Cuckoo (aka Claire, Darling)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Five

Before I know what I’m doing, my hand is stretched out and I’ve flung the cup of boiling tea towards Lilah’s face. She shrieks and lurches backwards, but I’ve stepped forward and have pulled her up and out of her chair with surprising ease. She’s small and light.

‘You fucking bitch!’ I scream.

‘God, please, Claire, you don’t understand…’ she starts, whimpering as she tries to wipe the tea from her eyes so she can see me. ‘I can’t explain this situation properly,’ she gasps.

I can’t explain why he left us, darling. Other than it was because of you. Because he didn’t want you, I hear Mother saying in my head, speaking about my father.

‘I would love my baby. I would want and hold and care for my baby,’ I tell her. ‘You already have the world. You don’t deserve to have his baby, too.’

‘Please, Claire,’ she tries again, her voice barely above a whisper. Snot has begun to seep from her nostrils.

I’m disgusted by her, repulsed by this entire ugly situation. I don’t want to touch her, to have her become this strange in-between object that both Noah and I have touched, one with love and the other with hatred. And so I push her away, desperate to leave this house, and am stilled by the sound of a loud crack. I realise she has hit her head on the edge of the marble mantelpiece.

‘Lilah?’ I whisper.

I look down at her body, crumpled in an awkward heap, dark blood pooling beneath the head. I stare at the glistening burgundy puddle and try to make myself feel something– anything. Relief? Guilt? Regret? Fear? But strangely, and for the first time in a long time, I feel nothing at all. Does this make me a monster or is it how shock works?

Lilah is completely still. I wonder if I should try to stem the bleeding, but even I can tell it’s pointless. Her head is caved in on one side, dented almost, and she’s foaming at the mouth. There is no undoing this.

Oh, God.

I step backwards and stagger, losing my balance. I take in the scene. Tea spilt everywhere, a dead woman, and me, in the middle of it all.

My brain starts going into overdrive. The neighbour across the street definitely saw me coming into the house. Fuck. Fuck.

And then Lilah’s phone vibrates and I look down to see a message from Noah.

Why the fuck did you let her into the house, Lilah?! I’m on my way home now.

And that’s when I hear the police sirens.