Chapter 20
TWENTY
Madoc couldn’t recall a more chaotic scene in his own home. Valerie shouting and furious. Tarek staring, clearly shell-shocked. Gus on the ground.
Alarmed by the racket he’d heard from the hallway outside, Madoc had hurried into his apartment in time to witness Valerie launching her shoes, though the horror on her face as Gus’d fallen forward had scared Madoc even more.
Thankfully, Gus was already righting himself when Madoc reached them, though Madoc took hold of his shoulders anyway and scanned Gus’s face for injuries.
“What can I do?” he asked, then winced at the angry color staining Gus’s left ear. “Are you dizzy?”
Gus shook his head. “I’m okay. I was just surprised, is all.”
Madoc got that. He was still trying to wrap his head around the idea his daughter had thrown things as he gave Gus a hand up, aware Tarek was hovering awkwardly nearby.
Schooling his expression, Madoc turned to Valerie. “What were you thinking?” he asked in his most serious voice. “We don’t hit in this house, Valerie Mae, and we do not throw things at people.”
“I didn’t hit. “Valerie scowled, still angry and red-faced, her hands balled up at her sides. “An’ I only threw stuff because Gus an’ Uncle T said I had to go upstairs to see her .”
“We’ll get to that,” Madoc said knowing without asking who the ‘her’ was. “Right now, I need to talk to Gus and your uncle, and I want you to go to your room while I do it.”
“But, Daddy?—”
“Please go to your room, Valerie.” Madoc leveled a stern look on her. “Leave the door open and I will be there in a few minutes.”
She wavered a second, no doubt fighting an urge to argue her case. But then Valerie’s gaze flicked past Madoc, probably searching out Gus, and she heaved a full-body sigh before turning to go.
Madoc waited until she’d walked through her door before turning around, only to find Gus headed for Valerie’s bathroom and Tarek glaring after him, arms crossed over his chest like every cell in his body had been emptied of patience.
Ironic given the shit show I just walked in on.
Jaw tight, Madoc got to his feet and made a beeline for the kitchen, gesturing for Tarek to follow. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked in a low voice. “Why are you here when I told you Noelene was going to meet you upstairs?”
“I came down to get Val. Who, thanks to your boy, wants nothing to do with her mom.” Disgust colored Tarek’s tone. “I don’t know who that guy thinks he is, Madoc, but he needs to stay in his fucking lane.”
Heat crept up the back of Madoc’s neck. “Val decided all by herself not to spend time with Noelene,” he said. “And even if she hadn’t, I never said you could bring her upstairs.”
Tarek’s eyebrows went up. “Since when do I need permission to spend time with my own niece?”
“Since always. I make the decisions where Val’s welfare is concerned.”
“And no one else in the family gets a say, including her mother?”
“You and Noelene can weigh in if I ask you to, but otherwise no, and definitely not before Val.”
“Val’s only six,” Tarek shot back. “She doesn’t get to weigh in.”
“Of course, she does.” Madoc shook his head. “Val is a person with her own thoughts, Tarek, and if you think she didn’t notice her mother took off and hasn’t once reached out with a call or a message, you would be wrong.”
Anger twisted Tarek’s face. “I’m trying to fix that. God knows you don’t give a shit, kicking your wife out and then going to court so it’d stick.”
“Noelene is not my wife, Tarek, and she left .”
“She also came back!”
“To sign off on removing her parenting hours!” Madoc knew he and Tarek were talking too loudly and he tried to shake off the exasperation gnawing at him. “Noelene doesn’t want to be a mom,” he said in a softer tone. “Maybe can’t, at least not right now.”
“And again, you don’t care. How could you let this happen? I know you’re still pissed about the money?—”
“This is not about the money.”
“—but tearing Noels down the way you do to Val is just wrong!”
A hand fell on Madoc’s shoulder. “Guys, you need to chill.”
Gus gently tugged Madoc back and away from Tarek, who was standing so close their chests were brushing. Fucking A, what the hell was this night?
“Talk it out later if you want,” Gus urged Madoc, voice hushed despite the intensity in his face. “After Val’s gone to bed and?—”
“Would you back the fuck off?” Tarek had turned his glare onto Gus. “Better yet, leave before I make you.”
“T,” Madoc began, reaching for Tarek only to have his hand batted away.
“No,” Tarek ground out. “I want you to tell me why this guy is always around, acting like he’s part of this family and sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
He stepped forward into Gus’s space, perhaps assuming his height and bulk would intimidate a guy who stood a full four inches shorter and was missing a body part. But Gus didn’t blink, instead lifting his chin to meet Tarek’s hard stare with his own. Madoc had seen Gus in the boxing ring at the gym; he was a good fighter and tough as nails, and if Tarek got it into this head to do something rash, it was not going to go well for him.
Tarek, unfortunately, was too busy running his mouth to read the room.
“I know he’s your partner and you needed help with the kid-sitting while I was away,” he said, eyes still fixed on Gus. “But that doesn’t explain why he’s still around now, way more than I am.”
“Because I want him to be.” Madoc swallowed as his friends turned his way, Tarek clearly surprised while Gus was harder to read. “Gus is my friend, and I owe him a lot.”
Christ, the word ‘friend’ had never sounded so bogus. And Madoc was getting everything wrong too, because Tarek looked wounded and Gus dropped his hand from Madoc’s shoulder, expression closing off even more.
Madoc had to force his focus to Tarek. “I was not in a good place after Noelene took off,” he said. “I didn’t know where to turn or what to do and it felt like I didn’t have anyone in my corner. I was genuinely afraid I couldn’t manage until Gus stepped up for me. He helped me keep Val’s routines intact so I didn’t lose my job trying to be in two places at once. And he backed me up every time I needed support or just someone to hear me out. He was there for us, T.”
For me, most of all. The late blooming bi-guy with a shit-ton of single dad baggage.
Sighing, Madoc shrugged at Tarek who, if anything, looked even angrier. “Gus kept me sane. And maybe admitting all this makes me sound weak to you, but?—”
“It makes you sound blind,” Tarek bit out. “That’s what you are if you don’t see that Val’s new fave person is just a fag who wants in your pants.”
Madoc nearly cringed at the venom his friend was spitting. It wasn’t the first time Tarek had cracked shit about a guy he perceived as weak or lesser or somehow different from himself; he and the dude-bros he hung out with talked like that all the time. Maybe it was all reflex borne from decades spent hiding within organizations that were often hostile to the LGBTQ community, a script Tarek followed to keep his own cover intact. But the slur hit Madoc differently now. Maybe because he could really see how Tarek was hurting himself any time he went after someone like Gus.
Or someone like Madoc.
In the meantime, Gus’s eyes had taken on a dangerous gleam. “What is your damage?” he asked in a voice that could have chipped ice. “Are you the kind of homophobe who thinks queers are a danger to kids?”
“I—” Cheeks mottled like he’d been slapped, Tarek’s posture changed, his bluster gone in a flash. “That’s not — I don’t think like that.”
“Bullshit,” Gus snapped back. “I’ve seen the way you look at me.”
“I am not a homophobe.”
“Freaked out by the leg then?”
“I never said that!”
Madoc stepped forward. “Stop it.”
There was distress in Tarek’s face when he turned to Madoc this time, while Gus’s expression remained rather cool. The same question was in both their faces, however, each asking without words if Madoc had their back.
And Madoc didn’t know what to say to either of them. He couldn’t out Tarek to Gus. Didn’t want to out himself to Tarek because Madoc still wasn’t ready for that.
Are you ever going to be?
Swallowing, Madoc looked directly at Gus. “Take it easy, okay? Tarek didn’t mean that the way it came out.”
Gus blinked and Madoc braced himself for the backlash he knew he deserved. But the blank, hard look that fell over Gus’s features instead was a hundred times worse. Madoc could feel him withdrawing, the same way he had the night they’d walked into the pub on Province Street and everything had gone to hell in a handbasket.
“He meant it,” Gus said quietly. “Guys like him always do.”
“You don’t even know me,” Tarek began, only to cut himself off when Gus turned that flat stare on him.
Madoc quickly took hold of Tarek’s arm. “Go home, T,” he said firmly. “Talk to Noels and hear her out, and I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
“But what about Val?” Tarek asked. “We’re not done here, Madoc, and she?—”
“She is my daughter and you and I are so done.” Madoc didn’t fight his temper this time. “Jesus, Tarek, Val’s not some toy the two of you get to fight over.”
The instant dismay on his friends’ faces had Madoc cursing the big mouth that had gotten away from him once again. But he couldn’t deal with Gus and Tarek and their hurt feelings just then when his girl’s were more important.
Madoc gathered up Valerie’s sneakers from where they’d landed before going to her door, and he found her lying lengthwise across her bed on her stomach, the forlorn puppy eyes she turned on him making it clear she was done being angry.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hi, Valley Girl.” Crossing the room, he set the shoes on the floor, then slipped out of his suit jacket. “I’d like to talk about how you could have hurt Gus or Tarek when you threw your shoes.”
Huffing, Valerie righted herself and sat cross-legged. “Okay. But is Noelene coming back?”
“No. Your mom’s here to pick up more of her stuff from the loft and talk to your uncle, and I told her you don’t want to visit with her.”
“Then how come Uncle T and Gus said I had to?”
“Did Gus say you had to go anywhere?”
A beat passed before Valerie answered. “No. He said we should wait for you to get home an’ that I didn’t have to go anywhere.” She frowned. “That made Uncle T mad because he doesn’t like Gus.”
Madoc loosened his tie and sat beside her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here so you could ask me yourself, like Gus said. I didn’t tell anyone to take you upstairs.” He held her gaze for several seconds in silence. “Do you understand me?”
Valerie took her bottom lip between her teeth a moment. “I thought maybe you changed your mind about me and Noelene and a visit.”
“I didn’t change my mind.” Madoc took her hand. “And if I had, I promise I would have talked to you about it first.”
“Okay.”
She leaned into Madoc’s arm then and the tight band around his heart loosened slightly. They talked for a while, and he did his best to piece together what exactly had set Valerie off. She couldn’t always find words to express the feelings she held for her mother, but they were complex and ran deep, and came with big insecurities that were scary to her six-year-old mind. When Valerie had decided the adults in the room were ignoring her fears tonight, she’d gone on the defensive and lashed out.
“You’re allowed to have all these feelings, honey,” Madoc said as she climbed into his lap, “and you can always talk to me about them. Telling Gus and your uncle they’re stupid and that you hate them wasn’t okay though, and you absolutely should not have thrown your things at them.”
Red splotches sprang out on Valerie’s cheeks and nose. “I know. I didn’t mean to throw my shoes,” she said, clearly crestfallen. “An’ I don’t hate anybody. I just got so mad. I felt like my head was gonna blow up.”
“I understand.” Heartsore, Madoc dropped a kiss on her curls. “I’m fairly sure Gus knows you didn’t mean to hit him with your sneaker. But you owe him an apology anyway.”
“Is Gus mad or sad because of me?” Valerie asked, her voice very small.
Madoc knew Gus was both of those things at the moment. But that was on Madoc, not Valerie.
“Gus isn’t mad at you,” Madoc murmured against Valerie’s hair. “His ear probably doesn’t feel very good though, and we’re lucky his face is all right. That’s why I’m going to put your sneakers in my closet for the next two days to remind you that they belong on your feet and not in the air.”
Madoc rocked his girl back and forth while she cried and didn’t let go until she’d calmed.
“It’s only two days,” he said, helping with the tissues while Valerie blew her nose. “And you can come and visit the shoes in my closet whenever you want. If I’m not sleeping or getting dressed.”
Valerie’s breath shuddered around a hiccup. “All right. Can I go say sorry to Gus?”
Madoc certainly hoped so. The apartment had been largely quiet while he and Valerie had been talking, but there were good cooking smells in the air and Madoc hoped that meant Gus had stuck around after Tarek had retreated upstairs. Relief still swelled in Madoc’s chest when he glimpsed a familiar figure in the kitchen and Valerie immediately started wriggling in his arms.
Madoc set her down and she sprinted over to Gus, who got down on his knee to talk. He accepted her apology with his usual grace, then submitted to a careful exam of his still reddened ear, which Valerie kissed gently to ‘take away the sting.’ The gesture turned Gus’s cheeks pink too, and he was smiling as Valerie cupped her hands around her mouth and whispered to him.
“Same for me, Bug,” Gus said, taking Valerie’s hands in his. “And thank you for making my ear feel so much better.”
“You’re welcome.” Valerie swung their joined hands together before she looked to Madoc. “Are we gonna have dinner now?”
Before Madoc could answer, Gus spoke up. “I’m going to go, hon. You and your dad need some daddy-daughter time, and I want to give it to you.”
Valerie’s face fell. “But what about the popsicles?” she asked, new tears bringing a frown to Gus’s face.
“I can’t wait to hear how they turned out.” Gently, he drew her into a hug, and Valerie cuddled in with a sob. “Oh, Val. We can make popsicles again some other time.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Well, I’m playing basketball tomorrow, but maybe Thursday?” Gus flicked a glance up at Madoc that fell away again almost at once. “I was going to ask you guys if?—”
“We’re going on a boat that day.” Valerie sat back in Gus’s hold and rubbed her eyes with her fists. “I bet you could come with us.”
“It’s a harbor cruise for alumni of Tarek’s ex-team,” Madoc explained, heart heavy knowing there was no chance Gus would want to be around Tarek any time soon. “Some of the premium seat ticket holders will be there, along with former players and their families. Val’s going to meet some of her favorite players, so she’s pretty stoked.”
Gus made big eyes at Valerie. “Ho-lee cats, that sounds so cool. And I’ll be on a boat too, going to the Cape with my ma and pops. We’re taking the ferry so no one has to drive, especially me since I’ll be a zombie.”
He tickled Valerie’s ribs to make her giggle but fell quiet again while gathering his things. The silence weighed on Madoc as he walked Gus out and couldn’t seem to catch Gus’s eye.
“How’s your ear?” Madoc asked when they reached the door, his hand on Gus’s elbow. “Does it hurt?”
Gently, Gus pulled out of Madoc’s grasp. “It’s not too bad. But is Val okay? I’ve never seen her like that before.”
Leaning his shoulder against the wall, Madoc sighed. “She’s fine. Doesn’t lose her temper like that very often but when she does, it’s memorable. I probably should have seen it coming after everything she’s been through this summer.
“We talked some about why she was so angry, but I think she’s still trying to process her feelings and that’s all on me. I’ve tried to be transparent about what Noelene’s been up to, but I didn’t want to flat-out say to Val that her mom doesn’t want to be around us anymore. Maybe it was a mistake being vague.”
Gus looked at Madoc then and the anger in his gaze took Madoc off guard. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Val was upset because Tarek tried to ambush her. He walked in here saying he had a surprise for her at his place and she had no idea what she’d be walking into.”
“Shit.” Madoc closed his eyes, breathing in deeply then out before opening them again. “I didn’t know that. For the record, Noelene came to get her stuff and talk to her brother, that’s it. She knows Val didn’t want to see her and never would have signed off on trying to trick her.”
“That makes your buddy an even bigger asshole than I originally thought.”
Tarek just wants me to take his side. But fuck, so does Gus, and I can’t put Val in the middle again.
“I don’t like what Tarek did tonight any more than you do,” Madoc said, “and I am going to give him a lot of shit about it tomorrow. In the meantime, I think this a sign that we all need to take a step back and give Val some space.”
Gus didn’t respond straight away, but when he did, his voice sounded strange. “And by we you mean me, right?” he asked. “Like you want me to stay away from your family?”
“I didn’t say that. You and I can spend time at your place like we usually do but?—”
“But you don’t want to see me unless it’s to fuck.”
A prickly feeling crawled up Madoc’s neck. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“I didn’t because it’s what you meant.” A muscle flexed in Gus’s jaw. “That I should back off and not Tarek, the guy who’s been treating both of us like crap.”
Madoc was shaking his head even before Gus had finished speaking. “I’m not excusing Tarek’s behavior, and I know he’s been an ass. But he’s my family, Gus, and I promise you he is a good guy.”
“He isn’t to me.” The fight seemed to leave Gus all at once. “Tarek is not a good guy to me , Madoc, and I’m not going to be his punching bag, verbal or otherwise.”
The sudden vulnerability—the raw hurt—in Gus’s face stunned Madoc silent. Off the ice, Tarek was a sweetheart, gentle despite his size and wonderfully loving. Gus didn’t know that version of Tarek at all, however, because the guy he got was cutting and rude. He stared at Gus’s prosthesis and called him a fag, and he’d gotten up in Gus’s and Madoc’s faces tonight like he’d been itching for a fight.
Gus had his hand on the doorknob when Madoc snapped out of his stupor.
“Tarek’s all talk,” he said hastily. “I know he didn’t mean even half the stuff he said tonight, and was just?—”
A short laugh scraped out of Gus. “Being an asshole, I get it. But you know what, Madoc? I don’t care about Tarek or whatever crawled up his ass and died. You want me out of your way, that’s fine.”
“That is not what I want.” Madoc caught Gus’s elbow again when he reached for the door handle, his face getting hot once again. Why was everything going so wrong? “I just think some distance right now would be a good thing for Val and maybe even for you.”
“Honestly, I agree,” Gus muttered, popping the door open. “But tell Tarek to stop bullying Clea, because she doesn’t deserve it.”
“Neither do you.”
“Good to know you think so. I’ll see you Friday.”
Everything in Madoc shouted that this wasn’t right and he couldn’t let Gus walk away angry and hurting. He reached for Gus again, but then Valerie called out for her daddy and drew Madoc’s glance. And in the span of a heartbeat, Gus slipped out, leaving Madoc with no choice but to watch him go.