Crazy Imperfect Hearts

Chapter Forty-one

Lucas

Regan is asleep before her head hits the pillow. I’m not surprised. I’ve heard labor and childbirth is more taxing than running a marathon.

I watch her sleep for a minute. Her face is clean of all makeup. Her hair isn’t washed. But somehow, she’s even more beautiful than she was yesterday. Or last month. Or when she was eighteen and I was the horny adolescent lusting after her.

My feelings are more intense than before. But she’s the mother of my child. I’m sure that has everything to do with it.

You loved her before.

I scrub a hand across my two-day stubble as I glance around the room at all the flowers and teddy bears that got delivered when we were in the NICU. Which reminds me, my phone is blowing up with calls and texts.

I promised Regan I’d sit with Mitchell. But first, I have to let everyone know what’s going on.

I make my way to the waiting room, surprised to see it filled to capacity with friends and family. A dozen people spring off couches and chairs when I appear in the doorway. All I have to do is smile and the whole room seems to sigh in collective relief.

“Lucas!” Allie screams, bounding forward to punch me in the arm. “For Christ’s sake, couldn’t you at least have texted?”

“Is he okay?” Mom asks.

The room falls silent as I tell them everything. Then my phone gets passed around so everyone can see pictures.

Allie cries uncontrollably when she sees him. Big, snotty sobs.

Mom sidles up next to her, almost having to hold her upright. I had no idea my little sister would be so affected by me becoming a dad.

“He’s small, but perfect,” I say. “I bet he’ll be out of here even before they anticipate. My kid is strong.”

Dad pats my shoulder. “Of course he is. Congratulations, son.”

I pull Mom and Dad aside. “I’m going to sit with him now. Regan doesn’t want him to be alone. Grandparents are the only other people allowed, so do you think—”

“Whenever you need us,” Mom says. “We can take shifts.”

I nod. “Thanks.”

I look back at everyone in the room. Regan’s friends. Mine. Ryder and my entire family. And I know with this many people pulling for him, Mitchell is going to be just fine.

Before leaving, I pull Ryder aside. “What did Sheriff Niles say about that asshole?”

“No trace of him. Gone. Vanished like a puff of smoke. He made his deputies aware, and they’ll be on the lookout, but he honestly believes she’s seen the last of him.”

I breathe a deep sigh of relief knowing a weight has been lifted and Regan will have one less thing to worry about.

I clasp his shoulder. “Thanks, brother.”

He looks at me oddly. When it dawns on me that I called him brother, I backtrack quickly and say, “Or should I say uncle?”

He smiles, clearly liking the title.

I wait outside the NICU for someone to let me in, then wash up and sanitize my phone in case I want to take more pictures. Because of course I will. Then a nurse scans my ID band and I enter.

“He’s been doing very well,” Christa says from across the room. “I’ll be right there.” She finishes doing whatever she’s doing and then comes over. “You ready to hold him, Dad?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.”

“It was really nice of you to let Regan have all that time with him. I know it must have been hard.”

I shake my head, thinking of how happy she looked with Mitchell in her arms. “It wasn’t.”

Christa cocks her head and studies me. She knows about me. The whole town does. Even people I don’t know, recognize, or remember—they all know about the infamous runaway groom. Finally, she looks away and pulls over a rocking chair. “Sit here and take off your shirt.”

I raise a brow.

She chuckles. “Relax, sailor. I’m not hitting on you. We call it kangaroo care. It’s a technique for holding preemies that involves placing the baby directly on your chest for skin-to-skin contact. It not only promotes bonding, but can help your baby sleep better, keep them warm, and improve their heart, breathing, blood pressure, even their glucose levels. It’s amazing what it can do.”

Before she’s even done explaining, my shirt is off.

When she unwraps him from the blanket, he’s just in a diaper. I’m amazed they even make diapers that small. His body is so tiny. He looks much smaller than he did just an hour ago. His little arms and legs look so frail I’m almost scared to hold him.

“It’s okay,” Christa assures me, sensing my anxiety. “He won’t break.”

When she places him on my chest, my entire world stops. Everything else falls away. It’s just me and him. My son. My new purpose in life.

“Ho-lee shit,” I murmur.

“Pretty incredible, huh?” Christa says.

“I had no idea.”

“Nobody does. You can try and tell people how it will feel to have a child. But until you experience it, there just aren’t enough words to truly express it.”

“Why haven’t I ever done this before?” I whisper. “I swear to god I’m going to give you a dozen siblings.”

I think I hear Christa chuckle before she walks away and leaves me to bond with my son.

Sometime later—I don’t even know how long it’s been. Ten minutes? An hour? —Christa comes back and leans over the top of his empty incubator. “You’re going to be a good dad. I can tell.”

“I plan on it.”

“I read the article,” she says. “Saw the news stories too.”

“You and everyone else,” I say, not looking up from my incredible sleeping son.

“They didn’t tell the whole story.”

I glance up. “What do you mean?”

“They left something out.”

I narrow my eyes at her.

“You’re in love with her.”

“What?” My heart pounds. “You’re crazy.”

“You’re the one who’s crazy if you don’t tell the woman who just had your kid that you love her.”

I look back at Mitchell, not having the energy to deny it. “It’s way more complicated than that.”

“Complicated. Right. You just had a baby together. There’s no clear answer here.”

“Whatever, Christa.”

My stomach grumbles. I’m not even sure how long it’s been since I’ve eaten. It’s been even longer for Regan since they didn’t want her eating during labor. She’ll be starving when she wakes up.

“Hey, Christa.” I nod to my phone sitting on the little table. “Mind doing me a favor?”

“More pictures?”

“No. I need you to place an order for me. Regan will want to eat when she wakes up. Can you call Sushi King?”

“Sure. What kind of sushi do you want to order?”

“All of it,” I say. “One of everything. She’s gone all these months without eating it. I want to make sure one of them is her absolute favorite.”

She laughs, makes the call, then sets down my phone. She leans close. “No one has ever done that for me. Not even my husband.” She walks away, tossing me a look over her shoulder. “But, yeah… it’s soooo complicated.”

~ ~ ~

Regan wakes up and looks around. “What time is it? How long did I sleep?”

“A few hours. It’s eight o’clock.”

She sits up slowly with a slight grimace on her beautiful face. Her arms reach for the pillow next to her, so I move it to support her back. She must be uncomfortable. With all thoughts on Mitchell, it’s easy to forget she just pushed a five-pound human out of her.

Her shoulders slump. “I thought you said you’d stay with him.”

“I did. And then I came to sit with you. You need people, too, Regan. My mom has been with him for an hour or so. Dad says he’ll come too. Between the four of us, he’ll have a lot of company.”

“Good. I’m glad he won’t have to be alone.”

“There are plenty of nurses around to keep an eye on him.”

Her head shakes. “It’s not the same.”

“I know.”

Her eyes widen then dart around the room. “What’s that smell? Is that sushi?”

I roll the tray table over. The spread I got barely even fits on it. There are salmon rolls, spicy tuna, crispy shrimp, and a dozen others. Her eyes bug out.

“I wasn’t sure what kind you like.”

“Oh my gosh… all of it!” She rips into a pair of chopsticks as I start opening little plastic containers.

Her eyes roll back as the first piece goes in her mouth. She chews it like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted. She picks out another, and moans when she bites into it. I stand completely still and watch as this happens over and over.

It’s really hard to keep myself from getting turned on. Because… shit .

“You can’t be serious,” she says, eyeing my rising problem.

“It’s your fault,” I say. “You’re making all those noises. And you cut me off months ago.”

Her chopsticks come to rest on the table. “You haven’t…?”

I shake my head.

“Not since…?”

I reach out, grab a piece of a spicy tuna roll with my bare fingers and pop it into my mouth. “Nope,” I say around it. I wiggle my fingers. “My hand is the only thing I’m dating these days.”

I could swear the hint of a smile crosses her lips. Because she thinks I should abstain since she did? Or because she’s happy I’m still being boycotted? As I study her for an answer, her cheeks flush. She turns away and picks out her next piece of sushi.

“Maddie and Ava were here,” I say. “They sat with you when I was with Mitchell earlier. They said they’d come back tomorrow.”

The door opens and a different nurse comes in with a strange-looking machine attached to tubes and funnels. She eyes the sushi table and shakes her head in amusement.

“You want some?” Regan asks. “I think he got everything on the menu.”

“I’d love a piece or two. Thanks. My name’s Lola. I’ll be your night nurse. I came in to help you pump. Baby needs all that great colostrum.”

“Well then,” I say, moving toward the door. “I think I’ll go check on my mom. How about I come back in fifteen minutes or so and take you to the NICU?”

Regan looks at Lola who nods.

“Perfect.” Regan peruses the table for another bite. “And thanks for this, it was really sweet of you.”

“It’s nothing. See you in a few.”

“Lucas… it’s not nothing. Really. Thank you.”

“You got it.”

Our eyes connect for a long moment before she goes in for another bite. But damn, in that moment, it’s like something was connecting us. Something more than Mitchell. More than what we’ve gone through or are going through. More than what any contract binds us to.

I leave the room, press my back against the wall just outside it, and grip my shirt right over my heart. Because I’ve got it bad for the woman on the other side of that door. And it’s killing me that when we leave this place, we won’t be leaving together.