27. CHIARA
Everything hurts.
I sit in the back of Killian’s SUV—the only time I’ve ever been in it without him, and I’ve never felt so alone. His driver flies through the long, windy streets that lead back toward the city I once called home, and every inch of distance he puts between us shatters me just a little bit more.
I thought I’d found my forever. I thought we were going to build a life together, and after the conversation we had in the kitchen last night, I simply don’t understand what went wrong.
Waking up in his bed, I had the perfect vision of how our morning was supposed to go. We were going to spend hours wrapped in each other’s bodies while experiencing the sweetest pleasure this world could offer. We would have had breakfast in bed and ended up in the shower together, only to fuck up against the wall. I would have gotten on my knees for him and worshiped every inch of his rock-hard body, and once I was thoroughly done, I would have started all over again because we were meant to be. We’d found our happiness, and this was our chance to finally see a glimpse of what our lives could look like together.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d wake to hear those words spill from his mouth. You need to leave. Since the moment I walked out of his room, those words have terrorized me in every way possible.
You need to leave.
You need to leave.
They won’t go away, no matter what I do. They’re on a constant loop inside my mind, destroying me from the inside out.
How could he just toss me aside as though I never mattered? I know this is all still so new, but the moment he saved me from the auctions and took me to his home, I came to terms with the fact that I was never going back. I’d said goodbye to my old life and started to learn what this new world had in store for me, and while it scared the shit out of me, I knew it was going to be okay because I had Killian right there to protect me.
Don’t get me wrong, the idea of marriage and babies at twenty-three also terrified me, but Killian made it seem so easy, so natural. He made me believe that I could have anything I wanted, but I didn’t want anything . . . only him. And now . . . Am I ever going to see him again? Or is he always going to be nothing more than a memory, a figment of my imagination, or a story that nobody will ever believe?
It’s a long drive back into the city, and the last time I did it, Killian knocked me out with one hell of a strong sedative. I was so pissed about it, but now, I would give anything to be able to fall unconscious and wake up in another lifetime where the memories of him won’t hurt quite so much.
I was falling in love. There’s no doubt about it, and in an instant, he pulled the rug out from under my feet.
How the hell am I supposed to go back to my bland lifestyle after that?
The tears continue to flow, but I manage to gain control of my gasping breaths, and after an hour, the driver finally glances at me through his rearview mirror. I’m under no illusion that Killian would have demanded he watch over me. I also don’t doubt that someone will be watching me over the coming weeks. At least until I fade from Killian’s mind and become some girl he used to know.
It’s a long three hours by the time the driver pulls to a stop outside my apartment block. The moment the door opens, the fresh air hits my face, and I’m reminded of the night I was snatched off this very sidewalk.
A shiver sails down my body, but I’m too exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster to pay it much attention. “You good?” the driver asks.
“I ummm . . . I’m not sure actually,” I say, struggling to get my voice above a mere whisper. “When I was first taken, I lost my bag that had my keys and everything in it. I’m not sure I can get into my apartment. Actually, I’m not sure I even still have an apartment.”
“Mr. DeLorenzo was sure to take care of that, Miss. Your home is just as it was before you left, and your rent is up to date.”
“Oh—”
“You should be able to find the spare key above the door frame.” The driver glances at me through the mirror, and I force a smile across my face, but it falters when he goes to open his door. “Let me help you with your bags.”
Waving him off, I scramble out of the car and peer at him through his open door. “No need. I won’t be keeping any of the things Killian gifted me. Please take them back to him. They’ll only get stolen around here, and truth be told, if they’re in my apartment, I’ll probably end up burning them before they even get a chance to be stolen.”
“You sure, Miss?”
“Positive,” I say. “Thanks again. And please let Krista know not to bother packing up the rest of my belongings. It’ll only be a waste of her time.”
He offers me a friendly smile, but I see the pity in his eyes, and not being able to handle it, I turn and make my way into my apartment complex before he gets a chance to destroy me further. The old, rickety stairwell looks just as unloved as it’s always been as I make my way up, clutching the railing to avoid plummeting to my death on the creaky steps.
My apartment is on the third floor, and by the time I reach my door, my whole body is ready to give out. I push up onto my tippy toes to feel the top of the door frame for the key, and finding it a moment later, I make quick work shoving it into the lock.
The door opens, and as I walk in, I feel as though I’m taking a step back in time. This place has been my home for so long, but now it feels foreign—like it no longer belongs to me. All my things are here, but my heart belongs somewhere else.
It’s a small apartment, and before I’ve even closed the door behind me, I see the wad of cash and the phone that’s been left on the kitchen counter. Everything constricts within me. The last thing I want are his handouts. After all, they’re only here because of his ridiculous need to clear his guilty conscience.
Closing the door behind me, I make a point to flick the lock, put the chain on, and deadbolt the door before finally making my way over to the kitchen counter and looking over the cash with a cringe. There must be at least ten grand here—the type of money I would have killed for before my life was turned upside down.
Taking the phone, I power it on and wait the agonizing seconds for everything to load before opening the contacts list. There’s only one number programmed into it with no name, but I have a good idea who it belongs to.
Then just because I’m a petty bitch when I’m hurting, I open a new text and start typing.
Chiara — I don’t need your dirty, blood money or your stupid phone. I survived on my own before you, and I’ll be fine without you. I’m burning the cash, and the phone is going out the window. Thanks for nothing, asshole. I don’t need you.
Feeling pretty damn proud of myself, I turn the phone off and just to be on the safe side, I take the little sim card out and leave it on the kitchen counter right where I first found it. Truth be told, I doubt I’ll actually burn the cash. Money like that doesn’t come around often, and in these times, it’s always smart to have something hidden away just in case, but that’s all it’ll be. I have every intention of returning to work and picking up right where I left off. Assuming work and college will take me back.
Exhaustion quickly claims me, and I take myself off to the bathroom and run a warm bath before stripping out of the clothes Killian bought for me. From now on, it’s back to my normal shitty clothes, my normal shitty bed sheets, and my normal shitty life.
I’m not usually a bath lover, but I’m feeling today is going to be a day filled with exceptions, and without a second thought, I slip into the too-small tub and do my best to get comfortable.
Closing my eyes, I try to relax my mind, and as the emotional turmoil catches up to me, I finally let it all out and turn into a sobbing mess. I stay in the tub until the water is cold and my fingers have begun to prune, and when I finally find the energy to pull myself out of the water, I wrap my towel around me and collapse into my bed, not even bothering to dress.
With my head squished against my favorite pillow and my sore eyes growing heavier by the second, I allow myself to give in and fall into a fitful sleep.
I’m woken by a soft creak across my room, and my eyes spring open to find my room clouded by darkness, and I realize I’ve slept most of the day away.
“You don’t need me,” a deep Romanian accent fills my room, and I whip my gaze toward the armchair at the end corner of my bed.
Oh shit.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell Killian with a heavy sigh as I scooch to the end of my bed and get to my feet while trying to feign indifference, but I know he sees my puffy eyes. He sees everything.
I move to walk out of my bedroom when Killian stands and blocks my path, his massive frame almost intimidating if I didn’t know any better. “You don’t need me?” he repeats, his brow arching as those dark eyes consume me. Then in an instant, he grabs my hips and whips me around so that my back is flush against his wide chest.
His hand curls around my body, roughly cupping my pussy as he grinds his palm right against my clit, making my hips jolt with involuntary desperation. He leans into me, his breath brushing my bare shoulder. “Let me remind you just how much you don’t need me.”
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Without warning, Killian bends me over the end of my bed as he kicks my feet apart, and I can’t help the desperate yelp that slips from my lips. My pussy is drenched, already so worked up, and when his hand comes down in a painful spank against my ass, my knees begin to tremble.
There’s no doubt about it. I will always need him. Always crave him.
His fingers trail through my center, every touch sending me into a fucking meltdown when he slams his fingers inside of me. “OH GOD,” I cry out, my body already spasming as his fingers reach my G-spot. He does it again and again, rotating his fingers and curling them deep inside me.
“If you don’t need me, Angel. Then I suppose you don’t need this,”he says before tearing his fingers free and leaving me empty.
I whimper at the loss as I quickly figure out his game plan. He’s going to work me up and deny me at every chance until I admit just how desperately I need him. But he pushed me away. He told me to leave. In his actions, he was the one who told me I wasn’t needed, so I won’t dare give him what he came for.
“I don’t need you,” I tell him, the coldness of my tone feeling foreign on my lips.
Killian wraps his hand around my hair and pulls me up off my bed until my back is against his chest again, and when he brings his soaking fingers to my lips, I tremble again. “Open,” he demands.
I do exactly what he asks, opening my mouth as he slowly pushes his fingers inside. I suck them clean, tasting my desperation on his skin. I work my tongue over his fingers until he finally pulls them free from my mouth, but the soft groan whispered in my ears lets me know that he’s just as wound up as I am.
“You don’t get to come here and play your games with me, Killian,” I growl, feeling his heavy erection against my back. “If you want to fuck me, then do it. Give me everything you’ve got. Otherwise, you can leave. But this will be the last chance you ever get. You were the one who told me to get out, remember? You were the one who didn’t need me.”
He pulls me harder against him, his hands so rough on my body. There’s a shift in the atmosphere, a heaviness that consumes us both, and I feel the very second the fight leaves him, and he’s left feeling just as broken as I do. “I will never not need you, Chiara,” he says through a clenched jaw.
Every part of me succumbs to the destructive man behind me, and I melt back into the comfort of his strong arms, desperately wishing things could be different. “Take me,” I beg him. “Let me feel you just one more time.”
His lips come down on the side of my neck, working up to the sensitive spot just below my ear as my eyes roll. His arm winds around my body, slipping down between my thighs and finding my center. He rubs tight circles over my clit, and my whole world falls to pieces.
“Killian,” I breathe.
“I know, Angel,” he murmurs, and I can’t help but feel as though this is the goodbye I didn’t get this morning. In an instant, he turns and lifts me into the safety of his warm arms.
My legs lock around his waist as he steps around the edge of my bed, bringing his lips to mine and kissing me deeply before lowering me to my bed. He comes down with me and reaches between us as he frees his straining erection against my stomach.
I feel his fingers curling around himself, pumping up and down as he continues to kiss me. His lips move down to my throat, and I reach for his face, lifting just enough for his dark gaze to lock onto mine. “I was falling in love with you,” I tell him.
Killian nods, and the tip of his cock pushes at my entrance, slowly stretching me wide. “I know.”
He keeps going until he’s fully seated inside of me, and as he finally starts to fuck me, he holds on to me as though the idea of ever letting me go is simply unheard of. It’s everything, yet excruciatingly heartbreaking at the same time.
He moves in and out, every thrust of his thick cock working me to the edge, and when he reaches down between us and gently rubs his fingers over my clit, my whole body begins to shake. I throw my head back as my chest heaves for sweet oxygen.
His other hand grips my waist, his fingers digging into me as he holds on for dear life. “Chiara,” he murmurs.
“Don’t stop,” I gasp, feeling the familiar tightening deep inside of me, building like a coil preparing to spring. “Don’t ever stop.”
He gives me everything I need, just as he always has, and as that coil gets tighter and tighter, the intensity builds. I can’t hold on to it a moment longer, and as he thrusts inside of me again, stretching me so damn wide, I explode in a dazzling mess around him.
My pussy wildly convulses, squeezing him so damn tight that he comes with me, shooting his hot load deep inside of me. His hold tightens on my waist, but he doesn’t stop moving as my high consumes me, fucking me like his one and only queen.
My chest rises and falls with rapid movement, desperately trying to catch my breath as I finally begin to come back down to earth. My world is shattered like glass as I come undone, knowing that this part of me will always belong to him.
It was barely a month spent together, but it was enough to leave a scar right in the center of my chest, and I know without a doubt that I will never be the same.
Killian’s body stills, but he leaves his cock seated deep inside of me, caging his arms around my body and rolling us until he’s sitting against the headboard with me straddled over his strong thighs.
“You must know that it was never my intention to hurt you.”
“Whether it was your intention or not, that’s exactly what you did.”
“I know, Angel. And I will live my life with the weight of your pain on my shoulders.”
I nod, more than okay for him to have to carry around the guilt for how this went down as I desperately try to hold back the tears that threaten to spill. “You don’t get to do this, Killian,” I tell him. “You don’t get to waltz back into my life whenever you want. If you’re letting me go, then let me go. Give me a chance to try and find some kind of normalcy. You’ve broken me, and if I don’t get to have you, then you don’t get to have any part of me.”
“It’s not that simple,” he says. “Letting go . . . It’s not something I know how to do. I know I was the one to push you away, and despite how I feel, I have no choice but to stand by that. For your sake and for mine. This cannot work between us, not without consequence, and I refuse to put your life at risk for my own selfish desires. But for you, I will try. I will let go and give you the chance to rebuild your life.”
My brows furrow, really taking in his words. “You told me this morning that we couldn’t work because our relationship had progressed to a point where it was no longer beneficial for you, but that’s not true, is it?” I ask, sitting up a little straighter. “This is because of Monica. Because she hired some asshole to try and take me out.”
He nods. “Partly.”
Anger burns through me, and I pull myself back from him, scrambling off the bed and grabbing the blanket to wrap around my naked body. “That’s bullshit. Be honest for a change. You told me you were a man of your word, so give it to me straight for once. Why did you send me away?”
“Because I can’t protect you like this, Chiara,” he growls, throwing himself to his feet and reaching for his pants. He quickly pulls them on, does up the fly, but leaves the button hanging free. “This world . . . You’re not suitable for it. You’re a fighter, and you’re everything that I need, but it’s not enough. This world will destroy you. Just standing at my side automatically paints a target on your back, and I thought I could handle it. I thought I was okay knowing that at any time you could be taken from me, but I’m not. I can’t do it. The thought of losing you like that . . . I can’t fucking do it, Chiara.”
He’s losing it, the panic quickly overwhelming him, and I make my way toward him, gripping his arms and forcing him to meet my eyes. “I’m right here, Killian. Nobody can get to me here. I’m okay.”
He presses his lips into a tight line as he pulls me against his chest and holds me tight. “I can’t protect you. I’m sorry, Sweet Angel. If there were a way I could guarantee your safety, I would, but I just can’t do it to you. I need you to distance yourself. Take off and start a new life, far away from me and my enemies. You have the world at your feet. You can do anything you want.”
“But all I want is you.”
Killian lets out a heavy breath and sits on the edge of my bed as I stand between his legs, holding on to his strong shoulders. “You deserve a life that isn’t like mine. A life of massacres and hitmen isn’t what I want for you. You shouldn’t have to learn to fear the man you love, and I should never have asked you for that.”
Silence pulses between us as I feel that invisible string between us begin to burn, and as the heaviness weighs down on us, he pulls me onto his lap. “I will leave you alone, Angel. I will give you the freedom to start over, but just know that if you call me, I will come. If you feel unsafe, I will be here, but I cannot guarantee that I will be capable of walking away from you again. If you call, be sure.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat and nod, the weight of his words resting on my soul. “You know, when you told me last night that you wanted me to truly be your wife, I’ve never wanted anything more. I thought we were really starting our lives together.”
“You don’t know how badly I wish it could have been so,” he tells me. “There’s just one thing I need from you.” My brows furrow, and I meet his stare as I wait for him to continue. “Tell me, Chiara. Tell me what it is you’ve been so afraid of where Monica is concerned. I know you’ve been hesitant to share, but I don’t understand why. There’s more to this than you’ve disclosed.”
A spark of fear catches light inside my chest, and I lean into him, brushing my lips over his, wishing I was able to tell him what he needs to know, but just because I no longer live in his home doesn’t mean I’m free from Sergiu’s threats, and that’s not a risk I’m willing to take. Especially now that I’m out here on my own.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hating to let him down again, but if I could give him the tools to discover for himself, maybe everything might be okay. “I wish I could tell you, but it’s too much of a risk. All I can say is that perhaps it’s time for a review of your surveillance footage. That should give you the answers you’re looking for.”
His brows furrow and he reluctantly nods. “Okay, Angel,” he says, standing and balancing me back on my feet. “Let’s not drag this out. I need to leave.”
I can’t hold on a second longer as the tears finally win the battle and begin rolling down my cheeks, and all I can do is watch as he leans in and kisses me one last time. “Goodbye, my love,” he murmurs as those dark eyes capture mine, and then just like that, he turns and walks away, closing the door behind him.