Collateral Damage

C H A P T E R 57

THEN NEVER I’LL WAIT

Puppeteer

Play - ‘End of beginning – Djo’

A fter months of looking I finally found a decent back tire and it was actually a bitch to find but the old girl is finally up and running, ready to go for a spin. I touch up the last of the imperfections, polishing the gloss like its glass, tidying up the garage a little that is smothered in tools and parts before calling for her as I stick my head out the garage door.

“Hey Puppet .” She pops her head round the corner, running a towel through her freshly washed hair as she clings to the towel wrapped around her body.

“Yeah?”

“You want to go for a ride?” She glares at me in confusion. I’ve not told her the bike was ready purely to surprise her. Since she told me she’s not gone to the beach before, it's been sitting at the back of my mind, nudging me to get the old girl back on the road. I think we are past the point of escaping. Now it’s time to live, and it starts with this. It won’t exactly be a beach, but it’s as close as I’ve got round here.

“You mean like-”

“ Yes baby . I mean, do you want to sit on the back of my bike?” Her little face explodes with excitement as she legs it to the bedroom, nearly falling over on her way there.

“Oh my god YES! Just give me five!” I can’t see her but the sound of out of breath pants and tripping feet is very much beaming from the bedroom door as Shep sits by my feet, glaring in her direction as his head tilts like we are thinking the same thing. What the hell is she doing?

“Hurry up! Or I will leave without you!”

She wastes no time throwing on some clothes, it takes her no more than three minutes until she’s leaning her head into the garage door wearing a cute little summer top and some loose jeans with her hair still wet in her face. I concentrate on her freckles dotting her flushed skin and her plump, pink little lips still swollen from the hot shower. s o fucking kissable I’m seconds away from pulling her back in that house and making her sweat again.

“Oh my god oh my god on my god.” I don't think excitement really encapsulates the way she’s bouncing off the floor as I close the garage door behind her, giving Shep a nuzzled kiss with my hand before he goes to find his bed and take a nap. He’s a lazy bastard for a Shepherd. I’d take him with us but I can’t quite fit her and him on the back of my bike.

“Listen to me very carefully.” I hold the helmet out for her to take but I keep a hold of it until I finish talking, gripping it tighter as she tries to take it from my hand. “Are you listening?”

“Yes! I’m listening.”

“You need to keep this helmet on until I tell you otherwise, ok? And you need to wrap your arms tightly around my waist. Put your feet on these metal bars and kiss your ass goodbye.” Her face is dripping with fear as I let go of the helmet. Now not so hesitant to take it.

“Don’t I need a suit or something?” She questions, trying to hold back a laugh as I look down at her beady little eyes.

“Don’t you trust me, Puppet ?” Normal people would. But I'm not going to ride like an idiot and these roads are dead, although, just to put her mind at ease, I'll give her my jacket. I grab it from the workbench, holding it open for her to put her arms through, smirking at the way it drowns her entire body and I know that's heavy but she's putting on a brave face as she looks at me with empty thoughts.

“Oh. And you might need an extra pair of pants.” I whisper, teasing her with something she will completely take out of context. But I know she doesn’t exactly have a bikini lying around so extra pants will have to do. She frowns, storming back into the house to grab some, coming back out stuffing it in the pockets.

“So where are we going?” I light a cigarette, letting it hang in my mouth before taking the helmet and pushing it over her head, strapping it tightly underneath her chin before planting my ass in the seat, holding out a hand to hoist her up and over, catching her as she nearly falls over to the other side.

“You’ll see. And don’t you dare start saying are we there yet. I will leave you on the side of the road.” Her muffled laugh echoes from the helmet, wrapping her arms around my waist, gripping my tee for extra support as I start the girl up with some heavy feet until she fires, making her squeak like a little mouse, squeezing me tighter. “Are you ready?” I feel her nod her head against my back as she hugs me from behind like her life depends on it.

“Yes Boss.” I snap the throttle back to jog the bike at her sarcastic little nickname, making her scream into an adorable giggle as she falls harder into my back before jolting the bike with a quick flick of my wrist, riding slowly out the property as I hold her hand like a belt across my stomach.

We are on the road for around an hour and she gets a little more comfortable by the end, taking in the sights and I can’t see her face but I know she hasn’t stopped smiling which only makes me smile harder as I grip her ankle for comfort.

It’s been a while since I visited but it was heavily overdue and it’s beautiful at sunset. We pull in down a long dirt track, surrounded by cranes and shipment containers until we reach a dead end underneath a giant bridge with large concrete pillars where I stop to get off, helping her off behind me, watching her struggle to take the helmet off.

“Come here, you idiot.”

“This is it isn’t it. This is where you actually kill me.” She murmurs as I slip the helmet off her head.

“Yeah, I'm going to chain you down and throw you in the river.” Even after everything she still bulges at my statement like I still might change my mind but I kiss her to ease her worried little head. She doesn’t realise I'd be chained too because fuck being here without her.

“Where are we?”

Play - ‘I Found - Amber Run’

“Follow me.” I take her hand with one of mine and slide the other one in my pocket, leading her under the bridge that holds a few containers until you walk out onto an open dock that has a perfect view of Chicago over the lake, mirroring it against the water to make the perfect illusion of a world underneath us.

“Wow-” She gazes as the sun hits her face and I don’t think she’s ever looked more beautiful. I’ve never seen her eyes in the sun like this. They are like balls of molten magma. Her own reflection of the sun that heats you up when you look into them.

I walk to the edge of the dock, hanging my feet over the edge as she follows, mimicking me and we wallow in the sound of the water crashing against the concrete wall before I confess why I really brought her here. I guess it's less romantic when you put it into words. It's actually kind of depressing but she wanted to know me.

…

“Her ashes were spread here.” I glare out over lake Michigan. And something’s different. Like she’s here with me or something. I can feel her in the air, like she’s watching over me and I hate that she’s not here right now to meet her. I look over to see her looking right back at me and suddenly I'm not afraid to feel vulnerable with her. I’ve never taken anyone here, nor have I ever shared that with anyone. “She’d have loved you.”

I can feel tears creeping in but I try to swallow them back down, finding it harder as she looks at me like she’s never been happier and right now. Neither have I, as morbid as that is.

“I’d have loved her too.” Her words crack my shell, fumbling for her hand, keeping my focus on the water ahead of me because what I'm about to say will only make it harder if she’s looking at me and I take a deep breath.

…

“She used to tell me this story. About happiness. About how at one point in her life, she couldn’t find it. And she was told one day by some jackass that it didn’t exist. That it was a myth. That happiness never amounted to anything. Although she kept fighting. Looking for it. She knew that this couldn’t be it. There must be more out there for her. So, she looked him dead in the eyes and said. ‘Then never, I'll wait. ’ And she did. She waited. And waited. And then I came along. She used to tell me this because I was her happiness . And she told me when I couldn’t find it, to hold on, because one day you’ll find it in the most peculiar way.” I squeeze her fingers between mine, struggling to catch my breath but her little fingers reach for my face, forcing me to face her, wiping my cheeks and I'd swat her hand away if she didn't look so sweet.“And she was absolutely right.” My words bring her to tears and I guess that is as close as I'm going to get to saying the words I know she wants to hear. Maybe one day I'll say it. But just not today.

“You, Alora D'arcy Blackthorne . Are my god damn fucking happiness.” Her eyes scan mine full of questions. Like how I knew her middle name but I answer before she has a chance to ask.“I did some digging. Turns out there is some information if I have your name.”

She chippers up, giggling into my shoulder as I wipe her eyes.

“It's beautiful here.” It's not amazing but it's enough. And besides home, I'm close to her here. I guess this is sort of a goodbye. But a goodbye I know she'd want. Finally wanting to do something with my life hasn't exactly been easy and she knew that more than anyone.

I stand to my feet, pulling her up with me and I can't even believe I'm about to do this. Again.

“Dance with me.” I tug her into my chest, locking my fingers with her left hand, wrapping her waist with mine as I rest my head on her and it's not the tango. But it's as much as I'll allow, so we slow dance and consume each other like the world is going to end tomorrow, a moment I wish I could relive on a loop. One of those memories that keep you clinging to hope. Her fingers dance between mine, playing with them as she runs along the creases in my palms like she's trying to read my future.

“What do you see?” I hum quietly into her neck.

“Us. In Spain. Drinking pina coladas and eating coconuts. As we slow dance in the sea.” I smile against her temple, finding much amusement in how scarily specific that is and how I could quite easily see us there right now.

“Close your eyes…” I place my palm over her face, trying to make her imagine it and she can't for one second take it seriously, sniggering into my chest as I lick my teeth at this blasphemy .

“Fine. I'll just get a better set.” She dips a brow, peering up at me as I pull away, making my way back to the bike.

“Hey! Wait for me!”