Chapter 19
Liam
I’ve been standing outside Matt’s office for nearly ten minutes, fuming, my arms crossed in front of my chest, waiting. I’m itching to say something, but I wait until the call is over to enter. When I do, I don’t knock. Fuck that and fuck him. He sees me enter and it’s like a standoff. Who’ll make the first move? Me.
“Don’t you ever raise your voice at the mother of my child. EVER. AGAIN. Or I will fucking bury you.” He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me coldly, making me laugh a sadistic laugh. “And that’s if you’re lucky and Alex doesn’t get to you first.” I turn on my heel to leave the office, unsurprised to see Max and Niko standing in the doorway, ready. I nod at each of them and they part to allow me through. Matt doesn’t respond until I’m almost in the hall.
“Fuck you, Liam. You don’t even deserve to be the father of her child. You might be in their DNA, but I’m the one they’ll be calling daddy.” Red. All I see is red.
It only takes two long strides till I’m in front of him, my fist finding his face easily. The crack is audible throughout the office, followed by gasps from people in their cubicles. But I give zero fucks. I think about the Greek Fest and the way he had his hands all over her the whole time. How he wouldn’t stop touching her stomach. Mine. He did it because he knew I was there. He wanted to mark his territory. He doesn’t even have a clue; she’s never been his.
Matt cups his face as his nose spews blood down the front of his shirt while Max and Niko move into the office. They come to stand between him and me, but they don’t push me away.
“You’re such a fucking bastard, Liam. You might have had her for six weeks, but I’ve stayed with her for 17 years. And counting.” The asshole winks at me as I make a fist with my hand, then release it just to make a fist all over again. Niko gives me a head nod to shoo me out, and I know he’s right. I need to leave, at least Matt’s office. But I’m done hiding. I’m ready to get back to work.
Matt’s not done, though. “If you would’ve heard the way she was screaming my name this Saturday, you’d know just how insignificant you are to her.” I move forward on instinct alone, but I don’t get far. Max gets in my space, backing me up, holding me back. I can barely stand the thought of him being with her. Goddamn, I want to fucking kill him. I don’t have to use my fists to do it, though.
“Oh yeah? This Saturday, when you fucking left her out in the cold on her front porch? You mean this past Saturday, when I put her to bed and she begged me not to leave? Well, guess what? I didn’t, and when her body was pressed against mine, she sure as fuck wasn’t thinking about you.” Matt stands up in response, spitting blood onto the carpet in his office.
“You’re lying.”
I shake my head, “No, man, I’m not. She might have started with you, but she finished with me.” I push Max back gently and walk out of the office. I don’t even notice I’m bleeding until Gina stops me halfway back to my own office.
“Boss, fuck! You’re getting blood everywhere!” Yeah, must’ve busted a stitch open. It was worth it. I don’t even feel it. Too much adrenaline, too much rage. And damn, too much hurt. She slept with him? I feel like my insides are caving in on themselves.
“Get a towel, my laptop, and my keys, Gina. We’re working from the road.” I motion with my non-bloodied hand for her to go ahead of me.
“I’ll meet you at your car in five,” she says before hurrying off.
Ignoring the stares and whispers as I walk through the office, I don’t stop, I just head straight for my SUV in the parking garage. When I get there, I slam my back against the driver's side door and sink to the hot cement floor. It smells like piss in here, but I don’t care. She fucking slept with him? I pull my phone out to send a quick text, typing slowly with my left hand.
Liam
Also bring a bottle of scotch, a good one. From Matt’s stash.
Gina just taps back a thumbs up.
I don’t realize how hard I’m crying until she walks up to me.
“Jesus, Liam. She did a real number on you, didn’t she?” No, I did this.
“It’s not like that, Gina. It’s not like she fucked me over, okay?”
“It sure doesn’t seem that way,” she says as she slides down to sit next to me on the floor. “What’s so fucking special about her anyways? I mean, I guess she’s mediocre pretty. Is she fucking hilarious? Give a world-class bj? Richer than sin? Help me understand.”
“Don’t ever fucking talk about her like that again or you’re fired.” My tone is biting. I love Gina like a sister, but nobody talks shit about Britain in front of me. Nobody.
“You wouldn’t get it, Gina,” I say, softening my tone. “You’ll probably think I’m a fucking sap, but she’s my soulmate. At least I thought she was. Or maybe she’ll always be mine, but I don’t think I’m hers. I don’t know. All I know is it feels like I’m dying.” I sniff as more tears fall. Fucking pathetic, just like all those texts I sent her. Just like showing up at her house in the middle of the night.
“Well, fuck her,” Gina says.
“GINA, don’t fucking say that.”
“No, I don’t care. My entire life, I’ve always heard about this ‘Britain.’ Britain’s so good in school. She has straight A’s. She’s on the varsity volleyball team. She got into Stanford. And now she inserts herself into all of our lives and fucking ruins the good thing we all had going. Matt was your best friend and now you guys just got in a fist fight in the office over her. It’s bullshit.” She drops her head to look at her hands, and when she speaks again, her tone is subdued. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for years, Liam. She wasn’t even here for a month and a half, and you have her knocked up and you’re dying for her.” I look at her, seeing a tear fall. I smile sadly, and swipe the tear off her face. Gina’s tears, while they don’t make me happy, don’t affect me the same way Britain’s do.
“Gina, I know it seems like it’s only been six weeks, but for me it’s been longer.” It’s been a hell of a lot longer. “I’m not in any state to be good for anyone, probably not even Britain. Not that that’s even an option. Just come on.” I stand up, offering her my good hand to get up. She takes it, then wipes the dirt off her ass and hands. I wish I was into Gina like that. She’s beautiful, but she’s not mine. “You’re too young and pretty for me, anyways,” I tell her, using my shoulder to bump into hers.
“Yeah, and I’ve got this award-winning personality to go with it.” She rolls her eyes. “Can we get out of here now? This place smells like ass.” I barely even notice it anymore.
“Yeah, I need to go see Silas.” Gina pushes me to get in the passenger side of my SUV while she hops up into the driver's side.
“Okie-fucking-dokie,” she says. I can tell she’s pissed, but I don’t know what the fuck to do about that. She’s like family, I don’t want her to be hurt, but I’ve never given her any inclination that there could be something between us. Never.
We pull out of the parking garage and the valley sun assaults my eyes. I slam them shut to block it, and when I do, all I see is Britain and Matt. Fucking.
“Goddamnit,” I groan out, putting my palms to my eye sockets, hoping to stop the assault happening in my mind. When I open my eyes, I see Gina glance over at me, then back to the road with a worried look on her face.
“I’ll be fine, Gina. I just need to get these stitches fixed.” And then get fucking plastered and forget about the love of my life screaming out some other guy’s name.
It doesn’t take long before we’re at Silas’ office. We’re immediately taken back and Silas joins us shortly after, ready to re-do the stitches.
“Another glass puddle?” Silas asks. Gina laughs and I glare at both of them.
“Sorry, man, this time it was your brother’s face.” Silas doesn’t even look up, just getting straight to work on cleaning the cut.
“Which brother? What’d he do?” I never realized how much I like Silas. I always thought he hated us. ‘Us’ being me and his three brothers. He just never wanted to be around us, but I guess if you tell someone you punched their brother and the response is, “What’d they do?” it makes a bit more sense. He knows what they’re like.
“Matt. He slept with Britain.” That’s not all of it, though, “And he fucking yelled at her.”
Silas doesn’t even change his tone, just says, “What a dick. Is Britain okay?”
“I don’t know, man, you tell me. Is she feeling better?” I ask. Other than a confirmation text from Silas that he saw her on Sunday, I haven’t heard anything about how she is. It fucking killed me to leave her when she was so sick, but I didn’t want the whole house to wake up with me in her bed. And I’ve been texting her to check in, but I haven’t heard anything. Which makes sense, she texted me from a new number this morning. Silas doesn’t say anything, he just nods his head and I feel relief.
My stomach twists into knots thinking about how long she could’ve been out there if I hadn’t come along. The valley might be hotter than Hades, but the hills’ temp drops low at night, even in the summer. Thank Christ that Niko was feeling guilty about withholding information about Britain’s pregnancy. He offered me her address in exchange for dropping off her bags from the Greek Fest on my way home. She could’ve ended up in the hospital…or worse. Or worse. Be pissed at yourself, Liam. If you wouldn’t have left, you would have been there, taking care of what’s yours.
“So, uh, I’ll be seeing you again this Thursday,” I say to him.
“Who’s gonna piss you off this time? The wall? Your car?” I laugh, then hiss when he touches a particularly sensitive spot.
“Not for this. Britain asked me to come to her appointment this week.” Gina scoffs and rolls her eyes and I shoot her a death glare.
Silas looks at me before responding, “I think that’s really awesome, Liam. It’s a good one to be at.” He shoots me a smile. “The baby will actually look like a baby at this ultrasound.” Our baby.
“Yeah man, I can’t wait.” At least I couldn’t wait, but then I found out she fucked Matt, and there’s that hurt and pain again. How the fuck am I supposed to see her and act like that’s no big deal?
Silas makes fast work and before I know it, he’s done.
“Try not to bust those open again, okay? You don’t want permanent scarring.”
I just nod. “Hey, Gina, can you give us a minute?” I ask. She doesn’t reply, just slides out of one of the extra chairs and heads out. I wait till she’s out of ear shot.
“Do you think you could recommend a counselor? For me?” Jesus, I didn’t think it’d be this hard to ask. “I’m at a loss for how to deal with all this.” I use my non-injured hand to wave around. Silas just looks at me, waiting to hear it all. “I just want to be a good dad, and a good co-parent, and I lack those skills, okay? And obviously this is all the harder because I'm still in love with Britain, but she’s not in love with me.” Or she is, but she’s shutting it down because to her, I’m just some fleeting phase.
Silas pats me on the back. “Liam, you should be really fucking proud of yourself for asking. I’ve got like four counselors I think could be a really good fit. I also know a good mediator, so when it comes time for custody agreements, you can have that resource, too.”
My eyes get a little bit misty. I’ve been sleeping on Silas Scala. “Thanks, man.”
“I’ll text them to you in a little, but you gotta go. I need the room.” He ushers me up and out.
Gina’s standing in the waiting room with her back against the wall, and when she sees me, she pushes off the wall with her heel.
“Where to now, boss?”
“Home. You good to work out of my house today?”
All she says is, “Yup,” popping the “p” at the end. Alright, Liam, time to work and move the fuck on with your life.
What the fuck was I thinking? I can’t move on. I can’t get shit done. I can’t fucking do anything. Gina has to keep asking me the same questions over and over because I don’t hear her the first time. Then I can’t focus on the second, and by the third, I can’t seem to come up with an answer.
“I think we should have another scoth-ch,” I slur, reaching for the bottle.
“Uh uh,” Gina says, moving the bottle out of my reach.
“Plleeasth?” I give her a devilish grin, trying to exploit the fact she has a crush on me. She doesn’t hand over the bottle, though, she does something better. She plays back.
“What do I get if I give it to you?” Yes, let’s bargain.
“A raise,” I say, dropping my fist to the desk. It lands hard and sloppy, but luckily I don’t wince from pain. The scotch has numbed me right up.
“Hmm,” she ponders, moving out of her chair in my office to come closer. She perches on the edge of my desk, a pen in hand still, and taps it to her lips as she thinks. She shakes her head. “Try harder,” then gives me a smile. I know what she wants, but I’m not playing that game.
“An extra week of v-vacation!” I exclaim. Gina keeps staring at me, though, giving me that fuck-me gaze. She crosses her legs, then uncrosses them, then spreads them wide, scooting to sit all the way on the desk in front of me.
“You know what I want, boss.” Gina leans back on the desk, kicking off her heels and scooting over so she’s sitting right in front of me.
“Nuh, uh, Gina. Bad idea.” I scooch my chair back away from her, but she hooks her legs around the arms and pulls me in closer.
“Let me make you feel better,” she croons out, swiping her tongue over her lips.
“Gina, we’re not like that.”
“But I want us to be. I’m not asking you to put a ring on it.” She leans forward to whisper, “Just use me.” I feel a bit sick to my stomach at the thought. There’s only one person I want to be with. I close my eyes and picture Britain. My chest gets tight, and then I see Matt, railing her. Fuck both of them. I know that I left, but I came back! And she still had sex with him. She was with me in that alley earlier that night. I bet if I tried, she would’ve fucked me. Is that who she is?
She slept with him and then curled up next to me, cuddling with me in her bed. She begged me not to go. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but I’m squeezing the arm rests of my desk chair so hard my knuckles have gone white, the stitches taut like they might bust again.
Gina sees the tension, but thinks it’s for her.
“I know you want this, Liam.” She scoots closer to the edge of the desk, sending her flowy skirt falling to the sides. I look and immediately I regret it.
“Where’s your fucking underwear, Gina?” She smiles at this small win, knowing I looked.
“They’re in your briefcase.” I look over to where it’s sitting on my desk. But it’s what’s behind it that triggers me. In a simple silver frame sits a picture of me and Britain from the morning I proposed to her, my hand splayed across her abdomen. Our first family photo. She was probably four or five weeks pregnant when we took that picture. I don’t know why I did it, but I had it printed and framed, sitting on my desk in Sonoma.
Stupid, really. I still thought I had a chance then. I mean, fuck, maybe I still do?
“Don’t leave me hanging, boss.” Gina moves one foot off the arm of the desk chair, placing it on my leg, moving it up higher until she’s inches from touching my dick. I think she’d be disappointed to find out that I’m not hard, not in the slightest. I grab her foot and push it back over the chair.
“I’m not going to use you, Gina. And I’m not emotionally available, okay?” The intense buzz is starting to fade. My mouth just feels dry and the pain at the back of my throat is back, reminding me the scotch isn’t numbing it anymore. Gina sees where my line of sight has landed and reaches over, flipping the frame down.
She drops her head back in frustration. “Ugh, I’m so tired of this bitch ruining everything.”
“Don’t fucking call her that, Gina.” Gina straightens, looking at me — a daring look.
“Oh yeah, you don’t like that?” Gina asks, using her legs to pull my chair closer.
“No. I already told you not to talk bad about her. It pisses me off.” This just seems to egg Gina on.
“Oh, no,” she says sarcastically, “is someone talking bad about daddy’s little whore?”
“I swear to God, Gina. One more comment, and I’ll…”
“And?” She arches her eyebrows. “And you’ll what? Spank me for being a bad girl?” I close my eyes, trying to block out the visual of Gina bent over my desk as I spank her. No, I don’t want that. She leans down, picking up the bottle of scotch and pours me a tall glass.
“You can fight this, Liam, but it’s going to happen.” I’m shaking my head in response when she grabs my chin in her hand, her long fingernails digging into my skin, and forces my head up and down in a nod. She finally releases the desk chair with her legs and pushes me back slightly and I sigh out in relief. Thank fuck, that’s over.
But it’s not. She starts unbuttoning her top, and I can’t look away. She hands me the glass of scotch and says, “For your viewing pleasure, boss.” Then with a wink, she slips the top off and lets it fall to a puddle on the floor. Of course, there’s not a bra in sight. She then sinks down to her knees in front of me.
“This is a two way street, boss. You gotta give a little, too.” She reaches out and starts unbuckling my belt, and I just watch her in a daze. I don’t want this, but also fuck Britain. Gina unzips my pants, but that’s as far as she gets.
I think I hear a knock at the door, and it pulls me back into reality. Fuck this. In my sternest voice, I tell Gina, “Pick your shirt up off the floor and put it back on, now.” Gina halts her striptease at the sound of my voice just as there’s another knock at the door.
“You want me to get that?” Gina asks.
“No, whoever it is can fuck off. You need to pick up your shit and go.” Her eyes seem to cloud slightly, but eventually she drops down to pick up the shirt.