawing it from my mouth as she licks every inch, only pushing my orgasm to surface, whining to let go on her cock as I use her to release my frustrations knowing she wants me to ask for permission but I use her vulnerability to show her how I feel inside, how she makes want to scream and cry. How her resistance makes me hate myself for craving attention so toxic, so damaging yet she is the thing keeping me alive. She is like water. Something so capable of killing you, drowning you until your heart stops beating, but you need it to survive. I need her to survive.
Play - ‘Guest room - Echo’
“Don’t you dare-” She snaps. I don’t know how, but she can feel me close as I grip her skin until it's practically tearing. Giving in to my hate, ignoring her command, I cum all over her cock as I disobey her orders, making her feel my rage, denying her the way she denies me every damn day and it feels good. Her hazy gaze glares back at me, kissing her teeth in irritation, too tired to fight it as she watches me use her dick like a toy, resting her head on the back of the couch listening to me scream into the dead silence.
“Fuc-k You!...” I moan out, finishing off as I come down, pushing her in and out of me but the air is knocked from my lungs as she grabs my throat, squeezing tighter, tugging me to look into her state of fury and I try to swallow, suddenly glaring at someone else. Her entire demeanour shifts and her eyes become the storm, making my chest rattle like birds trying to get out of its wake, bulging in the sockets at her sudden strength. Like she's snapped back into reality, back to her incessant need to control everything around her.
“You shouldn’t have done that…” My heart constricts, peering death in the face as she licks the side of my cheek, smearing her blooded lip against my salty flesh, still heaving from my first orgasm trying to catch a breath but she doesn’t allow me. She squeezes tighter until I'm almost passing out before throwing me off her, gripping me by my scalp to throw me down, lying on the sofa underneath her as she crawl on top of me like a vice giving me no space to run as she forces herself inside me crying out at the sensitive ache as she rips me in half with her length. She claws my clothes off like an animal to access my body but I accustom to the throb quickly, quivering as she nails my sweet spot still sore, holding my leg up to push in deeper as I scream out in blissful pain but my palms retaliate, smashing against her solid frame in protest that is useless against the hold she has on me, physically and mentally.
“You want to hate me? Hate me baby . Scream it. Let me fucking hear it.” She grips my chin, slapping me with enough force to hiss at the sting, pounding into my limp body mercilessly as she grabs my hand, forcing it on my clit.“Show me how I make you feel, baby . Fucking swear at me again.”
Her alcohol has clearly worn off, feeling her cup my throat with malice as I begin to play with my swollen pussy, rubbing it to ease the burn, quickly coating her in my arousal as she pushes me to my second orgasm. I should know by now one round never quenches her thirst for my body and that thought alone is tipping me to suffocate her cock.
“Fuck you! Fu-ck, YOU!” My staggered words break up the thick tension of hatred lingering in the air as we glare through one another, lost in the depths of our own pain, our own feelings that make no sense. None of this makes sense, but when we are this close it feels so right. She’s trying to make me resent her but she’s doing the complete opposite. She’s only showing me that I can’t function without her.
Unwanted tears creep up my throat, so mangled with broken emotions I’m cracking. Gasping as she goes even deeper, leaning in between my legs to kiss me dreadfully slowly only drawing out my cries with an overwhelming amount of pressure between my legs and in my heart. My free hand reaches for her throat, barely covering it but I grip anyway as her tongue searches for mine.
“You are the reason I breathe.” She whispers so full of frustration, spitting it through gritted teeth like she loathes it. Only confirming that I was right that day when she told me her plans had changed. That I am the reason she never went through with it. She is still here because of me. Yet she is still trying to deny her own heart of what it desperately craves. What it needs.
Love .
“Cum on my fucking cock.” Her anger consumes her, only making us both squeeze tighter on each other's airways through a patchwork kiss as I finally let go of everything, screaming into her mouth, letting her consume my fury like an entity. Making her absorb it. Feed on it. Her love language is suffering. So, I'll make her suffer. I’ll push her until she realises she needs me just as much as I need her.