Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Lena
“ A re you feeling okay?” Tatum asks as she walks into my office and catches me staring off into space.
“Yeah, sorry, I guess I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“It’s more than that. I know how you act on lack of sleep, and this isn’t it.”
I blow out a breath. “It’s lack of sleep.”
“Bullshit, Lena. Is it Gavin? Did he do something? Do I need to throw him in the hog pens at the farm?”
I laugh and roll my eyes. “There are no hog pens at the farm, strictly horses.”
“But I got a smile out of you, and that’s the most important thing. C’mon, tell me what’s going on. We can problem solve together.”
I drop my head onto my desk and take a second to breathe before I look back up at my best friend.
“Aaron had a child with another woman. He was engaged to her.”
“Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“You did.”
“How did you find this out?”
“Gavin was going through paperwork at Henry’s. I guess…I guess he was looking into that and some other things.”
“What other things?”
“Aaron was taking bribes.”
“Fuuuuuuck,” she breathes out loudly and dramatically.
“My feelings exactly.”
“If that gets out, it could ruin you.”
“I’m aware. He’s trying to get as much information as possible without letting anyone else know about it. I mean, it’s over and done now that Aaron is gone, so people don’t have to know, right?”
“I can tell that the good girl brain of yours is arguing with yourself over that logic.”
“Absolutely, I am. My whole platform is authenticity and transparency, but the second that it’s something that could condemn me, I don’t want to hold to my own core values. What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you, Lena. You didn’t do this. Your asshole late husband did. He made a mess for you to clean up after, as he always has done.”
“If people find out about this, they’ll all look at me differently and think that I knew. It’s bad enough everyone had an opinion after he cheated on me when Jayla caught him and…”
“Fuck what everyone else thinks,” she snaps. “It’s no one else’s business. When people find out that he was engaged to another woman while still married to you, then they’ll see him as the jerk that he was. You won’t take the fall for this.”
“I can’t… I can’t let that information out, Tatum. I can’t let Jayla find out about any of this. It will destroy her and the memories that she has of Aaron.”
“You are not the keeper of the secrets. You can’t be. You can’t keep this from her. I get why you would want to, but you can’t protect him forever. She’s going to find out sometime. What happens in ten or twenty years when this kid comes looking for their half sister? Or what if she does genetic testing one day and sees that she has a sibling that she knew nothing about? She’ll be angry with you, not her father, because you knew and didn’t tell her.”
“I didn’t think about that.” I sigh.
I bite my bottom lip as her words sink in. Anger nips at the guilt I’m feeling.
Of course, it would be all on me to be the bearer of bad news to our daughter.
“Why would you? You can’t keep protecting him. From the moment you and Aaron started dating, you were the buffer between him and the rest of the world. Remember when we were seventeen, and he was trashed? He wouldn’t give you the keys to your car even though everyone was trying to get them from him.”
“And he wrecked, and I took the blame for it.”
“Yup. Of course, because of Henry no one else knew about it but like four people. Aaron always expected you and his dad to clean up his mess. He expected you to cover for him, to make it okay, to be at his beck and call. You’re the reason he graduated from high school. He was too busy partying to do any of his homework. You always just did it for him. It didn’t change when he became a cop, either. Shit, you could walk onto the force and have the same knowledge as anyone there.”
I bury my face in my hands. Embarrassment hits me hard, but only because I was such a fool for so long. My husband was only with me because of what I did for him, not because he loved me. I start sobbing. Tatum hurries over to shut and lock my office door.
She’s right. I didn’t even realize that I was doing that. I always did everything for Aaron from the second that we met.
I used to tell Tatum that Acts of Service was my love language, but in reality, it was always because I thought doing those things for him would make him see me and see that I was amazing.
It wasn’t him that needed to see me, though; it was me. I didn’t see myself. I had become Aaron’s wife. Jayla’s mom. The Marshall girl. I never had my own identity. It’s why I wanted to become the mayor because that gave me an identity outside of everything else.
I didn’t realize any of this until Aaron passed away. I found myself falling into the widow identity, and Tatum helped pull me out of it. It’s taken a lot of therapy to get myself to this realization.
“This is different.”
“No, it’s not. You don’t have to protect that piece of shit anymore.”
“Tatum.”
“No, Lena!” she says loudly as she hits the desk with her hand. She has tears in her eyes. “Why aren’t you pissed about this?”
“What’s the point of wasting my energy on him anymore? It’s done, and I…”
“But you’re wasting energy on it. You’re sitting here staring off into space and not doing what you’re supposed to be doing. You’re giving him more energy than he deserves. He’s still controlling you from the grave, but in a way that you don’t even realize it. He’s still winning.”
I let out a loud groan, and my stomach lurches.
Shit. That’s…true.
“I can’t let Jayla get hurt.”
“You can’t protect her from getting hurt for the rest of her life. She’d much rather learn all of this from you than some random kid at school or the news. You have to tell her. Once you have all of the information, the two of you need to decide whether taking his bribes public is in your best interest, too. If it comes to light later and people find out that you knew, it also makes you look guilty.”
“I hate that you’re always right,” I groan as I fall back against my chair. “I can’t keep protecting him. Henry didn’t tell me any of this stuff for a reason, and that’s probably it.”
“Props to Gavin for telling you despite how it would make you feel.”
“Yeah, I’m glad he’s always honest with me, as much as I know anyway.”
“Don’t do that.”
“What now?”
“Don’t plant seeds of doubt to protect yourself. I know the two of you have a history and that you have a past filled with a lying, cheating husband, but…Gavin hasn’t shown you any reason lately that he’s anything like Aaron.”
I blow out a long breath and nod. “You’re right.”
“I usually am.” She giggles as she winks. “I can get Mike to look into some stuff, too. Do you think the woman is going to come forward for the death benefits and that you’ll have to pay them back?”
“Apparently, Henry paid the death benefits out because the other woman was claiming she was the beneficiary.”
“Shit, how did Mike not see that?” she wonders out loud.
She makes a face and shakes her head.
Wait, did Mike know this entire time?
“Henry kept it to himself, I guess. He was POA for all of Aaron’s things. He told me that at the meeting the other day that he had just learned Henry had paid me. Mike may have been Aaron’s best friend, but there’s no way he would have turned a blind eye to this had he known.”
“You’re right,” she says. “He would have told us.”
“It doesn’t matter. Gavin has a PI looking into some of it, as well as what he’s going through at Henry’s. If I know Henry, I’m certain that he was extremely thorough in the evidence he was gathering. Aaron may not have been acting alone, and that could mean that there’s more to this than I realize.”
“Yeah, if you tell anyone else about it right now, then you could have people coming after you.”
“I didn’t think about it to that extent,” I murmur. “Did you know that the property Hank bought was part of Henry’s land?”
“No, I thought he was out on the other side of town,” she answers as she shoots me a funny look.
“No. Henry sold to him, and that doesn’t make sense. Gavin thinks he blackmailed his dad.”
“Hank? He’s annoying and somewhat creepy, but he’s harmless,” she says dismissively.
“I thought that, too, but he did randomly show up at my house minus his accent and being very pushy, trying to come inside.”
Tatum’s eyes widen as she looks back at me in shock.
“Did you say something to the sheriff?”
“No way in hell. That man hates me and always has. I was scared at the time, but...Hank is Hank. I think I could outrun him.”
“Shut up.” She giggles as she shakes her head. “I’m glad we can crack jokes about this stuff.”
“It’s the only way to survive.”
A wave of fear hits me, and I turn away from her for a second as I collect my thoughts.
Does Hank know that I know, and that’s really why he came to the house? Was he trying to come inside to threaten me and Jayla? Or worse?
“I’ll get Mike to look into stuff, too. I’m really proud of you, by the way. You’re handling everything so well, but you’re also being self-aware and reasonable, which is huge. Before, you shut down and crawled into yourself.”
I nod, lost in my thoughts again.
Who knew I would be having a breakthrough at work today?
I’m still numb from the flood of information, but at least I’m starting to figure out solutions.
A few hours later, I call Gavin.
“Hey, Jay is staying the night at a friend’s house tonight since she’s no longer grounded. Do you want to come over for dinner?” I ask Gavin over the phone.
“I would love that. What time?”
“Eight?”
“Perfect, I’ll bring the wine.”
“Wine? Are you trying to seduce me, sir?”
“Is that all it takes?” he teases.
“I guess you’ll find out. You might want to bring more than one bottle, though. It’s been a long day.”
“I got you.” He laughs. “Is wine strong enough? Maybe I need to grab some whiskey.”
“Might need to just buy the entire liquor store after the last week.” I giggle.
“Are you a little stressed?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll take care of that.”
My knees go weak with the innuendo, but I can’t stop smiling at the thought of getting to spend an adult night alone with him.
When everything is spinning out, he’s all I can think about. I really just want to fall right into his arms tonight.
The kitchen smells of garlic, basil, and something simmering that’s starting to make my stomach growl. I smile to myself as I stir the pan, watching the sauce bubble gently. Gavin will be here any minute, and I want everything to be perfect. He loves pasta, and tonight, I’ve gone all out with handmade fettuccine, a rich white sauce with roasted tomatoes and garlic, and some perfectly seared chicken to top it all off. There’s also a fresh Caprese salad chilling in the fridge, the mozzarella soft and milky, with bright red slices of tomato drizzled in balsamic glaze. My secret weapon, though, the one thing I know he won’t be able to resist, is the garlic bread. Crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, slathered with butter and garlic, and just a sprinkle of parsley.
I slide the bread into the oven and take a deep breath. Cooking is sometimes my way of decompressing and showing love, although I haven’t been able to do it a lot lately. Haven’t felt like it anyway. But tonight, it feels like more. An energy hums through me, and anticipation sparks in my veins because I know what’s coming. Gavin and I have not gotten alone time for weeks now, and I’m ready for whatever happens next. I just hope he is, too.
I glance at my reflection in the oven door's glass, tucking a stray lock of hair behind my ear. My dress is simple, soft, and flowy. It hits just above the knee, and the neckline shows just enough to keep things interesting.
I look good. I look happy.
The doorbell rings, and my heart skips a beat.
“Perfect timing,” I mutter, wiping my hands on a towel as I hurry to the door.
When I open it, Gavin is leaning casually against the porch railing, two bottles of wine in one hand and that easy, crooked smile on his lips that always makes me weak in the knees. His dark hair is slightly tousled like he’s just run his fingers through it, and his blue eyes shine with amusement as he looks me up and down.
“Well, don’t you look nice,” he says, stepping inside and handing me the bottles. “Did you get all dressed up for me?”
“Maybe,” I tease, raising an eyebrow as I take the wine from him. “Or maybe I’m just hungry and didn’t want to eat alone.”
He laughs, a deep, warm sound that makes me grin wider. “You’re a terrible liar, Lena.”
He moves forward to kiss me, but I turn away playfully, hiding my grin as I head back into the kitchen. “I opened a bottle of red already, but I’ll put this one aside for later. Everything’s almost ready.”
He follows me in. He steps up behind me, close enough that I can feel the heat of his body, but he doesn’t touch me. Not yet. He’s teasing the line between casual and intimate, keeping me on my toes.
“What’s for dinner?” he asks, peering over my shoulder as I check the sauce one last time. His voice is low, a little too close to my ear, and I have to fight the urge to lean back into him.
“Fettuccine with chicken,” I reply, trying to sound casual. “And garlic bread. I know how much you like carbs.”
“I do,” he murmurs, his breath brushing against the back of my neck. “But I think I like you more.”
I roll my eyes even though my pulse quickens. “Stop flirting with me and set the table outside, would you?”
He chuckles, moving away to grab the plates and silverware. “As you wish.”
I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I plate the pasta, swirling the fettuccine into neat little nests and topping it with the sauce and chicken. When everything is ready, I bring the plates outside, where Gavin has already set up the table on the deck. The sky is painted with shades of pink and orange as the sun dips lower on the horizon, and there’s a gentle breeze. It’s perfect.
We sit down across from each other, and he immediately dives into the pasta, groaning in appreciation after the first bite.
“This is amazing,” he says around a mouthful of food, his eyes closing in bliss. “You’ve outdone yourself.”
I laugh, shaking my head as I pick at my own plate. “You say that every time I cook.”
“That’s because it’s always true.”
We eat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, the sound of a car in the distance and the occasional bird overhead filling the air. The sun continues to sink lower, and I find myself sneaking glances at Gavin as he eats, watching the way the light catches on his features. He’s beautiful in that rugged, effortless way that drives me crazy.
He may look exactly the same, but he’s matured on the inside so much since college. It’s like he’s a different man.
“What was so stressful about today?”
“I don’t necessarily think today was different from any other day.” I shrug, looking away quickly. “But…I think it just feels like everything has piled on top of me at once. All this stuff with Aaron and…it’s a lot. I haven’t been dealing with it, and it’s trying to make me.”
“It’s a lot to deal with for sure,” he says after a while, setting down his fork and leaning back in his chair.
“I’m glad I get to spend some time with you,” I say finally, my voice softer than I intended. “Just the two of us.”
Gavin’s smile fades slightly, replaced by something more serious, more intense. He leans forward, resting his arms on the table, his eyes locked on mine.
“And what do you want to do with that time, Lena?”
There’s a challenge in his voice, a heat that makes my skin tingle. My heart races as I hold his gaze, refusing to back down.
I love it when he does this, when he turns into this dominant man who pushes me out of my comfort zone. He knows how reserved I usually am, but he has this way of pulling the soft, naughty girl out of me.
“I think you know,” I whisper.
Neither of us moves. I can feel my chest tighten, and my brain starts throwing intrusive thoughts out, making me second-guess the admission.
The air between us crackles with tension, the unspoken words hanging heavy. Then, slowly, he reaches across the table, his fingers brushing against mine. The touch is light, almost tentative, but it sends a jolt of electricity through me, and I can’t stop the small gasp that escapes my lips.
His thumb traces the back of my hand. I can feel the heat of his skin, the strength in his fingers, and it’s like every nerve in my body is suddenly on high alert. I can’t look away from him or breathe as I get lost in his gorgeous pale blue eyes.
“I was hoping you brought me here to seduce me,” he murmurs, trying to make a joke, but his voice is rough around the edges like he’s been holding back for too long.
He stands, his hand still holding mine as he gently pulls me to my feet. The world seems to tilt as I rise, and suddenly, we’re standing toe-to-toe, the sunset casting long shadows across the deck. The only sounds are the distant car passing by and our own breathing.
His hand moves to my waist, resting lightly at first, then tightening as he pulls me closer. I can feel the heat of his body, the way his chest rises and falls against mine. His other hand comes up to cup my cheek, his thumb brushing my lower lip, and my knees almost buckle from the sheer intensity of it all.
“Lena,” he says softly, his forehead resting against mine, his breath mingling with mine. “I’ve been giving you space, and…I need you to know I don’t want to hold back anymore.”
My heart feels like it’s going to explode. The air is thick with the weight of everything unsaid, but I don’t need words. I don’t need to think. I lean in, close the distance between us, and press my lips to his.
It’s slow at first, tender as if we’re both savoring the moment we’ve been waiting for. But then it deepens, his lips moving against mine with more urgency, more need, and I’m lost. His hand tangles in my hair, pulling me closer, and I can’t help the soft moan that escapes me as I melt into him.
The world fades away, the food left forgotten on the table. There’s only Gavin, his hands on my skin, his lips on mine, and the undeniable pull between us that’s been there all along.
When we finally pull apart, we’re both breathless, our foreheads still pressed together. His eyes are dark, filled with something raw and unfiltered, and I know mine must look the same.
“I don’t want this to be a one-night stand or friends-with-benefits thing. I’m clarifying right here, right now, that you’re mine.”
Sweet Jesus, why did those words make my knees go weak?
Tears prick at my eyes as I suck in a breath. I’ve wanted to hear those words for so long, and now that I have, it’s like eighteen years of anger and insecurity is just…gone. I mean, I know that it’s not, but I feel so much lighter, so much happier after hearing those words.
I nod, my heart pounding. “I want that, too.”
He smiles, that slow, sexy grin that always undoes me, and I giggle. He joins in, his chuckle low and warm. Suddenly, we’re both laughing, the tension breaking as we hold each other under the fading light of the sunset.
This feels right. It feels like everything I didn’t know I needed, and as his hand slides down to the small of my back, pulling me against him once more, I know that I’m more than ready to see where it takes us.