Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
AJ
“ Y ou’ve got to be kidding me,” I say to Frank, my jaw falling open.
“No, I’m entirely serious.” Frank’s bellow of a laugh echoes around in his small office. I’ve always liked that, despite being a billionaire and the owner of this club, he keeps his space here small and unassuming, just like his presence in running this team.
“You don’t look like this news is sitting well with you. I thought you’d be positively giddy.”
“When have you ever known me to be giddy?” I ask, trying to stall the conversation, because discussing the bomb he just dropped is making me nauseous.
“Fair enough,” he says with another laugh. “But the pool of candidates for GM of the Year just got smaller, and you moved right to the top.”
I’m not sure what to say in response. Here I was, planning on telling him about McCabe and me, and he goes and sidelines me with the news that another GM was just forced to withdraw his nomination for the award after he was suspended without pay pending an investigation into unethical conduct for inappropriate and unwanted advances toward his assistant.
And while, logically, I know that my situation is totally different, I can’t help but wonder if anyone else will make the same distinction.
“I—” I pause, not quite sure how to tell him, but knowing that I have to. “I actually called this meeting because I wanted to talk about a... situation.”
I pause, not quite sure how to proceed after his stunning news. I don’t necessarily think Brett Ivers is a good guy, or deserves this award for that matter. But the irony of Frank telling me about this situation right as I come to talk to him about my own relationship with an employee? It’s just too much.
“A situation...?” he asks, indicating that he wants me to fill him in.
“Yeah, a situation involving my own love life.”
His eyes widen. As much as Frank is constantly telling me that he wants to see me happily settled down, even going so far as to try to set me up with one of his sons, I've never indulged him by talking about that aspect of my private life.
“So...” I hedge, “this is going to come as a bit of a shock to you, just like it came as a shock to me. And I don't know any way to phrase this that’s going to lessen that shock, especially given what you just told me.”
Worry lines crease the corners of his eyes, replacing the curiosity on his face from a few moments ago.
“Believe it or not—” I gulp down the lump in my throat. There is nothing wrong with you being in a relationship with McCabe , I tell myself. “There's something going on between me and McCabe.”
Now it's Frank’s jaw that falls open.
“I know that it seems entirely unlikely,” I continue, pushing through the awkwardness, “but we both have feelings for each other and those feelings are becoming impossible to ignore.”
“You’re shitting me,” Frank says with an uncomfortable laugh. “McCabe?”
He sounds like I just told him I ate roadkill for breakfast, and my stomach flips over in response. “No, I’m not kidding. I was coming to talk to you about this today because I want to be transparent about it. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the club's reputation. It’s entirely consensual and there’s been absolutely nothing unethical about our relationship,” I tell him, but even as I say it, I wonder if the times that McCabe brought up his contract with me over the last couple days blurs that line. But even if it did, I did nothing that was unethical. I didn't negotiate with him. I didn't even tell him that his agent is a fucking liar. I sure as shit hope that Jameson is giving him some good counsel right now.
“I know how much you value your privacy, AJ. But I'm going to need you to say more about this. Do I need to call HR in here for this conversation?”
I press my lips between my teeth. “Yeah, you probably should.”
I’ve looked at my contract and I know there’s nothing in it specifically about being in a relationship with a player. But there is an ethics clause, and all it would take for me to have violated it is McCabe saying my advances were unwarranted. I know he wouldn’t do that, but HR needs to know this is going on so that we can figure out the best game plan.
A few minutes later, our HR Director, Sarah, is sitting next to me in Frank's office. The small, cozy feeling of the space is now replaced with my cold dread. Suddenly, this all feels so real, and so wrong.
“Alright,” Sarah says, “why don't you start from the beginning?”
I spend the next few minutes giving them the watered-down, sanitized version of how I grew closer to Ronan over the last few weeks. Sarah’s eyes flip between Frank and me when I'm finished. She gives one long, slow blink like she's trying to steel herself from my reaction before she says, “I’m so sorry, but I have to ask, is this relationship sexual in nature?”
“Yes.” My response is concise, hopefully inviting no further discussion.
She glances down at her lap, scanning a printed page before her, and then tells me what I already know. “There’s nothing in your contract that expressly prohibits you from being involved with anyone working for this organization. But AJ, I have to tell you, this doesn't look good. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't try to protect this organization from threats of sexual misconduct or unethical behavior.”
“I know that,” I say, anxious for her to understand that I don’t want to get in the way of her doing her job, but also hoping she doesn’t ask me not to move forward with Ronan—because that’s not happening. “And I respect that you need to do your job without me trying to interfere. But I also need you to know that I have been incredibly careful never to let anything that was developing between us cross over into any sort of gray area. I know he's in the middle of a contract negotiation, but I have only negotiated his contract with his agent. And even though I know that technically I am his boss and therefore in a position of power, I was not the one who pursued him. In fact, I did everything within my power to try to prevent myself from having feelings for him, because I would never want my actions to reflect poorly on the club.”
I pause and sigh before I add, “But also, I think I deserve to be happy. I think I deserve to have a relationship that’s built on mutual trust and respect, even if he and I happen to work for the same team. And the reason I came to talk to you about this today”—I turn toward Frank—“is because I don’t want to hide it anymore. I want to recuse myself from negotiating his new contract, and I want to officially hand over any aspect of managing him, as a player, to Jim.”
“Jim hasn’t even started yet,” Frank reminds me. Our new assistant GM was only hired a month ago and won’t start until his current team’s season is over.
“Then I’m sure you can handle McCabe until Jim starts. Or,” I say, nodding toward Sarah where she sits next to me, “have HR be in charge of him.”
“This is a tough spot, AJ,” Frank says, looking at me like I’m one of his kids who’s found herself in a tough predicament. “On the one hand, I’m happy for you that you’re happy. I really am. I think you know how much I’ve always wanted you to find a fulfilling relationship. I just never dreamed it would be with one of our players.”
“That makes two of us,” I say quietly.
Frank relaxes his lower lip and lets out a sigh that ruffles his gray mustache. “But I’m sure you can see how, especially given what I just told you about Ivers, this could reflect poorly on the organization.”
“That’s why I want to be honest about it. I don’t want this coming out like we’re sneaking around and trying to hide it.”
“The thing is,” he says, shaking his head, “there’s no way this isn’t going to tarnish your reputation. Even if you’re honest and transparent, and even if nothing unethical happened, people are going to take one look at the situation and judge you. It’s not fair, but it’s the way it is.”
“I know.”
“You go public with this, and you can kiss that award goodbye.”
I swallow. “I know.”
“I don’t want that for you, AJ. You have worked your ass off to build this team into what it is today. As GM, you’ve made improvements in every aspect of this club.”
I want to bask in his praise, but I can already sense the enormous but that’s coming.
“Nothing that you’ve told me makes me think you deserve this award any less, and I want to see you receive it.”
“You know I won’t get it once people find out about me and McCabe.”
“Which is why I think we shouldn’t say anything about it until the season is over.”
“What?” Sarah and I ask in unison.
“I think Sarah should do whatever she needs to do to accurately document this situation, immediately. I want her to have your statement and McCabe’s on record, separately. I want us to have a game plan for how we’ll make this information public. But I don’t think we should do it until the season is over. You deserve that award, AJ. Our team deserves for you to get it. And they deserve another Stanley Cup, and I’m afraid that the news of you and McCabe would just distract them. It would bring up questions about the timing of this relationship and his new contract negotiation, and it might cause tensions in the locker room that we don’t want. We can deal with this after the playoffs.”
He does make a good point about the potential for this to be divisive in some way among the players. Is the fact that this never occurred to me an indication that I’m too focused on myself and McCabe, and not focused enough on the success of the larger organization?
He brushes his hands together over his round belly, and then stands like he thinks this conversation is over.
“Frank,” I say, rising to my feet so we’re eye to eye. “I’m not sure this is the best course of action.”
“Good thing I’m sure, then,” he says with a decisive nod. “I’m not letting you lose this award, and I’m not letting the news of your relationship cause rifts among the players. We still don’t know if McCabe is going to be reasonable and accept our perfectly good offer, so this may be a non-issue once we hit July 1st.”
The free agency date hangs there in the air, and a knot forms in my stomach as I worry about whether I should tell him that I don’t think McCabe even knows about our perfectly good offer. Ultimately, I decide that this is something for him and Jameson to handle as part of the contract negotiation, which I’m no longer involved in.
“Not disclosing this relationship makes it seem like we have something to hide,” I say.
“No, not disclosing it is doing what’s best for the team. The playoffs will be over in a few weeks. Please don’t tell me that you can’t put off announcing your relationship until then.”
It’s not a question. He’s not asking, he’s telling me that this is what we’re going to do. And even though the whole thing makes me uneasy...maybe he’s right? Maybe this is just a small sacrifice for the greater good, because I certainly don’t want to be the cause of any divisions within the team. And I’m pretty sure McCabe wouldn’t want that, either.
“Of course I can,” I say, because Frank just came up with the only thing that could convince me we should keep hiding this. Not because it’s wrong, but because it could be a distraction for the team, and the last thing a GM or a team captain would want right now is anything that has the potential to distract the team from winning.