Chapter 32
I go through some stretches on the floor mat of the boys’ gym. It’s early morning, and I have been here since six thirty after having a series of terrible nightmares overnight, where they all turned on me. Then my face shifted, and I was my ma, and the man standing over me was Enzo. It scared the hell out of me, and I eventually gave up on sleep and came down here to hopefully clear my mind before I have to face Geovani again.
I spent yesterday in bed fighting off a hangover from hell. Serves me right for thinking I could drink copious amounts of champagne and party with the boys. I don’t think they were much better either after the night of celebrating; the house was deadly silent most of the day. Dani came and found me in the afternoon to quiz me on what happened with the boys when the doors were closed. But there was no way I was filling her in on all of that. Jesus, I can’t even process it myself. My body is still sore.
My only disappointment from the night was I didn’t get to talk to Geovani. And the longer I’ve left it, the more my anxiety builds.
I move into plank pose then up to downward dog, hearing my back crack as I stretch. The door opens abruptly, and I see Geovani enter the gym as I peer through my legs from upside down. He still looks pissed. I move through to a lunge, not paying him any attention. Things are so weird between us. I’m not even sure how this training session will go this morning, but I’m ready to get back into our routine. When I finish my lunge, I move through the same sequence on the other side. And when I land in the lunge, he’s standing right in front of me.
“Hi.” I smile awkwardly.
“What are you doing?” he grumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face in what looks like frustration with me.
I scrunch my face up. “Stretching,” I mutter. “What does it look like I’m doing, baking a cake?”
His scowl deepens, creasing his forehead. “I meant why are you in here already, when I said we meet at seven?”
I shift my stance, planting my feet firmly on the ground and placing my hands on my hips defensively. “What’s your fucking problem? You have been shitty with me for days, and I’m over it. Either you come out and say whatever is on your mind or we move on, because I’m not putting up with you stomping your feet and carrying on like a petulant child,” I spit out at him, with all the pent-up frustration I have been holding inside.
Something flashes in his dark glare, and before I know what’s happening, I’m being tackled onto my back in the center of the mat with him on top of me. I suck in breaths, trying to get some air back in my lungs after he winded me completely. His eyes are glassy and cold, and his expression is one I don’t want to mess with. He goes to move his arm, and I flinch to cover my face, not sure what he’s about to do to me.
“You’re terrified of me,” he growls, his voice filled with a mix of sorrow and frustration.
I stare back at him, confused. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“I wanted you to know I would do anything to protect you. I didn’t want you flinching away from me. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“Okay,” I whisper, feeling close to tears suddenly. And I’m not sure if they’re for me or him. He looks so torn up, but he’s right, I am scared of him. I know what he’s truly capable of. He took pleasure in killing a man in front of all those people. There is something psychopathic about that, whether he believed he was doing it for the right reason or not. I’m also not sure how much I can really trust him.
“You don’t believe me.” He rolls off me and sits beside me on the mat. Bringing his knees up, he buries his head in his hands and breathes in deeply.
I move to sitting as well, crossing my legs as I watch him. I don’t know where we go from here. “Why did you want me at the fight?” I ask, needing to understand what he was thinking.
Eventually he looks up at me, his dark eyes meeting mine with so much intensity it sends a shiver down my spine. “Your papa protected you from all of this. He made you weak. Susceptible to horrible things because you had no idea about the world he was forcing you into.”
Confusion furrows my brow. “And you wanted to make me strong?”
“I wanted you to see our reality. So you can understand what we’re up against. That man was the reason you and your brother are stuck here in limbo with us.”
I drop my gaze away from his as I remember my conversation with Alessandro that night. “That’s what Alex said.”
“Then why on god’s earth did you fucking run from us?” His voice is laced with frustration and disgust, making me feel like a silly child. But this is on him. He forced me to run.
I stand in a rush, a fresh wave of adrenaline pumping through my veins. “Because what I saw in the man I had come to adore scared me. What if I did something you didn’t agree with and that’s how you ended me? You already threatened me once,” I yell, my voice booming off the empty gym walls and echoing back on me. My hands clench into fists, ready for a fight.
He stands as well, getting the upper hand over me with his towering height and solid frame. “What I said to you that day wasn’t a threat, that’s the reality. You do something to go against my rules, you end up dead. It’s the only way I can protect the people around me I care about. I didn’t make the rules, this fucking city did. Carlo and Enzo and their papas before them.” He’s trying to defend his actions, but I’m not having a bit of it. He doesn’t have to be like his pa or Enzo, and I’m sick of hearing the same old story.
My glare intensifies, anger radiating off me so hard my body is shaking. This situation is impossible. “But now that you boys have the reins, will things be different?”
He meets my eyes, and I see the subtle tic of his neck as he cracks it. He’s a man on the verge of losing it, and I know I should stop pushing him. But I need to understand him. That sweet caring man I first met has to still be in there somewhere, it couldn’t all have been an act, could it? And even though he scared me, I also know how hard he fought for me later that night. He killed his own father to protect me. I know I mean something to him, even if I piss him off at the same time.
“Things have been done this way for hundreds of years. They’re not going to change because we’re now on top. And they shouldn’t, because it’s how we keep chaos from raining down on our streets.”
The way he looks at me makes me want to burst into tears, but I’m not giving him the satisfaction. I bite into the side of my mouth to stop myself. “Why are you so angry with me?”
His hand comes to my face, and this time I don’t flinch away. I need to feel his hands on me. His face softens a little as he strokes my cheek with his thumb. “I’m not angry with you, Red. I’m trying to give you space so you don’t run again.”
A lump gets caught in my throat. “I’m not going to make that mistake again. I nearly lost someone I care about because of my stupidity,” I finally get out. I find his hand, lacing our fingers together. “But I can’t stand you ignoring me, pretending I don’t exist. I fucked up. I know it. And I promise you it won’t happen again. But I need you to stop playing games with me. By keeping me in the dark at the fight, you scared me more.” Our eyes are locked, and I plead with him to understand my position.
He looks me over like he’s considering my words. Then he twists me so I’m facing away from him, and he has me in an arm hold around the waist. “If you can spar with me properly without flinching away.”
I pant desperately, the fear wanting to take over. But I can’t let it. I’m stronger than this. “Sounds like more games,” I warn him, grabbing at his hands.
“I can’t stand seeing the fear in your eyes whenever I’m close to you.” His whispered words send thousands of tiny pins prickling over my skin. He’s in pain as well, he just has a fucked-up way of showing it. And something Dani said to me earlier comes back to me. He wasn’t taught how to love like you and me. He’s grappling to keep the connection he has with me the only way he knows how.
“Tell me one thing. How did you know about the safety deposit box?”
“I had cameras watching your papa’s house and a tracker on his car. I followed him down there the night he placed it all in that box. Didn’t know exactly what was in there, but I had a pretty good idea from what I could piece together.”
The cameras on my house. I remember him telling me about how he was watching me for a long time. Maybe he’s telling me the truth. Without warning, I use both hands to pull down on the top hand that is locked around my body, focusing on prying his grip open. When it eases, I quickly turn to face him. Bending my knees, I lower my center of gravity to make it harder for him to control or lift me. With a fierce look of determination, I step one foot out to the side and use my hip to bump into him, trying to throw him off balance. It’s like trying to move a brick wall. But I go again.
“Better, Red. Remember our training,” he coaches, loosening his grip so he can show me how he wants me to escape from the hold. “And what have I told you, if all else fails…”
“Use my knife and go for the jugular,” I recite his past instructions.
I practice it again and this time have more success. We spend the next hour running through similar techniques. And just like that, things are back to normal with us. Well, as normal as they’re ever going to be.