9
“He was what?” My voice carries pure shock.
Mom’s expression is one of disappointment rather than pity or even sadness.
She just told me she got news that Darci’s best friend has died.
Like… he is dead. Not alive anymore.
Darci has been put under lockdown, and the Antas have called off the engagement. The only heir to the Anta Group won’t be put in danger. He was with him that night, according to Mum, and he could easily have been murdered in his place.
Investigations will now begin.
Could it have been… my stalker?
Did he do it in warning to Darci? Am I being delusional to think he did it because Darci touched me wrong?
Mum doesn’t like this. She’s missed her chance to marry me off to secure her position in society. Isn’t that what Dad did with Aurora? Am I going to be met with a similar fate?
“Mum, aren’t you tired of trying to be somewhere we don’t belong? Look at Aurora. She—”
“Don’t speak her name in this house!” she shrieks.
Red eyes glare at me, stopping me mid-bite. I swallow the avocado toast the cook prepared for us. Toast, fresh jam, green smoothies, pancakes, and so much more food that will be wasted sits on the table. Ever since Mum came back, she has kept up the expenses as if Dad is alive and bringing in money to keep up with them.
I’ve never visited his grave. His funeral was an event for people to play inspector, guessing why and how he died. Mum hid in the four walls of her bedroom for the first couple of days after it, then fled to Glasgow.
“What do you mean? Why can’t I?”
“Grow up a little, would you? Do you not know that her husband is the one who killed your father? He was here that day!” She slams her hand on the table, but I don’t feel frightened at all. Rather, I am angry. Furious, even.
“I think it’s time you realise how fucking neglected you made Aurora feel; she was here every single day when you were having your depressive episodes. She was here when you needed her, but you discarded her the minute she wasn’t useful anymore. What kind of mother are you?” I am heaving by the end of my short speech.
I am so tired of Mum tarnishing her name when she isn’t here. So tired of her casting her in such a bad light when she merely wanted love from her parents.
A lot like myself.
Mum chuckles, and it’s taunting and intimidating.
Her eyes sharpen on me, and my blood chills. Ice pricks at my fingertips. Distaste leaks from her eyes, pooling around her.
“What about you, Ambrose? You are giving me a lecture on how I treated Aurora; have you forgotten the monster you are for doing what you did to her? For almost getting her killed? Do you not think your own actions have consequences? Did you forget about the scar she has on the back of her ear? It is there because you didn’t stop your father. Did you forget her gasping for air when your father was threatening her? Did you forget that you were also closed off from her? Did you forget….”
As she replays each of my mistakes, one after the other, I feel myself shrink in my chair.
I know I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did. I am thirty years old, not a fucking child, but how do I defend myself against this?
I can’t.
So I blink the burn away. I grind my teeth, and my hands tighten into fists in my lap as my head hangs in shame. Mum shouts profanities, her anger hot and boiling. Every single word from her mouth is like lava searing through my skin.
The room spins, and Mum’s face blurs. I reach up and massage my temple to keep the headache away until I faintly hear her walk away. I heave myself out of my chair and head to the office, shaking my head and ridding myself of the dizziness.
Swallowing, I enter my office in the Glamorous building, dropping my bag and taking a deep breath.
It hurts to even take a breath. It hurts to live. It hurts to want to be loved. It hurts. It hurts.
I did this. I did this. God, I did this to myself.
I need to search Helia’s office today for documents of any kind to support my claim, but my mind feels foggy, and it just fucking hurts.
Taking my iPad in hand, I knock on Helia’s door, then walk inside, only to stop short at the sight in front of me.
My whole body freezes, and I feel my whole world screech to a stop.
It’s the woman whose life I also destroyed. One I was supposed to protect with all my might but didn’t.
There sits my younger sister, Aurora Cainn, with my nemesis.
They both glance at me.
One in shock and one in annoyance.
“Did I tell you to come in?” Helia snaps, but my eyes are stuck on Aurora, who looks away from me.
“I… didn’t know. I’ll leave.” I turn around, shutting Helia’s door behind me, and rush back to my office.
I shove my hands under my thighs to stop them from shaking.
When they don’t stop, I get up and walk on shaky legs downstairs to the second floor to the small cafe. As soon as I am seated with a cup of coffee in front of me, I finally take my first deep breath.
It feels too much.
My body is still shaking, as if I’m afraid of everything around me.
I am not like this.
This is not me.
The tension in my shoulders and the shaking intensifies as I try to focus on my breathing. I concentrate on the feeling of sitting on my yoga mat as raindrops fall outside on my balcony. The cool air wrapping around me. The curtains softly flapping against the doors. The faint hum of wind flowing through the leaves outside.
My breathing finally slows, and my heart calms.
“I thank God every day that I have a secure job. Some people’s arrogance gets the better of them, and when they are forced to their knees, it’s a satisfying thing to see.”
My eyes snap open and find the marketing intern, Naya Fash. She started working here just a year ago. I remember I rejected her designs. They were ugly, and I didn’t sugarcoat my words.
She’s talking to another intern, Selena Mell. A perfect match to her. They are both the same. Wouldn’t be a surprise if they turned out to be sisters.
“Right? Everyone should stay humble. Ego can be bad for you, especially when your downfall follows right after,” she says tartly, looking at me from the corner of her eye.
I don’t respond. My head is swimming with thoughts about Aurora, but they don’t let my mind stay quiet.
“I hope you are safe from the torments of people in this company. You can talk to me any time.” Selena places a hand on Naya’s shoulder.
Naya smiles. “Of course. It’s quite hard, but I am glad that the management has changed, or I would have looked for a new job.”
“Would have done us all a favour,” I mutter, rolling my eyes.
Naya’s black hair flicks over her shoulder as she turns to me, and Selena, whose red hair is up in a ponytail, also narrows her eyes at me as if I am the one talking shit about them.
“Excuse me?” Naya turns to me.
“You heard what I said. The changes in management don’t mean that I have no power. I am still the second highest shareholder in the company.?”
Naya’s face burns, the red hue spreading over her face and chest.
“But it doesn’t mean you get to threaten to fire me,” she spits back.
I chuckle at her words, and that makes them both straighten. I never intended to bully anyone anymore, and I won’t, but they need to know to not overstep their boundaries.
“Sure, you can believe that if you like. It’s not like I don’t know every single employee in here and every single dirty thing they’ve done,” I say, my eyebrow raised.
Selena opens her mouth. My attention snaps to her, and she shuts it under my harsh gaze.
“Let’s go. There is no point in arguing with such entitled people.” Selena all but drags Naya away.
I head back upstairs soon after, not wanting another encounter like this. It’s part of the reason I rarely even leave my floor. I can feel the eyes of the managers on this floor follow me, a soft continuous murmur between them.
“She’s beautiful and really kind. I wish she’d taken over Glamorous.”
That one whisper sticks to me as I knock on Helia’s door.
Dread settles deep in my stomach.
“Come in.”
I do, only to find Helia on his way out. Aurora is still there, sitting on the chair in front of his desk.
His emerald eyes capture my own hostage as he leans down, his breath fanning my ear, burning it from the heat as he hoarsely whispers, “Take care of my guest, will you?”
A faint whisper of a touch lights the side of my neck on fire when he leaves, and a hot shiver runs up my spine as if he dragged his finger down my throat, but it was so faint I could have imagined it.
The door clicks shut, and silence takes over.
I can hear myself breathing as Aurora looks outside towards the gloomy London skyline.
Twisting pain hits me when I realise she is purposely not looking at me. She doesn’t want to see my face.
And I deserve it, don’t I?
When have I ever given her any reason to come back to me? To seek me out? To trust me?
My blood pumps hard against my eardrums. The silence is deafening. My lips dry as I open and close my mouth, trying to start a conversation or to just apologise.
Will she even forgive me?
She won’t.
She doesn’t have a reason to.
Tears pool in my eyes, but I blink them away quickly.
It’s okay.
At least she is happy.
Your older sister will stop looking after you now.
Remo will protect you. He will keep you safe. I know it.
Don’t worry, little sister. Don’t worry anymore. And don’t fear.
I stand next to Aurora, detached, caught up in my head.
She slowly drags her attention to me. Her chocolate eyes are soft, a painfully beautiful combination. Her brown hair cascades down her back in soft waves, and she wears a cream dress with matching heels. She’s always loved wearing them. Not to mention the designer bag, the watch, and the diamonds decorating her. All of that is new, they must be gifts from Remo. He spoils her, and I couldn’t be happier.
“Aurora, how are you?” I bite my lip, keeping my tears at bay.
“Just fine,” she says quietly.
Your voice is still just as soft, just as sweet.
Silence follows.
Your eyes still hold dreams, Aurora.
Aurora lets out an empty laugh.
“You aren’t even going to apologise for anything? You’re not going to say you feel bad for what you did and how you treated me?”
You don’t know how much those thoughts haunt me every night.
I swallow as a minute passes. I walk around and sit on the chair in front of her.
“I—” A lump forms in my throat, choking my words. So I try again. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”
The indifferent look in her eyes confirms she won’t.
“I didn’t—” My voice gets stuck in my throat. “I’ve wronged you, Aurora.” My voice cracks. “I did so many bad things to you, and I left you when you needed me. I left you standing, fighting alone, when you needed your big sister, all to one day get the approval, the love, of a man whom I called my father, and yet I lost everything in between.”
Aurora’s eyes water, the soft brown now a muddy colour, reflecting her broken heart.
“Twenty-nine years you have been by my side, twenty-nine years of me leaving you to fend for yourself. H-How do you think I will ever forgive myself?” Leaning forward, I drop my knees to the cold hard floor, grasping her hands in my own trembling ones.
“The bullying in school when people liked you more than me, taunting you for doing what you loved, letting the abuse in our house happen to you instead of standing in front of you to protect you…” I shake my head, my chin quivering with the intense rush of emotions.
“Ambrose—”
“Let me speak, please. I hate myself for what I did to you, Aurora. To everyone. All when I lost myself. I should be ashamed. I am, and I’m trying to fix the damage I did. You are the biggest part of that. Your own sister is asking you for forgiveness, for tormenting you, for all the other things.”
Tears gather in my eyes, blurring my vision. Aurora shakes her head, a lone tear falling down her face.
“You may not ever forgive me, but please know that I will do my best to help you, or I’ll stay away from you if you want. I won’t look in your direction, won’t show up at your house, and won’t ever stand in your way.” I let her hands go, my eyes dropping to the ground. “Just know one thing. I hate myself for what I did, and I hope one day you’ll find it in yourself to forgive me.”
I blink up at the ceiling, willing the tears to go away, and then stand up.
“Ambrose, look at me.” Aurora’s shaky voice has me glancing down at her. “I can’t look past your harshness, Ambrose.”
I weakly smile, nodding.
She stands up too.
I will accept anything you give me.
“You ruined my self-confidence. You ruined the years that were supposed to be most memorable to me. You ruined everything when all I had was a mere hope that my older sister would just… help me, guide me in life, but none of that happened.” More tears fall from her eyes, and she looks to the side.
“I hate you for what you did to me,” she says sharply, then turns her eyes to me. They brim with hate, but most of all, hurt. Deep, deep hurt. “I don’t know how I can forgive you for it, but I know that it made me strong, almost immune to the hate and everything that comes with it from other people. But it hurts sometimes, you know?”
I sniffle, holding back my own pathetic tears.
“But I see you trying. I can see you fighting and holding on to a part of you that was once present before I joined your school. I see the Ambrose who loved bringing me snacks at midnight, the Ambrose who helped me bandage my knees when I fell, and the one who shared her dolls with me.”
By the end of it, I have a hand in front of my mouth, holding in the sob. Aurora isn’t ashamed to show her tears. They fall down her cheeks right in front of me.
“I hope you find a better purpose in life, Ambrose. Dad is gone, and Mum is slowly falling into his footsteps. I see it, and Remo tells me of her doings. Make your life better.” She turns around and heads out, leaving me a mess.
My head drops, my hand covering my eyes as more tears fall and quiet sobs shake my body.