21. CHIARA
Guilt eats at me as I make my way through the manicured maze garden that takes up a good portion of the backyard. It’s absolutely beautiful, but truth be told, I think I’m lost. It’s clear this garden was put here to disorientate anyone who comes through it, and right now, I wish that was something I’d realized before I decided to wander through it.
It’s been an hour. This is getting ridiculous.
While it’s been almost four days since the DeLorenzo Family Gala and my disastrous meetings with both Sergiu and his bitch wife, my body has not yet healed nearly enough for this kind of walk. Don’t get me wrong, Killian has certainly put me through my paces in the bedroom, but he’s been careful not to exhaust me, and he always makes sure he’s the one putting in the work. I’m never at risk when I’m with him, and when I wandered into this damn maze, I never imagined that I could have been walking headfirst into a disaster. Yet here I am.
I’m a good walker. I could walk for miles before my calves start screaming at me, but the moment that walk turns into even the slightest jog, count me out. I’ve spent years having to walk to and from work. Don’t get me wrong, I have a car—at least, I think I have a car. I really don’t know what happened to it—or any of my belongings for that matter.
It’s officially been two weeks since I’ve been here with Killian and two and a half since I was first snatched off the street. I can guarantee my apartment has been trashed and all my things stolen, and soon enough, there will be a squatter sleeping in my bed and eating all the food I had to work my ass off to buy.
Yet, I can’t imagine leaving or going back to that life.
I want to explore this thing with Killian. I want to be his, and while he’s already claimed my body, I want him to claim my heart too, and damn it, I think it might already be his. Is it even possible to fall for someone so soon? I barely know anything about him, but I want to know it all. I want to be his peace, the woman he comes home to, but this world terrifies me.
When my unhealed ribs begin screaming at me, I painstakingly wander another few steps to a little garden bench and plonk my ass right down, cringing as I gently rub my side. What was I thinking walking through here? I figured I’d be in and out within ten minutes, but if I knew I would spend the rest of eternity here, perhaps I would have chosen a stroll around the estate instead.
The guilt of not telling Killian about Monica or Sergiu eats at me as I catch my breath. I feel as though I owe him that much. He saved me from the auctions and gave me this life of luxury—one I could never achieve on my own—but the moment I tell him, they’re as good as dead. Although they deserve nothing less, I can’t stomach the thought of having their blood on my hands. I’m not built that way.
Perhaps it’s something I’m going to have to get used to. Does anybody in this world stay an innocent bystander, or do we all become guilty by association? I’m the broken girl falling for a man who could destroy me without even flinching. I shouldn’t keep anything this big from him, but I’m a sucker for punishment, or maybe I’m just a fool.
What it comes down to is that no matter what, Killian will always be the one with the power in this relationship. I will always be made to bow to him, and despite my useless efforts to demand I be his equal, we both know that’s never going to happen.
Twisting to the side, I lay back on the small garden bench and put my feet up, staring at the sky. It’s starting to get late in the day, and the warmth is beginning to fade from the air. It’s going to be a brutal winter this year, but I suppose being here, I won’t have to worry about affording the heating bill.
As I gently rub my side, trying to convince myself to get back up and find a way out of here, a familiar deep accent sounds within the maze. “You’re lost.”
I whip up, not having expected anyone to come looking for me. Hell, I didn’t even realize he was home. “I am not,” I say defiantly. “I’m just taking in the sights.”
“My estate has surveillance everywhere, Chiara,” Killian says, striding right up to me and kneeling down before me. “I’ve been watching you wander around in circles for twenty-five minutes. My security team has placed bets on how long it’d take you to find your way out.”
My jaw drops, and I don’t know whether to be offended or not. “And you were going to let that slide?”
“Of course I was,” he scoffs. “Who do you think started it? My money was on three hours.”
I gape at him while realizing that he was more than happy to leave me wandering around this maze for three long, torturous hours. “You’re an ass.”
“That may be so,” he says while having the audacity to look offended. “However, I am here, am I not?”
My gaze narrows as I study his dark eyes, seeing a fondness within them that chokes me up. “Why?” I ask as a lump forms in my throat, making it hard to get the words out. “I would have eventually found my way out.”
Killian reaches out, his fingers brushing over my side, right where my bruised ribs hide beneath my tank. “You’re hurting, Angel. I couldn’t take it any longer.”
Letting out a heavy breath, I capture his hand in mine as something swells inside my chest, filling me with the most dazzling warmth and leaving me desperate for more. “You told me the other day that you were getting so much more than you bargained for,” I murmur. “But I think you’re wrong. I think I’m the one who’s getting more than she bargained for. My fate was sealed when I was snatched off the side of the road, but you’ve given me so much more than a second chance. I want to be your world, Killian.”
He holds my stare, the depth of his gaze penetrating right through my chest. “Does it scare you?”
I nod, my whole body shaking with the realization. “It terrifies me.”
“I wish to care for you, Chiara. I know this probably isn’t the life you envisioned for yourself. It is a life filled with horrors you can’t even begin to imagine, where bloodshed is power, and power is sought by those undeserving of it. Yet despite my position and the life I lead, I find myself mesmerized by you. I’m incapable of leaving you alone.”
Leaning forward, I gently brush my lips across his. “I don’t want you to.”
“I know, but these feelings you have are based on an idea of who you think I am, and I so desperately wish I could be the man you hope me to be, but you don’t truly understand what a monster I can be.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me,” I insist, knowing it with every fiber of my soul.
“While that may be true, that doesn’t mean you are capable of stomaching my true nature. I am callous, Chiara. The weight of my men’s lives rests on my shoulders, and the things that I am capable of when those lives are at risk are worse than any nightmare you may have. The men who put you in that cage to sell you to the highest bidder are children in comparison.”
I swallow hard, understanding what he’s saying. I knew it from the moment he stepped out of the shadows at the auctions. I knew the power he possessed and the way every other man in that room shied away from him was a clear indicator that he wasn’t someone who should be messed with.
He’s the devil in a three-piece suit, but even the devil needs love too.
“And if I’m already falling for you?”
“Then you better hope like hell you’re strong enough to handle the demands of this life,” he says, leaning in and scooping me into his strong arms. He rises to his full height as I curl into the safety of his arms, resting my head against his wide chest. “You might only be my wife to the outside world, but for me, the moment those words fell from my lips, it felt right. I brought you here hoping that you would have my child, but I am not opposed to having something more with you, something real, Chiara.”
“I don’t get the feeling your family is too thrilled about this.”
“My family will quickly learn their places. I won’t lie to you, Angel. There will be backlash coming my way. I killed a senior member of my family the night of the gala,” he tells me, and I nod, having heard the gunshot from my room. “However, I will protect you, even if it means protecting you from myself.”
“You’re a good man, Killian,” I tell him. “I don’t know if you realize that. Your life is clouded by darkness, and I’m not foolish enough to assume the things you’ve witnessed and experienced haven’t left scars, but I believe there’s still a good heart in there.”
He nods and the way he shifts his stare away from mine suggests he doesn’t believe me, but if I have to prove it to him, I will, even if it’s the last thing I do.
Killian continues walking until I’m finally offered my freedom from the maze, and the second we’re out, a deep relief pounds through my veins. I know it’s irrational, but a part of me had started to wonder if I was going to spend the rest of my life on that little garden bench.
He makes his way inside, not stopping to put me down until we’re in the den. He lowers me down on the couch, and I sink right into it. A part of me flutters, realizing he knows which is my favorite couch in the whole estate despite never having mentioned it before, and when he drops down beside me, the flutter intensifies. “It’s been four days, Chiara. Nobody has been named responsible for the attack on you in the ladies’ room. It’s time. I need to know who did this to you.”
A heaviness seeps into my veins, pulsing through my body and weighing me down, and just as I consider coming clean and giving him what he needs, Sergiu’s terrifying threat sounds through my head—If I find out that you’ve even whispered about this, I’ll come back here every fucking night, and what happened in here today will seem like child’s play in comparison. And if you even think about offering him a DeLorenzo heir, I will tear your baby right out of your womb.
Sergiu’s threat is a million times worse than anything Monica could ever do to me, and yet, I feel they come hand in hand. If I cross her, Sergiu comes for me either way.
Coldness penetrates my chest, and I gently shake my head, desperately wishing there was some way I could give him what he needs. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, sitting up and cupping the side of his sharp jaw. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot these past few days, and I wondered if perhaps you’d be comfortable with me dealing with it myself? If you intend to hold on to me, then I will be facing these women for the rest of my life, and I want to send a message that I can’t be broken, that they can’t come at me without consequences. I know this is a betrayal for you that needs to be handled, but it’s also a direct attack against me, and if you come sweeping in as my hero, saving the day, they’ll never respect me as the woman who stands at your side. They think I’m weak, Killian, and I need to prove that I’m more than just some broken woman. I need to make my stand.”
“And how do you intend to do that?”
“That’s the part I haven’t exactly worked out.”
“You need to work it out fast, Angel,” he tells me. “My patience is wearing thin.”
“Promise.”
With that, he’s gone, leaving me here wondering how the hell I’m supposed to retaliate in a way that both serves justice for what Monica did to me and her betrayal against Killian, while also being a punishment that I can bear the weight of. And without even needing to truly consider it, I know it’s an impossible task because the only acceptable form of punishment Killian will deem acceptable is death.