Daisies in the Water (Love and Freedom #1)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

He loves me.

My fingernails left a long, jagged scrape across the hardwood floor of the kitchen. I kept going, kept dragging my upper body across it.

He loves me not.

My knees pushed up, but I couldn't feel them. I braced myself with my hands, using them as leverage to stand.

He loves me.

Pain shot down my spine, the world turning into nothing but a haze of colors. I limped along, whimpers and sobs echoing through the living room on my way to the front door.

He loves me not.

I was so close. My hand barely grasped the doorknob before something hard smacked against the back of my head.

He loves me. He has to love me.

The world swayed before me. It all swam in my vision before I fell hard enough to make the floor vibrate. The table by the front door swayed just like me, rattling enough that the vase on top tipped over and fell.

He loves me not.

Daisies, a perfect white with a gorgeous yellow center, crashed to the ground with the vase. Shattered glass cradled the blood on the floor. White petals stained themselves red, tainting the beauty I’d always admired.

“Goddamn it, Elio! What the fuck were you tryna do?” Jude screamed from above me.

Too hazy. Everything was too hazy. Shaking and whimpering in pain, I slowly touched my fingers to the back of my head. When I pulled them away, I saw the same red that had tainted the daisies. It was coming from me. I was bleeding.

Jesus Christ, I was bleeding.

Jude scuffled around me, grumbling angry words too quiet for me to make out.

It didn’t take much to guess what they were, though.

He was probably cursing up a storm, and I wouldn’t know any different over the constant ringing in my ears.

I needed to get up. I needed to haul myself off the floor and get somewhere else.

Shards from the flower vase pricked and cracked into my skin as I tried to make my body move out of the way. I heard them crunching beneath my weight, a melancholy symphony beneath the background of fury.

Jude. The name comes from Yehudah, meaning “praised” or “thanked.” I think he should’ve been named Judas instead. An evil, betraying man like him didn’t deserve praise.

My cheeks felt warm, then cold, then warm all over again.

I couldn’t see very well, tears obstructing everything in front of me.

I pushed with my arms once more, chancing a blurry glance to my left.

Jude stomped to the side, yelling and gesturing at nothing but air.

The moment he was out of sight, I forced myself up.

I wrapped my blood-soaked palm around the dirty, dented doorknob and ripped the door open. The sun was starting to set, painting a beautiful picture along the horizon. It burned my eyes. Hurt to look at for more than a second.

The bottoms of my heels slapped loudly against the pavement, my legs taking me farther and farther from the house.

It was hot. So, so hot. I thought my skin was going to melt and stick to the concrete sidewalk.

The heat made it hard to breathe, too. I struggled through panting breaths, huffing and puffing, never stopping until I saw the grass.

Grass, flowers, and familiar small hills.

I ran straight into the park, crossing over the walking trail. I hopped over fallen sticks and kicked up rocks. My feet took the brunt of it all, aching and screaming until finally, I slumped against the trunk of a tree.

Bark beneath my cut palms. Soft, ticklish blades of grass against the heat of my feet. A soft, summery scent lingered on the leaves and the flowers surrounding me. The stilted, burning breeze carried it to my nose, letting me smell the hint of safety.

I put all my weight against the lone tree, sliding down until my ass met the ground.

To my right, a single wooden bench watched the world around it.

To my left, there was an open field for anyone to enjoy.

In front of me was a patch of daisies, white and perfect.

They weren’t stained or wilted. Their yellow centers were unmarred, bright and beautiful as they waited to be admired.

The back of my head still hurt, pounding every few seconds.

It had almost stopped bleeding, thankfully.

By the time I’d caught my breath, there was nothing but sticky blood covering the wound.

I watched night take over, darkening the world except for the twinkle of the stars and the glowing gaze of the moon above.

It watched on as I plucked a lone, green stem and twirled it between my fingers.

It was slightly rubbery, a little bit damp with growing dew, but it felt right.

One petal turned into two, to three, then four, until all of them found their place on the ground around me.

An old game I took with me from my teenage years.

When the petals landed just right, it made me feel better. Like maybe Jude really could love me.

Other times, like tonight, as the wind took the final petal, it ruined me. He loves me not.

I knew that. Logically, I understood this wasn’t love. Jude wasn’t always so mean, though. And where the fuck would I go? Leaving was a moot point. So moot, in fact, that I stopped thinking about it years ago.

Through the broken leaves of the tree above me, the stars gave me a light show. A beautiful one, full of twinkles and the infinite shine of a life I’d given up on ages ago. They sang to me through the breeze, whispers and songs of bedtime lullabies, and a world more peaceful than this one.

With a sigh, I stood up from the ground and looked around the park.

It was empty. Soulless, even though it was no less beautiful.

I couldn’t go home, at least not until Jude was asleep.

I wasn’t sure when that would be exactly, since I hadn’t had time to grab my phone.

I plucked two more daisies from the ground and stood, swaying on my feet for a moment as my head tried to catch up to the motion. Once I was steady, I began to walk.

I didn’t know where I was going. The temperature had dipped since nightfall.

The pavement was cold beneath my feet now, sending chills through me every so often.

I walked, directionless, in a town I hardly knew.

It was smaller than I was used to. Growing up in the city, I never imagined I’d end up somewhere so quaint and quiet.

I loved the quiet. Made it easier to hear the life around me, which reminded me that no matter how much I felt like I was, I wasn’t ever truly alone.

My feet guided me to a small bridge. The water below looked so beautiful, so peaceful and bright. I could see the flashes of stars along its surface, speaking to me in Morse code. “Down here,” they said. “We’re down here.”

The metal lining the bridge’s side was shockingly cold against my empty palm.

I hissed, pulling air between my teeth. It’d been so warm a while ago, I didn’t understand where the chill had come from.

Was it me? Had I caused it? Misfortune seemed to always follow me, turning everything I touched into nothing but dust and despair.

Placing both hands on the guardrail, I watched as the clouds slowly shifted over the moon.

My light was suddenly gone, leaving me with nothing but the water and the daisies in my palm.

I looked down at them, noticing one of the petals had gone missing.

Frowning, I looked over the edge again, only to see it floating through the wind, cascading down toward the depths of the lake.

I kind of wanted to follow it. Maybe be closer to it. Just a little bit.

It took some maneuvering, but I hoisted myself onto the guardrail.

The petal had disappeared from my view by the time I got there, its white innocence swallowed by the black of night.

I leaned my head back, closing my eyes and facing the sky.

There was nothing behind my eyelids. Not a single glimmer of hope, or an idea of the future.

I hadn’t had either of those in a while. A long while.

White between my fingertips, smooth and complete. I plucked the daisies and watched them fall, drifting toward the water below. My feet swung against the metal guardrail, clanging every so often. It was quiet. Peacefully fucking quiet.

Grasping the rail beside me with both hands, I experimentally leaned forward. A whoosh curdled my stomach, forcing me backward just as quickly. “Holy fuck,” I whispered to no one and nothing.

Funny how my body knew the difference between danger and curiosity, yet I had no warning signs when it came to Jude. Just another failure to add to my growing list.

But the water looked so beautiful, and I started to wonder if the life living in it was lonely.

I wondered if I could bring them any company.

Give them something to look forward to every day.

If there were fish, I’d never hurt them.

I’d feed them and love them. I’d care for them as if they were mine.

I leaned forward again, testing my boundaries and limits. If I fell, I wasn’t a strong enough swimmer to get out. But I’d be free. How long had it been since I’d tasted freedom?

Too long. Probably since I was a teenager, back in high school, miserable and wishing for something better.

The longer I peered over the water, the easier it seemed to just…

let go. Take my hands off the rail. Would I fly?

Maybe I was a bird, or an angel, and I just didn’t know it yet.

Maybe wings would sprout from between my shoulder blades and carry me in the wind like the daisy petals.

I closed my eyes, wrenching the metal rail in my grip. It groaned beneath my weight, begging and pleading in its own language. I understood it anyway, having heard it hundreds of times before. Leaning my body forward, I took a deep breath and held it. It burned in my chest.

I let go.

And then there were arms around my middle.

And someone was screaming.

“Wait! No!”