Chapter 23
Durin
Lately, my determination has been waning. After my encounter with the kelpies, I’ve not made much progress with a plan against the queen. I’ve spent too much time fixated on finding the elves. Elves have spell magic, mostly minor abilities. But the powerful ones can do incredible things. They could make the difference in a move against the castle.
They’ve created a kind of realm within the realm where they hide. It struck me that the perfect place for an entrance would be near the dark lake, where most high fae are too afraid to go. But I’ve mapped out every tree, bush, and harpy skull in the place and have seen no sign of any elves.
My idea was clearly misguided, so I’ve returned to the remote area in the forest where the elf helped me all those years ago. It’s not hidden or hard to reach. There’s nothing remarkable about the place whatsoever. And when I arrive, it looks just as it did before.
Back then, I didn’t actually find the elf; he found me. I sit against a tree and wait, hoping he will appear to me again.
I drift off for a while but wake to the same empty forest. As a last resort, I call out to him, then to anyone, hoping to be granted a conversation at least. But there’s nothing. No one.
I check all the shadows in the area, wondering if Torren has followed me without my noticing, and he’s the reason the elves haven’t shown themselves. But the shadows are true, and I’m the only one here.
Feeling defeated, I wander through the trees, stalling before I head back to the castle for a meal. My thoughts turn to Rue, as they do any time my mind is quiet. It’s been weeks since I saw her, but I’m still just as drawn to her. No matter how disgusted I am with myself, a delusional part of me still believes there’s a chance with her.
The Whispering Season has begun. The yellow leaves of the fillana plants have folded up around their stalks, trapping the heat in as the temperatures begin to drop a bit. Green velvet has spread across the rocks and tree trunks, chasing the last drops of moisture in the air. I idly follow its bright path, thinking of Rue and her matching green eyes.
I realize too late that the velvet has led me all the way to our little berry bush.
I panic, terrified that Rue might see me. I need to get away before that happens. She’s had enough time to begin healing. I can’t confuse her and disrupt that.
I turn to retrace my steps, wondering how I traveled through the rugged path here without realizing it. Drawing on my training, I creep silently back into the trees, hoping my careless arrival didn’t catch Rue’s attention.
I’ve almost merged with the shadows when I hear her sweet voice. I freeze and look back, afraid that she’s discovered me. To my relief, I see only the thick wall of branches and vines shielding her home from intruders like me.
I release my trapped breath and take another cautious step away, but her soft voice drifts into my ears again. She sounds well. Safe. But the sound is muffled. I can’t make out her words.
The need to know what she’s saying overpowers me. I feel it happening, but I can’t stop myself from sneaking over and pressing my body right up against the prickly thicket.
Knowing what she says won’t change anything. It certainly won’t help things if she sees me. But the reckless part of my brain tells me I’m secure behind the wall. She’ll never know. I can listen in and then slip away before anyone finds out.
I expect to hear her speaking to her mother–some mundane conversation that will allow me to drag myself away. But I quickly realize she’s not speaking to anyone but herself, voicing her thoughts out loud.
“Is your hair blue?” she murmurs. “Or maybe it’s dark like mine. Maybe something else entirely. And your eyes… blue, too? The same green as me? Something in between?”
Her words hit me hard. She thinks I’m glamoured. That I deceived her not only with my intentions but with my appearance as well.
I want her to know the truth, to prove to her how real I am. But correcting her about my appearance won’t reveal what I’ve actually hidden from her. It also won’t help her move on. She needs to either hate me or forget me so she can move forward with her life.
“Will you come soon?” she whispers, snatching my heart right out of my chest. “I thought I needed time, but now all I can think about is holding you in my arms.”
She still wants to see me? She’s not angry anymore?
It’s terrible. But it feels wonderful to me. The part of me that’s been holding onto hope rejoices and tramples over any resolve I have left. I push through the thicket and find myself face to face with the beautiful Omega, sitting on a small bench outside of a tiny hut.
She’s leaning against the back of the bench, wide-eyed with shock at my sudden appearance. Her beauty captivates me just like it has each time I’ve seen her. But this time, it’s her hands that catch my attention. Her tunic is pulled up, and her hands cradle a pale, unmistakably pregnant belly.
It’s clear now that she hadn’t been talking about me at all.
My mouth hangs open as my mind frantically works through the timing. She’s showing prominently, but she wasn’t showing at all just a few weeks ago.
How long ago was her heat? How long do shifters carry their young? Was she already carrying when we first met? Can Omegas even have a heat if they’re already pregnant?
She quickly fixes her shirt to hide the bump my eyes have been glued to. The motion makes me panic, but I can’t say why. All I know is that any mission I had before has been replaced by the overwhelming need to see her belly again. To know that I wasn’t imagining it.
But after a few moments gawking at each other in silence, I realize I’m not worried that it’s not real. I’m worried that it’s not mine.
I walk over to her and feel a stab of guilt when she tenses up. Keeping my distance would be wise, but that’s not something I can do right now. She’s right there, close enough to touch. Too beautiful to ignore. Resisting isn’t an option.
I do slow my motions, though, as I gently lower myself to my knees in front of her. She doesn’t move, so I tentatively reach out and hover my hands over her belly.
“Is it…” I begin, pausing to steady my voice. “Is it ours?”
Rue closes her eyes, and tears slip from the corners.
I’m not sure what that means. She hasn’t answered me. The tears don’t tell me whose youngling it is. Worry and frustration start to build up inside me, and I have to fight the urge to find a boulder to burn.
Then I remember what she was saying when I first got here. Blue hair, blue eyes… she must know this youngling came from me. But she’s crying. Is she unhappy that I’m its father? The thought hurts almost as much as if the youngling belonged to someone else.
“It won’t hurt anyone,” she says softly. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“What?” I whisper, at a loss for what she could mean by that.
“You’ve put the life there. Don’t you dare harm it,” Rue’s mother growls as she bursts out of the hut.
I jump to my feet and instinctively step away from Rue. Her mother’s black hair is loose, framing her angry face in an intimidating way. She positions herself in front of her daughter with her hands on her hips, glaring at me.
It’s nice to have confirmation that I’m the father, but I’m really fucking offended. “Why would I want to do that?” I snap. “I’d never harm a youngling!”
“Oh yeah, noble? ” her mother scoffs. “You’ll allow a mixed-fae shifter to live? Isn’t it part of your duty to rid the realm of them?” She shakes her head then adds, “You nobles are the only danger here.”
She sits down next to Rue and wraps her arms protectively around the quiet Omega. Her eyes travel up and down my form aggressively as she assesses me. I avert my eyes when she reaches them, knowing it’s a sign of respect for shifters. I’m pissed, but I understand her concern now.
The memory of killing the mixed-fae shifter for the queen hits me hard. It’s a sickening realization, knowing I took the life of something that my own offspring could one day become. The only way I think I’ll ever pull myself out of this well of regret is to make protecting mixed-fae shifters part of my mission. I can’t change what I did, but I can change the realm for the rest of them.
“I want no harm to come to mixed fae shifters,” I say firmly. “Especially this one. I will protect it with all I am, along with both of you.” I give them a moment to let my truth sink in, grateful for the inability to lie.
Rue’s eyes narrow. Anger and bitterness spread like a storm across her face. “You plan to protect this life and ours?” she demands. “When you disappear for weeks at a time? How can you protect anyone if you’re never fucking here? ”
She’s acting angry about my long absences, but I know she’s only mad that I denied her. She wants an explanation, but she isn’t willing to ask directly. I feel a sick heat creep up my neck and over my face. I don’t want to twist the truth, but I can’t get past my shame to confess my real reason.
“I was ashamed of what I’d done,” I admit.
I mean hiding my consort status, but I know it will seem like I’m referring to her heat. Now would be the perfect opportunity to confess, but I’m afraid she’ll send me away and keep me from my youngling. I don’t think I would survive that.
She doesn’t respond. Both shifters glare at me, daring me to get myself out of this.
“I’m drawn to you,” I continue. “I felt a connection, even before knowing about this physical link,” I add, motioning to her belly. “But I thought you could find a better life with one of your kind. In a pack with more honorable Alphas to choose from than your last one.”
The words sting as I’m faced with how true they actually are. I’m glad I accidentally came back. I needed to know about this new life. And to see that the protection I’ve been giving up to this point isn’t enough. But she could find adequate protection with a good Alpha from a good pack.
She leans forward, breaking free of her mother’s arms, and growls at me. “I will decide who I want to be with. You don’t get to shove me off onto someone else just because you don’t want me.”
Her words cut me deeply. She can’t be allowed to think that.
I sink to my knees and scoot closer until my stomach rests against her legs. Her eyes flutter closed, and her nostrils flare. Maybe her instincts can sense that I’m the father of her pup. If it causes her to let me in and protect them, I’ll use it.
I slide my hands beneath her arms, which are still crossed protectively over her belly. When she doesn’t stop me, I slip them beneath her tunic. I fight back the urge to groan at the softness of her skin, focusing instead on her gaze as she meets my eyes.
Her mother clears her throat, but Rue and I ignore her. I gently spread my fingers across her bump, imagining the pup—our pup—forming inside.
“I’m sorry for pushing you away and for not being around,” I murmur. “I thought someone else could give you a better life. But we’re bound together now. I promise never to let go of you or the little youngling that will soon be clinging to our fingers.”
Her eyes drop down to the outline of my hands beneath her tunic, and a hint of a smile sneaks onto her lips. My heart fills with hope, shoving aside the anger and nerves that have been building inside me.
“You asked if it was ours,” she whispers, looking into my eyes. “Instead of asking if it’s yours, you asked if it’s ours. I liked that.”
She smiles a bit wider, and her cheeks turn pink. I can’t resist leaning in to kiss one of them. She pulls in a small breath and freezes. Her big green eyes are full of nervousness but seem to share some of the hope I’ve found.
Her mother quietly slips away and into the hut, giving us some time alone. I’m thankful for the privacy. I just hope I don’t fuck it all up and lose this opportunity to be in Rue’s life. My place is with her, however she’ll have me, and our pup. As much as I can be. I won’t abandon them, but I can’t abandon my promise to the realm, either.