18. Chapter 18
Dare shambled back to his room, shields raising as he did so. The surrounding clamor thankfully ceased, but he knew, no matter how worn out he felt, he couldn”t take another damper since it was too close to morning. He debated trying to lightly nap, dismissing that as an impossible dream. He was too tired to stay awake, but knew if he slept without a damper, he”d wake with a cacophony in his mind. After the session with Jason, he couldn”t face that.
Despite his fatigue and Jason”s harrowing memories, the Mindset was improbably happy. He had helped the one person he cared for more than his friends, the one who meant something he didn”t yet have a name for. Jason trusted him now, and that was more than he”d ever hoped to have from him. There was more work to do, more trauma to overcome, but now there was hope. Hope that they could nurture whatever he felt into at least a friendship. In the secrecy of his heart, he wished for more, then gently pushed that away. It was not up to him.
Determined to begin his day, Dare wiped down, using the unfortunately cold clean wipes, put on clean clothes, and took himself off to the mess. He needed coffee, lots of coffee, to wake himself up enough to get through the rest of the day and a big breakfast to replace the calories he”d just burned up. Mind work was quiet but ate up a Mindset”s energy as though he was doing heavy labor.
The empath was nursing his third cup of coffee when Riis breezed into the mess. He smiled when he saw Dare, then went to fill his tray. Sitting at ”their” table against the wall, Riis gave his friend a pleased nod, then frowned.
”What happened to you? Bad night? I”m only asking because you look way too tired to be sitting here.”
Dare made himself sit up straighter, knowing he”d have to bend the truth. ”I had a client emergency that got me up too early. I pushed through my dampers, and it was too late to take more, so here I am. I”ll get to bed early tonight.”
Riis stared for a moment longer, then shook his head. ”I forgot about the med you have to take. Guess that rules out napping during the day. Everybody thinks being a Mindset is a breeze, but it”s not, is it? I mean, you”re held to a much higher standard than anyone else. You need to take meds to sleep so you don”t wake up with a circus in your head, and then, as frosting on your confection, people are afraid of you. Yeah, lucky you, Mindset.”
Dare shrugged. ”You”re not wrong, but it”s not like I can turn it off or leave it behind. It”s not all terrible, Riis. The feeling I have when I help someone with something difficult is wonderful. That makes everything I have to do worth it.” Riis looked skeptical. ”No, really, it does, so stop looking at me like that.”
The younger man circled his face with a finger. ”You mean this look–the one that says you”re full of it? That one?” The empath gave him a half-hearted glare, making Riis sigh. ”I just worry about you. You work hard all the time, and, let”s face it, have little social—as in any—life. I know you”re not like me and probably prefer the quiet life. But there”s quiet, and then there”s dead. I know we”ve been over this and I”ll respect your wishes. Just know if you want to engage more with the crew, or join in with whatever goes on around here, let me know. I”ll make sure you”re okay if you do.”
The empath gave him a fond smile, lightening his expression. ”Thank you, Riis. I appreciate your concern and your offer. I”ll take you up on that if I feel the need, but I”m just not that social. Haven”t been since my gift manifested and took over my life. I can handle poker games, but larger crowds are difficult for me to manage. I have to keep my shields up so high it makes it difficult to interact unless I know most of them.”
The younger man gave him a chagrined glance before bowing his head. ”Shit, I”ve done it again. The next time I try to convince you to be like something you”re not, smack me. I think because you”re fine with me, I always think you”d be good with everyone else. I really am an idiot.”
”No, Riis. You”re like the brother I never had. Don”t beat yourself up for trying to be helpful. I appreciate the effort even if I can”t partake of it.”
”Stop making me feel better for being thoughtless, Mindset.”
Dare reached out, shaking his wrist to get his attention. ”It”s what I do, and I will not change that for you, you pushy little null.”
The assistant finally met his eyes. ”That”s better–a mild insult. For the record, I”m not little.”
”For the record, please don”t say any more. I really, and I do mean really, don”t want to know.”
Riis grinned; good mood restored. ”Spoilsport.” He glanced at the time. ”Crap, I”ve got to get to work. Take it easy on yourself today, big brother.”
”Don”t worry about me when you”ve got the captain to manage.”
The younger man stood, piling his dishes on his tray. ”The cap and I understand each other. Do you mind bussing my dishes? I”ve got to jet.”
Dare sighed as though put upon. ”You”re a lot of work, brother.”
Riis grinned as he backed away from the table. ”You have no idea, bro, and if you”re lucky, you never will.”
The empath slowly walked back to his room, checked his messages, then realized he couldn”t remain seated if he didn”t want to fall asleep. No one needed him right now, but he had to keep moving. He knew it was too early to check on Jason. Debating his options, he decided to walk down to the colony deck and check in with them. Technically, he was pushing it since everyone was supposed to conserve energy and oxygen, but then decided he was justified as a Mindset to do so, one of the few perks he could ascribe to.
The walk, albeit at a slow pace, woke him up. The colony was quiet, as most of them were in their homes. Dare called on Chance to make sure he was managing his coursework, and to answer whatever questions he had. Chance answered his door quickly, giving his mentor a big smile.
”It”s good to see you! You”ve got perfect timing, too. I have some questions about the reading I”ve done about Jung, and my shields have been giving me fluctuations and I don”t know why. It”s making me crazy.”
Warmed by his welcome, Dare went over what he was doing to manage his shields, finding a few anomalies that were easily correctable. Their discussion about Jung cleared some of Chance”s confusion, but not all, as the Mindset Two shook his head.
”I get the idea of the collective unconscious–it makes a weird sort of sense. I think I”m having the most trouble with his dream theory.”
The older empath nodded with understanding. ”He”s difficult to read or understand. Keep in mind that these are theories, not facts. Knowing them may give you insight with a client, or you may never even use them. Learning about them is just part of your overall curriculum. As your teacher, I”m more interested in how you will deal with clients than your grasp of every theory out there. I suggest finishing the reading on Jung, then spending more time learning cognitive behavioral theory. You”ll use CBT with clients. I can guarantee that. Having any other issues?”
Chance shrugged, then shook his head. ”No, not really. Looking forward to getting under speed again. It”s been really dull this last week. Everyone”s quiet, and managing only what they have to–the cryo tanks, and the crops we”re growing. Meals are still served communally, but everybody”s subdued. I”m not used to that, but I know it”ll pass.”
Dare gave him a rueful glance. ”That”s all I”ve ever been used to. I”m glad you”re more of an extrovert than I am. I think the colony needs that. Hopefully, we only have another week or less to go. I”m ready to get back to working out–exercising in my room just isn”t the same, especially when I have to limit my cardio to conserve oxygen. I understand what you”re saying, though. The ship feels strange right now.”
The young Mindset grinned. ”Thanks for understanding. I haven”t talked to anyone else about this, but I”m glad I did with you. You have to head back?”
”Yes, I have a client I want to check on. I”m taking an early night tonight since I had a crisis to contend with last night. It”s all good now, but I”ve been dragging all day.”
Chance chuckled, giving him a sweeping glance. ”I didn”t want to say anything, but you do look worn out.”
Dare sighed, rolling his eyes. ”I”ve already heard about it at breakfast. I”ll be fine tomorrow. If you need to discuss anything prior to our resumption of the usual schedule, message me. I”ll wander back down here for you. You”re doing very well, Chance.”
The young man ducked his head, then smiled. ”Thank you. Have a good evening, Mindset Mentor. I”m going to study some more.”
Dare stood, walking to his door. ”Don”t overdo it and be sure to rest when you need to. I”m here if you want me for anything, okay?”
Chance promised as he opened the door for him. Leaving the colony deck, Dare was happy he”d made the walk, and thankfully still fairly alert. He would check on Jason, have an early dinner, and then go to bed–such was the excitement of a Mindset One”s life.