Cosmic Castaway (Cosmic Romances #3)

47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Never will I abandon you.

Serlotminden was asleep beside me. He had been extremely cuddly after sex and our shower. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but he was tense. We needed to talk about it, and we would.

I brushed his long hair, and he wiggled closer to me, whining in his sleep, which made me smile. My husband was loud no matter what we were doing. I twisted the gold ring on my finger back and forth. Mindy had been so pleased when he presented me with the simple gold band, grinning and beaming as he practically bounced. He’d been desperate for us to be official, and I wasn’t sure why. We were already mates, which was the same thing as husbands, but he’d needed it more than I did. I’d told him again and again I was going to stay. He’d said he was fine. He’d said he had what he needed, but still… there was a tension in him I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Now wasn’t the time to bring it up, even if sleep hadn’t been easy for me tonight. I’d fallen asleep with Mindy, but not much later, I’d woken up with a nightmare filled with the ghosts of my past chasing me, screaming at me, and hating me. I’d shot awake, and I hadn’t been able to sleep since.

I slid out of bed and meandered into the living room. Water. I would get a drink, then try to fall back asleep next to my husband. That was an odd yet nice thought. Pookie was curled up in her nest and surrounded by disemboweled toys. She snorted, legs thrashing, and I swallowed.

No. Please, no.

I pushed the past down, but the memories rose like the tide and swept me out to sea. I was shoved and pushed by the sights of blood and broken bodies, sounds of screams and dull thuds, scents of piss and sweat, and all the while I tried to find my way out of the mire, but it refused to release me.

Pain shot through my legs, and I jolted. Sometime in my haze, I’d fallen to the ground. My knees throbbed, but that was preferable to the hellscape that my mind had dragged me to. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t let it go. Even now, as I closed my eyes, the burned and broken bodies of the people who had died, the people I had failed to save, appeared.

“There are no ghosts,” I whispered.

Fyn had told me so. I was the one trapping them here. While I doubted it was my fault I kept being whisked into the past at the most random of moments, I knew my guilt was keeping the faces of the dead front and center. I wanted to not see them, but… it felt like I didn’t deserve to be free of them. I had failed, hadn’t I? I had to be punished.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my chin on my bent legs and let myself think about what happened without guilt or emotion. Logically, I accepted I had been a victim. If I had not closed that bolt, killing those who were still alive, or had chosen to stand up to Agk, I would have died. I knew it, and yet my heart continued to feel differently. It was like I could accept one thing with my brain while believing something radically different with my heart.

This was not a wound that would heal any time soon, nor would my guilt fade simply because I was done feeling it. I was going to have to forgive myself, and I didn’t know how to do that yet. But I planned to figure it out. Slowly, painfully, and without hating myself too much in the process, I would forgive myself for what I did on Xome.

Letting my eyes close, I allowed the ghosts of my past to come and haunt me with their screams, but instead of fleeing, I whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re dead. I’m sorry I locked the door. I’m sorry any of this happened to us.”

Apologizing wasn’t a magical cure, but it did make me feel the slightest bit better. I was more than willing to take it as the victory it was.

Painfully, I got to my feet. There was one face who wasn’t among the ghosts. I hadn’t truly saved Vince, but he was alive and that was what mattered.

After a quick consultation with NAID, I left the room and went down the hallway.

A chime sounded when I pressed the panel glowing with blue light next to the door. The metal door slid open, and Vince stood on the other side. His short black hair was wet, like he’d just gotten out of the shower, and he wore Drakcon clothes, though they were large on his small frame. Vince was not a big person to begin with, and he was underweight, much like me.

“Hey,” I said.

“Teddy, come in.” Vince hugged himself as he led me to the couch. Every light was on as bright as possible, making me wince. There was no relief from it.

We sat across from each other, and I studied him. His skin was more pallid than usual and his eyes were ringed with purple. His posture was stiff, and he was leaning away from me as far as possible while remaining on the couch. Vince looked unwell, but more than that, he appeared haunted.

“How are you?” I asked. Did he have the same issues I had? It was possible. He had been left alone with Agk for weeks.

“Fine, Teddy. Though you look thin. Has your husband not been feeding you? Punishing you for some obscure reason?”

He said it as a joke, but I heard the worry beneath it. Drakcol were new to Vince, and he had no reason to trust them, especially after everything.

I drew one leg up and faced him. “Mindy is feeding me. He’s extremely paranoid about feeding me. I’m on nutritional supplements as well. I imagine Klars—that’s the doctor in charge of humans—will start you on some.”

Vince nodded. “Are you happy? With him?”

“I love him. I love him a lot, and I’m happy.”

“So you’re staying?”

“Yeah.” When Vince didn’t say anything else, I continued, “I didn’t mean to leave you. I would’ve never intentionally abandoned you. Please believe me.”

“I know,” he said, curling in on himself and hugging his knees to his chest.

I frowned. “What happened after I was gone?”

He shrugged. “Agk sold me.”

My pulse stumbled. I’d been afraid of that. “I’m sorry. Are you alright?”

“I’m alive, aren’t I?”

Alive didn’t necessarily mean okay; I knew that better than anyone.

After staying with Vince for a few more minutes of strained silence, I returned to mine and Mindy’s apartment, pausing in the doorway. Serlotminden was in the living room, pacing with Pookie perched on his shoulder.

“Hey, Honey,” I said, coming inside. “Why are you awake?”

“You were gone.”

That shouldn’t have instilled the tension I saw in his body. I crossed the space between us to gather him close, making Pookie squeal and leap off, and Mindy surrounded me, tail coiling about my ankle and wings hugging me. An instant heat enveloped me, making me melt against him. His forehead found its way to my cheek, nuzzling, scent marking, and he worked down to my neck.

A sure sign he was panicked. And there was no reason for him to be. I assumed Don’s ship was safe to wander the halls at night, and I hadn’t gone far. Vince was on the same floor as us, a few doors away. To comfort him, I tucked a hand beneath his shirt and teased the scent gland on his side. He groaned, pressing even closer to me, and continued to scent mark me aggressively.

I guessed that conversation needed to happen right now.

When I tried to shift back to see him, he grunted, refusing to let me go. “No, Flower.”

Sighing, I hooked my arms around his neck and squeezed him for a moment. “Mindy, let’s sit, alright?”

Finally, he released me and moved to the couch, but the second he sat, Serlotminden drew me onto his lap, and I had no choice but to straddle his thick thighs. His green eyes were wide and his breath was harsh enough to make his chest heave; it wasn’t arousal riding him, but rather, fear.

“What’s wrong?” I demanded.

“I awoke and you were gone.”

“I went to see Vince to explain that I didn’t abandon him.”

“You should have told me.”

“And wake you up in the middle of the night?” I asked.

“Yes.”

I kissed him, trying to soothe the anxiety he was clearly having about my absence, but that wasn’t going to be enough. This was something that needed to be addressed again, apparently.

Cupping his cheeks, I said, “You were asleep. I wasn’t going to wake you up for something trivial.” When he started to talk, I kissed him again. “No, Mindy. I can go places without telling you. I was perfectly safe. I went to see Vince. I’m allowed to have friends.”

“You are. But I need to keep you close.”

“Why?”

“I’m scared of losing you.”

Waking up and thinking I was dead had to be traumatic. I understood that, but I was fairly certain this wasn’t about that. “Are you afraid of me dying or me leaving you?”

Serlotminden looked away, but his tail thrashed.

There it was. That was the issue. He didn’t believe that I was going to stay, no matter how many times I’d told him. His needing us to be husbands, his clinginess, and his quick claiming of me in front of Vince were all in line with that. He didn’t actually trust that I was choosing him and this life. I could’ve felt insulted, but I didn’t. I saw the fear in his eyes and knew the struggles he had with feeling forgotten or abandoned. Trust was a tricky thing and it took time. Mindy trusted me with his heart and his life, but he didn’t trust me to stay.

I caught his chin. “You’re mine.”

“I am,” he replied instantly, making me smile. I would have never guessed I’d be possessive, but here we were.

“I’m yours.”

He did not respond.

I gripped his chin. “I am yours, Serlotminden.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.”

“You want to go home, Bartholomew. You cannot lie to me. I saw it when I told you Vince could go back. You chose me before you knew there were other options. You’re staying because you feel obligated.”

“I did choose you before I knew about the possibility of returning.”

His head ducked.

I wrapped my arms around him, and he nuzzled my chest. I said, “I did choose you before I knew everything. But,” I lifted his chin, “I’m choosing you again after I know everything. I want you, Serlotminden. Over everything. I pick you. I want you. I need you. I love you. Not your body. Not what you offer as a prince. Not your career. But you. Your bounding from place to place, your noises, your humor, your laughter, your caring, your possessiveness. I choose you.”

His eyes grew wet.

“I’m not going to lie. I do miss Earth and my family. I wish I could bring them here to be with me, but I’d never leave you, Honey. Not for any reason. I can’t even imagine doing that. You make me happy, and we belong together. So you are stuck with me through thick and thin and until I am a crabby old man.”

“I love you so much,” he warbled, squishing me to his chest. “I’m terrified you’re going to change your mind. I don’t want you to have to sacrifice Earth, but I cannot surrender you. I will never change my mind about you. You are my soul. My apologies for doubting you.”

“Don’t apologize. In the future, tell me if you're nervous. I’m more than happy to tell you that I’m choosing you or staying or whatever you need as many times as you need until you believe it. I love you, and I never want to go anywhere without you. You are well and truly stuck with me.”

“Good. I don’t want to be anywhere else in this universe. I shall stay right beside you, keeping you safe, and making it so you can sit and smell the flowers. I promise.”

I held my husband’s cheeks as I stared at his green eyes that I loved and was happy. Utterly and completely happy. Maybe Serlotminden hadn’t been so bad at this rescue thing after all, and maybe I wasn’t either, because we had truly saved each other and would continue doing so for the rest of our lives.

Four Months Later

I held my breath, tail flicking, as I watched my mate and the priest. Bartholomew hadn’t been forced to touch the Crystal, which I was thankful for. We had decided not to attempt to become Crystal-bound mates. Bartholomew didn’t like the idea of being able to mind-speak and the lack of privacy; also, there was the matter of the genetic link. As of this moment, I couldn’t imagine us not being with each other all the time, but in the future, he might not attend every one of my races or accompany me on every diplomatic mission.

Bartholomew glanced at me, and I gave him a smile. He didn’t understand why he needed to have his soul tested. Out of all the humans that had come to Tamkolvanloknol, he was the most resistant to it. He saw it as unnecessary, for he knew who he was without knowing his soul type, but I couldn’t deny I was curious. I had my suspicions, and now, we would find out for certain.

The priest did his babble about the different soul types and their colors before holding out the glowing piece of glass. Bartholomew rested his fingers against it, the light caressing him. It glowed a lovely pale gray that maybe bore a touch of pink. A spiritual soul with hints of warrior. I grinned.

“You are a spiritual soul,” the priest announced. “The first non-drakcol one in our recorded history.”

My mate grunted, and I laughed. He, even after our time together, wasn’t much of a talker, especially in front of other people.

I surrounded him with my arms, hauling him close and nuzzling his neck. “I always knew you were special.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he replied, but he rubbed my arm.

“Now, we can announce our mating publicly.”

My parents had refused to publicly acknowledge our mating until Bartholomew had been soul tested, which had been the driving force behind this. Also, he’d needed to be tested before being added to the Drakcon network. I breathed in his earthy scent, barely paying attention to the priest who stared at us, his tail wiggling. He clearly wanted to ask Bartholomew questions. The Ranks were always so fascinated by humanity, and none had been interested in indulging them yet.

“You may leave,” I said, wishing to be alone with my mate.

The priest offered me his throat and swiftly exited the terrace garden beside the palace.

I snagged my mate’s hand, leading him toward the towering trees in a multitude of colors. We wound on the bark path, silent, as we observed the bright flowers, fluttering bugs, and the world around us. We had done this multiple times, and it relaxed Bartholomew each time. He was highly allergic to pollen and had to take daily injections, but he loved being outside in the quiet. The last few months had helped us both with each other and ourselves. My mate was continuing to have nightmares from his time on Xome, but he’d agreed to meet with someone to discuss them. I still worried at random times that he would leave me, but now, I asked for reassurance—reassurance that he was happy to provide.

“Tell me again,” I asked quietly.

He gave me a smile, brown eyes crinkling behind his lenses. “I am staying beside you. I love you, Serlotminden.”

My soul pounded as I looked at my mate, my soul, my future. “I love you too, Flower.”

I’d been sold again. I didn’t even react. None of it mattered. Teddy was gone. He had been for weeks, and the last few weeks had been some of the worst of my life.

What came next would probably be even worse.

The door opened, and my current owner jerked me out by my arm, throwing me. I staggered, tilting dangerously toward the floor. Strong hands caught me, steadying me, and I looked up and up and up. The largest person I’d ever seen towered over me. He was broad with black scales, deep green eyes that peered into mine, and long dark purple hair.

“Vince?”

I blinked.

“My name is Dontilvynsan, and I am here for you.”

Well, that was fucking ominous.

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