Darkness Falls (The Darkness Duet #2)

Chapter 28

Barrett

A fter the conversation we had a few days ago in our office, I decided to sneak off to the security room to get some of the final details thrown together for the mission, job, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Since then, I've been spending a lot of time down here, ensuring I've checked every possible scenario.

Kyler's confidence in my ability to handle everything has me stressing out. It's making me question myself more than I ever have before because the last time I thought I had everything figured out, he ended up shot. Part of me is wondering if Callie's right. What if we’re missing something?

I pull up the satellite photos again and cross-reference every day from the last month. I’m looking for anything that could raise an alarm, but nothing comes up.

The closest building is nearly a half mile away, and while it's had some traffic here and there, it's nothing that would cause concern. It could be as simple as someone coming and going from a hunting cabin. I wish the satellite photos had the capability of zooming in further, but even at this distance, it's extremely blurry.

I dig through every bit of information I can until I feel a little more at ease. The weight of the last few days is definitely wearing on me, but I don’t want to be responsible for something happening to the people I love. There shouldn't be any surprises. This should all go off without a hitch. I assure myself that the fears and doubts are only because of what happened before.

The last time I let this much guilt consume me was when I was a kid. It was right after my entire world turned upside down. If it wasn't for Ms. Monroe and her home, I'm not sure if I would have ever escaped those feelings.

I was able to find Kyler and Sebastian, and the bond that the three of us created has been one of my greatest gifts in life. Between them and the therapy, I found a way to control my emotions. I have my outlet now, but with the stress of everything surrounding Kyler getting shot, I'm struggling a little bit again.

The guilt has been eating at me for the last several months, but I had to stay strong to make sure nothing fell apart. I had to keep Kyler in line and help Sebastian with everything. I know what happened wasn’t my fault, but my mind keeps telling me that if I had secured the house better, it would have never happened.

Everyone trusts me to make sure things are safe. This mission or job is the same scenario. They are all trusting me, and I'm distracted by the possibility of feeling guilty if something happens. I felt like this when I went to my first foster home too, and the feelings have been making me think about that place more and more.

My life could have been so different, but my mother and Stan's death consumed me. I was so angry at my mom for what she let me go through and not believing me. Part of me thought maybe someday she would admit she was wrong, but she was there one moment and dead the next. I was alone, and while I didn’t have to worry about Stan hurting me anymore, I held the weight of their deaths on my shoulders. It made foster care that much harder.

Callie opens the door to the room, and I turn to look at her. We added her biometrics into the system after we got her back here, so she has the same access as the rest of us since she's not a prisoner anymore. She deserves full reign over the entire house.

"What's that face about?" Her head tilts, eyes full of concern.

I don't want to hide myself from her like I did with so many other people in my life, so I answer her question as honestly as I can. "I was thinking about when I was younger and in foster care."

Her eyes land on the chair next to me, and she crosses the room to sit in it. "Want to talk about it?"

She is always willing to listen. I love that about her.

I take a deep breath and dive right in. "After my mom and Stan died, I was in a really rough place." I sigh. "I was eight and didn't fully understand the gravity of what I did. I started acting out to try and mask what I was going through on the inside. I couldn't tell my foster parents the reason I was upset was because that would mean confessing to murder. I was scared of someone finding out the truth."

"Were your foster parents nice to you?"

"They weren't terrible. When it comes to homes, the first one was actually one of the better ones I ended up in. They probably would have adopted me if I wasn't acting out."

I shake my head at the thought of being adopted by the Jones family. Everything would have ended up differently if they chose to keep me, but I was too fucked up for their perfect little family. My jaw clenches, and I hesitate to continue.

"You can tell me," she reassures me.

"I used to get really angry and frustrated. The only way I knew how to let out my emotions was to break things. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about the fire, so they thought I was just being a troubled kid. I was struggling so badly. I killed the one person in my life who was supposed to love me, even though I never felt like she did. Mrs. Jones, my foster mother at the time, had a biological son. She loved him like a mother is supposed to love their child, and it made me question whether or not there was something wrong with me. Why didn't my mom love me the way Mrs. Jones loved her son? Ya know?"

I look over, and she nods in silent support.

"I started getting into fights at school and then at home with her son. I was jealous of what he had because I wanted to feel wanted like he did. After some time, they decided they had enough and reached out to my caseworker to have me removed from their home. They couldn't risk having me there any longer because it endangered their kid."

"They sent you away?" Callie asks with tears in her eyes, and I nod.

"They did, which was unfortunate because that only made things worse. I didn't realize I was attached to Mrs. Jones, so when they moved me, my behavior became more extreme. It was a hard few years, and I bounced around from home to home until I ended up with Ms. Monroe and the guys. Ms. Monroe saw my pain and struggle, but instead of sending me away like all the others, she invested in me. She made sure I got help."

I don't know why I'm telling her all of this. She didn't really ask about the specifics of my time in foster care, but I feel like she should know. I want her to know everything about me.

"I'm so sorry you struggled so much. You deserve to be loved and feel love."

"Ms. Monroe put me in therapy, and while I still couldn't admit what I did to my mother and Stan to anyone, it did help. The pain that I was so consumed with slowly eased and allowed me a chance to get to know myself for the first time in years."

I stand up and walk over to Callie before crouching down in front of her chair and looking up to bare every piece of my soul to her. "You are the first person to see the full me. You see who I really am to my core, and you love me for it anyway." I shake my head. "Ms. Monroe… she saw a lot, but I still had walls. She knew that, and she was okay with it. You, Callie, you changed everything, and I just want you to know I would do anything for you."

"What about Seb and Ky?" she asks.

"They know a lot about me, but they were also a part of the healing process. It's different with them because we all grew up together. With you, you saw the good, bad, and the ugly but still chose to stay. You are the first person in my life to choose me after knowing everything, and I'm not sure you fully understand the gravity of that."

Her hand reaches out to caress my cheek, and I lean into it. "Thank you for giving me the pieces to love."

I stand up and lean down to give her a kiss. Having her here and always being supportive instead of judgmental is something I never knew I really craved. She is the last piece I think I've needed to truly heal from my damaged past. Even if I've been struggling, when I look into the eyes of this woman, somehow, none of it matters. She is the entire axis around which my world revolves.

"Come on, princess. We better get back up to the house so we can finish packing everything in the car. Grumpy pants wants to get on the road tonight so we can get settled into the motel by morning."

"Do we really all have to share the same room? You guys have plenty of money. Why can't we all just have our own rooms?"

I grab her hand, interlocking her fingers in mine, and lead her out of the pool house. "It's too risky. We always stay together when we go on jobs."

"Yeah, but that was before there was a female added to the mix, remember?"

"The alternative is you staying with your mom while we're gone."

She turns to look at me with her cute, annoyed face. "You can sleep with Seb then. I'll snuggle with Ky since you like watching so much."

"Who said we were getting a room with two beds?" I tease and pull her into the house.

"Seriously, Barrett, I am not sharing a bed with all three of you. The four of us in one room is going to be more than enough."

I'm still laughing when we walk into the lounge room where Kyler and Seb are standing, talking to each other.

"What's so funny?" Seb asks.

"We were just talking about how grumpy you are. Really, Seb, you're going to start getting frown lines if you keep making all those faces," Callie says, and it sends me into a laughing fit. The way he glares at her only makes it better.

"I'm glad the two of you are having all kinds of fun while Kyler and I prep for things." Seb scowls, clearly frustrated.

Callie just rolls her eyes and walks over to Kyler to wrap her arm around him while glancing back at Sebastian. "Back off, grumpy. We came to help."

He lets out another huff and points over to the pile in the corner of the room. "That should be the last of the things we need to bring along. Unless you can think of anything you might have missed?" He turns to look at me.

"Nope, all my computers and any device I may need are already packed up. I'm covered." I smile.

"Great. Let's get this in the car and get on the road. If we leave now, we have some time to stop and grab some food before we have to check into the motel," Seb mutters as he walks over to grab the first bag off the floor.

"Ooooh, we're getting Chinese food!" Callie calls out.

"You have an unhealthy obsession. You realize that, right?" he tells her, not bothering to fight her on it because, at this point, we all know if Callie wants Chinese food for dinner, we're getting it.

It only takes us a few minutes to pack the rest of the things in our vehicle. Callie slips into the front seat so she can control the radio, and Kyler and I sink into the back. She likes to control the radio, and while Seb pretends to be annoyed, he secretly loves every second of it. Time to get this show on the road.