Cuckoo (aka Claire, Darling)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven

15 May 2026

Dear Sukhi,

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to your last letter– thank you for sending it. Hearing from you is one of the few things I look forward to, and news about life on the outside helps to keep me grounded. I’m sorry I reply so scarcely– sometimes I am just so ashamed of the situation you’re in, having to write to someone in prison, that I can’t bring myself to make the trip to the postal box. But I appreciate your letters and keep every one of them, even when I don’t reply. How is everyone at the office? Is my media coverage still terrible? I’m almost afraid for when I come out, of what I’ll find waiting for me. The things they’ll be saying about me… I doubt I’d have managed to stay off social media this long if it weren’t for… well, being in prison!

I have a new cellmate. My last one was released on Monday, the new one is called Ella. She’s maybe a bit older than me. I was wary of her at first, she asked me what the fuck I was looking at on day one, but we’ve found ourselves an easier rhythm now. I have no interest in making my time here even more miserable by not getting on with my cellmate. It’s awkward enough having to go to the toilet in front of a stranger without having someone giving you evil eyes while you go. She’s in for battery on a night out. I asked her why she’s being kept on remand and she just said ‘previous charges’. I didn’t ask about those– I’m not sure I want to know. We mostly keep to ourselves, but it’s nice to have the company. For the few days between my old cellmate leaving and Ella arriving I was left with nothing but my thoughts. They’ve been spiralling again.

I have a headache almost constantly and would die for an Ibuprofen. Unfortunately, the prison isn’t very keen to hand out pills to prisoners, so I’m having to massage my temples all the time to try and keep it at bay. Anyway, please do keep writing to me. The closer we get to the trial date, the more nervous I am. I don’t know if I’m more scared of being found guilty of murder and rotting away in here forever, or of being released and having to face reality after all that’s happened. It feels like there’s no winning situation for me.

Claire