Control (Aurora Book 1)

Chapter 1 - Bedtime

“ANA!” SAID Avoice calling out to me from behind. I turned around and saw the outline of a woman I’d known for some time. Her light skin and dark brown hair was something I’d grown accustomed to since I’d started going to Latchkey, an after school program designed to look after the children of working parents between the time school ended and 5pm or so, the time when most adults were finally off for the day. “Young lady, what did you do to Steven! Why is he crying!”

“Nothing!” I said back to her as she stepped closer to me, her green eyes shielded by black, thick-framed glasses staring down into my own. “I saw you take that game in your hands from him. Why did you do that?”

“Because I want to play with it,” I said, holding the tiny chessboard to my chest and pouting. “He knows I like this one. That’s why he went for it. He’s being greedy, Ms. Montgomery!”

“No,” she said while reaching out and taking the game from me. As she did, the pieces which were trapped inside the thick game board spilled out onto the floor, scattering everywhere. Black and white pieces - pawns, knights, rooks, queens - ended up all over the floor which pushed Ms. Montgomery to sigh. She knelt down in front of me, her sneakers making an audible squeak and the chessboard making a light clacking sound as she set it down on the floor. “Ana, you need to help me pick this up.”

I stared at hew for a few seconds as she reached down to pick up the pieces from white and gray tiled floor of the cafeteria where all of the Latchkey children were kept. Unfolding the thick, brown chessboard, Ms Montgomery began placing the various pieces back inside where they were normally kept so they wouldn’t get lost.

“Ana,” she said to me again, a touch of aggravation in her voice. “Help me. Now.” With a huff, I got down on my knees, my small sneakers also making the same squeaking noise that hers did. My long, black hair which my mother normally kept up in a ponytail fell loosely down around my face, nearly touching the floor. I’d earlier taken my hair tie out and kept it on my wrist since the ponytail my mother helped me set each morning before school was often very tight. It wasn’t unusual that I’d pull it out and let my long locks go wild by the time 4th period came around. With each game piece I picked up, I grew somewhat miffed and casually tossed them toward the chessboard, not really caring if it made it inside or not. Ms. Montgomery noticed. “Ana.”

“I’m doing it,” I said curtly, aggravated by having to do something I felt wasn’t really my fault. After all, Steven knew I liked playing Chess and that was the only reason he wanted the game. He wanted to keep it from me as he had other games at other times. It was as if he watched me and saw what I was enjoying and purposely decided he wanted the game for himself not so he could play, but more so that I couldn’t.

Ms. Montgomery took a deep breath as she finished gathering up the pieces from the floor, doing her best to deal with my bratty and obnoxious behavior. Once all the pieces were back in the foldable chessboard, she closed it and secured the latch on it and stood up. I stood up with her. She towered above me, standing 5’7” while my tiny, ten year old body struggled to keep up with the growth spurts of the rest of my classmates. I was small, about 4 feet tall and lightweight since I’d often forget to eat since I always managed to keep myself busy either in school or at home and in the neighborhood where I grew up. Steven walked up to the two of us, looking to secure the chessboard so he could keep it from me. Ms. Montgomery, unaware of my his ruse, handed the board to him much to my dismay. He turned and trotted off back to his group of friends so they could play.

“Wait!” I said, annoyed that Steven was allowed to take the game back from me. “That’s not fair!”

“Stop,” Ms. Montgomery said to me. “He got the game first so he gets to play with it first. You know the rules, Ana. First come, first serve.”

“But miss,” I said, attempting to argue with her. “He doesn’t really want it. He just wants it so I can’t play with it.”

“Young lady,” she said to me, putting her hand up. “You don’t know that.” I knew he did. He’d told me he was going to do as much earlier in the day during class. “Maybe he really does want to play. Maybe he likes it as much as you do.”

“No,” I said, uncertain of how else to argue my point with her. I turned to walk away from her, my hair whipping around behind.

“Hey,” she said, locking her fingers onto my tiny, almost frail arm to stop me. She held me for a few seconds, slowly letting her hand slide down until it reached my own. I turned around once more to look at her with a sour expression on my face. I felt annoyed and defeated because Steven had managed to outmaneuver me that day. “Ana, you need to understand something.”

“What?” I said with a sassy tone. “That Steven’s a jerk?”

“No,” she said to me in a calming voice. “You have to understand.” Ms. Montgomery pulled me closer, causing my body to turn and face her. “Sometimes even though we know we might be right, things don’t always work out the way they should. Sometimes you can do everything right and still not get what you want. I know it’s unfair and you’d be right to think that. But sometimes all we can do is grin and bear it.”

“Why?” I said, the sass from my voice dropping and giving way to exasperation. “Why does he get to have it. He knows that’s my favorite game! He’s only doing it to keep it from me.”

“Ana,” she said to me, once more in that sweet and caring voice she used to always use to get me to calm down. “Sometimes in order to keep ourselves from getting too stressed, we have to let some things go. I know it’s not always fair. I know you feel cheated. But sometimes it’s better to just let things be. Some fights you’ll find yourself in may not be worth fighting. You need to know when to walk away.” I looked down to my shoe tops, a few light scuffs dirtying the white and purple materials and making them look older than the were. I thought as hard as a ten year old could about what Ms. Montgomery had just said to me.

“But how will I know?” I asked her, looking back up past her ruby red lips and to her bright and caring eyes.

“You’ll know,” she said to me, offering me a kind smile and cupping both of my hands in hers. She looked down to them and looked them over, their size almost laughably small compared to hers. “Your hands. Look at them.” I looked down to them as she asked, not knowing what she was trying to say. “Our hands are more than just another part of our body. The things we do with them can define who were are and who we may become. Sometimes in life, you’ll want to ball them up into fists, use them as weapons. You might have to do that some day. But other times instead of making fists and putting them up in front of you, offer them instead. Open your hands and offer to help someone.” I tried my best to understand her words. Some of it was making sense, but I know some of it also went over my head, my ten year old mind not quite ready to grasp the concepts she was offering to me. “So tiny!”

“I know,” I said, opening my hands up and displaying my palms for her. “My brothers always tell me I’m small. They call me a gnome!” Ms. Montgomery smiled, possibly holding back a laugh.

“Oh Ana,” she said to me, running her fingers across my exposed palms. “Your hands, they may be small but I promise you. They can do such wonderful things. You can use them to build something, create something, help someone in need. They might be small, but they’re your hands, and only you can decide what you do with them.” Ms. Montgomery pulled one of my hands up to her lips and lightly kissed it. “Life can be cruel and unfair sometimes. But ultimately we have to make a choice. We can either be as bitter and cruel as life…or we can choose to be something more. I choose to share the few things I have in my life, be it my time or energy or whatever else I can offer to make someone else’s day a little easier. I choose to be kind. If there’s one thing I could tell you that I hope stays with you through your life, it’s that…in the end, only kindness matters.”

For some reason, even at just ten years old, Ms. Montgomery’s words resonated with me and triggered something inside me. I could feel my heart skip a beat as her words penetrated my mind and dug into my psyche. I could feel some of the hatred and contempt I felt toward Steven begin to slip away. I looked into her eyes and said nothing, wondering if there was something more to them than I’d first realized. A loud crash that sounded like blocks of wood hitting the floor broke me out of my trance and Ms. Montgomery looked back behind her. Looking past her shoulder, I could see that some of the other students had managed to topple over a game of Jenga. Ms. Montgomery looked back at me once more and smiled before turning and walking away to assist in the retrieval of the blocks.

I stood there a moment, watching her walk away from me and toward the other Latchkey kids thinking about what it was she’d said to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted what appeared to be a loose Chess piece that the two of us had missed as we were gathering them all back up. It was lying on its’ side, just underneath one of the cafeteria tables. I walked over and noticed it had situated itself next to the leg. It was one of the queens which was a piece even a beginner would realize was missing. I plucked it up off of the floor and held it in my hand, looking it over and wondering if I should hold onto it to annoy Steven and his friends. After a few seconds, I’d also found myself considering what Ms. Montgomery had just told me.

I found myself walking over to the table where Steven and his friends were playing with the game. The closer I got the more I realized they had no idea how to play. All the pieces were randomly placed around the board in no particular order. Instead of moving the pieces as they should, he and his friends took turns using the kings to knock over the smaller pieces, each of them making a tiny clack each time. The boys Steven was with each laughed as the pieces were knocked over. The queen in my hand, I walked up to them which drew his attention back to me, thinking I was there to start trouble.

“Here,” I said, holding up the queen in my hand. “You’re missing this one. It’s one of the more important pieces.” I set it down on the table beside the board, not wanting to interfere with their “game.” I looked Steven over a moment as well as his friends, looking each of them in the eye as I did. I turned and began to walk away when I heard Steven call to me.

“Ana,” he said. I turned back around to face him, wondering if he was going to offer me a smart remark or laugh at me. “Did you wanna play? You can be this one if you want.” Steven held up the game piece I’d set down on the table for them, holding it out as if offering it to me.”

“It’s OK,’ I said, looking back at him and his friends as they looked me over. “It’s fine. I don’t really wanna be the queen.”

I turned back around and immediately spotted Ms. Montgomery as she stood by the game table. There in her hand raised above her head was another complete game of chess exactly as the first one I’d battled with Steven over. She waved it at me and smiled, beckoning me over to her so we could play a game. I almost raced over to her, but kept my steps to a trot since running in the cafeteria was forbidden. Once by her, she sat me down at a table, opened up the chessboard and allowed all the pieces to spill out. We smiled at each other as we separated the wooden pieces by color so we could set the board.

We began our game, me choosing the darker pieces and her going with the lighter ones. Move by move we nodded our heads and observed each other’s strategy for the match. We slid pieces across the board, picked them up and had them move back and forth, occasionally taking each other’s pieces when strategy called for it. She defeated me again as she usually did, but I thoroughly enjoyed the match being able to hang tough against an opponent that was far more skilled and experienced than I was. Just then, the Vice Principal of the school came in with a camera in her hands and began to take photographs of the students at play. After catching a few candid moments, they made their way over to Ms. Montgomery and I as we sat at our table, post match, talking and enjoying ourselves. Once we realized that our photo was going to be taken, Ms. Montgomery stood up and moved closer, wrapping her arm around me and leaning her head against mine. I glanced over to her for a moment, but looked back to the camera and smiled just in time for the picture to be taken.

I remember that day like it was yesterday, the bright flash of the camera still firmly part of my memory. I held the framed picture of me and Ms. Montgomery in my hand for a moment, my slight and delicate fingers caressing the old wooden frame. I stood there in my bedroom present day, dressed in a old and raggedy Nirvana band t-shirt and gray sweatpants that had once fit me perfectly, but then hung off my body after losing some weight. I remembered that I had gone grocery shopping and that I had to put my purchases away before I’d forgotten about them and let them sit on the kitchen floor, a terrible habit I’d managed to develop over time. I set the photograph back down on my old wooden dresser and made my way back to the kitchen.

I put away all the perishables and set aside a can of condensed soup that would be my dinner. Afterward, I sat down on my couch and let myself sink into the cushions. I hated going out. I can only be around other people in the flesh for so long before I need to be home again where I can feel some sense of comfort. Real people are too much of a hassle in a lot of cases so when I did go out, it’s only for essentials and once I secured them, I come right back home. If there’s anything else I needed that I couldn’t find at the grocery store or some other local establishment, I’d just order it online and have it delivered.

I stared at the white, ‘popcorn’ ceiling for a good five minutes before I was able to make myself stand up again. The quiet of my apartment does calm me and my choice of cities helps with the need to be away from most people. While not exactly small, my little city had a low enough population that I was able to avoid the pitfalls of living in a larger city. Traffic jams, road rage, and packed parking lots were some things I never had to worry about, not since moving away from Texas where those issues were only getting worse.

I didn’t bother untying the laces on my sneakers and chose to just slide them off of my feet. They’re a pair I’d managed to keep looking new because I’d use them typically once a week when I’d go out for supplies. I worked from home, running a consultation firm and working sometimes over 60 hours a week. I’d turned my additional bedroom into an office and often took video calls in there. All of my cameras and video equipment I had I used for my business, usually when a company I am working with sends me samples to go over and inspect, try, and test. Product development was my forte and I was good at it.

The money was also what allowed me to live what I though was a somewhat comfortable life, although I did work far too much. Even at one of my previous employers I would only work about 3 days a week, maybe 4 if I wanted to make more money, but I was young and enjoyed my days off so it worked out well.

Those days were far behind me though and I had to focus on doing the best job I could for the companies I worked with. I wasn’t their employee, but an outside contractor. Contracts and various non-disclosure agreements were the norm for me and I had a lawyer on retainer that went over all my contracts before I signed them to ensure I was not accidentally giving up any sort of rights to my work, photographs, and any other thing I might do. All of the companies tried to get me to give up my licenses for my work, but each and every one of them was rebuffed. I’d give them my standards and if they didn’t go along with them, I’d pass on the job. Many of them would eventually come back to the table though and offer more money, but not a single time since I’d started my firm had I given up any rights to my work.

About 3 years ago, I was sent a package which I thought was from a company I’d done some work for. It wasn’t unusual for companies to send me gifts even after I had completed my assignments with them. Often times it was small things like clothing, hats, pens, and sometimes more thoughtful items such as personal hygiene products. This package was very different though as it came from a company I wasn’t familiar with at all.

I finally got up and headed back to the kitchen to dump out my condensed chicken noodle soup into a small pan so I could warm it up. I’d forgotten to purchase regular Saltine crackers, but did have some butter crackers so those would have to fill in. After a few minutes of checking things out on various social media hubs on my phone, I took the soup and poured it into a large ceramic bowl which was another item I’d once gotten as a thank you gift.

I sat at my dining room table for several minutes before I dove into my dinner, the package of butter crackers at the table with me but still unopened. I tried my best to avoid slurping, but its soup and such things will happen. While salty, the noodles had almost no flavor and the tiny bit of chicken might as well have not even been added to it – more decoration than actual food. After finishing my meal, I got up to wash my dish, leaving the unopened package of butter crackers on the table.

I didn’t want to stay awake. I’d had a long day and the sun had already set. It was approaching 8pm and all I could think about was going back to that world where people actually gave a damn about me. The past 3 years had changed my life so dramatically that I’d never have thought it were possible. And all of it happened while I was asleep.

That package from that company that I’d gotten then was not something I’d seen coming. It arrived unexpectedly and at a time in my life where I was at my lowest when I should have been walking on air. I’d recently moved away from Texas where I had been living in a small, one bedroom apartment for a time. That is where I’d started my business. It was extremely difficult at first, but after some time I had gotten into the flow and jobs and money began to come in. After a small incident with an overzealous fan of my gaming streams showing up at my door sufficiently spooked me, I’d made the decision to leave Texas completely. I saw it as an opportunity to get away not only from my past, but also so I could be somewhere I would hopefully be happier. The cooler weather was also something I’d often sought throughout my life.

After washing my dish and turning off the kitchen light, I made my way to my bedroom where my queen sized bed pushed up against one of the back walls, surrounded by my nightstand and a solid oak writing desk that I rarely used and had become more of a decoration. On one side of my bed was my pillow, thick and plush just how I liked it, and on the other side lay my headband which connected me to the virtual world that I’d become much more satisfied with.

It was a earlier than I’d usually gone to bed, but I didn’t care. The strain from being out amongst other people had stressed me and I needed to find a way to relax. I peeled off my ratty, homely clothes and tossed them into the hamper I had just outside my bathroom. I turned on my shower, leaving the water temperature hotter than I should but had grown accustomed to over time. I brushed my teeth while letting the water hit me as I usually did, having 2 different toothbrushes – one for the shower in the evening and one for the morning which I kept by my sink.

After 20 minutes of washing my body, my once tanned skin looking as pale as a Hispanic person could, was sufficiently clean to my standards and I existed the shower, grabbing my bath towel as I stepped out. While I did not like leaving my home very often, I’d maintained my stringent self-care habits, making sure that if I needed to, I could still put on some nice clothes and make myself presentable. I’d always made sure my feet were clean and mostly free of dead skin, and excess hair was removed regardless of its location. I washed my face a few times a day to remove any excess oils that may build up and I always trimmed my fingernails down to make my hands look clean and proper, and so it was easier to type up the various reports I needed for my business.

I didn’t care that my old Soundgarden band shirt I’d gotten as a gift when I was a teenager was falling apart. I’d still wear it to bed and it was still as comfortable as ever. With my underwear on and some fairly cozy warm ups keeping my legs warm, I was ready to step into the world I more strongly preferred - a world where I was someone and people actually gave a damn about me. It’s been argued that it’s not real, but for so many of us it is.

I placed the elastic band on my head, making sure all the skin contacts were in their proper place. I’d left it charging since the morning so there was no chance of losing power which kept me from having to tether myself to a hard line power source. It didn’t matter anyway since the headband rendered players mostly paralyzed while there were logged in. The rare random movement did happen from time to time, but for me I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d woken myself up from my own movement. That is at least partially why I enjoy being in that world – Aurora – so much.

I, like most people, have my traumas. But unlike most people, those traumas never properly healed. Instead they festered and mutated, getting worse as the years when on. Years of nightmares and flashbacks had wreaked havoc on my body and mental stability. If I am being completely honest, it was a small miracle I was even still alive. In fact, the headband and the game came at the exact time I needed it to. One might even say it’s the one reason why I’m still around right now. Without it, the nightmares could have very well consumed me and even now, the occasional phantom still comes for me and I do all I can to fight them off.

With my headband secured, I fell back onto the bed which was covered in blue and white sheets and got comfortable. After placing a couple of blankets over my body, I let myself relax and reached my left hand up to my temple to activate the headband and let it begins its countdown for me. Starting from 20, I counted backwards, imagining the numbers in my head until I could practically see them as if they were the real thing floating above me and morphing from one to the next until I began to feel the game take me in.

I could see the 10 appear in front of my eyes and my grogginess increased to the point of feeling like I might faint. The REM-inducing sleep technology of the headband pushed me into a drowsy sort of drunkenness and I made no attempts to fight it as the instructions direct you not to push back so that you could make a seamless transition. A 9 appeared followed by an 8 and then a 7. I could already feel myself falling into it all, the brief nothingness that came before you were completely out. I’d waited all day for this moment. All the work I’d done that day and all the people I had to deal with would soon be a distant memory. I’d wanted this more than anything. 6. My real life was such a slog and I couldn’t help but want out of it all. 5.

“Let it all fall away,” I say to myself as the darkness overcame me. I could feel my eyes slowly blinking as I faded. “Set my body free.”

4 followed by a 3 and then quickly by 2. Finally, as if in slow motion, I could see the 1, and then the darkness set it and a sense of nothingness overtook me. I could then see the small blinking light in the corner of my vision. I waited a moment and just like magic, I was greeted by the login screen.