23. Quinn
“Doyou want to start from behind?” Tristan asked, scooping up the lube.
“Yeah, okay.” I lay down on the bed and spread my legs wide. “But like this. I need to feel you.”
Tristan shifted closer to me, one hand gripping his cock. He looked powerful and commanding behind me, and my insides did something funny.
Turning away, I pressed my cheek into the bed and closed my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to watch him, but I knew I’d get distracted and lose focus if all my senses were on high alert.
“You’re okay,” he said, his soft tone helping to calm some of my racing thoughts. “I’ve got you.”
Yes, you do. That thought helped soothe the last of my distraction, and I pulled in a deep breath.
Tristan leaned over me, his body hard and heavy over mine. Something blunt pressed against my hole.
“You ready for me?” He shifted his knees so they bracketed my hips.
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“Breathe in,” he coached.
I did as he said, focusing on his words and how much I wanted this.
My thoughts splintered, and my desire warred with the fear my stupid brain wouldn’t let go of.
It’s Tristan. You want this,I repeated to myself, desperately trying to shut out all the noise in my head.
On my exhale, Tristan pushed forward.
My body locked up tight, clenching and squeezing him out.
“I’m sorry,” I said into the mattress, trying to force my body to unclench as a multitude of thoughts cascaded through my mind, almost all of them berating and the others spinning out of control with ‘what if’ scenarios.
“Shhhhh.” Tristan kissed my shoulder. “No apologizing. You’re fine. We’re fine. Just take a second and recenter yourself. I’m not going anywhere.”
His reassurance and patience helped quiet some of the noise.
“Ready to try again?”
“Yeah. Just go hard and push through. I’ll be okay.”
“No.” He dragged his cockhead over my hole. “I’m not going to hurt you. This happens when we’re both ready or not at all.”
“Okay.” I breathed out and tried moving my legs closer together. Maybe I’d feel less vulnerable if I wasn’t so spread out and wasn’t distracted by the stretch of my muscles.
“Ready?” He rubbed his cockhead over my hole teasingly.
The friction felt amazing, and I moaned when he did it again.
Tristan slowly increased the pressure as he pushed against me. I forced my body to relax.
“That’s it, baby. You’re okay.” He pushed a bit harder and popped through my outer ring of muscles.
“Fuck,” I grunted, fighting my instincts to tense up and force him out. It didn’t hurt, exactly, but it stung, and the pressure was uncomfortable.
“Stay with me, Quinn. I’ve got you.” He pushed in a bit more, just to where enough of his cockhead was inside me that he didn’t have to hold on to his dick to keep it in place.
He lay over me, pressing me into the mattress with his bulk like a weighted blanket.
A sense of calm settled over me, and I was finally able to let go and relax.
“That’s it, baby. You’re doing so good.” He kissed my cheek and rocked his hips, slowly pushing into me in tiny thrusts. “You’re taking me so well.” He slid his palms down my arms and loosely held my hands.
I gripped them tight, needing that extra bit of connection.
“That’s half of me.” He sucked in a breath. His chest shaking against my back was the only indication that he wasn’t as unaffected as he was pretending to be.
Turning my face to his, I sought out his mouth for a kiss.
The angle was off, and my neck was bent in a way that wasn’t exactly comfortable, but none of that mattered as I sank into the sensation of being completely surrounded by him.
He paused when his thighs pushed up against my ass.
Holy fuck. Tristan was inside me.
He held still, giving me a moment to get used to it.
Now that I’d had a chance to relax a bit, it wasn’t bad. The sting was still there, and so was the feeling of being full, but there was an undercurrent of something else there too. Something that felt good.
Tristan broke our kiss and pressed his cheek against mine as he pulled out, then slid back in with a gentle rock of his hips.
“Okay?” he asked, his voice breathy and strained.
“Yeah.” I pressed my cheek harder against his, enjoying the slight rasp of our stubble scraping together.
He rocked his hips again, moving a bit faster. His cockhead dragged over my prostate, and a little pulse of pleasure shot through me.
“Fuck.” I held his hands tighter. “Do that again.”
A soft chuckle tickled my ear as he obliged.
More of those little pulses moved through me, building on each other until they felt like a wave, flowing and ebbing with each thrust of his hips.
I rode the waves, my body relaxed and my brain quieted.
Pleasure and pressure pooled low in my body, coiling and swirling around as Tristan made love to me.
Far too soon, my brain started ping-ponging between thinking about how good it felt and needing more.
“Do you want to flip over?” Tristan asked, somehow realizing I’d slipped out of my happy place.
I nodded and let go of his hands. Why did my knuckles ache? How tight had I been gripping him?
Tristan slowed to a stop, then gently pulled out.
The sensation of his dick falling out of me was weird and uncomfortable and left me feeling empty. I did my best to ignore it so I didn’t get distracted again.
He moved off me and helped me flip onto my back, then settled between my legs. Using his hands, he spread my thighs wider apart and pushed them up.
I held them in place, drinking in every detail as he guided his cock back to my waiting hole.
This time, I welcomed the stretch, and he slid into me on the first glide.
I let go of my legs so I could hold him close as he lay over me again. As much as I loved seeing him over me, his powerful body on display, I needed to feel him.
Our kisses were sloppy as he moved inside me. The angle was different, but no less amazing. Instinctively, I moved with him, rocking in tandem with his thrusts. He squeezed his hand between our bodies and gripped my cock.
The first stroke made me gasp. The second made stars explode behind my closed eyes.
I’d never felt anything like it. Pleasure pinged between my ass and my dick with each glide of his hand and thrust of his cock, filling me like liquid fire as my body tightened and my brain went utterly silent.
I gripped his ass tight and angled my hips so I was as open to him as possible, my entire being fixated on how good he felt and how much I loved him.
Tristan’s breathing was as harsh as mine, our kisses forgotten as we rode the waves of pleasure.
“Oh god.” I gasped, my body tightening as my balls ached with the need to come.
“That’s it, Quinn. Come for me.”
That command was exactly what I needed to let go, and I didn’t just hit my orgasm; I crashed right through it.
Reality blinked in and out of existence as I came with a loud cry, shaking and shuddering under him as I was racked with the most intense pleasure I’d ever experienced. My dick pulsed in his hand, and my ass spasmed around his cock, trying to hold him in place.
He jerked over me, his cry of pleasure echoing in the room along with mine as he buried his cock as deep inside me as possible.
Warmth filled me, triggering another wave of that delicious pleasure.
Did I just come again? Or had my first orgasm never stopped?
Before I could get lost in my head, Tristan’s soft kiss broke through my haze, helping me stay in the moment. I ran my hands over his back and hooked my ankles together under his ass, locking him in place.
He lay over me, pressing little kisses against my skin that felt almost unconscious, like he wasn’t even aware that he was doing it as we basked in the afterglow.
“I love you,” I whispered, needing to say it, needing him to hear it.
“I love you too.” He kissed my cheek. “Do you want me to move?”
“Not yet.” I held him tighter.
He kissed my neck and let me cling to him as I processed what I was feeling and what we’d just shared.
Tristan was the only romantic or sexual partner I’d ever had who made an effort to understand my mind and how I was wired. I never had trouble performing when I was playing a part and had no emotional connection to my scene partner, but I’d always struggled with intimacy in my personal life, even though it was the thing I wanted most in the world.
Constantly having multiple streams of thoughts going through my mind at all times, most of which I had no control over, was an advantage in that it prevented me from losing control and coming too quick. But it also stopped me from being fully present with my partners, and that had caused so many problems before Tristan.
The tradeoff with not coming too fast was that I sometimes had trouble coming at all. It had nothing to do with my partner or how I felt about them and everything to do with my ADHD, so I had to mentally check out and put all my focus on forcing my orgasm. That turned sex into a chore, and it led to resentment on both sides.
Tristan was the only person who understood that my struggles had everything to do with me and nothing to do with him. He allowed me to be myself, and he helped me overcome my issues instead of being angry at me for having them.
Everything about tonight had been perfect, and now that I knew just how incredible bottoming for him felt, I couldn’t wait to do it again.
“What was that for?” Tristan asked, breaking me free from my thoughts.
“What?”
“That chuckle.”
“I was just thinking about how amazing that was and how you’ve turned me into a total bottom.”
He huffed out a laugh. “I’m glad it was good.”
“Good doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
His softening cock fell out of me, and I winced at the loss. He shifted off me and settled on his back. I rolled into him and snuggled up to his side.
“I’m serious.” I nuzzled my cheek into his pec. “I’m down for that anytime. Like, anytime.” I bumped my spent dick against his hip.
“Fortunately for you, my little soldier is down for the count, at least for the next little while.”
“Why is that fortunate for me?”
“Because you’ll feel it when the endorphins wear off, and you need some time to heal.”
“Fine,” I huffed dramatically. “I can wait.”
“I’ve created a menace.” He rolled onto his side so he was facing me. “Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you?”
“Not at all. It was amazing.”
“Do you want to take a shower together?” he asked. “As much as I don’t want to move, I’m fading, and things are getting a bit uncomfortable, if you know what I mean.”
I did know what he meant. Going bare was awesome, but it was messy.
“Yeah, I’m fading too. Although I’m not sure if that’s because of the week that wouldn’t end or from getting the dicking of a lifetime.”
He spluttered with laughter and gently smacked my ass. “Cheeky.”
“Maybe.” I laughed with him. “Okay. Time to get up before we can’t. On three. One. Two. Three.”
Neither of us moved.
Laughing harder, Tristan smacked my ass again and rolled onto his back so he could sit up.
I’d assumed my head would be a mess of thoughts and half-processed emotions now that the sex was over, but it wasn’t.
My mind was quiet, and the only feelings rolling around inside me were satisfaction and love.
A part of me still couldn’t believe I’d just blurted my feelings out like that, but the other part was glad because now I knew for sure that what we had was real.
Tristan wasn’t just my best friend and the man I loved; he was my partner in every way that mattered. He saw me, he accepted me, and he loved me for me.
“Coming?” he asked when I didn’t move to follow him.
“Yeah.” I pushed up on my hands, my body still a bit shaky. “Just enjoying the view.”
He held out his hand, a soft smile on his lips. I took it and let him pull me off the bed.