Chapter 13
13
MARNIN
W atching Ennio fall apart on my cock was the most satisfying sight ever. I hadn’t realized how scared I’d been of not being able to perform, of malfunctioning, for lack of a better word, until his body convulsed as he came. Hands-free. He looked so blissed out right now, like a dirty version of one of Raphael’s angels, that I stopped chasing my own orgasm, which had been seconds away.
But he was too mesmerizing to ignore, his pale skin flushed, his lips swollen from our kisses, and his eyes dreamy. He was gorgeous in a way I’d never fully appreciated. I’d always known he was my type—as far as I had a type since I wasn’t exactly discriminatory when it came to my sexual partners—but I’d never witnessed him like this. And now that I had, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to see him again like before, with the proverbial innocent eyes of a man who didn’t know him in the most carnal way.
He let out a soft sigh and focused on me. A small frown appeared on his forehead. “Why’d you slow down?”
“Wanted to give you a little time to recover.”
A sexy smile spread across those luscious lips. “Thank you. That was quite the experience. Seriously, you fuck like a god.”
“Yeah?” Such a stupid thing to be pleased by, yet here we were.
“I’ve never been fucked with so much skill. You’re really, really good at this.”
“I should be, considering how much experience I have by now.”
He cupped my cheek in an unexpectedly tender way. “You know what I love about you?”
“That I fuck like a god?”
“That too, but you don’t apologize for who you are. You don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not. You like sex, and you’re open about it, and I love that.”
“I love sex. Always have. I have a high sex drive, and I refuse to feel ashamed of that.”
“Nor should you. If it’s consensual between adults, why should it be anyone else’s business?”
I cocked my head as I studied him. It was a little strange to have this conversation while still balls deep inside him—though my need to come wasn’t as urgent as before. More intimate than I was used to, but maybe that was also because of the topic, yet it felt good. “I always pegged you as sexually adventurous as well.”
“I am by nature, but unfortunately, my circumstances in Forestville have hampered my sexual exploits. When the pickings are that slim, you can’t be choosy. But mediocre sex is still better than no sex.”
My arm muscles started protesting since I’d been pushing myself up the whole time. “Hang on. We need to swap.”
I held Ennio tightly as I rolled onto my back, taking him with me so he was now stretched out on top of me, my cock still buried inside him. He made a low sound of approval, then put his head on my shoulder. We were…cuddling. That was new. I was so not a cuddler, though I didn’t mind as much as I had expected to. Or as I should have.
“If you had more choice, would you have sex more?” I asked him.
“Absolutely. I like to play with myself and have an extensive collection of toys, but it’s not the same.”
“Well, anytime you need a good fuck, I’m happy to help.”
Silence.
Where the fuck had that come from? This was supposed to be a one-time thing, a sort of pity-fuck for me to see if I could perform if it was with someone I knew and trusted. To which the answer was a wholehearted yes, and I’d always be grateful to Ennio for giving me that gift of self-confidence, but it wasn’t supposed to be more than that. Regular hookups with my best friend’s little brother? That threw up so many red flags that I didn’t know where to start.
“Do us both a favor and ignore that,” I said, not meeting his eyes. “Just pretend I never said it.”
Of course, that was when my cock decided to get out of the game. It deflated and slid out of Ennio. A deep sadness washed over me, and I gently pushed Ennio off me and sat up. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
“Marnin…” Ennio grabbed my wrist, but his hold was too weak, and I slipped out of his fingers.
If I stayed even a second longer, if I tried to explain to him what was happening inside, I would lose it. Again. My breakdown in the parking lot of the urologist had been somewhat explainable and excusable, but breaking down in tears again wouldn’t be. That would be pathetic, and I didn’t do pathetic.
So I all but fled to my bathroom, where I turned on the shower and stepped under the stream as soon as it was hot. My eyes closed, resting my hands against the tiles. What was happening to me? I barely recognized myself anymore with being so emotional, the crying, the urge to lean on Ennio…and most of all, the deep desire to fuck him again.
I didn’t do relationships. Never had, never would. Not that anyone would ever want me long-term, but even if they were crazy enough to find my company tolerable, I’d never agree to anything serious. Monogamy was a foreign concept to me, and so was that sappy state of being in love, like I had to witness with all my friends.
Even Auden, always Mr. Cool and Self-Assured, had fallen so hard for Keaton that he’d turned into a lovesick…man. Not a fool because I’d never call him that, but boy, had his priorities shifted. No longer married to his work, he’d become a family man, fully devoted to his husband and their kids. He’d changed on some profound level, and I couldn’t even be mad about it because it had clearly brought him such deep happiness.
But that wasn’t me. Auden came from a solid family. His parents had been amazing, so loving and stable. Even after his mom had passed away, his dad had been a rock. Auden had that foundation of love and trust, the legacy of parents who’d loved each other deeply and had been in a near-perfect relationship. And so did my other friends. They’d all had that example of how to be a good partner and spouse.
Well, with the exception of York, maybe, who’d arguably had a more dysfunctional childhood than mine, though due to very different circumstances. He’d lived in the shadow of his older brother his entire life and had only recently stepped out of it and found happiness with his boyfriend, Quillon. No offense, but I credited Quillon with the solidity of that relationship since I was pretty sure he’d brought the stability and unconditional love York needed.
But for me, there was no solid foundation. I couldn’t even remember my mother anymore—or, as I thought of her, my egg donor—and my sperm donor had been a piece of shit, always drunk and abusive. With a background like that, being as fucked up as I was, I had no hope of ever being part of a solid relationship.
I wasn’t an alcoholic like my father, and I’d never struck another person in anger, but his DNA was still inside me. Sooner or later, the part of me that was like him would make an appearance, and hell if I was going to let my partner ever deal with that. I’d never put anyone through what I’d survived as a child.
No, I’d stay single and live vicariously through my friends. I’d be the fun uncle to Auden’s girls, the one who bought them Taylor Swift tickets and spoiled them. And it would have to be enough.
“Marnin…”
Ennio’s soft voice had me spinning around. He was standing there, still naked, watching me with sadness in his eyes. “What?”
“Are you okay?”
I was so not okay that it wasn’t even funny, but that was not his cross to bear. “I’m fine.”
“You could at least try to say it like you believe it yourself.”
I let out a sigh that originated in the very marrow of my bones. “Don’t, Ennio. Please don’t.”
He held up his hands. “I’ll back off. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
“Don’t hold your breath, darling.”
He forced a smile. “Wasn’t going to. I know you.”
“Good. Then we’re on the same page.”
I deliberately turned my back toward him and grabbed the shower gel. Before I could squeeze some on my hands, Ennio’s body brushed against mine as he took it from my hands. “Let me.”
“Ennio…”
“I’m going to wash you, Marnin, not propose marriage. Relax.”
I stood helpless as he put some on his hands and started on my chest, rubbing the gel into foam as he spread it all over my skin. He was methodical and efficient, not lingering anywhere, yet it felt more intimate than the sex we’d just shared.
“You never came,” he said casually as he knelt in front of me and let his hands slide down my legs.
“I wasn’t in the mood anymore.”
“Because you accidentally asked for a repeat.”
“I thought we’d agreed to pretend I never said that.”
“No, you suggested, but I never agreed.”
“I’m not talking about this. I’m not…” I had to swallow. “I can’t do this with you. You’re too…close. You’re my best friend’s little brother, and this should’ve never happened.”
He was quiet as he took my cock between his soapy hands and cleaned me thoroughly. I grew hard within seconds. How typical, another betrayal by my own body.
“I’m not underage, you know,” Ennio said softly.
“Huh? Of course not.”
“And I am a consenting adult, as are you.”
“What’s your point?”
He’d washed my balls and now helped me rinse off. “I’m not Auden’s little brother anymore, Marnin. I haven’t been for a long time. That was valid fifteen years ago when I had a little crush on you, even though you treated me like a child…which I was. But I’m not anymore. Auden has no say in who I sleep with…not even when it’s his best friend.”
“What are you saying?” I asked hoarsely.
He rose to his feet, standing in front of me, his eyes meeting mine with a quiet challenge in them. “I’m saying that I would love a repeat. No strings attached, just two consenting adults having great sex.”
“I can’t.”
“You won’t. At least be honest about it. Of course you can. You want to, or you wouldn’t have suggested it. But you won’t.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
“Because I’m Auden’s little brother.”
I clenched my teeth. “Yes.”
He put his hands on his hips, and dammit, he was beautiful like that, all fired up. “Be honest, Marnin. I deserve that much. Is that really why?”
No, it wasn’t. Him being Auden’s little brother was the easy way out, the most convenient excuse, but of course, Ennio wouldn’t let me get away with it. “I can’t be what you need. You want a relationship, the whole white picket fence, maybe kids and a golden retriever thing…and I can’t. I’m not that man and never will be, and sooner or later, you’ll end up hurt.”
“So you’re deciding for me that I shouldn’t have fun in the meantime? That I can’t have a Mr. Right Now to have great sex with until I find the Mr. Right I want to spend the rest of my life with?”
When he put it like that, it sounded awfully controlling and patronizing. But when I wanted to refute it, nothing came out of my mouth. “I don’t want you to get hurt,” I finally said lamely.
“So you’ve told me before. I’m a big boy, Marnin. Let me make my own decisions.”
What argument could I possibly bring against that? Nothing, so I surrendered. “Okay.”
“Good. Now, let’s see what we can do about your current state.” He turned off the shower and sank to his knees again, looking up at me. “Feed me your cock.”
Oh, Jesus, take the wheel. How was I supposed to turn down that offer? Even if my cock hadn’t jumped in eagerness, I wouldn’t have been able to. Not when Ennio opened his mouth, stuck out his tongue, and looked at me as if he wanted to devour me.
I grabbed my base and stepped forward to lightly tap my tip against his tongue. “You want this?”
He hummed in agreement, keeping his mouth open.
I rubbed against his tongue, leaving a thread of precum from his tongue to my tip. “You look so pretty on your knees for me.”
And then I couldn’t drag it out anymore. Didn’t want to. I stopped thinking and let my body take over. It knew exactly what it wanted. I sank into Ennio’s mouth, and he closed his lips around me, sucking his cheeks hollow. Mmm, so wet and slick.
“Can you take more?”
He nodded carefully, and I pushed in a little deeper. He put his hand on my thigh, and I understood. If he needed me to stop, he’d tap out. I did some shallow thrusts, then worked myself in deeper until he gagged. I stopped, but even though his eyes watered, he didn’t tap out. He used his tongue to lick around my cock and sucked harder. Okay, so he could take even more.
I pushed in farther but hit resistance. He changed the angle of his head and squeezed me to say I should try again, so I did. With a little force, I slipped past it and was now fully buried in his throat. Oh Jesus, the kid could deep-throat like a pro, and I was so down with that.
We set a rhythm with me fucking his throat, then sinking as deep inside him as I could and holding there for a few seconds. Then I pulled out again, and Ennio sucked in raspy breaths until he was recovered enough for the next round.
Over the years, I’d learned to control myself. If I didn’t want to come, I could edge myself for hours. My orgasm was a hundred times more satisfying when I did. But I didn’t want to. It would become too much for Ennio—kneeling on the tile floor was far from pleasant—but also, I didn’t need to. Sharing this with him, having him do this for me, was special in itself. The physical pleasure would be nice, but it was the other connection with him that made this one memorable.
And so I let myself go, not taking my eyes off him as I fucked his mouth, quickly bringing myself to the point of no return. “Close,” I groaned. “Very close.”
He didn’t pull back, so I sank inside him again and stayed there. Pleasure rippled down my spine, then exploded in my balls and radiated outward again as I spurted my load down his throat. He swallowed twice, but some of it still trickled down his chin. I shuddered as the last pulse hit, then pulled back and let my cock slip from his mouth.
He looked thoroughly used. Red-rimmed eyes, swollen lips, and a chin covered with spit and cum, and his cheeks all pretty and red. I hauled him to his feet, then kissed him, licking off the remnants of my own release until he was all clean. “Thank you.”
He beamed. “Anytime.”
Jesus, I wanted him again already.