Conflict Before Moving In

Chapter 1 – James

Chapter One

JAMES

“Idon’t have to go, you know,” James said, nuzzling his nose into Leon’s damp hair. “I could always just stay here.”

Leon huffed and shook his head, his hair tickling across James’ nose. In an attempt to not sneeze all over the back of his boyfriend’s head, James smooshed his face into Leon’s neck.

“While I would love to keep you trapped in my bed forever, I know cruises are fucking expensive, so you’re absolutely going,” Leon grumbled, tilting his head to give James more access as he began kissing along Leon’s neck.

While James would indeed like to spend the rest of his life in Leon’s bed, that hadn’t been what he meant.

“You’re going to have a great time,” Leon continued. “And I’m going to be fine. I’m a big boy. I can handle you going out of town for a week.”

The soft patter of Yarmen’s paws on hardwood came from the other room, followed by the sound of a small body landing on the couch, and then silence.

Leon had been saying he was “fine” for months, ever since Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes, he really did seem fine. He’d been promoted at work, so he now oversaw a whole group of IT staff he affectionately—at least, most of the time—referred to as his legion of nerds.

His ADHD meds were working well, and he’d reduced his therapy sessions down to every other week because of that.

Outside of work, they had an active social life, filled with adventures and hangouts with Aspen, Noah, and their other partner Charlie.

They’d also somehow been added to the party invite list for Aspen’s friends, Rachel and Blair.

The two of them lived a little ways across town in what Aspen called “the commune.”

All things considered, they were doing even better than fine, and James shouldn’t have anything to worry about when leaving town for a week.

Except…

Sometimes Leon really wasn’t fine. It had started a few weeks after Hailey’s accident.

First came the string of nightmares, followed shortly after by random bouts of melancholy.

It had been just long enough since the accident that Leon tried to brush it off, claiming he just needed to get through the dreary month of March and the rainy month of April.

James hadn’t pushed, perhaps because he’d also wanted to believe it was just a bit of seasonal depression.

As April turned to May, however, the nightmares continued.

They weren’t constant, and there didn’t seem to be any discernible pattern, except that every time Leon had one, he would be off for days afterward.

He responded more slowly to texts, and he was distracted and somewhat distant in person.

Anytime James tried to bring it up, Leon would snap out of his funk, and they would go about like nothing had happened, and sometimes the good days would turn into good weeks, but the nightmares and detachment always came back.

It was now the middle of August, and maybe because of James’ trip, or maybe he’d had another nightmare and not told James about it, but Leon had been distant the past several days.

His “fucks” weren’t as prevalent, and he’d only called James a mensch once that entire week.

James had tried to bring it up over dinner, but Leon had distracted him with their favorite show and sex.

The sex had been good, because sex between them was always good, but instead of cuddling afterward, Leon had gotten up and taken an extra-long shower.

James kissed Leon's shoulder, still warm from the shower's spray. “I paid for the upgraded Wi-Fi package, so I should be able to message and call all week.”

As if he were drawing James his own set of tattoos, Leon traced a finger along James’ forearm. “You don’t have to, but if you end up with a lot of downtime and want to, I’d love that.”

“I love you,” James said, shifting his hand so he could trace the actual tattoo he’d designed for Leon.

Well, designed as in given a rambling explanation to Leon’s tattoo artist about Yarmen and love and orange orchards.

She’d come up with a gorgeous design of a cat’s paw framed by orange tree branches.

Although the concept was much softer and sweeter than the rest of Leon’s tattoos, the style and dark shading matched the other tattoos on his arm.

It had become James’ favorite of his tattoos.

Even more so than the snake on his leg or the scythe that curved around Leon’s—

“I love you, too, little mensch,” Leon gruffed, and that ball in James’ stomach bounced around.

That was the other thing that had changed since Valentine’s Day.

There were no more confusing feelings or moments of doubt.

James loved Leon, and Leon loved him back.

They declared their love for each other at all times of day, over text, in person, whispered to each other at night, and shouted over the din of a crowded party.

James wasn’t sure he could have made it through the past six months without that bedrock to stand on.

During and after every nightmare, James got to stroke his hands through Leon’s hair and tell him how much he loved him.

Even during Leon’s withdrawn periods, Leon would always say it back, even if he wasn’t the one to say it first.

Leon’s phone vibrated on the nightstand, and a moment later, both of their phones vibrated as someone presumably texted one of the many group chats they were in.

“It’s probably Aspen,” Leon said, burrowing somehow even deeper into James’ arms. “They’ve made it their mission to bother me as much as possible this week, so I’ll probably be plenty busy here, too.”

“Oh, speaking of texting, Hailey’s mom asked if one of us has the photos from Hailey’s graduation. I couldn’t find more than a few on my phone, but—”

“They’re on mine,” Leon said, his voice flat in a way it hadn’t been a moment before. “I can send them over.”

“Okay, that would be great. I think she’s trying to put together a photo montage for Hailey’s going away party.”

Leon’s next few breaths were shallow, the air barely expanding his chest.

“There’s still a few more weeks, though, so, ya know…no rush,” James added quietly.

Leon took two more short breaths, then a much longer one that he held for a three-count before letting it out in a soft gust. “I’ll do it in the morning, so I won't forget.”

James was pretty sure not a single moment passed when Leon wasn’t thinking about Hailey leaving for college.

Almost every time she dropped by, which had steadily picked up after graduation, she mentioned something about dorm room assignments, class selection, or orientation packages.

Hailey’s mom was a little more sparing with the college talk when they passed each other in the hallway or ran into each other in the elevator.

Perhaps she was better able to interpret Leon’s expression, or maybe she understood what it felt like to be excited, proud, and terrified all at the same time.

Maybe that was why she’d begun texting James her questions about college meal plan sizes and textbook rentals.

Leon had gone to college more recently than James, but he had been an adult, living and working off campus while taking classes at night.

James had to dig deep into his memory, and he’d even consulted a few of his more recently graduated minions.

“We should get some sleep. Don’t you have to be at the airport at fuck-thirty in the morning?” Leon asked, pulling James out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, that’s what it says on my ticket. The plane leaves at ‘fuck-thirty,’ and boarding starts at ‘fuck-fifteen.’”

Leon peered over his shoulder, his eyebrow piercing raised and a small, accusing smirk on his lips.

“I’m just repeating what you said,” James said, for some reason feeling the need to defend himself. “There were quotation marks around it. You just couldn’t hear them.”

Leon’s smirk grew into a grin, and James had no choice but to kiss him, and when Leon rolled over, pressing his strong, beautiful, semi-naked body against James’, he had no choice but to make love to him for a second time that night.

“We really are so glad you could come, James,” Linda said, as she breezed past him.

“Yes, wonderful to have you along, son,” Howard said, passing by James, but at a much slower pace.

James hefted Linda’s duffel higher up on his left shoulder, straightened out Howard’s backpack on his right, and gripped the handle of his and his mom’s roller bags. “Happy to be here.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t be an inconvenience,” his mom said, dutifully staying by his side as he hiked his way up the steep gangway to the cruise ship.

James could only grunt as Linda’s duffel slid down to the crook of his elbow.

“I also told you that you didn’t have to come,” she said, and he didn’t have to turn his head to look at her to know she was smirking.

It was James’ own fault. He had been loading the dishwasher when he overheard his mom agree to go on her first ever cruise with Howard and Linda.

He could have kept his mouth shut and done as the therapist he saw every few months advised: trust that his mom knew her limits and wouldn’t do something outlandish like go on a week-long cruise if she had any concerns about her ability to navigate the decks and handle her luggage.

Of course he hadn’t listened to himself, or his therapist, and had opened his big mouth.

Howard and Linda had been very patient and answered all of his questions and concerns about cruises and accommodations.

After his eleventh question, however, his mom had crossed her arms and said, “If you’re so concerned, James, why don’t you just come with? ”