31. TYLER
Chapter 31
TYLER
M y life for the past few years has been hard, I just never suspected it would be this damn hard. Counting down the days until Noah’s arrival is getting harder to do by the day. Six months down, three more to go. The emails stopped coming a few days ago, and I’ve sent him about five more, clearly desperate and unable to hide it. Yet, nothing. No reply. I’m lucky Scarlett hasn’t found out about them, and I intend on keeping it that way. Yet I also don’t understand why he’s ghosted me.
Noah knows I haven’t left Scarlett yet. He knows I’m not getting cold feet, it’s just that it’s difficult for me to walk away from my best friend. That the guilt of it is also eating me alive. I told him I’d leave her before he came home, and I meant it. I’ve already started the process. I have a lawyer lined up, and then all we have to do is put the bar and the house up for sale. Serving her papers isn’t going to be the hard part. No—the hard part will be explaining why I’m leaving her. Why I’ve refused to give her children. Why I’ve been a terrible partner for the last decade. Why I’ve wasted her fucking time because I’m a selfish asshole.
I should’ve ended it the moment I started having dreams of a life with Noah, but fear paralyzed me. From the moment he kissed me, he turned my world upside down. I thought it was a fluke, the way he made me feel. I was with Ashley when the bottle landed on us, giving me a free pass to fulfill the one fantasy I never even thought I had. Until it happened. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
And then it happened again.
And again.
For the longest time, I thought I’d never forgive myself for slipping up. I thought everything happened in the heat of the moment. I mean his parents had just died, for fuck’s sake. I thought he just needed comfort, that it would never happen again. But I was wrong because what I felt for Noah transcended anything I’d ever felt for her.
They’ve both been my best friends since childhood, but Noah and I’s friendship has been different. It’s always just been more .
It’s always just been ours.
Scarlett was a separate entity from us, and while she was part of the trio, she also wasn’t—not entirely. Noah and I hung out plenty without her, and our bond was never dependent on her. It was all for one and one for all, but there were exceptions. There still are. And Scarlett knows it all too well. She knows a lot more than she lets on, too. But she also makes her feelings known. Such as the fact that she now hates Noah. Has for years now, since before our wedding.
Noah has kept his distance throughout the years as much as possible, only coming around once a year. I can’t blame him though. It must have been so hard to see me with her, just the same way it was hard for me to see him with someone else. It crushed me, so I can’t imagine having to do it for almost a decade. But he’s kept himself busy and away from us, and I hated it. Between deployments and training, he was always gone. It’s given me plenty of time to try to get used to missing him, but I don’t think I’ll ever achieve it. Because I constantly do—miss him. But him being gone has also given me the time to learn to keep my feelings in check. To figure out how to pretend to be okay—for my sake and my wife’s. But I’m done pretending. Before Noah gets home, I’m leaving her.
Before Noah gets home, I’ll?—
The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my thoughts, and Scarlett frowns from across the table. It’s seven in the morning, and we’re having cereal for breakfast because we’re too lazy to cook right now. I got off work at two in the morning, but she woke me up anyway. I should be annoyed, but it’s my day to send Noah his care package, so I’m just waiting for the post office to open anyway.
I get up from my chair and walk the distance to the door when they ring it again. Twice over. Irritation floods through me, and I open the door forcefully. Two men stand in uniform in front of me, and my stomach sinks. No, no, no. Please , God, no .
“Mr. Hayes?” One of the men asks, and I nod. “May we come in?”
“Um—” I swallow hard, my stomach squeezing, making me feel like I’m going to throw up everywhere. “Is he—is he dead?”
“No, Mr. Hayes.” He shakes his head, and I blow out a huge exhale. “He’s hurt.”
I step aside to let them in. “Please sit down on the couch,” I tell them. “Make yourselves comfortable.”
They come into my house and neatly sit on the couch, backs ramrod straight. I can’t help but be nervous about what’s going to come out of their mouths. They stare intently at me, and I sit on the other end of the sectional couch, facing them. There’s a moment of silence between us, and then one of them speaks.
“Staff Sergeant Milner has been hurt in combat, and you’re his next of kin,” he starts, and I nod quickly. “He has been shot.”
“W-w-what?” I stutter.
Just then, Scarlett comes into the living room and gasps, shaking her head. “Babe?—”
“Go, Scar, please,” I tell her, directing my attention back to the men sitting next to me. “Not now.”
For once, she listens, leaving the room.
“Where is he?” I ask.
“He’s in Germany,” the man replies. “He’ll be back in the states soon.”
“Can I speak to him?”
“I will be providing you with hospital contact information.” I realize he’s holding onto some paperwork, and he hands it over. “He’s awake now.”
“Awake?” I frown.
“He was in a coma,” the man replies. “But he’s awake now.”
A fucking coma?
“Thank you,” I tell them, trying to get them the fuck out my house so I can call Noah. “I will be in contact if I need anything.”
“Feel free to call the number we provided if you need more support.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
The men get up from the couch and make their way to the door, and I follow them out. I watch as they get in a blacked-out SUV, and I close the door behind me. I go back to the dining room and stare at my phone. Before I can think about it, I dial the number to the hospital in Germany.
The line rings and rings, and if it weren’t for the extension I’d think they were ignoring me. But the phone call is going right to the room. Maybe he’s tired. Maybe he’s still sleeping—what fucking time is it? Maybe?—
“Hello?” Noah asks groggily. “Who’s this?”
I can imagine the cute little frown on his face, and I deflate. “ Baby ,” I breathe.
“Ty?” his voice is high-pitched, and he sounds scared. “Tyler, is that you?”
“Yes,” I reply. “How are you? Are you okay? Can you tell me what happened?”
“Slow down,” he chuckles. “I’m fine, beat up, but fine.”
“I was told you were shot,” I growl. “That doesn’t sound like you’re fine, Noah Milner.”
“Don’t say my name like that,” he jabs, but I can tell he’s amused. “Ty, I—I don’t know what happened. I just woke up here, and I don’t remember anything.”
“Nothing?” I frown.
“I suffered a TBI,” he explains grimly, and my brain starts trying to decipher what that means, but I know nothing about it. “I don’t have any memories of the past six months.”
I gasp. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“You,” he whispers, and my body relaxes. “I remember us at the hotel. Then saying goodbye.”
“I love you, Tyler,” Noah whispers, and I can see he’s being vulnerable right now. “You’re everything to me. Please don’t hurt me. If you say you’re going to do something…do it.”
I swallow hard. “Noah?—”
“I need to stay with you,” he whispers. “I know we haven’t talked about moving in together, but I have nowhere else to go. We can get a house.” His voice grows in volume as he becomes more sure of himself. “Unless you’re living with your parents? Damn—I should’ve led with that.”
“Noah,” I sigh. “Scarlett and I are still living together.”
There’s a moment of silence. “B-b-but, why?” he stutters, and my heart sinks. “Did you not sell the house yet?”
“Baby, I haven’t divorced her yet,” I start, and he gasps. “I’m going to! I—I just thought I had more time.”
“Let me guess,” he chuckles, but it clearly holds no humor. “She doesn’t even know you want to leave her.”
“No,” I whisper.
“Do you even want to leave her, Ty?”
“Of course I do?—”
“Fuck, Tyler,” Noah growls. “You didn’t keep your promise.”
“Hear me out, please?—”
“Not now,” he says with finality. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Are you still coming?” I ask him. “To stay with us?”
Us .
I fucking hate that word.
Noah laughs this time. “Yeah, I’m coming to stay with you and your wife.”
“Don’t,” I beg him. “Don’t do this.”
Yet I can still feel the relief filling my body to bursting. If he’s here, I can keep an eye on him. If he’s here, I can make sure he’s alright. If he’s here, I can remind him that I’m keeping my promise.
“Thanks, Tyler,” he whispers. “For always taking me in.”
“I love you,” I whisper back. “You know that, right?”
Say it back.
“I gotta go, Ty,” he groans. “I’m hurting.”
This time a tear does spill over. “Alright…I’ll see you soon. Call me if you need anything.”
“Will do.”
I sit down, looking at my soggy cereal. Yeah, I’m definitely not eating this. I think with everything I just found out my appetite is gone. How the hell am I going to tell Scarlett that the man she hates will be here in a week? That she’ll have to share space with him? I need to do right by her too. I’m going to give her a choice. To spend time with her family while he’s here or stay and see this through.
One thing is for sure though. I can’t fail him.
I won’t.