Crowned (Santa Catalina University)

Chapter 14

Vance loves me. He really loves me.

I mean, I knew it. But I didn’t believe it. Until now.

That knowledge should be everything.

It is. Almost. But it doesn’t bring back Reef, Cove or Bhodi. It doesn’t diminish my love for them. It doesn’t get us out of here.

I sigh and stare out at the ocean once more. I can’t stop watching the way the sunlight hits the surface, the gentle waves causing the golden beams to undulate and dance. It’s mesmerising.

The urge to take the cliff face at a run, three, maybe four, paces and then launch myself into the air, knowing that for a moment in time I’d remain suspended before plummeting into the unfathomable depths below, is overwhelming.

Vance keeps offering for us to go down to the beach. To walk in the shallows. Even to swim. And I’ve turned him down every single time.

I don’t know why. I just wasn’t ready then.

The ocean has always felt like home to me. So why am I avoiding its siren song now?

“Malia,” Vance calls from somewhere nearby. He’s always close. Afraid to let me out of his sight again, after I vanished in the forest. I don’t initially turn to face him, but when he repeats my name with a touch more urgency in his tone this time, I do.

“Yes?”

“You’re a bit close to the edge, love,” he warns softly.

Glancing down, I see that he’s right. My toes are curled around the lip of the cliff. When did I move forwards?

I take a deep breath and force myself to step backwards, away from the edge and to safety.

“Sorry.”

I don’t know how to explain to Vance that the pull of the ocean is something tangible. I’ve always been drawn to it, but now it’s become a physical thing I can feel. Like a rope of invisible light coming from my chest, pulling me home.

Only I can’t control it, and it’s freaking me out.

Which is exactly why I don’t tell Vance. I don’t want him to worry too. He’s already on edge, constantly watching me, watching over me, protecting me. I don’t need to add more to his plate.

“Shall we take lunch in the grove today?” He asks.

I shake my head. “I’m not hungry.”

Absent-mindedly, I rub my stomach, which is cramping. Maybe I do need to eat, but the thought of food makes me feel nauseous.

Vance frowns. “You’ve not eaten much in a couple of days.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him I don’t feel well, but again, I pause, not wanting to worry him.

I shoot him a soft, apologetic smile. “Maybe just a few olives and some fruit then?”

For him, I’ll try to eat. I’ll push aside my discomfort in an attempt to alleviate the anxious expression in his eyes.

“Good girl.”

His words make my cheeks heat and I have to look away. We’ve not been intimate since that night in the grove…several days ago now I think? But when he says things like that, my whole body lights up and pulses with need.

As we make our way towards the grove, I can’t shake the feeling of unease that’s been creeping over me. The invisible pull back towards the ocean grows stronger with each step, tugging at me relentlessly. It’s becoming harder to resist, harder to ignore.

When we reach our destination, I sit down on a fallen log, trying to push aside the swirling thoughts in my head. Vance sets out the foraged olives and fruit before joining me, his gaze searching mine for any sign of what’s bothering me.

“I’m just tired,” I offer as an explanation, knowing it’s not the whole truth, but unwilling to burden him with my inner turmoil.

Vance nods understandingly, his hand reaching out to gently squeeze mine. “Rest here for a while. I’ll keep watch.”

As he walks off to explore the perimeter of the grove, I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh. The sound of the ocean seems louder now, more insistent. It’s calling to me, luring me towards its depths with an almost irresistible force.

I stand up slowly, my heart pounding against my ribcage so hard it feels like it’s trying to break free. Without fully understanding why, I find myself moving towards the edge of the grove where the trees thin out and the cliffside begins.

The ocean stretches out endlessly before me, its surface glittering like diamonds in the sunlight. The pull becomes almost unbearable, like a physical force drawing me closer and closer to the edge. It’s impossible to breathe – like the rope tying me to the ocean has become a lasso wrapped around my chest, squeezing and tightening and pulling me forwards.

With each step I take, the voice of reason in my mind grows fainter, drowned out by the crashing of the waves below. It’s as though the ocean itself is whispering promises of freedom and release, offering a respite from the tangled emotions and uncertainty that have plagued me since our arrival on this remote island.

I reach the very edge of the cliff, the wind tugging at my hair and clothes, urging me to let go. A mixture of fear and exhilaration courses through me as I gaze down at the now-churning water far below. The urge to surrender to the embrace of the ocean is overwhelming. Overpowering.

But just as I teeter on the brink of a decision that could forever change everything, a voice screams. “Malia, no!”

Vance’s shout pierces through the fog of my thoughts, bringing me back to reality with a jolt. I turn to see him running towards me, his expression a mix of fear, panic and resolute determination. For a moment, time seems to stand still as we lock eyes, his filled with an unspoken plea to step back from the edge again.

I take a shaky step away from the cliff, my heart racing. Vance reaches me in an instant, wrapping his arms around me in a tight embrace. I cling to him as though he’s my anchor.

“I’m here,” he murmurs against my hair, his voice filled with relief and concern. I can feel his heart pounding in sync with mine, also too fast, the strength of his arms around me, too tight but grounding. The sound of his voice cuts through the chaotic urge pulling me towards the unknown depths below, reminding me of the love and safety that is right here, right now.

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I bury my face in his chest, inhaling his familiar scent mingled with the salt of the sea.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice muffled against his shirt. “I don’t know what came over me….what keeps coming over me. Could we maybe stay and eat here? When I can see the water, it’s less overwhelming.”

Vance pulls back slightly to look into my eyes, his gaze searching and intense. “Okay, Malia. Whatever you need.” I can tell he’s not happy about it, but he’s trying to make me feel better.

“I’ll stay away from the edge, I swear.”

Again, his eyes search mine, seeking the truth in my words. Eventually he nods, his jaw still tense, and tells me he’ll be right back.

To reassure him, I drop down into a seated position to wait for him. If I’m not on my feet I can’t creep towards the edge, right?

Vance returns, topless, with the fruit and olives he’d gathered wrapped in his T-shirt, which he lays on the ground between us before sitting down himself.

The tension in his shoulders slowly eases as he watches me with concern, but also with a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. He relaxes considerably when I start to eat.

We eat in silence, the sounds of the ocean providing a soothing backdrop to the rustling of leaves and the occasional bird call. Vance keeps a watchful eye on me, his presence a comforting weight beside me.

As I nibble on a piece of fruit, I steal glances at him, feeling a surge of gratitude for his unwavering support. Despite the strangeness of my behaviour and the dark shadows that seem to haunt me, he remains by my side, a steady presence in the midst of uncertainty.

After we finish our modest meal, Vance suggests we take a walk along the shoreline, away from the cliff’s edge. The idea of being close to the water still fills me with a mixture of longing and fear, but I trust Vance to keep me safe.

Besides, I think it’s time.

We stroll hand in hand along the sandy beach, the cool breeze tangling my hair as seagulls wheel overhead. The rhythmic sound of the waves lapping at the shore is hypnotic, drawing me into a state of calm contemplation.

“Would you like to paddle?” Vance offers.

I hesitate. It’s on the tip of my tongue to decline but I stop myself and consider his question. This is our first time on the beach, and it’s lovely. It’s a hot day and the water looks so fresh and inviting.

I nod. “Please.”

Vance smiles, his eyes lighting up with genuine happiness. He leads me towards the gentle waves lapping at the shore, where the water is cool and refreshing against my feet. I take a deep breath, the stress and tension of earlier moments melt away with each step we take.

As we wade into the water, Vance’s hand tightens around mine, offering silent reassurance. The saltwater swirls around us, carrying away the remnants of fear and uncertainty that had clouded my mind just moments ago.

I let out a laugh as a wave splashes against us, sending droplets sparkling in the sunlight. Vance joins in, his laughter mingling with mine in pure joy and freedom.

All of the tension melts from my body and a feeling of…rightness, just settles over me. For a moment, all the troubles and doubts that had plagued me seemed to fade into the background, replaced by a sense of peace and contentment. The ocean that had at times felt like a daunting abyss, now feels like a source of solace and renewal.

Home.