Chapter 20
Cook
Riding my bike while having a hard-on was, well, fucking hard, but I was getting used to it. It seemed like I always had a hard on with Maddie glued to my back. I had been driving or riding back and forth between the Ridge and Phoenix most of my life, but I didn’t expect to be returning to Serenity in the span of twenty-four hours.
As I opened up the throttle and the vehicle vibrated under us, Maddie whooped and threw her hands up into the air. The wind set her voice free and carried it up against the cliffs at our tail. When her hands fell back around my waist, she squeezed herself into me, and I released my left hand to cover hers where they were clasped just below my belly button.
A smile played on my lips as her fingers tickled the small hairs leading downward. I wanted this Maddie always. The feral version of Maddie scared the fuck outta me, and I wasn’t sure I’d handled it correctly this time. But she’d begged me for more. At Serenity, she asked me to chase away her demons. To replace them.
Could that spanking have been erasing something for her?
Fear of the truth held my tongue. Being a weak SOB didn’t help me at all, and becoming her Dom muddled things in my brain. A caveman-like need came over me when I put myself in Dom mode. Something that compelled me to care for her while releasing her from her trauma and owning her pleasure all at the same time.
There were too many instincts and emotions to be counted. And these sessions or scenes always resulted in needing her body melded with mine.
She had asked to go to Serenity. I needed it as much as she did, though for different reasons. Daddy, I was getting comfortable with, but someone needed to assure me that what just happened was okay. After Lanie’s unexpected arrival, the drawing, the baring of her teeth like a rabid animal, the spanking—I feared she needed more than I could give her. I wasn’t sure if what I had given her had been the right answer either. Maybe I should have left her alone to calm herself.
But what if her scratching on that paper had gone bigger? What if she’d destroyed the room and hurt herself in the process? Though I’d been making progress, that shit was above my pay grade.
Regardless, I would figure out a way to serve her the world on a fucking silver platter, but Serenity and the weasel Mercer needed to help us play it safe. His methods worked where the gentle methods and the doctors’ approaches hadn’t. Maddie couldn’t be coddled because that triggered her.
The real fucked up part... my past shaped me too. The beatings I’d taken from my daddy as well as the ones I witnessed him dole out to Mom made me capable of shit I didn’t want to acknowledge.
If I had to, I was capable of hurting her too. And more.
I would give her any pain or punishment she needed, but only with a better plan.
Pulling my motorcycle into a parking space outside of Serenity, I cut the engine. Maddie gingerly got off. She was wearing the cherry-print dress I bought her, which wasn’t good for the motorcycle, but it made my cock turn into a fucking rocket and gave me good access to her. Her long legs stretched out, and the hem rode up her thighs.
I held out my hand, and Maddie slid her hand into mine. Inside the club, the receptionist hanging out behind the desk greeted us. This time, they greeted us by asking if we needed anything to eat or drink. That had been a first, but perhaps it was dinnertime.
Bypassing the desk, I peeled back the velvet curtains and ushered Maddie inside.
Some people were already loitering or playing in the voyeurism rooms. Others gathered around the bar in the center, taking among each other and drinking. A few Doms turned toward Maddie, intuitively recognizing her as a sub. I sneered at one, and he got the hint.
She was mine.
When I scanned the room, a woman who’d been sitting alone on the far wall stood. I let my attention roam back to Maddie, where it belonged. I wasn’t after another partner.
“You’re back already.” Mercer clapped his hands as he walked out of his office.
Immediately, Maddie shimmied behind me. She had been adamant about coming to Serenity, so it must be Sloan Mercer she didn’t like. Even I had to admit...he was a slimy motherfucker.
“You have a look, Mr. Cook,” said Mercer, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Just Cook,” I growled.
“Sure. What is it?” asked Mercer with a creepy grin. “You don’t have a good poker face.”
Bullshit, but since I needed him, I didn’t call him out. “Can we talk in your office?”
Mercer swept his hand to the side before walking ahead, allowing us into his space. He sat behind his large desk, his polished leather chair creaking. He kicked his legs up onto the desk, leaning back like he had just been relaxing before we entered. He wiped something white from the corner of his mouth and tucked his hands under his desk.
If that was . . . ah, hell, I really didn’t want to know.
I took the chair facing him and guided Maddie to a kneeling position at my heel. “Eyes on me. Hands in your lap.”
“What can I do for you today?” asked Mercer, his eyes raking over Maddie’s position before he met my gaze.
If Maddie wasn’t sitting so close, I’d lean over this desk and smack that smile off his face. Instead, I asked, “limits?”
Mercer lifted his eyebrows. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific. We’ve already discussed her safe word and consent.”
“Sure,” I said. “But shit’s already changing.”
Earlier, a part of Maddie came out that I thought she reserved for the doctors. I wanted her to set her trauma free, give it over to me. But at the same time, the damage I could do to her terrified me.
She hadn’t used her safe word. And some part of me wanted to punish her more and then turn around and make her drip with more pleasure than she could handle. I didn’t want to see her in pain, but it was my duty to release her from the constant fight for survival.
Glee exploded in Mercer’s eyes, and I almost expected him to clap like a little kid. This man really did rattle my cage.
“So, I’ll take it you’ve begun to explore the power-play dynamic?”
Maddie wiggled, and I laid my hand on her shoulder. She sat still. I knew she wouldn’t be able to sit here long. She was likely going to leave a wet spot on the carpet because I’d made her wait so long. I wanted to take care of her, but I needed help to go to that next step.
Everyone thought she was the broken one, but I hesitated where she never had.
“Yes,” I answered. “We need help to decide how we can best help each other.”
Maddie nearly snapped her neck to look up at me. “Don’t I pleasure you?”
“You do. Very much.” I caressed her cheek.
“But you’re on the journey too, aren’t you, Cook?” asked Mercer, and I stiffened. “You’re also discovering what you like. What did you like today that spurred something in you?”
I locked my jaw, but Maddie answered, “My ass.”
“Anal?” asked the weasel like it was a very mundane thing.
“He likes spanking me,” said Maddie with a coy smile up at me.
I cupped her chin gently, narrowing my eyes. That confirmed it. She had known exactly what she was doing.
Mercer steepled his fingers. “And what about you, submissive? Did you like that?”
Maddie paused, and I braced myself. Finally, she said, “It was freeing. Like a weight came off my body.”
“That’s what power exchange can do.” Sloan stood. “I have just the place for you to test your limits.” He hooked his fingers, beckoning us to follow.
Before I did, I shared a look with Maddie. Light glinted in her eyes, reminding me of an eager puppy. That was as much of an answer as I needed. Extending my hand, I let her hold it, and we followed Sloan out of his office.
He took us to a playroom that wasn’t in use and was marked as clean by the receptionist. While it didn’t offer us complete privacy like yesterday, we were closed off to people seeing us. They could surely hear us through the curtain, though.
Hearing was one thing, but I swung my gaze around for any lurking cameras. Instead, my eyes met many instruments of painful and pleasurable torture. A camera could still be hidden, but my thoughts turned elsewhere.
Maddie pulled against my hand as she stepped further inside. Her hair tumbled down her back as she lifted her chin. Why did she look so excited? Like she was about to pop a sucker in her mouth. But not a kid.
A grown-ass adult sucking on a lollipop.
I groaned when my dick kicked, and the memories of her drinking down my seed flashed through my brain.
She snatched something I couldn’t identify off the wall. It looked like a long glass tube with a flat spiral at one end, kinda like a cinnamon roll.
Cinnabon, anyone?I stifled the words, brushing my hand over my mustache and beard.
Her wide eyes narrowed on the end, and Mercer stepped to her other side. I hooked my arm around her waist, pulling her closer. The weasel might need to give us a lesson, but that sure as fuck wouldn’t involve him touching Maddie.
She brought the toy with her. Other toys waited on the wall, and as much as I wanted a tour, if she wanted that one, I would give her that.
“What does this do?” asked Maddie, turning it over in her hands.
He smirked and bent over to pull an industrial-looking case from the floor. “It would be better if I showed you, that is, if I have the permission of your Dom.” He placed the case on the table under all the toys and opened it up.
Wires and plugs and electrodes and a few other instruments like the one Maddie still held stared up at me. I could see the place where those wand things attached to a long cord.
Fucking electricity.
My jaw clenched, and the voice that came out of my mouth sounded like it came from the depths of hell, or perhaps purgatory. “You will not touch her.”
I tried to measure what Maddie needed, but a current jolting through her body? No way.
To my dismay, though, she still looked fascinated. I would be the only one to use toys on her, but I needed to learn. I knew how to pleasure a woman using my cock and tongue, but this was a step up.
“You show me,” I said, pulling Maddie behind me. “On me.”
Mercer took the wand from her, eyeing me and being careful to avoid skin contact with my girl. Smart man.
He indicated a table that looked like it belonged in a hospital. “Maddie, climb up and sit facing your... Sir?”
“Daddy,” she said idly while climbing onto the table.
“Push her down,” ordered Mercer.
A snarl left my lips. I didn’t like taking orders from him, especially about my woman, but I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed her backward.
“It’s okay,” I reassured her, staring deep into her maple eyes.
“Pull up her dress,” said the weasel.
I hesitated. I didn’t want to reveal more of my Maddie to him. Or to any man. “Listen, you may be the Don Juan of all this shit.” I indicated the room. “But ain’t no one except for me gonna lay eyes on what’s under her dress.”
With my arms folded over my chest, I shrugged. “Unless, that is, you’d like me to pluck those eyes out and feed them to the stray dog I saw coming in here tonight.”
The man shook from his toes to his head and then to his voice. “I-I-uh, well then.” He held the toy out to me, the chord dangling between the glass and the contraption in the case.
Mercer visibly gathered himself, straightening his glasses on the bridge of his nose.
Tilting it one way, then the other, I asked, “What do I do with it?” The end was flat and spiraled, and it looked kinda like a potato masher. The old school kind with the flat metal on the opposite end from the handle.
The man stepped back and stood with his hands clasped behind his back next to the case. “Start by pressing the spiral to your arm. You should know how it feels before you use it on her.”
That much I could do.
Mercer flipped a switch, and a buzzing sensation vibrated up my arm. The muscles beneath my tats twitched, and I yanked the thing away.
“See?” the man said. “It’s like a vibrator on steroids. There are lots of things you can do with a violet wand. May I?” He held out one hand.
My grip on the thing tightened.
“I won’t come near your sub.”
Maddie rubbed her legs together, and I glanced over. Her eyes were pleading with me, and rightly so. I hadn’t given her the orgasm she was likely desperate for before we left home.
“Just a sec, nizhóní.”
Mercer piped up, “Isn’t that her safe word?”
“None of your goddamn concern.” I handed him the wand. “Show me and then get out.”
He accepted the wand and traced the spiral with his finger. “You see, this is shaped to circle the nipple, but I’ve seen some use it on the clit as well.” He smiled as his forked tongue slithered out and darted back in. “Tell ya what...”
Mercer glanced over his shoulder and walked to a hanging curtain. This room really was built for someone who must get off on medical shit.
My gut churned at the thought. Disgusting. That it didn’t trigger Maddie had me a little surprised, but she seemed okay as long as she could focus on me.
He pulled the curtain around by the hooks in the track on the ceiling and stepped to the other side. “You know what it feels like, Mr. Cook. You can touch her how you like, and I’ll be right here in case something goes wrong. But I won’t see a thing. If you’re feeling comfortable after the first few touches, tell me to leave. Deal?”
Accepting the wand back from him, I gave a single nod. This seemed scary as hell, so I stepped to the side of the table and whispered to Maddie, “Are you sure you want me to use this on you?”
She rolled her lips between her teeth and nodded. “Yes, Daddy.”
I touched the thing with my finger to make sure it was still charged and pulled back from the buzz. It didn’t hurt, but the feeling irritated me.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “I’m going to touch it to your leg so you can see what it feels like before I do anything drastic.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
When I did, her body quivered for a second before I pulled it away.
“Feel okay?” I asked.
She gave me a little jerky nod.
“Take down your top.” When she pulled the strings behind her neck and let the halter top fall, I caught a glimpse of her perfect tits. My mouth watered. But I had work to do now, so it wasn’t nursing time.
I pressed the spiral into her breast, and her nipple stuck out from the small hole in the center. Maddie convulsed, her eyes rolling back.
Removing the thing, I smoothed her hair back. Her eyes came back into focus, and she smiled.
“More?”
Nodding, she bit her lip, and I growled as I hinged at the waist and sucked it out from between her teeth. When her mouth opened to me, I sucked on her bottom lip and bit.
Maddie let out a little squeak.
“You bite it, and so do I.” I waited for her to give a little dip of her chin—yes—then said, “Take off your panties and spread your legs.”
Mercer’s voice made me jump. “There are holsters on the end of the table.”
I growled, wanting to tell him to shut his fucking trap, but having the safety net close by reassured me. A little.
Maddie handed me her panties with a wicked little smile and laid herself back onto the table again. Her eyes remained on me the entire time, reassuring herself. Reassuring me.
When I slid out one of the holsters, I immediately shoved it back into the table with a clatter.
“Is there something wrong?” came Mercer’s serpentine voice.
“Those are fucking metal. If you’re attempting to kill us, there are much quicker ways.”
“Oh no,” said the voice behind the curtain. “You could use a towel or socks to prevent the metal from carrying the current.”
My nostrils flared as I clenched my teeth. I wasn’t here to argue with the little fucker, so I returned my attention to my baby girl. Tucking the wand under one arm, I brought the soles of her feet together. “Bend your knees.”
After she drew them closer to her, I pressed them wide and stared down at her weeping lower lips. She squirmed as I looked at the spiral end and then at the space it would have to fit around her clit. She was too tiny for this tool.
“Daddy, please,” she begged.
“Hold still.”
She did.
I recalled instruments in the case that appeared more fit for purpose than this potato smasher–thingy, so I stepped around the curtain to retrieve it. Mercer faced the room’s exit with his hands shoved inside his pants pockets. He looked over with a brow cocked.
After scanning over them, I pointed at a silver one that was more the shape of a small cock. “What’s that one?”
“A vaginal plug.” He pointed to the smaller one next to it. “And that’s one for the anus.”
Better. I attached the vaginal one to the handle. He stayed silent as I returned to Maddie.
“Spread your lips for me,” I commanded, saving my control by not touching her yet. Once my hands landed on that pussy, this slow, methodical play would end, and I would bury my cock in her cunt instead of this device.
When I slipped it inside, Maddie let go of her lips and grabbed onto the padded tabletop. Her head kicked back and thrashed from side to side.
“Maddie?”
She gasped. “Oh yes!” she half-whispered, half-cried out. Little pants puffed through her lips, seeming like she was so close to exploding already.
Impressive.
And unexpected.
Her hips started to twist up off the table.
“Hold still,” I said. “At least your hips.”
She nodded, but it turned back into more shaking. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Surely, she would explode if I just... “Ow, fuck!”
Maddie hissed too as a spark arced up from her pussy to the fingers I was about to use to circle her little bud. It didn’t hurt much but was enough to startle.
Mercer’s voice came across the curtain again. “I should’ve warned you to be careful with touch.” The man sounded smug, and I wanted to knock whatever smirk he had on his face off. But my girl had my full attention.
Maddie kept thrashing, her movements growing more and more jerky with each toss of her head. Her chest rose and fell, and her hands dug into the padding on the table. She let out little mewls and moans, each one louder than the last.
I pressed my thumb to her clit, ignoring the buzzing sensation rolling through my joints and into my forearm, and started to circle.
Her head kept moving, body trembling as I worked her clit faster. In my pants, my cock was getting so fucking wet too. Ready for her. Ready to replace that plug.
My hands full, I shifted my weight to adjust myself, wondering what it would be like to fuck her while she had the electrified plug in her ass. Or what it’d be like to fuck her ass with this one in her pussy. Both thoughts drove a groan from my throat.
Not now. I kept moving my thumb and the vibrating current grew more intense. Maddie’s trembling and thrashing turned into a full-on convulsion. My balls drew up, and I worried I might come in my pants just from giving her so much pleasure. I’d never been a giver, so to speak, but right now, I couldn’t remember a time when I was this fucking turned on.
Probably never.
This was opening new doors for me too, and even though they were scary, I wanted to test my limits too.
Before Maddie, none of my other partners had really done more than fill a biological need. But this woman and her need for the out of the ordinary had me body, mind, heart, and soul.
Maddie’s hips bucked up off the table.
“Come for me,” I growl-whispered, not really wanting to alert our interloper on the other side of the curtain.
More buzzing.
My forearm muscles twitched with the current.
She bucked, but I kept working her until Maddie’s voice let out a little chirp: “Nizhóní.”
My hands flew back, the vaginal plug slipping from her pussy, and she fell to the table.
Not an orgasm.
Not beautiful.
No pleasure written in the lines of her face as she looked up at me.
Tears glistened in her eyes as she curled onto her side.
The rattle of hooks grabbed my attention just before Mercer asked, “Is all well?”
I looked up to see the slimy bastard peeking around the curtain. A rumble escaped from deep in my chest as I put my body between him and Maddie. He raised both hands and took a step back.
In my peripheral vision, Maddie drew her dress back over her breasts, and sobs racked her shoulders. Grasping onto the curtain, I yanked it back in place, stepping around it and toward the weasel. The hooks in the track hissed as I kicked over the case. The glass wands inside shattered across the floor.
“You’ll pay for that.”
“As if I fucking care,” I grumbled and charged at him. “You were supposed to make sure we did this safely.”
Mercer backed away with his hands up like a shield. The room, all the toys, everything in my line of sight had turned red like a heat lamp had suddenly turned on in the room. I would kill him for introducing this shit and making me hurt my girl.
Murder.
Plain and fucking simple.
“Daddy,” Maddie’s small voice halted me before I could get my hands on the bastard.
“You’re one lucky motherfucker.” I pivoted and went to Maddie’s side. “Are you okay?”
She flinched as I tried to reach for her, and I held myself back. Guilt cleaved me in half as I stood there wanting to cradle her in my arms. It had soothed her before, but she wasn’t so welcoming when I neared her now. Now that I’d been introduced to this dynamic, I needed her into my arms—to pull her into my chest and hold her—to be the Dom who could take away all the bad shit.
With how she held herself, I was terrified I had broken her again, and I didn’t have the words to ask. After everything that happened today, how did that push her to the edge?
I had done the exact thing that I told myself I wasn’t going to do to her.
My promise of safety—broken.
I fucked up but locked my jaw before I apologized. No apologies would fix this, only heal my guilt for how badly I had read the situation.
“Shit, Maddie. I’m so fucking sorry. We’ll never do this again,” I promised, driving the heel of my boot down on the wand.
“You’ll have to pay for that,” snarled Mercer again.
I sneered at him, “Go. Away.” What was some cash or a cheap toy in comparison to Maddie’s healing?
Focus, Cook.I moved closer to my girl. “We won’t play like that again. Maddie, are you okay?” Please, tell me that you’re okay.
She didn’t answer.
Fuck it! She belonged in my arms.
Grabbing her by the shoulders, I pulled her near me, but her eyes danced away. She wouldn’t look at me. Her whole body was like a noodle in my hands, her demeanor distant. I really had fucked up. No wonder my own daddy hit me.
I deserved it now, but Celt and I had buried him in a shallow grave for the wolves.
“Say something, Maddie,” I ordered.
“I need to be alone,” she said, pulling out of my grasp.
Like water slipping through my fingers, I let her go.
She stood up, swaying to the side, and I grabbed her elbow to steady her. Her expression was as hard as diamonds as she stepped away from me. It seemed like all the air had been sucked out of the room as she left my side, but her eyes softened as she peeked at me for the briefest of seconds.
Some of the weight came off my chest.
“Is there anywhere I can...” She cleared her throat. Her cheeks were red, and tears ran down from the corner of her eyes.
“There’s a restroom down the hallway,” said Mercer.
I tensed every muscle in my body to keep from snapping his fucking neck just for talking to Maddie.
But then Maddie was limping out of the room, and I leaned back on my heels, resisting the need to follow. She asked for alone time. I needed to give her space, like she wanted. I could give her a couple of minutes to collect herself.
“Join me in my office, and we’ll clear the charge for the Tesla unit.” Sloan straightened his metal-rimmed glasses and smoothed down his blazer with a sneer.
“What?” Why did he have to keep running his mouth?
Maddie
I wanted to scream through the tears that threatened to come out, but I ducked my head as I passed others lingering around Serenity and ran into the restroom. The door slammed shut behind me. Still trembling like a scared kitten, I braced my hands on either side of the sink and took a deep breath. Painfully, the air stretched my lungs and chest.
My stomach clenched, and vomit burned the back of my throat. I swallowed that down with my next deep breath.
I shouldn’t have chosen that toy, but it looked more interesting than the others lining the walls. What kind of adult chooses a sex toy they don’t understand? I clenched my teeth shut and turned on the water, needing a sound to push out my own thoughts of one of the clients who liked to use a TENS unit on me.
That had basically been the same thing.
The client’s name escaped me, but most of them did. None of the clients deserved a name that would stick in my mind, because they weren’t people to me. They were monsters.
This one put electrode pads on my lower gut, saying it made my cunt twitter when he fucked me and it felt like heaven. I would’ve called it rape... and hell.
Back in the playroom, all I had wanted was Cook—to see him and please him. Thank God he made the weaselly guy stand outside. When he’d done that, I thought I would be okay.
Closing my eyes had been my downfall.
Always my mistake. I had to see my daddy at all times to know who was with me. Because when I shut my eyelids, nameless and faceless came back. Hallucinations returned.
Nightmares blazed through me.
Every sensation, pleasure and pain, turned into sharp needles and blades.
I had wanted it and wanted Daddy to give me that experience to wipe away the others. However, I’d been so utterly stupid to throw my head back and lose touch with him, and the way he looked at me as I left shredded my heart.
Stumbling back from the running sink, I wrapped my arms over my midsection and shivered. A coldness had settled across me, inking its way into my bones. I ran my hands under the faucet and then wiped the water up my arms and across my chin and neck and chest. I even cleaned up my pussy—trying to erase the terror the electricity had stirred.
Staring at myself afterward, all I could see was a ghost. Black circles under my eyes. Hollow cheeks. Nothing resembling the girl from earlier today who’d asked her daddy to bring her here and dressed in the clothes he’d given me.
I needed Cook.
Still.
It wasn’t Daddy who ruined me back there. He may have controlled the device, but I was the one who’d lost touch. It was nameless and faceless.
Cook was the salve to heal my pains. I’d known it the first time I met him and the first time we’d come here. We had been so perfect together at Celt and Roni’s apartment. And at our house earlier, even though I knew he couldn’t grapple with the fact that he’d belted me, or that I had liked it so much.
Forcing a smile on my face, I pinched my cheeks to bring color back into them and then stalked toward the restroom door. I should find Cook, crawl into his arms, and curl up like Daddy’s good little girl. Everything would be okay.
Whipping open the restroom door, I bounced off a hard chest and stumbled backward, slipping through the hands that almost trapped me.
Not Cook’s hands.
These hands had a thick golden ring on almost every finger. They were dotted with age spots, not just tanned from the Arizona sun. These had age spots and reminded me of Tommy G.’s. I scampered back against the restroom counter and turned my gaze toward the man who stalked into the bathroom.
Who the fuck was this? He stepped under the harsh fluorescent light of the restroom, and it illuminated his features. Another nightmare awoke.
“Hello,” cooed Massimo Parisi like we were old friends.
We weren’t anything close. He hadn’t been a client, but he’d come to Enigma with others who were. He may never have used his dick as a weapon against me, but he knew what happened to the girls at Enigma and the kids Signora sold to the highest bidder. And he did nothing.
Didn’t that make him just as much of a monster?
What was he doing in Phoenix? He and his men came to Enigma from Vegas. They were the ones who Tommy G. made me clean for until my fingers bled. Tommy always wanted to keep this man happy, but I never really understood why.
My fingers drummed against the cool stone counter, and I looked over his shoulder at the closing door. “Coo—”
Massimo gripped my arm and brought me close. I tried to step back, and he stepped with me. The restroom door closed. Cook wouldn’t be able to hear me. Massimo backed me up until I had nowhere else to go, crushing me between the restroom counter and his body.
He smelled expensive, like he regularly covered up his natural musk with liquid money. Perfume from some high-class, over-priced boutique.
The odor burned my nostrils. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” He smirked. “I heard you escaped.”
Cook saved me. It wasn’t the same thing. Where was Cook? I needed him!
“And, look at you.” He dragged his eyes down me, and I shivered. “You’re showing off what my boys used to pay for.”
“Let go of me.” I tried to pull out of his grasp, but he hung on.
Fear prickled the back of my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of him. I couldn’t give in now after all I had survived. Though, it all rushed back—the dark memories, the cages, the rapes, hits, and cuts. All of it.
Over the years, I’d hardened myself, learned not to show my fear. Now, that mask slipped over me, and I stood up in his grip. Encouraging my muscles to relax and let the safety I’d found with Cook slide away. The makeshift armor I had built around myself started to fall, the pieces Cook and I built crumbling.
The body, no longer mine, shook slightly in Massimo’s hold, and he laughed. “I suppose old habits never die.” He tilted his head and brought his mouth so close to mine. His breath smelled of licorice and made me want to gag. “Why would I let you go? I should drag you out into the public room, bend you over, and fuck you here.”
A lump choked my throat. “Rape,” I corrected him. Apparently, I wasn’t as numb as I tried to be.
“What?” asked Massimo, glaring down at me.
I kept my eyes fixed on a paisley swirl on the wallpaper behind me and let the words fly. “Rape me. You would rape me. Like your boys raped me before.”
Though the words had venom, my voice didn’t. It sounded distant, like through a can at the opposite end of a string. A game I once played with my twin. Mel. Lanie.
What would she do in my shoes?
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t imagine how she’d react. She was, after all, a complete stranger.
He raised his hand like he was about to slap me, and I held utterly still. I wanted to flinch, but I’d disconnected from my body, leaving it still, stoic. The only way I knew to be safe.
Laughing again, Massimo dropped his hand to his side. “You talk a big game now, Maddie. You didn’t do that before.” He brushed his thumb down my forearm, reminding me how many men had touched me without my permission. “I remember your screams of pleasure from those thin rooms at Enigma.”
“Pain.” I wheezed. “Not pleasure.”
“Would you scream for my cock if I shoved it in your cunt now?”
Not a chance I would scream, even if you did rape me. You’d get off on my screams, and I’m not giving you that much power over me.
He grabbed my chin. “Answer me.”
Not with my words. Never with my words. I nodded in his grasp—it’s what he wanted me to do. His smile grew.
He released my chin. “You should fly away like a little bird. Get the fuck out of here.”
I squinted at him. Was he really not going to rape me? Maybe he couldn’t manage. Maybe he was a limp-dicked bastard who could only use threats to control people. Not caring control like Daddy.
He barked a laugh that trembled his body and mine. “Go ahead, be free.”
He pulled out his wallet and flipped a business card at me. It fluttered to the floor.
“Main Street is two blocks down. You can get a cab.” He released my arm and stepped back.
Immediately, I pushed off the sink counter and threw myself toward the door, but he put a thick arm up to block my way.
“Don’t forget the card.” His eyes pointed toward the floor.
I crouched down and picked it up, reading: Massimo Parisi.
“Tell the cabbie to bill me for the ride and let your biker man know I took good care of you.”
He dropped his arm, and I stumbled forward, tripping over my own feet.
“Have a good night, Maddie!” Massimo’s amused voice called after me.
I ran out of the restroom, spiraling, falling into the darkness of the main room in the club.
While I’d been in the restroom, more people had entered the club. More than I could wrap my head around. Faces swam before me, laughing, talking, enjoying the scene.
Was there a party?
It was too busy, the music too loud, and a rock rendition of Puccini’s “O mio babbino caro.” Rock or not, it still ripped me to shreds like Tommy G.
No, Tommy G. was in prison. Not here.
Any of the people could’ve been his or Massimo’s associates. Each of them might take me again. Use my body. I needed to get out, away from the men who would cut me, burn me, steal their sick pleasure from my body.
I found the glowing exit sign and ran toward it, nearly falling out of my shoes. The velvet curtains collapsed behind me, blocking out the murmuring of voices and the clanking of glasses. Unfortunately, I felt Massimo’s smile pelting into my back, sinking his teeth into me until he ripped away his pound of flesh. I pushed through the doors and emptied into the parking lot, and I couldn’t process any thoughts. Except one.
Don’t stop, Maddie. Whatever you do, don’t stop running!