Dark As Coal

Chapter 9

Coal

Two weeks and five days, that’s how long since I”ve felt dead inside.

To be honest, I forgot what that felt like.

Felt it for thirty-four years, all up until my eyes landed on my soul, shining her light at me from a hospital bed.

I wish I was one of those who could forget everything and anything after they’ve gotten so drunk they can’t tell their ass from their elbow.

Sadly, I wasn’t like that.

After being unable to fall asleep because flashes of the pain on her face kept me awake.

Being woken in the middle of the night, not from nightmares from my past, but the real visualization of those tears streaming down her face, I was a grumpy fucking bastard.

It took me two days to get my head back to right.

Four days for me to come to grips with what I had done.

Six days for Asher, Rome, Pipe, Piney, and even Priest, to talk some sense into me.

But never was I far from Adeline, unless we had mandatory church, or I needed to make a run when nobody else could do it.

Which included sleeping outside on Adeline’s front porch with just my bedroll.

However, I had to go on a short run for the club, so I was late in getting myself into position so she wouldn’t see me when she walked out of her house to check her mail at five forty-five.

But it wasn’t her usual outfit I saw her in, no, in this outfit, she looked like she was about to go out. And I knew it when she climbed into her car and left.

I got pissed the fuck off. I was tired. I wanted to go to sleep.

But I couldn’t fucking do that because she wasn’t at home, and she wasn’t safe.

It took until I realized I had zoned out before I realized I lost sight of her taillights, and by the time I got on my bike to follow her, I had no idea where she was headed to.

But I would find her.

But…. After fifteen minutes and no such luck, a thought occurred.

Ten minutes later I stormed into the clubhouse, my eyes taking in the scene, and the moment they landed on the one other person Adeline was close to, I stalked her and asked, “Where’s Adeline going?”

And the words that fell from her mouth… it took everything I had to not let the monster out, “Oh, she’s on a date.”

I felt air filling up my lungs, “Where?”

“Umm, Coal, I think it might be best if you let this…” I growled.

She did what I wanted her to do. And that was to shut the fuck up.

I growled again, “Where?”

She sighed, ran a hand through her hair, and said, “They are at Luciana’s.”

I stalked out of the clubhouse, not bothering to stop when Asher called my name.

I made it to my bike, fired it up, and then sped out of the clubhouse.

With my mind made up about having a fucking talk with her, I missed the sounds of a few of my brothers’ bikes starting up as well.

After I made the turn off onto Main Street, the moment I saw the blue and white striped overhang, I pulled up to the front, shut my bike off, swung off my bike, and then prowled into the restaurant.

My eyes scanned for her head of black hair. And the moment I saw it and the man that was seated across from her, I ignored the hostess and headed that way.

My fury was mounting. Mounting so fucking high, I thought I would have a stroke.

The moment I made it to her side, I growled, “Get up.”

Adeline narrowed her eyes at me, she was the only being on this planet that could get away with it.

That was when I saw the dark blue flimsy crap of shit, she had on, “What the fuck are you wearing?”

She scoffed, “It’s called a dress.”

A dress my fucking ass, “It’s called a fucking sheet. Now. Get. The. Fuck. Up.”

That was when the fucker that thought it was okay to take my woman out on a date stood up and said, “Look man, I don’t think she wants to go with you.”

I looked at him, really looked at him.

He looked clean.

He looked like he didn’t have the type of damage I had.

He could give her as many kids as she wanted.

He could give her the white picket fence.

Maybe…

Before I could let those thoughts take root, I mentally slapped myself.

Fucking stop it.

She doesn’t see that.

She doesn’t feel that.

She thinks I’m a good man.

She thinks I deserve her.

And because of all of that, I was using her in a way I never used a single soul.

I was using her to beat that darkness back.

But just a little bit so she would remain forever safe.

And forever safe she would be. At. My. Fucking. Side.

Then at the man, I snarled, “It wasn’t your dick she was craving almost three weeks ago. It wasn’t your back she placed her marks on. It wasn’t you she was coming on. And it wasn’t you she said I love you too.”

“Well, now I can see why she would want to be with someone who wouldn’t disrespect her by spilling special moments out in the freaking open.” The man said.

Everything in me screamed at me to knock his teeth down his throat, but I refrained. Barely.

They knew I was close to blowing, I knew they were behind me.

After you’ve trained yourself to know that shit, it helps ease out the anxiety that reaches up through your spine.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I growled at my brothers.

But I wasn’t here for him.

I was here for her.

And fuck me, but she looked beautiful.

She didn’t look gorgeous. No, she only looked like that when she first woke up in the morning.

And my stupid ass self has wasted three years not seeing that.

Well, that was fucking done.

Over with.

Never again would I be anywhere else first thing in the morning then lying right beside her.

With that in mind, I softened my tone, the one that only she ever got from me, “Adeline, let’s fucking go.”

“Am I yours?” God fucking damn her.

I growled, “You know what you are to me.”

“Actually, I don’t.”

“If you don’t get up, right fucking now, walk that sexy ass of yours to my bike, climb on, put on my helmet, I’m going to kill every single person in this restaurant.”

She knew it.

She knew I would do it.

She had seen me do much worse.

Therefore, I saw something I’ve only seen one time before in her eyes, fucking defeat. But I vowed right then and there that I would make it right.

I would break my fucking back to do it.

When she stood up, I pulled my wallet out and tossed down a hundred-dollar bill, then I looked at the man as Adeline stood beside me, waiting.

“Appreciate you wanting to show her a good time. But she’s mine. She’s been mine. I fucked up. I admit that. But I ain’t fucking up again. Least I can do is pay for your meal and hers.” and with that, I placed my hand on the small of her back and led her out of the restaurant.

The moment we arrived at my bike, I handed her my helmet and got on.

As soon as she was on behind me, I started the bike up, gunned the throttle, and like a shot, we took off into the night.

She didn’t speak.

Not when we went past the clubhouse.

Not when I turned left onto the dirt road that led to her house.

Once I parked in front of her house, I sat there for a moment, and then I spoke, “Know I lost the right to ask you this, but I plan on rectifying everything. Will you let me come in and explain?”

She didn’t speak.

Not for long moments.

Two words, whispered into the breeze, “I can’t.”

The breath of air I hadn’t realized I was holding was expelled out of my lungs at her words.

I nodded, “Then I’ll wait. Till you’re ready. But you best believe, Soulshine, I’m going to get what I want.”

Again, with the silence, but I didn’t push her, and I was grateful I didn’t, not when she hesitantly asked, “And if you don’t?”

I bit back a chuckle, “Then thankfully, I’ve got my bedroll. Slept there ever since you took your things out of the clubhouse. I’ll keep doing it until you let me explain.”

With that, she climbed off the bike without a word. But I didn’t move.

I watched as she took her helmet off, and handed it to me, carefully, I took it in and still, I didn’t move.

Watching her as she walked up the steps, pulled her key out, unlocked her door, stepped in, and closed it, only then did I move.

And that was to drop my head, sigh, and then whisper, “You’re a god damned fool.”

As I waited for her, the moment I saw her bedroom light go on, and then moments later it shut off, I knew she was in for the night, and she wouldn’t be hearing me today.

Only then did I climb off my bike, tag my bedroll, and then got as comfortable on her porch as I could.

The next morning, I moved, lifted, twisted, and sighed when my back popped in three places.

The morning sun warmed my face.

Twisting my head over my shoulder, to see the door was still fucking closed, I got up, then walked to one of her rocking chairs, and took a seat.

Just as my ass landed on the rocker, I heard the lock on her front door, and then, she appeared.

Looking fucking gorgeous, and I knew she had just woken up.

The sleep from her eyes had yet to clear.

She took everything in.

The bedroll on her porch, my kutte I had rolled up as a makeshift pillow.

And when her eyes came back to me, I knew, and I wanted to shout it to the rooftops that she was giving me a chance. I knew it when she asked, “Want coffee?”

Ten minutes later I was sitting beside her on her couch, she was wearing my hoodie, a pair of short shorts, and those knee-high socks she loves so much when I started, “There’s a reason I will never do ass play. And I thank you for never bringing it up.”

I looked at her when I saw she was opening her mouth to speak, I shook my head once.

She got it. I knew it when she closed her mouth and then nodded for me to continue.

I turned my head back forward, focusing on a singular white brick that helped make up her fireplace.

“The first time it happened, I was six. The man placed his hand on the back of my neck and moved my body into position like I was a goddamned dog.” I couldn’t look at her as I got this out.

Because if I did, I would go on a murdering rampage.

I would kill anyone that got in my way.

“The next ten times it happened, I had yet to turn ten,” I whispered.

I could feel her body shaking beside mine. I knew she caught on to what I was really saying.

I didn’t need to explain it to her.

“And only one thing ended it all.” I felt a tear trail down the corner of my cheek, but I didn’t move to stop it, and neither did she, “That man.” I swallowed, “That man I ripped apart limb from limb when I was fifteen. He got off on hurting little boys. He brought a five-year-old little boy to my room. He held a gun to my head and told me he wanted me to molest that five-year-old little boy.”

Adeline was out of her spot on the couch, her hair whipping behind her, and then slowly I stood up, followed her, and found her retching in the toilet.

Tagging a washcloth, I ran water over it and then moved her hair out of her way and pressed it to the back of her neck.

After she was done retching, I helped her with some mouthwash, took her hand, and led us back to the couch.

But what she did next, had me blown the fuck away.

Once I sat back down on her couch, she sat down on my lap, wrapped her arms around my neck, and then locked her eyes with mine, silently telling me she had me. Silently telling me I could keep going.

Therefore, I continued, “I haven’t let a single person touch me since I was fifteen, except for you. I didn’t speak but maybe fifteen words max, before you. And you… damn, Sou… Adeline. You ripped apart everything I knew. And you did that with one fucking word.”

And then, even though I gave her all the words, I needed to show her that I meant every word that came from my mouth.

I carefully lifted her off my lap, sat her on the couch, then I got up, and dropped to my knees in front of her.

Her eyes took in every movement, but she didn’t speak. She waited.

And when I tagged her hand, took in a breath, and placed it on the back of my neck, a fresh wave of tears trailed down her cheeks.

I watched as she closed her eyes, swallowed, and then opened them, then whispered quietly, “Don’t ever stop yourself from calling me Soulshine again. Okay?”

I grinned, “Yes, ma’am.”

That was when I told her about my parents visiting… I didn’t need to say more, because she did it for me, “I ever meet those two, I’m going to need you to find me a shallow grave. I also want Charlie to track down all the men that hurt you, so I can hurt them.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“And if you ever say you”re damaged, I will smack you upside your head, okay?”

I nodded. But I needed to make something known, “Now, let me be clear. Your mine. And I’m yours. That okay with you?”

“More than. But…” I pressed my finger to her lips.

Then I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Asher.

Me - Need a property kutte made. She’s mine. I’m hers. Pass that shit far and fucking wide.

He replied instantly.

Asher - About fucking time.

Tossing my phone on her coffee table, I locked eyes with her once more and promised a promise I would forever uphold, “I won’t fucking hurt you ever again, Adeline. Went thirty-four years without you. Had you. Lost you for two weeks and seven days. I won’t fucking lose you again. I do something that makes you walk away from me, I’ll end myself. Because there’s no world that I ever want to exist in that you are not a part of.”

“I forgive you, Coal Baby,” she whispered against my lips.

Needing her.

Needing to feel her against me.

I did something for the first time in my life.

I made love to a woman.

To my woman.