Chapter 34
Holden
Bailey shook bags of microwavable popcorn into bowls for our monthly movie night.
“Don’t forget to add some melted butter,” I said. “We need that real movie theater taste.”
“I know what I’m doing. I’ve been on popcorn duty for the last six months.” He flapped a hand at me. “Go bother someone else.”
Axel chuckled as he pulled beers out of the fridge. “Guess you’ll have to take your bossiness somewhere else. Maybe Shiloh needs his Sugar Daddy’s guidance?”
Bailey snickered. “God, I’ll need brain bleach to get that out of my head.”
“You and me both.” I glared at Axel. “Though it would be easier if certain assholes didn’t bring it up for a laugh.”
Axel grinned and shrugged. “I can’t ignore such low-hanging fruit. I don’t have that kind of willpower.”
“Or any kind,” Gray said from the table, where he and Emory were sorting through so much candy it looked as if they’d robbed a convenience store.
Shiloh emerged from the hallway, changed into an oversized sweatshirt—mine, in fact—and a pair of joggers that clung to his thighs nicely.
He wore Ring Pops on four fingers, which he wiggled in a cute little wave. “Added a little extra bling for tonight. I had to dress up my ensemble.”
“Judging by Holden’s look, that ensemble is perfect,” Emory teased.
Shiloh met my gaze. “Yeah? I hope Sugar Daddy doesn’t mind me borrowing his sweatshirt?”
Everyone cracked up, but I was beyond caring about the nickname. I crossed to Shiloh and kissed him thoroughly.
“I think that’s a yes on the outfit,” Axel said with a laugh behind me.
I pulled back. “Come on. Let’s get a good seat before they’re all taken.”
Everyone shot me a confused look because I always sat in the recliner. Alone. Apart from everyone else.
But times had changed.
I took hold of Shiloh’s beringed hand and drew him after me to the living room. I sat down on the end of the sofa and waved to the spot next to me.
Shiloh sat down, leaving a couple of inches between us. My pulse spiked as the thought crossed my mind to be closer to him, the way I had a few mornings ago.
I lifted my arm, extending it along the back of the couch. “Can I?”
Shiloh nodded and leaned in. I closed my arm around him, closing my eyes as sensations swept through me. I breathed through the jolt to my system, then settled as it passed.
Shiloh was the love of my life, and I could hold him when I wanted.
My heart swelled as he smiled up at me.
“Comfortable?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I really am.”
My brothers trailed into the living room, carrying snacks and drinks for everyone. Axel set two beers on the coffee table in front of me and Shiloh. “Well, this is new.”
“This is good,” Emory said as he passed by, dropping mini candy bars and packages of Red Vines onto the table like a movie night fairy.
“Very good,” Gray agreed. “We’re happy for you, bro.”
Banshee hopped up onto the sofa, settling across Shiloh’s lap.
“See? Banshee loves you,” I said, thinking of his admission that he’d been a little jealous of my dog.
He smiled as he stroked her ears. “I guess I love her too.”
Gray took a wide detour around the room to avoid Taz, who was sniffing around, looking for dropped treats. He had to wait until we got into the popcorn for that.
Sugar had chosen a nice, quiet spot in the corner to snooze, and Loki and Oreo were making the rounds, visiting each person for head pats.
Gray sat in the wide armchair, and Emory settled on his lap. Axel had claimed the recliner since Dalton wasn’t here tonight.
That just left Bailey.
He entered with bowls of popcorn and surveyed the room.
“Ah, come on. I don’t want to sit next to the Sugar Daddy!”
Everyone laughed as I flipped the bird to the whole room. “Oh, fuck you all.”
Shiloh snuggled in a little closer. “Being next to Sugar Daddy is the best place to be.”
I sighed. Of course he’d join in.
With a saucy little grin, Shiloh held up his hand. “Here. Have a Ring Pop.”
I dipped my head and sucked one on his finger, and everyone groaned.
“My god, we’ve created a monster,” Gray said.
Axel smirked. “I always knew he was a dirty bastard deep down inside.”
Bailey moaned theatrically. “I can’t sit next to that!”
Shiloh pulled his Ring Pop from my mouth and tsked. “You all have dirty minds. It’s just candy.”
The look he shot me was anything but innocent, though. It was full of promises for later. I shifted a little as arousal flooded my system.
Bailey moaned and groaned a little more before flopping on the floor the way he had when he was ten years old.
He wasn’t alone for long. Loki snuggled in against his left side, and Taz climbed onto his back for a nap.
Gray looked horrified, but Bailey’s sulk was nowhere in sight. He smiled, face lit up by the glow of the screen.
I watched him more than the movie starting up. I was going to miss him when he went off to school.
“You’ve done good,” Shiloh said in a soft voice meant only for me. “He’s a good kid.”
“Yeah,” I said, thinking of the scholarship he’d won from the local car dealer, of the college acceptance he’d gotten in the mail. Of the future waiting to start. “He’s gonna have a great life.”
“He already does,” Shiloh said. “He’s got you looking out for him.”
Cuddling on the sofa was a revelation, and I began to realize that couples didn’t only do it for comfort, though there was that. It was the most torturous foreplay.
When the movie ended, I hopped up and grabbed Shiloh’s hand. “Have a great night, guys. We’re going to bed.”
I was painfully obvious, but my brothers were preoccupied enough not to tease me about it. I dragged Shiloh to the bedroom and shut the door in Banshee’s face.
Shiloh grinned up at me. “You’re in a hurry to sleep tonight.”
“I don’t want to sleep,” I said, dipping to kiss him.
He dodged me and moved toward the side of the bed. “Then what do you want to do?”
“You know what I want.”
“I do?” He blinked wide eyes at me.
“Strip,” I growled out. “And get in the bed.”
Shiloh was the perfect man for me. He knew when to tease, when to push, and when to do exactly as ordered.
He shucked his pants—he wore no underwear, the little minx—and pulled the oversized sweatshirt over his head. He was already hard, just like me.
I stripped down while he climbed into bed, being sure to give me a nice view of his tight ass. There were perks to dating a camboy, I thought. He knew exactly how to show off his body to maximum effect.
I got into bed with him and paused, unsure where to start.
“Kiss me?” he suggested, eyes warm.
I moved closer, not touching skin-to-skin, but within easy reach of his lips. I kissed him, arousal flaring as his tongue met mine.
I poured all my need into that kiss, and it grew deeper, wetter, sloppier.
Shiloh gasped as I moved my mouth to his neck and nibbled the delicate flesh.
“Be still,” I murmured. “Lie on your back.”
With a tortured groan, he complied. His nipples were tightened into sharp peaks, and I immediately took full advantage, nibbling and sucking.
“Holden, please…”
I lifted my head, seeing his hand hovering near me. I took stock of my body’s anxiety level. I was good. Great, even.
“You can touch my hair,” I said.
With a relieved sigh, he sank his fingers into my hair as I went back to work, kissing my way down his body.
My chest skimmed his side by accident. I barely noticed. I got my mouth on his dick, drinking in his delicious sounds.
“Holden,” he gasped. “Are you sure?”
I didn’t know what he meant until I realized I was cupping his ass in one hand, squeezing.
My heart gave a jolt, but my body was flooded with desire that seemed to overwrite everything else. I lowered the other hand to his ass, lifting and spreading until his hole was exposed to me.
“Just go with it?” I asked.
“As long as you’re okay,” Shiloh said.
“More than okay,” I said, bending forward to lash my tongue over the furled skin between his cheeks.
He whimpered as I circled my tongue, teasing at his rim, softening it and waking the nerves. My cock was so hard it felt as if it might burst right out of my skin if I didn’t do something to relieve the pressure.
“Toy?” I asked Shiloh.
He flung a hand to the side. “Under the bed.”
I retrieved the box where he kept a few of the toys he’d brought for cam shows. I found a dildo, slicked it up, and worked it into Shiloh’s hole, loving the decadent moan that tore from him.
I thrust it deep inside him, longing for it to be my dick instead, when the craziest thought came to me.
Why couldn’t it be?
I had touched him plenty already, and my lust was blotting out just about every other sensation in my body.
My therapist’s words suddenly returned to me.
Sometimes, biology takes over, and a switch is flipped.
Had that happened for me?
There was only one way to find out. I extracted the dildo and tossed it aside.
“Holden?” Shiloh complained. “What—”
I stood. “Can I fuck you?”
His eyes went wide. “Really?”
“I’d like to try, if it’s okay. I’ve never done this, so—”
“God yes, Holden!” He spread his legs even wider and rolled up his hips invitingly. “You can do anything you want. I’m yours.”
Fuck yes. That struck a primal nerve.
I placed a knee on the mattress to line up our bodies right, and there was no avoiding touching as I crowded between his legs.
It just didn’t matter.
I slicked some lube over my shaft and notched my cock against his hole. “Bare okay?”
He nodded. “I’ve only been with you since I’ve been here. I was tested after—”
“Enough said.”
I didn’t want to think of anyone who’d come before me. Shiloh was mine now. He’d been mine since he came here.
In my heart, he’d been mine even before that.
Even when I hadn’t been able to claim him the way I wanted.
But that had changed.
I pressed forward, my cock easing into the tightest, hottest, slickest space I’d ever experienced.
I groaned deep in my chest as I pushed inside him, eyes rolling back.
“Oh my god,” I whispered.
“Good, right?” Shiloh said, voice a little strained.
I focused on his face. “Did I go too fast? Does it hurt?”
He took a deep breath and expelled it. Then he smiled at me. “It’s just been a while, is all. I’m good.”
“You’re sure?”
“Holden, I know you’re the bossy one, but fuck me already.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. I wasn’t sure how long this magic ability to touch and be intimate without any aversion would last. I didn’t plan to waste it.
I rolled my hips, sinking deeper into him, then withdrew to thrust with more force. Shiloh muffled his cries by shoving a Ring Pop into his mouth. He sucked it with soft little moans and cries as I picked up speed.
His rigid dick was bouncing over his abs, weeping precum. I didn’t yet have the coordination down to fuck him and jerk him, but Shiloh reached down and squeezed and stroked. I watched as he arched, cock spraying.
His ass tightened around my shaft, buried deep inside him, squeezing me and bringing me right to the edge.
I pushed deeper as the pleasure peaked, gritting my teeth to hold back the loud shout that wanted to emerge as my cock shot.
I bit my lip bloody, trying to quiet my moans, body shaking as I fell apart.
I pulled out, stumbled to the side, and fell onto the bed beside Shiloh, breathing hard.
I threw an arm over my eyes, riding out the wave of bliss.
Joy bubbled up, so much that I thought I might float right off the bed.
I was awed. Too overwhelmed to contain all the emotions inside me.
I started shaking.
“Are you okay?” Shiloh asked, sounding concerned.
I dropped my arm, laughter bursting from me. “Sor—sorry,” I gasped between laughs as tears poured from the corners of my eyes. “I’m just…” I laughed again. “I can’t believe that worked.”
Shiloh’s eyes crinkled as he giggled beside me. “It worked really well,” he said. “You’re a natural, Sugar Daddy.”
I groaned. “Never call me that in bed.”
He laughed, propping himself on an elbow beside me. “Sorry, baby, but your dick has been inside me, so I get to call you whatever I want. Them’s the rules.”
My heart lurched. Holy shit. My dick was inside his body.
I’d fucked a guy. Not just in spirit, but with every part of my body. My mouth, my hands, my dick.
“I love you,” I said, voice trembling.
“Oh, Holden,” he said, voice softening. “I love you too. So much.”
I blinked away the tears threatening. I refused to cry every time we had sex, damn it. This was my life now.
My trauma had isolated me, panicked me, for years. But I was no longer alone. I had a loving partner who patiently followed my lead, respected all my boundaries, and had just given me the best sexual experience of my life.
“Thank you,” I said. “For waiting for me.”
“I’d wait for you forever,” Shiloh said.
“It’s not like I’m fixed, you know,” I felt the need to add. “I may not be comfortable with that much touch all the time. I’m not really sure how it’ll work.”
“That’s okay,” Shiloh said. “We have our whole lives to figure it out. We can just take it one step at a time.”
“You really mean that? I can’t promise there won’t be bad days. Days I can’t touch at all.”
“Holden,” he said sternly. “Stop trying to scare me away. It won’t work.
I don’t care if it takes one week, one year, or one decade before we do this again.
Because you’ll be beside me, loving me. And you give me so much more than your dick, babe.
You give me your heart, your care, your consideration. All those things mean so much more.”
I shook my head, awed by the wonderful man I’d discovered by stumbling into a cam room, awkward and repressed, desperate for connection and sexual release.
I never could have anticipated meeting Shiloh Blum.
My healing wasn’t over, but with Shiloh by my side, I felt stronger, more confident that I’d enjoy the journey, regardless of where it took me.
“I don’t deserve you,” I said, leaning in to kiss him.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “You deserve everything. We both do.”