Chapter Twenty-One
Alaina
I don’t know how many days it’s been, maybe a week, and I’ve been spending them wallowing in my new prison. Every now and then, the maids come to check on me, but Colin, thankfully, has left me alone for the most part, allowing me to grieve in private. How honorable of him.
On the first day without Dax, I didn’t leave the bed and didn’t change my clothes. Day two, I was still in the same clothes. It wasn’t until day three that I realized I hadn’t spoken once, showered, or changed. I drank water that was brought to me, but I still couldn’t bring myself to eat. Day four was spent lying in bed, letting my claws protrude into my palm to watch myself bleed and heal over and over.
The pain is only temporary, and I find it’s the only thing that helps stop the intrusive thoughts, as well as the flashbacks, from creeping in. Day five, I took a bite of food a servant brought me. When a maid saw my full plate, she asked if there was something else she could get me, but I just shook my head. There isn’t a food out there that could fill this kind of hunger or emptiness. It was the will to live I was starving for.
The rest of the week was similar. I’d cry myself to sleep, wake up from the nightmares of Dax’s death, only to realize it’s worse than a nightmare. It’s reality, and I cry myself to sleep again. The same vicious cycle repeats itself.
The whole What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger saying is bullshit, especially for werewolves. Destroying a mate bond is a slow death. Alive, your mate is your biggest weakness to be used as leverage against you, but it’s also the reason for being at your strongest.
In fact, taking away my weakness isn’t making me stronger—it’s only made me broken.
Unfortunately, my broken pieces don’t seem to deter Colin. According to his maids, he still insists I am to be his bride.
The maids who visit me are kind. They often try to engage me in conversation. When they do, they will often ramble about Colin. They say he wants to know how I’m doing and when would be a good time to come visit me.
If they had asked me yesterday, I would’ve told them Colin could go suck a big one. But, fortunately, for the ever so eager to see me murderer, I woke up with not only hurt in my heart but vengeance, which I prefer the company of.
All the vengeance in the world still doesn’t give me the strength to get out of bed. But I do find more productivity in my anger than despair. It’s easier to plan someone’s death than it is a funeral. I just have to figure out how to kill him and strike when the timing is right.
There’s a knock at the door, but whoever it is doesn’t wait for me to answer before entering. An unmistakable shift and vibration of power in the air alerts me to who it is.
I reach for the nightstand, grab the vase filled with red roses Colin has sent me for the past few days, and chuck them at him.
Colin sidesteps out of the way, and the vase shatters against the bedroom door. Petals float to the floor where he once was.
“No sense in asking if you’re still mad, then.” Colin smiles somberly.
I groan and whale-dive my head back down on the pillow, turning away from him. But when I lay the opposite way, Colin appears, sprawled out on the bed beside me, perched up as if he’s been there the whole time, effectively startling me. His smirk tells me he knows it, too.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“Don’t worry, I know when to take things slow and when to take my time.” Colin winks, and my skin crawls.
Colin pushes away the hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. If I could move, I’d snap his wrist in half.
“One day, I won’t have to use force on you to show affection. Instead, you’ll crave my touch.”
Over my dead body.
He drops his hand and his frozen hold on me and sighs. “How are you today, wife?”
His sincere tone makes me instantly miss his condescension.
“I’m not doing this with you. And don’t call me that.”
He smiles. “Okay, love. What won’t you do with me?”
Anything.
“Giving into your attempt to absolve yourself of responsibility and repair conflict by trying to engage me in any unnecessary topic of conversation instead of the one that means confronting your regret. The damage you’ve caused. Of course , it’d be easier for you if I could just forget and move on. But I haven’t, and I won’t .”
Colin’s smile falls. He lifts an eyebrow at me but allows me to continue.
“It’s not my responsibility as the victim of your wrongdoing to enable your avoidant behavior just so it’s easier for you to live with what you did.”
I meet his beady red eyes head on with my own boring into him—likely puffy and bloodshot. I wait for Colin to throw a tantrum or lay hands on me. But again, he doesn’t react the way I want him to. I want my words to hurt him, piss him off, anything . He isn’t fazed by my mouth and lack of a filter. And it angers me even more.
I’ve never hated someone so much in my life.
Instead, Colin rubs the stubble on his chin, contemplating my words. “You’re mostly right... except about killing your mate. I don’t regret that.”
I break off a piece of the wooden bedpost and aim for his heart. Colin captures my hand, crushing it until I drop the stake. Then grasping both of my hands, he rolls me over and pins them above me. He settles his body between my legs, pinning my hips to the bed.
I remember he isn’t using his powers to freeze me in place. I jerk my hips, bucking and kicking.
Colin catches my leg, traps me under his own, and spreads me open for him, rendering me helpless.
I growl.
Colin leans in closer to my face, a half-smile emerging at my warning.
“I feel bad that I didn’t kill him sooner for you.”
His breath hits my face. I turn my head away from him again, my chest rising and falling. Then I realize how stupid it may be to expose my neck to a vampire and meet his eyes.
“If I had, it would’ve saved you all this heartache. You wouldn’t be in pain like you are now. And for that, I can’t apologize enough. But I will not apologize for fighting for you, for us , and for a strong kingdom,” he states. “This is what kings do. It’s how alliances are made. People die but arranged marriages can bring peace.”
I strain against him more, but it’s useless. I’m not as strong as I was with half a royal mate bond. I can’t run. I can’t move. I can’t leave. All I can do is feel . And I’ve never felt more panicked and unsafe than I do in this moment.
Colin chuckles. “I’m not avoiding the conversation because I’m uncomfortable with what I did. Forgiveness isn’t something I’m seeking because, quite honestly, love, I’m not sorry for killing the man who never deserved you in the first place. You think I’m the first man who dreamed of doing what I just did knowing you were the prize if victorious? No. I’m just the only one who tried and lived.”
I don’t have any more fight in me. I’ve refused to eat, my sleep is piss poor, and I’m broken. It’s no use, so I stop and let his words sink in. I think about how Dax fought against Caleb during the Hunt.
Could it really be that simple?
Colin leans in to kiss me, and I wait until his lips are inches from my face for my canines to elongate, daring the manipulative fucker try me further.
He retreats.
If Colin wasn’t trying to justify killing my mate in front of me, he might have convinced me. But I belonged to Dax when he fought Caleb. Colin never had a claim over me.
Ignoring the fact that he referred to me as a prize to be won, I realize that while my body is frozen, my best weapon is not. I meet his manipulation with sass.
“How does it feel to win and still not even come close to second best?” I smile and search his widened eyes. “You’ll never be him, and you’ll never have me,” I snarl.
The veins crawling up his neck appear just as quickly as they disappear. His failed attempt to hide his rage is revealing. I can tell by his chuckle and tongue pressing the inside of his cheek that he has a low tolerance of my smart mouth. His lack of patience is too tempting for this brat. And I wonder just how far I can push him before he’s just as broken as me.
He raises an eyebrow. “Are you planning to break our deal?”
His voice shakes.
I’m pissing him off. Good. I challenge him further. “And if I was?”
“Refuse to go through with our alliance and I’ll consider you an enemy.” He gets off me, sitting up from the bed, buttoning his blazer as he faces me. “You should know I don’t play fair, Alaina.”
I hate the way he says my name. It sends shivers up my spine.
I wait for his inevitable threat, not in the least intimidated. What more could he do to me?
“If you intend to break our deal, I will be forced to nullify my end of the bargain. Which means I will kill everyone you love and make you watch. I’ll turn you anyway. I’ll then enslave you, making sure you live with their loss for as long as possible.”
I gulp. And if his powers weren’t keeping me still, the fear of losing those that are important to me would. Through my grief, I’d forgotten why I agreed to this in the first place.
I stay silent. I can’t kill him now, but my time will come. I need to be patient, or else I’ll get everyone killed.
I’m still frozen to the bed when he clears his throat and says, “I will take your silence as compliance. I’ve given you plenty of time to grieve. Tonight, I will expect you to be dressed appropriately and make an appearance. I’ll pick you up at eight o’clock.”
Enough time? I fight the urge to roll my eyes. There aren’t enough lifetimes to grieve someone as wonderful as my mate. Again, I tell myself there will be other times to remind him of what he took from me. So, instead, I ask, “Why so late?”
“Ah, yes. Routine looks different here. In most every other species, your activity and daily living occur during the day. In vampire world, we are most active at night.”
Oh.
“You have a lot to learn about the vampire culture if you’re to be queen of it. We will start tonight. I look forward to our time together.” Colin exits, and at the click of the door, I’m able to move again.
The idea of spending any time with Colin learning a culture I don’t care to be part of is not the way I want to spend my evening. But vengeance has me intrigued. Colin wants to teach me about vampire culture, and I’m eager to learn everything there is to know. Including how to kill its soon-to-be king.