7
Peter
T his three-day weekend had been perfect and exactly what we needed to reconnect. It lifted the huge weight that had been crushing my spirit. Spilling those innermost secrets, those hopes, dreams, and even fears to the people you love, the people you cherish had a way of doing that, making you feel lighter in your soul. Something I should have known considering the number of times it’s written about in books. But somehow, we often forget that even in fiction, nuggets of truth can be found. They’re just wrapped up in pretty packaging so that they are more easily palatable. Kind of like how people hide vegetables that their kids won’t eat in their desserts.
“You ready to come clean? To tell the whole truth to Katy?”
“No more backing off and treating her feelings like a damned yo-yo?” Jarrod added.
It didn’t surprise me that Jason and Jarrod wanted to double check my resolve on the drive home. Being completely honest, this past year had taught me that I was behaving selfishly, like an immature, young man and not like an adult or the man my father raised me to be. If he were still alive, he’d have been so disappointed in me and my actions. But I was past letting him down, letting the ones who I loved down. They didn’t deserve that from me. Instead, they deserved my best or even better, they deserved more than my best. And every day from now on, I’d work at being better than I was the day before. I’d do it for them.
“Yup. I’m all in. With Katy. And with you.” I caught Jason’s eye in the rearview mirror. “No more hiding… well except with Katy until after she graduates, but that’s only when we’re out in public.”
Both nodded even as Jason chewed on his lower lip. “Are you sure you want to publicly add me into your relationship? It will increase scrutiny on all of us. And while I’m used to it, I know that last year was a new experience for both of you. Not only would you two be the newest ‘gay’ couple, but also polyamorous. That’s bound to get tongues wagging.”
“Tongues have always wagged—” I started before my phone cut in with a voice message as we drove into cell phone range.
“Hey guys. Hope you had a great weekend away. Could you all stop in when you arrive home. I have a package for you.” The tenseness in Katy’s voice had the hairs on the back of my neck twitching, and glancing around, I saw similar looks of confusion and concern on their faces. Yet I had to ask, had to make sure that I wasn’t imagining things because I was worried about my reception from her. When we left, while the others kissed her like normal, I’d only given her a brush of my lips to her temple, having been plagued with doubts about following through with a relationship with her.
“You all heard that, right? It wasn’t just me?”
“You mean how she sounded like she was talking through clenched teeth instead of her normal, sweet, happy self? Yeah, I heard it.” Jason rubbed his palm over his brush cut as he stared out the window at the grazing land that lined the highway.
“Did any of you order a package?” Jarrod pushed his head between the front seats. “Because I didn’t order anything.” At our negative responses, he wondered what the package could be. A question on all our minds.
Her cryptic message left a pall on us, turning what would have been a fun drive filled with talking, laughter, and even some singing into a quiet mess. Even the music our playlist chose matched the starkness. Despite the uneasiness and dread that crawled up my spine, the drive went by quickly and in no time at all, we pulled into our driveway.
The curtain in Katy’s living room flicked, letting us know that someone knew of our arrival.
“Should we unpack the vehicle first or head straight over?” I needed them to decide because the feeling that my world was about to fall out from underneath me had only grown with each kilometre, we’d driven closer.
“I think we should head over. She obviously knows we’re home even if she hasn’t run out to greet us. Besides, it’ll take too long to empty the vehicle if we do it correctly. I don’t want all our gear to be left out. It needs to be cleaned and then stored properly for next time.
“Of course, Mr. Mom. Anything for you.” Jarrod batted his eyes at Jason as a bellow of laughter came from me. The teasing wasn’t that funny, but with the adrenaline running through my body, anything would have set off hysterical laughter. Jarrod and Jason shared a look that I couldn’t quite decipher, but instead of trying to figure it, I audibly agreed, knowing we needed to get this over with so we could deal with whatever was waiting for us.
I led my lovers? my fiancés? my husbands?—I really needed to come up with a name to call them that wasn’t partner because I really didn’t like that people tended to think of business partners when they heard that word—to Katy’s front door, gave a little knock, and then walked in like usual.
Marie stuck her head out from around the wall separating the living room/entryway from the kitchen. “Peter. Jason. Jarrod. Welcome back. Would you like something to eat? I’ve just finished making a stack of sandwiches.”
Jason rubbed his flat stomach that was hidden under his t-shirt. “You know me, Marie, I never turn down food, especially if it was made by you or Katy.”
Marie rolled her eyes at Jason’s flattery even as she chuckled. “I figured the three of you would arrive hungry, not wanting to stop at all for food in your rush to get home after your little vacation.” She retreated into the kitchen before popping out again carrying a massive tray of sandwiches, potato chips, and cut up vegetables. “Have a seat and dig in,” she said as she placed the platter on the table. “Katy will be down in a minute.”
We shared another look as she returned to the kitchen. Marie’s voice sounded relatively normal, almost excited like, and a direct contrast to how Katy had sounded. What did that mean? What was the package they had for us?
This time when she exited the kitchen, she carried a pitcher of water, some glasses, and a… holy shit, a baby bottle? That sensation of the floor dropping out from under me returned. With a vengeance. Fuck! It can’t be, can it? Before I could ask, she hollered up to Katy, letting her know the bottle was ready.
The sound of footsteps on the stairs had all our heads whipping around, anxious to see Katy after missing her these last few days.
She held a small baby in her arms and my heart stopped. Not due to the baby, although, looking at him—and yes, I knew it was a him because he was dressed all in blue—I knew I’d have to tell her about my past fuck ups. Instead, my heart stopped due to how she looked, the picture she created. A glow surrounded her as she looked at him with awe, delight, and what I could only describe as a mother’s love. I wasn’t an art critic by any means, but she reminded me of some of those famous paintings of the Madonna, of Mary as she looked at and held the baby Jesus. You could almost see the halo around Katy’s head.
And I fell in love with her a little more.
Or maybe it was just that my blinders had slipped a little more, pushing away the denial I’d been trying to live under. She was the woman I wanted to have children with. The heart she had for others had always made her seem older, more mature, but her holding this baby, made the knowledge that she was only seventeen was almost inconceivable.
And I hated the fact that I’d have to wait to publicly claim her as mine.
But then she lifted her gaze. The easy smile fell from her face as a coldness entered her eyes.
At that point I knew… without a doubt… she knew… everything.