Dangerous (Bad Boys of Voyageur Bay #3)

Chapter 10

10

Katy/Katherine

I groaned as the sound of Liam’s soft cries woke me up. After three nights of interrupted sleep—and by interrupted, I mean where I was able to get maybe three hours of sleep at a time if I was lucky—my body was beginning to rebel. I didn’t know how new parents did this. It was killing me. Although I didn’t have the months to prepare like new parents and they didn’t have to work eight hour day shifts while watching their baby during this stage either—thank you Canadian maternity and paternity benefits.

The bed shifted beside me, startling me.

“Go back to sleep, Katy-bear. I’ve got him.”

My body stiffened at the sound of Peter’s voice. When had he climbed into bed with me? Any other day I would have been happy that he’d been with me. Sleeping curled up against him, against Jarrod, against Jason, were the nights I had my best sleep. I always felt safe, loved, but not now. Not when there was so much unsaid between us. I really needed to talk with him, to see if Debbie had been lying in her letter to him—a very remote possibility, but it was still there considering some of the stories mom and Dr. Bishop mentioned to each other during Liam’s check up. And if she hadn’t… I really didn’t know what to do, how it would change things. It’s why I’d been putting it off. And from the way Peter and the guys hadn’t been pushing it either, the worry that I really wouldn’t like what they had to say grew.

“Good morning, son. How about we go out into the living room and let Katy sleep? Maybe dada Jason, or daddy Jarrod would like a chance to change you and feed you before going to work. I know I wouldn’t want to miss out on cuddles from you.”

My heart clenched as I listened to Peter speak quietly to his son. Even after thinking it for three days, I still choked up at it. I mean, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Not with the number of women I’d seen him with over the past few years. Really, I should have been surprised that this was his only child. But still, he was supposed to be mine. And the real problem was that I didn’t differentiate between Peter and Liam when I thought it.

I heard the door latch quietly as they exited the room, leaving me alone. My first real alone time in days since I didn’t count the rushed showers I took while listening out for Liam’s cries. Yet as I laid there, wanting to go back to sleep, I couldn’t shut my brain off. Did he really leave me alone to go sleep with some woman? Had he known her before or was just an opportunity he couldn’t pass up? Had he planned to meet up with her there? Why didn’t he use a condom? But when my thoughts started to turn towards the time at the hospital, I jumped out of bed. What happened to me at the pool and the aftermath had been bad enough that it still affected me at times, and this only made it worse. I wished for the thousandth time that I’d never read her letter. Maybe then the fact that Liam was Peter’s child wouldn’t bother me as much.

I scoffed as I shuffled to the door. Whether I’d read the letter or not, knowing Liam was his, proof that he’d been sleeping around even though I had numerous memories to draw on for confirmation, would have still bothered me.

As I stepped into the open concept great room after a pit stop in the bathroom, Jason wrapped me up in his arms, pulling me tight to his chest. His warm spicy scent surrounded me, relaxing me. Every time I was in his arms, I felt safe, felt like I was at home. Other than when he went away for work last year and when he was away when my dad was killed, Jason had been a constant in my life. He was always there to comfort me even as he grew older and left home.

“How are you doing, Baby Girl? Did you get enough sleep?” He brushed the hair back from my face as he examined me, looking for himself in case I lied to him.

“I’m…” I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t come up with the words to express how I felt because I was feeling too many things. Things that were all jumbled together. And the lack of sleep, the heaviness of responsibility hadn’t helped. They acted like weights that held all the jumbled feelings down, not allowing them to be untangled.

“It’ll all work out.” At my raised eyebrows, he chuckled before gently brushing his lips against mine. “I promise, Katy. And I’ve never broken one of those to you yet. I don’t plan on starting now.” He pressed another swift kiss to my lips before pulling back, leaving me feeling bereft. “I’m off to work. I’d wanted to go shopping with you and Peter, but there are too many meetings with new clients scheduled for today. But I’ll see you later. I’ll bring us home some supper, so you and Peter don’t have to think about cooking. It’s the least I can do since you’ll be tired after looking after Liam and shopping.”

After Jason left, I continued into the kitchen in search of some form of caffeine to give me the needed help to get through the day. No wonder adults liked coffee so much. I don’t know how anyone survived looking after babies without it. Yet mom had told me that woman who breastfed couldn’t drink it. That really sucked. No wonder so many women formula fed instead of breast feeding. Those who breastfed must have been like me and hated coffee.

“Good morning, Kitty-Kat. Did Liam get you and Peter up a lot last night?” Jarrod sat at the table, feeding Liam a bottle. He wore his dress pants, but was bare chested, making my mouth water. It had been too long since we’d had any alone time, and I missed it.

“Hel-lo, Ka-ty.” The teasing, sing-song voice Jarrod used brought a little heat to my cheeks. Yet when I raised my gaze to look at his dark, almost black eyes, they were molten like a warm vat of dark hot chocolate.

To cover up my drooling, I bent over to smile at Liam. The bottle popped out of his mouth, and he smiled at me. His little eyes crinkled as a little dimple popped in his cheek.

“Holy shit. Did he just smile?”

I nodded, stunned. Dr. Bishop had asked if Liam had smiled yet and reassured me that it didn’t mean anything that he hadn’t. He explained that babies didn’t tend to start truly smiling until they were between six and twelve weeks old. With Liam only seven weeks and with the removal of his primary caregiver, Dr. Bishop had suggested that Liam would probably be on the later end of the time frame.

“Peter, come quick. Liam’s smiling.” At Jarrod’s shout, Liam’s little face scrunched, as he prepared to cry. Jarrod jostled him. “Don’t cry, Liam. Please don’t. Daddy Jarrod’s sorry for scaring you. I was just so excited to see you smile and wanted Daddy Peter to see.”

But when Jarrod’s pleading didn’t stop Liam, I held out my hands. “Let me take him. I’ll calm him down and then you can finish feeding him.”

Within seconds of Liam being in my arms, up near my heart, his cries quieted.

“I really need to learn that trick.” Jarrod looked at his watch before giving me a sad smile. “While I’d like to keep feeding him, I need to rush. I have a couple of meetings this morning to finalize the party were holding at the end of the week for the official opening. You’re still coming, right? Geoff didn’t back out from letting you come in late?”

With Liam no longer crying, I adjusted him in my arms so that I’d be able to feed him. “I’m still coming. Sasha said she’ll be fine by herself since Friday’s don’t tend to get busier until later in the day when it’s just me.”

“Good because I want you there.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, but unlike Jason who didn’t linger, Jarrod pressed in, parting my lips with his tongue. Before he could do much more, Liam squawked his displeasure, causing Jarrod to jump away before chuckling. “Only seven weeks old and he’s already cock blocking his daddy.” At Jarrod’s over the top wink, laughter bubbled out of my lips, making him smile as he handed me the bottle he’d been using to feed Liam.

Since he wasn’t going to be using his chair, I sat in it. The seats were comfortable when eating, but for feeding a baby, they really sucked. During our upcoming shopping trip, I was going to have to try and talk Peter into purchasing a more comfortable chair for them. The couch would do in a pinch, but it was oversized, making it harder to move around and get your body comfortable if you were holding a baby in your arms. A fact I’d found out the previous evening when I gave Liam his bedtime feeding.

Liam had just released a loud burp when the primary bedroom door opened and Jarrod walked out, fully dressed in a suit, followed by Peter dressed in distressed jeans and a tight t-shirt. They couldn’t have looked more different, clean cut businessman vs ranch hand since I knew Peter’s go to footwear would be his pair of well-worn cowboy boots, yet both were drool worthy and attracted my attention. Or maybe it was because I knew what was under their clothing—having seen them shirtless many times—the tattoos, the muscles, all their clothing did was covered up who they really were.

“That was some burp, little man.” Jarrod dropped a kiss onto Liam’s sweet-smelling head before kissing my cheek. “Have fun today. Take it easy. Make Peter do all the heavy lifting. I’ll see you tonight for supper.”

And then he was off, leaving me truly alone with Peter for the first time since they’d arrived home. I didn’t count all the times we were alone during the night because Jarrod and Jason were right down the hall, and I was able to use being tired/wanting to keep things quiet to establish that it was nighttime for Liam to keep from talking about anything deeper than Liam’s bottles or diapering.

Forestalling whatever it looked like Peter wanted to say, I jumped in, explaining to him all the things we needed to pack and get ready for our day trip to Winnipeg for supplies. And for the next forty-five minutes, we worked together under my direction to clean, diaper, and dress Liam, prepare four bottles of formula to be placed in the cooler bag, portion out three more servings of formula powder, and pack the diaper bag full of diapers, wipes, spare clothing, spare blankets, and a wet/dirty bag.

“Thank you for this.” Peter ran his hands through his hair, letting me know how unsettled he was. Any other time, I would have been jumping to give him comfort, but this time I didn’t have any to give even if I really wanted to… and even that was up for debate. “I wouldn’t have even known where to start, I mean, what do I even pack for a trip to Winnipeg. Without you here, I’d probably just leave, not bringing a diaper bag or anything.”

“I’m sure you would have figured it out.”

“No, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t do any of this without you.” He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into a quick hug as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. It was brief as if he knew I wasn’t comfortable, but it was something he couldn’t resist. And as he released me, bending down to pick up Liam in his car seat, I couldn’t help but reflect on what he’d said. Had there been an extra emphasis when he said he couldn’t do this without me? What did it mean? And how did I feel about it?

“After you,” he said, holding open the house door. I followed his command and settled into the back seat of the SUV beside Liam. Being next to him for the two-hour drive would be a welcome distraction from my thoughts because I really wasn’t ready to examine them yet.

“Well, aren’t you the cutest family. Your son is a beautiful mix of you. Now what can I help you with?”

I searched the area around us, looking to see who the saleslady was talking to only to discover it was us since there weren’t too many other people in the store.

“Thanks. I think so, too.” Peter released one hand from the nearly empty shopping cart and wrapped it around my shoulders, drawing Liam and I to his side. “As for what we’re looking for”—he motioned to the nursery furniture displays—“we’re looking for nursery furniture. We didn’t pick up any before he was born, preferring to wait to see what we really needed.”

I stared up at him surprised that he hadn’t corrected her instead of continuing to play into her misconception. Did she really believe we were a family? I guess that to an outsider who didn’t know how old I was, seeing a man, a woman, and a baby, in a store, together, one would naturally assume that they were a family. That knowledge bothered me for some reason, but not wanting to examine it now, it became just one more thing I shoved deep inside me.

“Did you have a specific colour scheme in mind? Or were you looking at natural wood tones?”

Peter looked at me for help and I couldn’t stop the soft grin from climbing on my face. When it came to interior design, Peter sucked. The items he’d originally suggested to furnish his house when he’d been renovating it still left me with nightmares. Other than suggesting specific types of items, the design and colours had been completely chosen by Jarrod, Jason, and I.

“I was thinking natural wood. That way, a convertible crib would easily grow with Liam.”

The saleslady nodded as her smile grew. We followed as she led us deeper into the store, extolling the virtues of the various furniture lines they carried. After examining their displays and deciding on which pieces he needed for the room, we moved on to look at car seats, and then strollers.

“I thought you said we needed more clothes and things,” Peter asked as we exited the baby store with the new car seat, stroller, and a few specialty items. The rest of the furniture would be delivered in two days time from their warehouse.

“We do, but Liam will need to eat soon and since he’s going to outgrow his clothes so quickly at this age, it’s cheaper to purchase them somewhere else.” These were the only words I felt comfortable saying. Not when I couldn’t explain why I felt uneasy every time someone mentioned how cute my son was or what a sweet, young family we were. These were things I’d dreamed about so why did it bother me now?

It shouldn’t have. Not when I knew what happened when people didn’t think we were a family.

When we’d first arrived at the store, I’d needed to use the bathroom after our long drive. From the time Liam was placed in Peter’s arms, he’d screamed at the top of lungs, drawing the attention of numerous female shoppers. Once they realized that Peter was a single father, they’d all offered to help comfort Liam—and his father. I’d had to wade through them all to get to the little boy who was nearly inconsolable, skin reddened and puffy with tears streaming down his face. But the moment he heard my heart under his ear, his cries slowed, giving me a wobbly smile until he fell asleep again, safe and sound in my arms. It’s why I’d held him the entire time we’d been shopping.

“Then let’s go feed our—my—son.” He gave me a sheepish look as he helped to strap Liam into his car seat.

I ignored Peter’s mention of “our”, relegating it with all the other topics I didn’t want to think about. Instead, I focused on the idea of food. “And feed me, because I’m starving.”

As he closed my door, he laughed, and of all our interactions since his return, making him laugh was the first one that didn’t hurt my heart.