9. Astrid
nine
Astrid
A Few Minutes Later
W hat is actually happening right now?
Brennan steps behind me as I unlock the door to my houseboat.
I can still feel the heat from his kisses lingering on my lips. Ohmyfuckinggod . The overt sexual tension between us has always been just below the surface, though neither of us have ever acknowledged it. Now it’s unleashed and there’s no going back.
Never, in my entire life have I reacted this way. Now he’s here, in my home, and I’m suddenly both sure and unsure of everything. He’s turned a key to my heart and I know there’s no going back.
When we have sex tonight, I’ll be all in.
But will Brennan?
He takes in my houseboat with his patented quiet focus. His eyes skate over the curved wooden staircase, the wide windows opening onto the lake, and the simple, modern lines of the kitchen.
“This place, it’s beautiful, A.” He gazes out the window at the glimmering lake. “I should have realized it would be stunning and effortlessly cool, like you.”
I lean against the counter, watching him. “I might specialize in luxury mansions, but I prefer to live somewhere simple where I can breathe.”
“Well, it suits you.” His fingers brush the edge of the quartz counter.
This house has always been my escape, but with Brennan here, it seems different. Intimate. Suddenly, I feel shy.
Since we kissed at the bar, there’s been a shift in the air between us. We both pretend to be fascinated by the surroundings when all we’re thinking about is what happens next.
At least I am.
Feeling the need to do something with my hands, I take a step toward the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? I’ve got wine or beer.” I open the fridge. “Or, mineral water.”
Brennan watches me for a second, then shakes his head. “No, I’m good.”
The silence that follows is awkward. With only the sound of water softly lapping at the side of the boat, we’re both waiting for the other person to speak. To make sense of what’s going on between us.
A line’s been crossed.
We’re either on the edge of something big or we’re going to try to put the genie back in the bottle.
“It’s weird, right?” I break the silence. “You and me. This .”
Brennan steps closer. “Yeah—but it doesn’t feel wrong.”
Oh .
My heart thuds in my chest with an anticipation I’ve never known.
I search his deep, brown eyes for anything to help me understand what he’s thinking. What he wants. “I thought we’re just friends. Or, at least, I convinced myself you wanted to keep things platonic.”
“I convinced myself of the same thing.” He meets my gaze and for a split second, I see utter vulnerability. “Don’t you think it’s more?”
I decide to be honest. “Until we kissed, I wasn’t sure.”
“And now?” He moves closer until we’re practically chest to chest.
“Now, I’m confused.” I take his hands in mine. “What I want and what I need might be different.”
Brennan nods. “I’m terrible at relationships. It’s never been a priority. I don’t know how to…”
His words hang in the air and suddenly, everything clicks into place.
We are in a relationship. Brennan has confided his fears, ambitions, dreams of the future and the pressure he carries every day. He trusts me with pieces of his life and challenges he faces in his own family. Slowly, deliberately, he’s let me in. Shared parts of himself he doesn’t give to anyone else, including his brothers.
All along, it’s been his way of choosing me, and I almost missed it.
“I’ve been testing you,” I admit quietly. “Because, I do have feelings for you and was waiting to see if you’d make a move. To be sure you wanted this.”
He exhales slowly. One hand cups my cheek. “I do want you. I’ve wanted you since high school. More than you know. I’m not a great bet, though. The last thing I want is to disappoint you.”
His touch is soft, but there’s an intensity in his eyes. It takes my breath away. Makes my heart ache.
“B,” my hand covers his on my cheek, “I don’t need you to be anyone but yourself. It’s not your job to fix everything or have it all figured out. Just be real with me.”
For a second, I think he’s going to pull away. But, instead, he leans in, pressing his forehead to mine. “We can talk about those things some other time. Tonight, I want to take care of you. Give you pleasure to erase some of the pain you’ve been carrying.”
The ground shifts beneath me.
“I don’t need saving.” I can’t help my voice from trembling, because I do want to be saved. Not always. Just sometimes.
His eyes lock on to mine. “Of course you don’t. I don’t need to save you. I need to worship you.”
Is he for real?
I sure fucking hope so.
Unable to answer but desperate to get to the worshipping, I grip his hand and lead him upstairs. The curving wooden staircase creaks under our feet as we make our way to my bedroom loft. The city lights glint off the water outside the windows, casting a gentle glow. Everything feels soft and quiet, like the world has paused for us.
We sit on the edge of the bed and he wraps his arms around me. There’s no urgency like there was at The Zoo. I rest my head against his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart. Brennan runs his hand through my hair, slow and soothing. I close my eyes. Let the comfort of his touch wash over me.
It’s been a long day—an exhausting, emotionally draining day—but somehow, being here with Brennan makes it all bearable.
“You had a rough visit, huh?” His fingers trace small circles on my lower back.
A rough day—a disastrous showing at the luxury condo downtown followed by the tension at dinner with my family.
“I did,” I murmur into his shirt. “I’m exhausted from trying so hard.”
Brennan doesn’t ask for details. He doesn’t need to. He holds me tighter and his lips press against the top of my head. “I’m sorry.”
His strong arms around me ease my tension and elicit a confession. “Until I saw you tonight, I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge how much I’ve missed our time together. You’ve become my person.”
“I know how you feel.” His hand rakes gently through my hair.
We sit wrapped up in each other for what feels like hours. It’s strange. Being allowed to let go, even for a little while isn’t scary, it’s freeing. I’m always the one who takes care of everything. My clients, my business, myself. Here with Brennan, I don’t have to be strong.
After a bit, I lift my head to meet his eyes. “I want to be there for you, too, Brennan.”
He furrows his brow. “You already are.”
Our mouths crash together. I slide my hand under the hem of his shirt and push it up, but he grips my wrist and presses it against the mattress. Showing me he’s going to control the pace. Which I like. A lot.
His lips are soft but deliberate, exploring my mouth with expert precision. His hand makes its way to my waist and he pulls me closer, taking his time. Drawing each moment out. Each kiss is deeper than the last and the tension builds deliciously. By relaxing into the moment, I feel every second. Every breath.
“Make me come.” The words escape before I can stop them.
Brennan bands one arm around my waist and skims his palm along my inner thigh. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to regret anything.”
“I won’t regret it.” I lie back and pat the space next to me. Kick off my ankle booties.
Brennan lies on his side next to me, his thumb traces my lips and I suck it into my mouth. “Jesus, God, A.”
I’m pretty sure I’m more experienced than him but, at the same time, not many partners have been able to satisfy me. I take the lead by gripping the back of his neck to bring his face to mine.
The air between us thickens. Brennan’s lips move urgently against mine, each kiss hungrier than the last. He no longer holds back. His hands trail down my stomach and down my thighs to the hem of my skirt, which he pulls up to my waist. Every touch, every movement, sends heat spiraling through me, and I lose myself entirely.
Brennan’s thumb traces along the edge of my silky thong and he dips it inside, gliding it along my seam. I wonder if he likes my hairless pussy. He must, I can feel his erection burrowing into my thigh.
“Let me take the edge off.” Without warning, he lightly pinches my labia with his fore and middle finger, sandwiching my clit between them. I nearly jackknife off the bed when he squeezes them together and his lips latch on to the sensitive space behind my ear.
It’s so intense, like a full, deep-clit massage. I’m on the edge in seconds. Holy shit, the man has actual skills. I’ve misjudged the situation, believing I’d need to show him what to do.
My head lolls back when his thumb finds my slick bud and circles it as he continues to squeeze my lips together. Circles it. Squeezes. Edging me until my thighs are quaking and my body jolts with pleasure. All of my core muscles flex and release as little zings of ecstasy radiate but don’t quite explode.
Brennan watches me intently as he experiments with different pressures and movements. Doubling down when I relax. Backing off when I’m about to go over, leaving me insane with desire.
“What are you doing to me? Let me come. I’m so close.” I moan and squiggle.
He feathers kisses along my jaw and releases my pussy. “Do you want to take the lead, or let me take care of you? I’m good either way, it’s your night.”
As he waits for my answer, Brennan unbuttons my blouse and unfastens the front clasp of my bra. Bends down, sucks a nipple into his mouth and nibbles on it.
Holy shit. He’s playing my body like a fiddle.
“You do it,” I keen. “ You take the lead.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Brennan slips two fingers deep inside me and locates my G-spot immediately. “Relax, A. I’ve got you.” He strokes me over and over until I’m writhing and clenching around his fingers. My entire core convulses with such an intense release, I’m gushing everywhere.
Oh, he doesn’t stop. Every move he makes is precise. Focused. Designed to heighten my every sensation.
“How is this happening?” I arch up against his wrist. My head thrashes from side to side during the most drawn-out, rolling orgasm of my life.
“It’s a respectable start.” Brennan slows his movements, kissing me deeply until I settle. When I’m a noodle against the pillow, he pulls out his fingers and sucks my juices off them. “You taste better than I ever imagined.”
I watch in fascination as he licks every drop. I’ve underestimated this guy. Brennan owns my body.
He’s cracked my sexual code.
I’m ready—aching, to take this to the next level.
Because if he’s that skilled with his fingers, imagine what he’ll do with his cock.