34. Bones
CHAPTER 34
BONES
I have been dreading this night since I saw my father when I was on a date with Skylar. I know he’ll have something to say, some sly remark or comment. I’ve never hidden my sexuality from him. In fact, I shoved it in his face like a dare. He never liked my ex, though he only met him once or twice before . . . well, before, but it’s clear he didn’t like Skylar.
He doesn’t like anyone who stands up to him.
I hesitate like a scared little boy, standing before my father’s house, knowing the devil is waiting inside to spring a trap and make me miserable. I still came, though, because I have a promise to keep.
Taking a deep breath, I pull out my phone and reread Skylar’s text. He might not have known I’d need it, but I do, and I use it to strengthen me.
Skylar: I have to work late, beautiful, but I can’t wait to come home to you. Just sleep over at my place, and when I get in, I’ll get to hold you and make this day so worth it.
Biting back my smile, I pocket my phone. I can do this. I can handle anything he throws at me. Let him toss his words like weapons, but he won’t crack the shield I’ve built. I’m really happy, something that is still scary to me, but I am, and I won’t let him ruin it just because it’s not what he wants for me. He doesn’t control my life.
I repeat it as I head inside.
I can feel the tension in the air, even as I enter the dining room. I nod my head at the staff, sit in my chair at the other end of the table, and wait since he is looking at his iPad.
When twenty minutes pass and he says nothing, I grow irritated and bored. “How is work?”
His eyes finally lift to me, and he arches a brow in question. I swallow down anything else I would say as his eyes drop to his iPad again. Ten minutes later, he sits back, running his gaze over me in a way that makes me nervous. My father likes to tear me apart, I’m used to it, but something in his expression seems different.
“Sir, are you ready for your first?—”
“No, we will wait,” he interrupts without sparing the maid a look. It’s a different girl tonight, and I hope the one from before is okay, though she is probably better off not working here.
His words, however, are my first clue that something is wrong. Declan Townsend is never late for anything, nor does he push anything back. His schedule is strict and set in stone.
“Are we waiting for someone?” I ask.
Without a word, he stands and buttons his suit as he wanders toward me, his eyes hard and determined. He’s approaching me like he’s in the courtroom, and that’s my second clue something is happening.
Laying his iPad before me, he watches me impatiently. My gaze lowers to the screen and widens in horror and shock. There’s a picture of Skylar on it, heading into work at Starfire. He reaches down and slides it over to another picture of him getting out of his car in their parking lot, then him at my school, and another of him and me walking. He flips through so many pictures, I start to feel sick.
When and how did he get these?
“Are you stalking me now? Paying someone to take creepy pictures of me?” I snap, pushing the iPad away. “That’s low, even for you.”
Sitting on the edge of the table, he eyes me. “Knowledge is power. Without knowledge, we have a losing hand, and I never lose, so let me tell you what I know. Skylar Warren is currently driving for Starfire Racing, and before that, he competed in illegal street races. It seems he was quite good as well and made a lot of money—money he now spends on you.” He opens up pictures and news articles. “There are some mysterious assaults, deaths, and drug arrests that could never be tied to anyone, but I can tie them to him.”
I shake my head. I know about Skylar’s past and what he did to survive on those streets. He didn’t tell me all of it, but it was enough for me to understand. My father doesn’t care though. He lists every single thing about Skylar in black and white, making him seem like a criminal.
“Why are you doing this?” I ask, interrupting him.
“To show you how easily I could destroy Skylar Warren’s life. This iPad has every dirty little secret, past sin, and crime—everything the world would clamor to know. His career he so painstakingly built would be ruined . . . all because of you.”
“Why would you want to destroy him?” I whisper, already knowing why.
“Because he is in my way and in your life, and I do not like it.”
“Why? Do you really hate me being happy?” I gesture at his iPad. “You want me to be miserable and alone like you?” I thrust to my feet, glaring at him. He doesn’t react to my anger, doesn’t rise to meet my outburst. He simply smiles.
“Yes, if that is what it takes. You have a bright future ahead of you. I will not let you ruin it over someone like this,” he sneers as he looks at a picture of Skylar again.
I can’t help but laugh bitterly. “Did you ever think he’s worth ruining it over?” I retort, I know I’m getting worked up, but I’m pissed, and fuck his calm, rational arguments. I don’t care about his game. I’m sick of trying to please him. He doesn’t get to fuck up my life and take away the one thing that makes me happy. “My bright future isn’t what I want, but what you want.”
He stands, his movements slow and measured, his face cold—it’s the expression he wears when he knows he’s already won. “You listen to me, boy. I’ve done too much to make you into this for you to destroy it now. This is your first and only warning. Stay away from Skylar Warren. It won’t be you I’ll ruin, but him.”
He turns, picking up his iPad and heading back to his seat as I stare at him in horror and panic. “We will take our first course now,” he calls, seemingly happy as he sits.
“I’ll never be enough, will I? I guess I always knew it, but listening to you now, I’m sure. Nothing I ever do will be enough,” I croak, years of repressed self-flagellation and hate pouring from me. I did everything I could to make him proud, to make him love me, but he never will. I’m not his son or even a person to him. I’m just another thing to control and move across the board.
He places his iPad down and leans his chair back. “Enough with this tantrum?—”
“It is not a tantrum!” I sweep my hand across the table, the crash of the glass loud, but he doesn’t react.
“No? It sure looks like one. You can cover your body in tattoos and act all tough, but under it all, you’re a scared little boy who still needs his daddy’s approval, who still needs me?—”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I never needed you. I wanted my dad to be proud. I wanted my dad to love me, but I’ve realized I don’t need you to. I’m surrounded by enough family and love for two lifetimes with or without you, and that’s kind of fucking freeing,” I snarl.
“It doesn’t matter though, does it?” he replies calmly. “You can’t escape me, and if you try, I will destroy this boy you care so deeply for. It is your choice.”
He’ll destroy Skylar to get what he wants, and I would be the reason why. I would be the reason Sky lost everything he’s worked hard for. He would lose it all because of me.
I’m not worth that. Nobody is.
Worst of all, he would hate me, and I don’t think I could bear that.
I just stare at my father, and he offers me a cruel, mocking smile.
“I will excuse you tonight. I am not in the mood for your attitude. You may leave and think about what we discussed.” I glare at him, feeling like I might cry or throw up or both. “You can go.”
Without a word, I tear out of there, knowing there is no arguing with him. This is his law. Either I play along or Skylar loses everything.
Sky . . . Oh fuck, Sky.
Hurrying through the front door, I stop at my car, my heart shattering in my chest. I feel sick and cold.
I was so fucking happy, so fucking filled with life when I came here, and now it’s all gone.
“Fuck!” Slamming my hand into my car, I feel my skin split and my bones ache, but the pain drowns out the agony in my heart and head, so I do it again and again.
I slide down and sit with my back to the car as I stare up at the lights of his mansion.
He’ll do it, I know he will, and Skylar will lose everything.
I can’t let that happen.
I care about him too much to let that happen, which means I’ll have to break Skylar Warren’s heart—the one he gave me without strings or expectations. I never thought it would hurt this badly, but tears flow from my eyes unchecked as I struggle to breathe.
It’s then I realize the true depths of my feelings for him and just how much I’ve come to care, and now it will all be gone.
I’ll be completely and utterly alone and broken again.
Eventually, I picked myself up and drove home. I didn’t go to Skylar’s, and I ignored his knock later that night, as well as his texts and calls. Eventually he gave up, assuming I was asleep.
I don’t sleep, how can I? My bed is cold and empty, and without his arms around me, I don’t feel safe. Before the sun even rises, I leave my apartment, avoiding him. It’s a dick move, but I can’t face him. He’ll know, and then he’ll try to make it better. He’ll try to protect me. It’s who he is.
I won’t let him.
No, this is for the best. It’s better if it ends now.
As the day passes, I’m like a zombie. My phone is switched off since he’s blowing it up. I barely eat or take in what is said in my classes. I’m just drifting.
I wonder if fighting to survive, each and every day, and putting on the facade while striving for tomorrow is even worth it. It’s expected, it’s what’s done, you can’t just give up, but what if it isn’t worth it? What if ten years from now, I look back and realize none of it was worth it? I feel like I’m just the side character in everyone else’s story, waiting to add to their life. Isn’t that sad? It keeps me up at night, wondering why I keep going . . .
For a while, I did it because of him. I kept going for him, but now he’s gone again, and I’m dragged back under the waves that seek to drown me.
I wander across campus, lost and without purpose, tired and so fed up it must gather around me like a cloud because everyone gives me a wide berth.
“Bones!” The familiar voice makes me whirl around, my whole body coming to life as he jogs toward me, looking worried, all before I realize what this means.
I should have known he wouldn’t let me go this easily, and it only makes it harder. Can I really look into his eyes and break his heart?
Turning away, I speed up to escape him, knowing I don’t have the strength to look him in the face and hurt him like everyone else.
“Bones!” He yanks me around, looking confused and sad. “Talk to me, baby. What the fuck is going on? Did I do something?” He presses closer despite my struggles, and for a moment, I relax into his warmth, soaking it in. I won’t ever be warm again after this. “Talk to me, beautiful. Tell me what I did so I can fix it, okay?”
Staring into his eyes, I almost cave and tell him everything. It’s on my tongue, but as I look into his handsome face, I know I can’t do this. I can’t drag him into my fucked-up world. I can’t let him ruin everything he’s worked for—not for me and not because of my father. He deserves better.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I admit.
“Yes, it is. I know you. What’s going on?” He shakes me slightly. “Baby, talk to me. I’m too attached to you for you to act like this.”
I remind myself this is for him and his future. It’s what has to be done. I can’t ruin his life, even if it means he’ll hate me forever. I’ll keep him safe.
“I never told you to get attached to me, okay? I don’t care for you like that. What we had was fun, and the sex was good, but that’s all it was.” It’s like stepping on sunshine. I see pain flash in his eyes.
“You’re lying,” he snaps.
“Am I?” I harden my features, realizing I must look like my father right now. The mask threatens to break when he cups my cheeks, but I force it to stay in place.
“Talk to me,” he begs.
“I am. It isn’t my fault you won’t listen.” Gripping his hands, I pull them from my face and let them drop, the warmth from his touch marking me forever. I know I’ll feel it until the day I die. “Sky, you’re fun. That’s all. Did you really think you could ever be anything more? I got what I wanted and now I’m bored. Take a hint.”
He flinches, another barb hitting him. I know exactly where to dig.
I’ve never hated myself as much as I do in this moment as I watch his face crumple, yet he still doesn’t let go. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I must have done something. If you tell me, I can fix it. I promise.”
“You aren’t listening.” I laugh bitterly. “What’s it going to take for you to listen? You’ve had so many one-night stands and flings, Skylar. Don’t you see that’s what this is for me? You of all people should know what it’s like to use another for their body.”
I expect him to get angry, but he just stares at me.
“What?” I demand.
“You’re mean, Bones, but you’re never cruel, not like this. Baby, talk to me. I can see you locking yourself away.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I am cruel.” I try to step from his arms again, but they tighten.
“Let me go, Skylar,” I demand, my voice cold, and his eyes tighten in pain as he searches my gaze. Yesterday morning was paradise. We kissed leisurely, had breakfast together, and took our time exploring each other. I admitted to wanting more, to needing him. I let him in, and now I’m pushing him away. I know he’s confused. I would be too. He’s also hurt, but he’s still more worried for me, thinking it’s his fault, and that hurts even more.
He’s blaming himself.
I need to make him hate me, but I don’t know if I’m capable of it. I would never want to see his eyes fill with disgust and hatred like everyone else’s when he has only ever looked at me with love and kindness.
“You are so dumb, Warren. Look at you. You are pathetic.”
Stepping back, he drops my hand, severing the connection between our bodies. I suddenly feel so cold, so alone, that I want to drag him back, but I don’t. I step away, watching as tears glisten in his eyes as he stares at me. He’s broken and confused, but he refuses to give up, even as I hurt him. “Bones, please, talk to me.”
“Get it through your head. This is—was nothing, and it’s over. Go back to racing, and I’ll go back to my books.”
“No,” he snaps, reaching for me, but I step away again.
“Stay away from me. Don’t become like Mr. Rose, obsessed with something that never existed. I was and never will be yours. I don’t even want to be. I just wanted to have fun. Let it go,” I snap and turn, forcing myself to take slow, measured steps away when I want to run.
Each time my foot hits the ground, taking me away from him, another piece of my heart crashes inside my chest, shattering and breaking.
I didn’t just break his heart. I broke my own as well.
At the end of the path, I can’t take it anymore. I turn, expecting him to be behind me or standing where I left him, but he’s walking away, and my hand flies to my aching chest as I struggle to breathe.
It’s strange seeing him walk away from me. I’ve never seen him from behind because he was always walking toward me.