Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Zeke
“I'm sorry you're not getting anything out of this,” Lola said with a sigh, her eyes downcast, her gaze on her plate.
I furrowed my brow. Was this about the fact that she’d felt me get turned on when I spanked her earlier? Hell, of course I had. Any red-blooded male would. She was gorgeous, and even more alluring now that she was leaving something to the imagination. But just because I wasn't getting sex out of this didn't mean I wasn't getting anything out of it. I needed to make sure she knew that.
“Lola.” I spoke as sternly as I could in my ‘Daddy means business’ tone, and just as I'd intended, caught her immediate attention. Her chin jerked up as her wide eyes met my stern gaze. I held her attention for a moment, then softened my tone. “That's not true, babygirl.”
“What isn't?” She tilted her head and her lips parted ever so slightly as she questioned me.
“That I'm not getting anything out of it.” I narrowed my eyes and looked at her pointedly. “You said you’d learned in therapy that your body and sex didn’t determine your worth, that you'd learned you had value beyond those things, but that sentence makes me think otherwise.”
Her brows furrowed as the corners of her mouth furled downward and her lips pushed into a pout. “Well, no, I didn't mean it like that. I know I have worth outside of being a pretty face and warm body for men, but I just don't know what you're getting out of this. You've turned your whole life upside down for me, and for what?”
My heart clenched at her sad expression and the conviction with which she spoke. I'd kept my feelings hidden so as not to put any kind of pressure on her, but it seemed like it was time to lay all my cards on the table.
Taking a deep breath, I covered her hand with mine. “Friendship, for one,” I said sincerely.
The little brat rolled her eyes. “I would have been your friend, anyway,” she huffed. “If I knew you needed a friend.”
This wasn't going to be as easy as I'd thought, and directness wasn't my strong suit. “I have friends,” I answered gently. “Not that one can ever have too many. What I wanted was to be your friend.”
She looked even more suspicious and disbelieving, so obviously I was flubbing this all up. Time to get real and pray I didn't scare her off.
“Lola. I've always been interested in you. And not just in a lustful way. I've been drawn to your dazzling smile and fiery attitude, and yeah, I've thought more than once about tipping you over my knee and spanking the sass right out of you. But that's not all it's about. I volunteered because your speech, everything you said moved me, and I wanted not only to help, but to have an opportunity to get to know such a strong, beautiful woman better. So if you want to know what I'm getting out of this, it's that. Those things.”
She nodded, but didn't look convinced. Then there was a flicker of hope in her eyes as they jumped up to meet mine. “You think I'm strong? A-and… beautiful?”
I squeezed her hand. “I thought it then, and I think it even more now that I've gotten to know you better.”
She smiled then, wide and bright, the smile that always warmed my heart. The conversation could have stopped there, but I knew it wouldn't be right.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, Lola seemed to come to the same conclusion. “S-so… you don’t want to have sex with me? You don’t see me like that?” Her expression, a confused mix of despair and relief, broke me.
There was no right answer. I had to give the honest one.
Frowning, I twisted my mouth to the side, choosing my words carefully. “Now, I didn't say that, young lady. And I wouldn't, because I promised I would never lie to you.”
Her eyes widened and her expression turned to one of concern as she yanked her hand away from mine like I'd burned her. The poor thing. I tried not to let it bother me. Her relationship with sex was a complicated one.
“What I mean is,” I continued, clearing my throat, “this isn't about sex. Sex isn't the end goal here. I didn't agree to do this for sex; I agreed to do it for the reasons I've already given. I can be interested in having sex with you and be attracted to you and be fine if it never happens. I don't feel like you owe me sex because of our arrangement. It's not transactional. I knew I'd get something out of it, and I am.”
“Oh, okay.” Lola’s hand found its way out of her lap and back onto the table but I didn't grab it. Not yet.
I just leaned forward a little and put my hand near hers until they were close enough to touch, but didn't.
“I’m attracted to you, Lola. And intrigued by you, and interested in you. Always have been, but I had my own shit to work out back then.” I lifted my pinky and brushed it ever so lightly against hers. She didn't draw back “I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd like to have—someday, when you’re ready, and assuming you feel the same, because it's a moot point if you don't—a relationship with you. And if we were ever in a relationship, then sex would be a part of that.”
Her eyes widened as she blinked rapidly. Her pouty mouth fell open. For a moment I froze, because I'd laid it all out there and had no idea how she felt. Then I remembered this wasn't about me, my feelings, or my ego. I couldn't make it be about me without undermining the reason we were really here.
As her Daddy for the month, with only a week left, it was my job to put her feelings first and reassure her always.
“You don't have to feel the same,” I assured her gruffly.
“It’s not that I don't—” she protested weakly.
I cut her off. “It's fine. You don't owe me anything. I told you that's not what this was about, and I meant it.” My words came out harsher than I intended and didn't sound reassuring at all.
“Zeke.” Her voice was soft, timid.
I felt like an ass, and stood to gather our plates from the table, needing just a moment to myself before I could go full Daddy mode again.
“Zeke!” She spoke louder, more insistently this time, and when I opened my mouth to brush her off, she grabbed my hand.
“Zeke, look at me.”
I turned and swung my gaze to hers, ready to convince her that it was okay, that I wasn't a fragile man-child whose ego couldn't take rejection, that I wasn't going to take it out on her or sever our contract, but what I saw in her eyes, on her face, didn't look like rejection. It looked like… hope.
Dishes still in hand, I dropped into my chair and gave her my full attention.
“I’m not… saying I'm not interested. I’m very flattered, and pleasantly shocked, and yes, also interested. But I don't know what a relationship is supposed to look like, or when it will be healthy for me to get into one. I was supposed to commit to celibacy for a year, and the year just ended. And it wasn't as bad or as hard as I thought. I kind of liked it, so I haven't been in some big rush to end it or to jump into a relationship. I don't know how, if I'm being honest. It feels like something I should talk to my therapist about, and I haven't yet.”
Her frank confession did a lot for my battered ego, and I set the dishes down and grabbed her hand when she offered it. “Talk to your therapist,” I told her. “Whenever you're ready. I'm a patient man and I'm willing to wait. And if it would help, I'd be willing to see her with you so we can both learn the healthiest way to go about exploring a relationship together.”
Her jaw dropped open and her eyes suddenly looked a little wet. “You’d… you’d do that? Really?”
“Of course, darlin’. I'm no stranger to therapy, and I would never want to harm you or unwittingly undo all or any of the progress you've made.”
“Wow. I…uh… that’s…” Lola trailed off, licking her lips. “That means a lot. Thank you.”
“Of course, darlin’. I mean it. No pressure. As for this arrangement we have currently, nothing changes. I just needed to put everything on the table so you understood my motives, and knew this wasn't just a one-sided agreement.
She nodded. “I understand. Thank you.”
The talk had gone better than I expected, especially at the end, but still, an awkward silence fell between us.
She seemed to need a moment, and I did too, so I once again grabbed the dishes and headed for the kitchen. This time I made it.
Once in there, I quickly loaded and started the dishwasher and gave myself a few minutes to get my emotions under control, to just be Zeke, the retired military man/club bouncer who was in love with a woman who didn't know it yet.
Then I put my Daddy face on and went to find Lola.