Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
Monday, August 21, 5:05 P.M.
“Boston A1, A4, water rescue in progress at 66 Long Wharf. Multiple persons reported overboard near the Waterboat Duck House. Code Three, 14-B-1, parties are alert and, apparently, enjoying cooling off in the harbor.”
Madoc paused in his work when a quiet ‘quack’ came over the radio, but didn’t glance up from the Toughbook until a familiar voice replied, tone deadpan like someone hadn’t just quacked at the dispatcher.
“Squad 84 at Fleet and Commercial,” Gus said. “I can duck over, see what’s going down.”
Bobby Stark let out a groan from his spot by the rear doors. “Too far,” he muttered, but snorted along with Connor when a pair of ‘quacks’ followed.
“81 in the Seaport,” Olivia said next. “I can take this if you want to wing it back to HQ, 84.”
“Roger that, 81,” Gus replied. “84 out, have an egg-cellent shift everyone.”
More quacks followed, audible this time in the ambulance bay beyond P1 and over the radio because it was Guzman and Monroe making duck noises as they hustled onto their truck. And when Connor and Stark broke up cackling, Madoc had to smile too.
The origins of the game the crews called Clusterduck were unknown, but quacking and puns followed any radio mention of the Waterboat Duck House, a tiny floating waterfowl shelter located in the corner of a large marina on Boston’s Long Wharf.
Overhead, the alarm sounded, echoing out of their radios at the same time.
“Ambulance P1, person experiencing difficulty breathing at 2 Aguadilla Street, Unit 6. Fifty-three-year-old M2F, history of cardiac issues. 6-D-2, difficulty speaking between breaths. 911 call placed by a neighbor in the building, Boston Fire is on scene.”
Even before the dispatcher had finished speaking, Stark was climbing aboard.
“I know that address,” he said. “The patient has a pacemaker, so let’s get a move on. Con, let’s give Walters the lead and I’ll walk you through her history on the way.”
Madoc scanned Stark’s notes from his last dispatch to 2 Aguadilla Street, appreciative but not surprised by the level of detail he’d captured about Miss Palagia, a male-to-female transgender patient Stark had been providing care to on and off for over five years.
“I saw her a couple of weeks ago,” Stark said through the back window, “and it was a similar thing—shortness of breath with some fatigue that was out of the ordinary. We pushed fluids and she improved, but I’ll bet you anything it’s the battery in her pacemaker, either misfiring or low on power.”
“How long has she had the pacemaker?” Connor asked.
“Going on eight years if I remember correctly,” Stark replied. “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve seen a battery fail, though.”
Madoc made more notes as he talked the call through with his partners. He really enjoyed working with these guys, who were both smart and talented and had an abiding respect for their patients but were also immense fun to be around. Madoc couldn’t have asked for two better partners to guide him though the final hours of his field internship.
Except for Gus, of course. Whom Madoc hadn’t spoken to directly in weeks.
He’d done his damnedest to respect Gus’s request for distance and, fortunately, their opposite schedules left few chances for their paths to cross during a shift. He’d still glimpsed Gus a couple of times in the field, working alongside ambulance crews at scenes, his expression intent the way it got when Gus put his whole focus into something.
Madoc missed having that attention on him, on and off the job. Missed the banter he and Gus’d shared on the truck. The patter of Gus’s and Valerie’s voices back at the apartment. Gus cooing over the cat. Cooking and sharing meals and the talks that’d come so easily. Gus beside Madoc in bed and the feeling of … home he’d brought into Madoc’s life.
They’d gone back to messaging in their shared chat thread again, and while it wasn’t as frequent as in the past, it felt good to swap photos, observations, and the odd dumb joke. Like the pic Madoc found on his phone after transporting Miss Palagia to Boston Medical Center, in which a half-dozen ducks sat around a little gray and white house atop a floating platform.
What time do ducks get up in the morning? Gus’d asked.
Madoc smiled. The quack of dawn, he replied. Aren’t you clocking out?
Yup , Gus replied. Figured your girl and Clea would get a kick out of these little dudes. A pause and then, Heading over there soon if that’s still OK?
A now-familiar ache stole through Madoc. He hated the caution in Gus’s words. That he’d become oddly formal in his chats with Madoc, like they were strangers instead of friends. But then Gus’d bared his heart to Madoc the last time they’d met, and Madoc had recoiled like he had been slapped.
“I didn’t fall only for you. I fell for your girl, just as hard.”
Madoc wanted to be angry at Gus for ambushing him that morning and fucking up their friendship. For talking so earnestly about family and commitment and being there for each other. For talking about love. Gus’d never said the four-letter word aloud, but it’d been there in his eyes and touch. In the tears Gus’d shed as he’d told Madoc he needed to take a step back.
Biting his lip, Madoc turned his attention back to his phone. Of course. Hug her for me.
I will, came the reply. Be safe tonight, Mad.
Opening the passenger door on P1, Madoc paused when Connor and Stark walked up beside him.
“You good?” Stark asked with a nod to Madoc’s phone. “You’ve been staring at that thing like you want to kill it.”
Smiling, Madoc shrugged his partner off. “I’m cool. Gus is having dinner with Val and the kid-sitter tonight and I was just checking in.”
“Nice.” Connor’s face brightened. “That’ll be good for him.”
Madoc could feel the smile slide off his face. Was Gus not all right? He hadn’t said anything to Madoc, but maybe he wouldn’t, given he’d stopped talking about himself to Madoc almost entirely.
He waited for Stark to head off to the hospital cafe with their cups before turning to Connor. “Hey, Con? What did you mean when you said seeing Val would be good for Gus? Is he okay?”
A slight furrow formed on Connor’s brow. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Gus has been off the last couple of weeks—very quiet and sticking close to home. At first, I figured he was wiped after the move back to days, but then Ian mentioned Gus wasn’t himself, and I knew it wasn’t only me noticing. A few of us brought him a bunch of takeout one night and got him talking, and it turns out he’s been having some guy trouble.”
The hackles on the back of Madoc’s neck rose. With his guard down, Gus could so easily have given Madoc away to his friends, the way he’d inadvertently done with his parents. The funny thing now though, was the anticipation in Madoc’s gut that was fast outpacing his dread.
Maybe Connor already knows about me.
“What kind of guy trouble?” he asked, biting his lip when Connor just shrugged.
“I guess he met someone,” Connor said, “and they were hooking up on the regular over the summer. Gus didn’t say a word to anyone though, which is definitely out of character.” He furrowed his brow at Madoc. “Unless he told you?”
“No.”
The denial slipped out effortlessly, followed by a hot jolt of shame that shriveled Madoc’s insides. He didn’t want to lie to his partner and friend, and knowing Gus’d done it for months to protect Madoc’s cover made him feel sick.
Connor in the meantime was frowning. “Meh, I was afraid you were going to say that. Well, I guess Gus really liked this guy, but the dude wasn’t into him the same way, so they called it quits. Which sucks obviously when it’s hard feeling rejected. Gus played it down, but we all knew he was bummed.”
“Boston P1, what’s your location?” the dispatcher asked through their radios and Madoc shifted his focus back to the job.
Connor’s words lingered at the back of his mind though, surfacing throughout the rest of their shift and making Madoc’s chest ache. Reminding him that Gus was hurting and that Madoc was the one who’d caused it.
“Welcome home, Daddy!”
Madoc scooped up his sleepy-eyed girl, mindful of the glow-jar she carried and a brightly colored headpiece he felt sure was new.
“Thank you, Valley Girl. How you doin’? And what is this fantastical thing on your head?”
“It’s a crown!” Valerie beamed. “I made it with Gus and Clea, an’ isn’t it cool?”
Despite her initial reservations about a new kid-sitter, Valerie had bonded with Clea over a shared passion for kid-craft. The two regularly produced flowers and garden creatures fashioned from buttons, felt, and yarn, and Valerie preened now while Madoc admired the crown, which was really a headband covered in soft mounds of pom-poms and decorated with little felt balls painted to look like ladybugs.
“Gus brought the bugs,” Valerie said on their way into the kitchen where Clea was brewing coffee. “And we drew star maps for the fort. Ooh, Gus got me new pencils with kitties on them for back to school! And did you know we made cherry cake and that you and Gus are famous? ’Cause you are!”
Lost, Madoc looked to Clea, who was sporting a crown of her own boasting orange and pink pom-pom with matching felt beetles.
“The story about the Squad car program was on the local news and we recorded it,” Clea said with a smile. “They focused on Gus a bit and how he started in EMS.”
“And there was a pitcher of you!” Valerie yelped.
“A picture of me? Wow!” Madoc pretended to preen. “And what did Gus think of the video?”
“His ears got all red.” Valerie giggled. “And then his ma called and after he hung up with her, he had to put his phone on mute because it kept dinging.”
Madoc laughed along with her. The crews had known about the piece the local media had been working on to promote the Squad car program. Special focus on Gus was a new angle, however, and the interest Madoc’d had in checking the story out increased a hundredfold.
Clea and Valerie got the video queued up while Madoc loaded a tray with their cups and breakfast, then carefully slid the whole thing into the fort. He and Valerie were admiring the star maps with their fantastical constellations ( Lady Bug Girl , Wicked Clea Sky , Gusberry Major , and Daddyus Madocus) when there was a knock at the door and Clea called out that she’d get it.
Madoc handed half a bagel to Valerie. “How many times have you watched this video?” he asked, and she chewed for a few seconds, eyes on the fort’s ceiling while she tried to calculate.
“A whole bunch,” she said at last. “I had questions and sometimes I missed stuff, and we had to go back and start over. Gus and Clea said they didn’t mind.”
“Didn’t mind what?” Tarek asked out of nowhere, his bearded face suddenly in the fort’s entrance but upside down, drawing a muffled shriek from Valerie and a yell out of Madoc that made everyone laugh.
“You’re so loud, bro,” Tarek chided. “But can I join the breakfast club if I bring something sweet?”
“Sure you can, Uncle T!”
Madoc smiled as his girl waved her uncle into the fort. Tarek had apologized to them both after the Night of the Flying Sneakers, his grief over hurting Valerie’s feelings clearly heartfelt. He’d been back and forth to Maine a few times helping Noelene move her stuff, but he checked in every day and sent Valerie postcards from the beach towns he passed to make sure she knew he hadn’t forgotten her.
Reaching in, Tarek set a paper bag in front of Valerie. “I brought some bolos ,” he said, very smug. “Went to the hospital cafe your daddy and Gus buy them from because I wanted bread.”
They arranged the muffins among the bagels and a smiling Clea scored two for herself before she headed home. Valerie, in the meantime, alternated between her bagel and a bolo topped with black raspberry jam that purpled her mouth and tip of her nose.
“We’re watching Gus on TV,” she said to her uncle, who’d plunked himself down on his side in the fort with his head propped up in one hand. “Him and Daddy are famous.”
“In a PR piece for work,” Madoc said. “A local news station interviewed the Rapid Response unit that Gus is part of now and somehow there is a picture of me.”
“It’s true!” Valerie hit Play on the TV remote and a Squad car appeared on the screen, zipping through the Theater District with its lights flashing.
“Boston EMS has pumped up its fleet of emergency vehicles this summer,” the video voiceover said, “ adding eight new units called Squads to the city’s Rapid Response Program, all operated by an elite team of paramedics.”
The Squad operators appeared onscreen next, everyone sharp in long-sleeved white uniforms shirts and dark ties as they stood in the garage at HQ. The focus quickly tightened in on Gus, whose face was composed in a ‘listening’ expression Madoc knew well. The gold pins at Gus’s collar and epaulettes gleamed as bright as his badge, and Madoc thought he’d never looked more handsome.
“Among the Squad drivers is Lieutenant Gus Dawson, who came to Boston EMS after a distinguished career as a firefighter,” the reporter said. “As a captain of Boston Fire’s Rescue Squad 1, Dawson survived a devastating injury during a partial house collapse in the South End that ended his firefighting career. Lieutenant Dawson found a new path in emergency medicine, however, and made history this year as the first amputee paramedic and lieutenant working for Boston EMS.”
Muffin in hand, Valerie climbed into Madoc’s lap and fitted her back against his chest. “See?” she said. “Told ya he was famous.”
Black and white photos from Gus’s previous life with Boston Fire filled the screen next, achingly young in his full turnout gear and helmet at a scene with Beni at his side, a hydraulic spreader or ‘jaws of life’ in Gus’s hand. Assisting an elderly man away from the scene of a fire. Supine on a stretcher as he was extricated from the house collapse that had changed his life, his fellow firefighters bearing Gus over the rubble. Recovering in a hospital bed, face drawn and unsmiling, his parents and Ian at his sides, Ian’s hand around Gus’s.
Madoc’s skin crawled as he stared at the hospital shot. He’d found photos online of the accident that’d cost Gus his leg, and they never failed to unnerve him. Gus’d lost a crewmate and friend that day and it was only sheer luck that he hadn’t died too.
Valerie looked at Tarek. “That’s Gus’s ma and pops in the pitcher,” she said with a nod at the screen. “And Mr. Ian ’cause Gus n’ him used to be boyfriends. And look, there you are, Daddy!”
Madoc managed a smile at the new photo that had come on the screen showing Gus and him picking their way out of a multi-vehicle collision, Madoc carrying a car seat with a baby in it while Gus held a little girl in his arms.
“Gus said you helped those kids,” Valerie said. “That the baby was scared and crying and you made him feel better.”
“I did.” Madoc pressed his lips to Valerie’s hair. “Gus and the little girl drew ponies, including one I brought home to you.”
Madoc and Gus had bonded that night while they’d cared for those kids. Formed a partnership that would deepen as they also became friends.
Raising her hand, Valerie rubbed her knuckles against Madoc’s chest, a small, easy touch that meant everything.
“Coming back after losing my leg was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever had to do,” Gus said as the camera cut back to him and the crew. “I had an incredible support system in the staff at Mass General and my family and partner and friends, and the amputee community here in Boston. It was never a question for me that I still wanted a career in EMS, even if it meant having to pivot from firefighting to emergency medicine.”
“This job will challenge you physically and mentally,” Olivia added next, her name and rank appearing across the bottom of the screen. “And you have to truly want it if you’re going to succeed. I’m sure some questioned whether Gus would be fit for duty back when he started—people wonder the same about female EMTs and paramedics like me all the time.” She smiled. “But our crews are highly trained and focused on working together to get the job done.”
That was the message the Squad car operators wanted people to take away from the story; that every EMT and paramedic in the city did their utmost to serve its people, whether they worked on a fire truck, ambulance, or Squad car.
“Is there anything you miss about driving an ambulance?” the reporter asked the group and though most of the paramedics claimed that they didn’t, joking about how much easier it was to maneuver the Squads through Boston’s traffic, Gus and Olivia exchanged smiles.
“I miss having a partner,” Olivia said, and Gus quickly nodded.
“We’re all grateful for this amazing opportunity in Rapid Response,” he added. “But I’ve ridden with some of the best in the field and I know I miss that.”
Tilting her head, Valerie beamed up at Madoc. “Gus thinks you’re the best,” she said, so smug Madoc didn’t mind that jam had migrated from her mouth to his jersey.
“I think the same about him,” he said. “Gus was one of the best partners I’ve ever had.”
Valerie’s smile faded. “Do you miss our Gusberry, Daddy?” she asked, sounding quite serious, and Madoc matched her tone when he answered.
“Yes, I do, honey.”
Every day.
“Me, too,” Valerie said, before she reached for the remote to start the clip over. “But I was just checking.”
She crawled out of the fort, claiming she’d be right back, and Madoc pretended not to watch Gus on the screen as he and Tarek chatted about Tarek’s last trip to Maine. Valerie was back moments later though, colorful crowns in each hand and a big grin on her face.
“We made some for you, too! This one is for Uncle T—” she said, handing a black and yellow number to Tarek before she turned to Madoc. “And this one is for you, Daddy.”
Emotions warred inside Madoc. The crown his daughter held was piled with blue and purple pompoms and rather than hosting a swarm of wee felted bugs held only two, a ladybug with a bee cuddled up beside it, its thorax striped pink and blue and purple with black. Like the enamel pin in Madoc’s pocket, another tiny, gentle reminder that it was okay to just be himself.
Carefully, Madoc ran his fingertips over the little cloth insects. He wanted to say something—a thank-you certainly, and to tell Valerie how much he loved her. But his throat was too thick to utter even one word as he bowed his head, and she slid the headband over his hair.
The pom-pom crowns were left behind when it came time to drop Valerie off at her day camp, but Madoc’s mind kept flashing back to the news story about the Squads and Gus. Oddly, it seemed that seeing Gus on a TV screen had also left an impression on Tarek.
“I get it now,” he said as he and Madoc made their way back to the Seaport. “Why Val looks up to Gus like he’s a hero. Because he kind of is, right?”
Madoc frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”
“The shit Gus went through losing his leg, working to get back out there with a new job.” Tarek shook his head. “I never thought about any of that before today and I have to say, the dude is impressive.”
“He is,” Madoc allowed. “Gus is strong and determined and smart as hell. But he’s also a guy just living his best life.”
Tarek cocked his eyebrow at Madoc. “A guy who made history for the city.”
“Sure, but that’s not why Gus wanted to be promoted,” Madoc said. “He does his job well because he’s ambitious and cares about the patients and crews, not because he needs anyone’s approval for living with a disability.”
“That isn’t fair.” Red stained Tarek’s cheeks. “I didn’t say anything about Gus being disabled.”
“Not outright, no. But you implied it when you said Gus impressed you because he still managed to thrive after losing his leg. Val doesn’t care about that, mostly because she’s just a kid. Sure, she thinks it’s cool Gus was on TV and that he gets to drive a Squad, but she likes him because he’s kind to her and fun to be around, and he listens when she wants to talk. You’d know all that too if you got to know Gus at all.”
Expecting a rebuttal, Madoc was surprised that Tarek instead stared moodily off into space. Madoc let the silence hang between them until they paused at a crosswalk to wait out the flow of traffic.
“What’s on your mind, T?” Madoc pressed.
Tarek sucked in a big breath, then let it go. “I keep thinking about that night Val threw her shoes. She looked at me like she hated me. And the stuff that Gus said? I feel sick knowing he thinks I’m?—”
“Ableist and homophobic?”
“I’m not .”
“Not sure I agree.” Madoc stepped out into the crosswalk with Tarek at his side. “You know you’re weird about Gus’s leg, dude. And hey, I’ve been in your shoes. Had to adjust my own perspectives about people who live with disability and stop making assumptions, and God knows I’m still learning new shit all the time. But with you, it’s like you won’t even consider you’re wrong, or that you’ve been acting like a total troll about Gus being gay.”
Tarek rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t care less about who he wants to fuck, Madoc. He doesn’t need to be so open about wanting you though, especially around Val.”
“Are you for real trying to sell me that shit?” Madoc scoffed. “Gus has never said anything remotely romantic about me to Val and I know it because she would have told me. And besides, I’m not talking about how Gus acts or doesn’t—I’m talking about you being out of line so fucking often I’ve started to second-guess what’s going to come out of your mouth every time you open it.”
He cut a glare at his friend who had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I take Val to Gus’s to hang out instead of Gus coming to mine because that way no one has to worry about how you’re going to react when you see him. And the night of the harbor cruise with the NHL legends, I was on edge the whole time, braced for you and your buddies to start cracking jokes about queers.”
Tarek stopped walking, his expression stunned when Madoc glanced back at him. “Are you being serious right now?”
Sighing, Madoc walked the few steps back to where Tarek stood. They were almost mid-way over a bridge that spanned the Fort Point Channel, and he knew they probably painted an odd picture to passing motorists and pedestrians alike.
“Yes, I’m being serious.” Madoc kept his tone gentle. “I want to think you don’t mean the shit you say about queer people and it’s all just part of your het guy cover, but I’m at a point now where I’m not sure anymore. Maybe you do mean it. Maybe Tim was some kind of once-in-a-lifetime exception and if you’d never met him, you’d have just been a straight guy. But no matter what, the way you are around Gus has got to change.”
Madoc folded his arms over his chest. “Val loves you, T, and she’s always looked up to you. But she knows you don’t like Gus and if she starts believing it’s because he’s queer or that you can’t deal with his leg, she will be crushed.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.” Tarek’s voice came out thick. “I’d never … I don’t want that to happen. I know I act like a jackass sometimes, but I am not a homophobe.”
He looked so stricken, Madoc gently pulled him to the side of the walkway.
“Gus thinks you are. And worse, I let him believe it when I didn’t call you out on your behavior,” Madoc said. “I didn’t want to out you, T, and I thought it’d be better for all of us if I kept the peace and gave you time to work through being angry at Noelene and me. The problem is that you turned that anger on Gus, who didn’t deserve any of it, and I let him down by not having his back, especially after everything he did for me.”
Tarek ran his bottom lip between his teeth, then turned and set his elbows on the bridge’s railing.
“I can’t imagine how nuts it’s been for you this summer,” he said, his gaze on the harbor. “Not knowing what was going on with Noelene and still having Val and the rest of your life to manage. You dealt with it the best you could and moved on, and so did my sister. But Madoc, you and Noels and Val are the only family I have left and when you all moved on, it felt like you did it without me.”
Madoc’s stomach bottomed out. “That isn’t true.”
“You sure about that? I was only away six weeks and when I came back, my sister was gone, there were empty rooms in the loft, and some dude I didn’t know was standing in for me and doing things with Val that I can’t.”
“I don’t understand. What did Gus do that you couldn’t?”
“He took Val to Pride. Introduced her to his parents and friends. I’ve heard Val talk to Gus about his ex-boyfriend like it wasn’t any big thing. And I know it’s stupid, but I’m so fucking jealous Gus got to have those experiences. That’s why I act like I hate him. A part of me does hate him for being able to do all that with Val when it should have been me. Would have been if I wasn’t such a …” Tarek’s voice cracked and he closed his eyes, clearly trying to get back some control.
“I don’t know what my life would have been like if I hadn’t met Tim, either. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with or even been interested in. But I did love him, Madoc. And now Val’s never going to know Tim, just like she’s never going to get to know my parents because all of them are gone,” Tarek said. “She’ll never understand how much they meant to me and that hurts like hell.”
Sorrow punched a hole in Madoc’s heart. He’d known Tarek was grieving behind the strong front he put on. It still hurt watching him drop that mask. Understanding he’d been isolated in his suffering because he couldn’t talk openly about the man he’d loved, not even with his family. Couldn’t miss or grieve for Tim unless he was alone.
But now Madoc could see the lonely path he’d be traveling if he continued to hide who he was. Apart from Gus, no one knew the man Madoc hid behind his straight guy front, not even Madoc’s own daughter.
“Do you miss our Gusberry, Daddy?”
Answering truthfully had been easy for Madoc to do without giving anything deeper away. But he couldn’t keep that up forever. Could already feel in his bones that it was only a matter of time before Valerie asked him a question about Gus or girlfriends or how Madoc was living his life that would force him to choose between the truth and protecting his cover.
And lying to his daughter wasn’t a choice Madoc was willing to make when the truth was right there in front of him.
Valerie deserved a daddy who liked himself and his life. To know he’d fallen in love with a man whose brown eyes shone with gold and who made Madoc’s life better every day simply by loving him back.
Wait.
Madoc’s knees actually wobbled. Two weeks ago, he’d told Gus he wasn’t ready to be serious about anyone or talk families or partnerships or forevers. Now, all Madoc could wonder was how he’d missed the obvious.
Gus lit up his world. Grounded Madoc even as he lifted him and made Madoc want to shake off the past that was holding him back. Madoc trusted Gus more than anyone else in his life besides Valerie because Gus wanted him in spite of his baggage and big mouth and the responsibilities he carried as a single dad. Hell, maybe even because of those things.
Gus felt like home. And Madoc had fallen head over heels for him without even noticing.
When you’re ready, you’ll know.
Slipping a hand into his pocket, Madoc pulled out the bee pin and held it small and neat in his palm, its wings gleaming in the morning sun.
“I’m sorry Val won’t get to know your folks or Tim,” he said to Tarek. “And that it hurts you watching Gus do things with her. But it breaks my heart knowing Val’s missing out spending that time with you. Because she doesn’t have to, Tarek. Tell her about Tim. How much he meant to you and how happy you made each other. That Tim was the love of your life. Val should know all of that and who you really are. None of it is going to change the way she feels about you.”
Tarek’s sigh seemed to come from his toes. “I hope not. It’s just …”
“Hard to stop hiding,” Madoc finished quietly. “I understand. How scared you have to be to get to the point where hiding feels like the safer option. You get numb enough you can almost forget the pieces of yourself that you’re hiding. Except you can’t because they’re still a part of you.”
He sensed more than saw Tarek turning toward him, and Madoc slipped the bee pin back in his pocket. “I don’t want to hide anymore or ever lie to my girl about who I am. So, I’m going to tell her the truth.”
“Which is what?”
“That I’m bi,” Madoc replied, the words coming with stunning ease. “And I was too afraid until this summer to say that to anyone, even myself.”
“Holy shit.” Tarek grabbed onto Madoc’s forearm, his eyes suddenly bright. “Are you okay? Can I do anything? Besides say ‘holy shit,’ I mean, which I know isn’t helpful.”
Madoc laughed, and though it was a touch shaky, it felt incredibly good. “I am okay, yeah. Sorry I’m springing this on you out of nowhere, but I haven’t really figured out how to talk about this without blurting it out.”
“Hey, I’m just happy you trusted me enough to tell me.” Tarek’s smile held only love, and he gave Madoc’s arm a quick squeeze. “I’m so proud of you, bro.”
Swallowing past a sudden threat of tears, Madoc pulled him into a rough hug, then just as quickly stepped back, a need to move driving him to resume walking. Tarek stayed with him, though he remained quiet, and they’d completed their journey over the bridge before Madoc trusted his voice to speak again.
“We need to talk about Gus, T,” he said. “Because he’s more than a friend. And that’s another reason I need you to treat him better. I’m not naive enough to think I can convince the two of you to be friends, but I want to know you’ll be able to handle Gus being around because I want him in my life.”
A beat passed, then two, and Tarek exhaled loudly through his nose. “I can handle Gus. And I knew you and he were … a thing. Think I have for a while.”
Madoc straight-out gaped at him. “Say what now?”
Tarek shrugged. “You didn’t seem surprised when I said Gus was into you, Madoc. And honestly, there’s an energy between you when you’re together that’s hard to miss. The way you look at him sometimes …” Tarek flashed a half-smirk. “You’re not doing much to hide it.”
Madoc didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at that but something in his expression had Tarek looking at him with concern once again.
“What is it?” Tarek frowned. “Did I say the wrong thing?”
“No.” Madoc gave him a smile. “You said things I really needed to hear.”