Chapter 5
Cook
When church ended, I was twitching to get the fuck out of Park Ridge. I needed to get back to Maddie pronto. I didn’t even try to wave Celt down. He had his shit to deal with, and now I had my own concerns.
I usually wasn’t the one to be reckless, but I had fucked up this time. I needed to tell Celt all that I had gotten into, but for now, I needed to go make sure Maddie and Mom were okay.
“Cook, wait!” called a man behind me.
Not Celt and not Wilde, so I didn’t care who it was. I kept walking. Back to my bike. I needed to get the fuck out of the Ridge.
“Cook,” ordered a second voice. Prez this time.
I must’ve slowed because Angel and Wilde descended on me like wolves, nipping at my heels. I was away from the rest of the group, but Celt wasn’t anywhere to be seen.
Angel and Wilde crowded around me, and I stopped myself before reaching for my gun in the back waist of my pants. They weren’t my enemies, but I still didn’t need them breathing down my neck.
“Where’s Maddie?” asked Angel immediately.
Of fucking course. I ground my teeth.
“We know you have her,” added Wilde.
Why the fuck was he even involved? Just because Angel was his man. Maddie was neither of their ol’ ladies. She wasn’t mine either, but she was under my protection.
“We know you checked her out of the recovery house.” Wilde ran a hand over his skull cut.
“I didn’t check her out,” I said, wondering who came running to the Prez to tattle. “Maddie checked herself out.”
Angel crossed his arms over his barrel chest. “Where are you keeping her?”
“I told you she was fine,” I snipped at him.
“That doesn’t answer the question,” said Angel.
Right, and I wasn’t giving him that answer either. “She’s choosing to stay with me.” I snapped my jaw shut, clenching my teeth. But yeah, I was definitely keeping her. And keeping her safe at that.
“Where?” asked Angel.
“None of your fucking business.” I spat on the ground near his boots. It wasn’t like me to be so defensive, but damn, did the broken woman bring something out in me I couldn’t control.
Angel stood taller.
He didn’t scare me.
“What Angel means,”—Wilde stepped closer—“is that his girl is worried.”
Angel dragged his fingers through his waist-length hair, ripping out a knot. “What Wilde means is that Maddie’s sister is worried. That she’s my ol’ lady only matters, because I’ll go to the ends of the earth to get my Lanie exactly what she wants.”
My chin lifted, and I worked to keep any tells off my face. The scary thing was that I could respect every single word the man said about his ol’ lady. Never thought I’d be in a position to understand having ties like that, but the thoughts had crossed my mind over the last few days.
And I was worried too, given the shape Maddie was in.
When any of the club saw her last, she was pretty fucked up. Doc probably mentioned how feral Maddie had gotten too, attacking him and Kimmers. With me, she’d been calm. She’d eaten. Things were better, but that didn’t mean I wanted to invite anything into her life that would disrupt her world.
I squared off with the men, my arms folded over my chest.
“Lanie wants to see her,” added Angel.
“What’s that old saying?” I stroked my beard then held up my index finger. “Oh, yeah. Have her shit in one hand and want in the other.”
Angel growled, his nostrils flaring. “Maddie is her sister, and Lanie is bugging the shit out of me to find her.”
“And so you’re bugging the shit outta me?” I asked. “Guess shit’s rolling downhill?”
I started my bike.
Wanting to be there for loved ones was what normal families needed, but there wasn’t much normal about this situation. I was happy Melanie wanted to see Maddie, but Maddie... she hadn’t mentioned Melanie at all. Even back at the mill, Maddie had acted like Melanie was a ghost, a phantom haunting her.
Then she had climbed into my arms, dismissing her sister.
If I was going to allow Melanie inside, it was going to be on Maddie’s terms. Period. No one was going to treat her like a little girl again, which is exactly how they all were acting. Like she needed to be sheltered. But they didn’t see how she looked up at the sun or spread her arms when she stood in the wide open.
I cleared my throat. “Sounds like a you problem, brother. Melanie’s your girl.”
I tried to step past them, but Wilde put a hand on my chest. He’d clearly been working in the shop, because his grubby fingers left oil on my shirt. At least it wasn’t one of my faves. I glanced down at his hand and then up into his eyes.
“Don’t,” I warned, ready to break his hand if he didn’t let me get back to Maddie. Doc was already on call, and it wouldn’t be the first time Doc had fixed up the Prez.
Wilde dropped his hand. “Fuck man. Let the MC help. We’re your brothers.”
“With Maddie?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “Somehow, I don’t think more men around her would help.”
“Maybe our ol’ ladies could,” Prez suggested.
“Yeah,” said Angel. “Like her sister.”
“Or Bou,” added Wilde, working his jaw.
This, I considered a little harder. Bou had been raped... twice. She’d been carved up too. Wasn’t that reason enough for the two girls to bond? They’d have a shared experience, but Bou was pregnant now. Would she really want to deal with Maddie’s trauma?
Wilde shifted, shoving both hands in his back pockets. “Celt would probably offer Roni too.”
My best friend would definitely offer Roni, and as a nurse, she wouldn’t be a bad choice for someone to help Maddie. If Maddie did go feral again, I couldn’t have Wilde or Celt’s ol’ ladies caught in the middle. Roni was at least a nurse, so she would know how to handle the situation. Hopefully.
Although Roni and Celt were busy trying to figure out their own lives.
The responsibility might all fall back on Melanie, but I didn’t think Maddie wanted her help. So, since she reacted well with me, I guess it was my job to see her well. Something inside Maddie was gnarled, like a tangle of thorny vines, and it warped how she saw her sister, doctors, nurses, and almost anyone. I couldn’t fault her for it. The same thing had happened to my own mom and me after that day.
Emotional shit and trauma response didn’t have to make sense.
“Not right now. She needs time.” I pushed my bike back and dropped it into gear.
Who knew if Angel would follow me back to Phoenix? They could follow me if they wanted, but I wasn’t about to let anyone into the house or around Maddie until she was ready.
I revved the engine and rolled away.
Maddie
My impression of Leo Finch was wrong. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the sane person knew I was making monsters out of everyone, but that didn’t make me fear him any less. Especially with how Leo Finch talked to Vivi, like she was a child.
I hated that. Hated him for that.
Why couldn’t these medical people get it through their thick heads? We may be tainted by shitty things in our past, but we were people too. Adults.
He led her around the front room of the house, and I ducked into the hallway to stay at a safe distance. I leaned against the wall, peeking around the corner. I should go back to Cook’s room and lock myself inside, but I couldn’t.
“Leo Finch,” I muttered to myself, reciting the name Vivi had given me.
Tommy G., answered my mind.
“Leo Finch.”
Tommy G.
“Leo Finch.”
Tommy G.
“Leo—”
“Did you say something, Maddie?” asked Leo, halfway across the living room. He wiped his hands on his pants. Red splotches covered his cheeks.
I wanted to say no, but I couldn’t find my voice. Tommy G. murmured my memories. The name rattled around inside. Flashes of my old life roared back.
“Maddie?” asked Leo. His eyes burrowed into me, his brows like the furry caterpillars on the limbs outside my window at the mill.
Vivi grabbed his hand, leading him toward the other side of the room, and I exhaled.
With his back turned, I muttered to myself, “Leo Finch.” I curled my hands into fists, holding them at my sides.
My mind answered, Tommy G.
Gambino, Signora’s man, and the one who had stripped me bare in more ways than one. He’d put a collar around my neck and dragged me along by the hair, calling me his bitch.
I could plainly see that Leo Finch was not Tommy Gambino, but there were similarities in their look.
Once I’d been bound and collared, Tommy would fuck me on my hands and knees, holding back my head at a neck breaking angle. He never wanted to look me in the eye. He just wanted to fuck me like the dog he thought I was.
Tommy G. had been the dog. Or a rutting goat. I could almost hear his bleating.
I curled my hands over my chest. Everything was fine. I was fine.
“Vivi,” said Leo, and I turned my head away. He had raised his voice an octave, like how Tommy G. did when he called for me.
He’d beckoned me to his side, patting his thigh, and I had crawled onto his lap just to get the little bit of praise he’d offer as he combed his fingers through my hair. He hadn’t cared when his fingers caught knots in my hair. He just yanked, thrusting back my head then too.
“You bend how I tell you to bend,” he’d often say to me, adding, “little bitch” for good measure. I bent how he wanted, and he slapped my ass when I showed any hesitance.
“Let’s take our pills,” said Leo Finch, trailing Vivi across the living room.
Vivi flipped her salt-and-pepper hair to the side. It whipped across her face. “No.”
“Vivi.” Leo turned his back on me.
Tommy G. never would have exposed himself that way. My gaze drifted over to the butcher block and back. If he were Tommy, I would shove a knife into his back.
This man, though. This Leo Finch was Vivi’s caretaker. I couldn’t do something like that to him. Could I?
“We need to take your pills,” continued Leo, his voice gentle but demanding. “It’s that time.”
“I want to have a tea party,” said Vivi.
A tea party? I hadn’t had one of those since I was a kid, but that’s exactly what it looked like she was playing at in the living room. Tea and crumpets. But there weren’t any stuffed animals like Mel and I used as our guests.
My sister and I had been kids, not women old enough to have a near forty-year-old son. So what was Vivi playing at? Cook’s mom was peculiar, but this was...
What were the pills for?
Who had Cook left me with? Sure, his mother and her—Leo. Who was Leo? And why did Cook trust me with them? Why did Cook have to leave?
I shouldn’t be here. It was time to go. I was surrounded by crazy, not that I was much better. But why would Daddy leave me in their care? Unless he thought I was crazy too. The doctors at the hospital had tried to shoot me up with a sedative after I’d thrown food at them and wouldn’t talk, claiming it was because of the trauma.
It wasn’t. I just wanted them to stop telling me what I needed.
What were they doing to the kids?
I wasn’t a kid!
What was Leo doing to Vivi?
“Let’s have a tea party. Maddie, come here,” called Vivi.
I didn’t leave my perch between the bedrooms. Her voice was so childlike. Innocent. That had been snatched away from me.
She continued, “We need to have tea. And then we can—”
“Then you can take your pills, Vivi,” said Leo. “Right?”
Vivi stopped, blinked at Leo, and then slowly nodded with a pout on her lips. “Fine. But tea first. The pills taste bad.”
She frowned, her bottom lip quivering. Was she about to cry?
I stepped forward to comfort her, the way I hugged the younger kids at the mill after their first assignments. Vivi seemed broken the way they did. She needed arms around her to hold her together. I took another tentative step, eyeing Leo as I moved.
He stood. “Sit with us, Maddie.”
I froze and backed up a step. What the fuck was happening? When I comforted the other kids, it was just us. We didn’t have any clients around. What did I get into here?
His hand raised, reaching for me, and the look on his face turned stern. “Maddie, don’t move.”
I froze mid-step. My heartbeat hammered. Was he about to hit me? I tensed, preparing for the blow to fall. It didn’t though. I couldn’t understand what I did wrong, why he was coming for me. I wasn’t acting crazy—she was! Cook’s mom. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Why was I in trouble?
Leo stared at me. “Maddie, don’t leave. Join us.”
His voice was like silk. Like Tommy G.’s. Like Doctor Richardson’s. The order snaked around my throat until I could barely breathe. It pulled me forward, like I was caught in a spell, until I stood next to Leo. He could break me, rip my skin, draw blood, and then Tommy G. would laugh and laugh as he jerked off to my tears.
“Sit down,” ordered Leo . . . no Tommy . . . no . . . Leo.
I fell into the seat he pointed at, my dead weight pinning me down. I became a doll for him to control. I just had to do whatever he wanted, so he wouldn’t pull me by the hair and drag me across the room or slam my face to the window and rip off my clothes. But I had no way to keep him from shoving himself deep inside of me, ripping me to shreds. Again.
If I didn’t fight, it would be better. I could go to the safe place in my head. The one where my sister and I played in a room at my childhood home.
Everything would be fine if I could just escape to that place.
“Vivi,” said Leo, raising his voice again. “Vivi, see Maddie. She’s sitting down. Why don’t you sit down? I’ll boil some more water for tea. Maddie, don’t move.”
The words tied me to the seat. My limbs were no longer my own, though my mind screamed for me to move. I needed to get out—escape!
Fucking get up, Maddie. Move, move, move! the brave Maddie yelled at me from inside.
But I was weighed down. My body had taken Tommy G.’s punishment before, and it remembered. It knew.
I knew.
And I had to retreat. Leave. I pinched my eyes shut. If I waited long enough, then this would all be over.
Go to your happy place, Maddie, I ordered myself.
In the background, Vivi laughed like a little girl and Leo Finch called for her.
Happy place, I reminded myself, but then Tommy G. was laughing in front of me. His cock out, stroking it with a drugged gleam in his eye. He pointed his one-eyed monster at me. It was coming—I didn’t want it!
No!
I thrashed, turning my head from side to side as strong arms wrapped around me. I fought, not that it would do any good.
“Maddie.” Demanding but gentle hands stroked my back, and I lurched back.
Who had me? It wasn’t Tommy G., but he was still here, in front of me. He was going to get me.
“Maddie,” the man repeated my name. His hot breath was on my skin.
I tried to dodge away, but he held me. His thick arms wrapped me up and held me together despite how I jerked. He was so close. Closer now.
Get off, I wanted to say, but that was how I had earned cuts and bruises before. Words made men grab their blades and use them on my skin. Complaints were why they threw me against the wall and wanted me to scream with every blow they dealt.
If I was a good girl, a quiet girl, I would get rewards. Breaks. They allowed me to rest. But I wanted him off. I wanted to be out of here.
Tommy G. laughed as he grabbed his dick from his pants, pointing the purple head at me. Again. Always that disgusting thing that only got hard once he’d hurt me.
He peeled back his lips, showing his white teeth. He was a shark, about to chomp down on me. My blood would fill the water, staining it red. The metallic taste would seep deep in my mouth, and it would consume me. He would bite me, tearing off pieces of my flesh, and would claw at me, rip out my hair, and use me as his own.
“Maddie,” the man growled. His hot breath scorched my hairline. “Open your eyes. You’re safe.”
There was no safety, but I could be safe. I could save myself.
“Get off of me!” I pushed the man away, no matter how he tried to hold onto me. I scratched my nails into his skin until his blood flowed. I wanted more of it. The scent tickled my nose.
He hissed but then released me. “Maddie, open your eyes. It’s me. Cook.”
Cook? I knew that name, but did I know him?
“Maddie.” He picked me up, and my head fell against his chest. His heartbeat was thundering, and mine matched it. Leather and cinnamon filled my nose.
“Maddie,” he repeated.
I finally opened my eyes. My breath came out as a rasp, and I sobbed. He had come back to save me. “Cook.”