6. Blinding Love
Chapter 6
Blinding Love
MATTY
What do you call a cow with no legs?
GOLDIE
That’s a heck of a way to say good morning
Come on, Dawn—answer the riddle.
Ground beef
Ha! So you, too, know the joy of a really bad joke.
Indeed
I have another question…
Is it a riddle? Because if that’s what we’re doing, then watch out—I’ve got some doozies.
It’s not, but noted.
Okay, what’s the question?
Do you have the option to add a photo to our chat now?
Hang on
Oh, wow—yeah. That’s new.
I guess maybe this is the app’s way of rewarding us for talking to each other for a week.
Maybe so. Doesn’t that go against the whole “blind” part of this app’s name?
We’re not supposed to upload photos of ourselves.
What, did you look at the rules or something?
…
omg you *did*
James, you’re a—gasp!—rule follower!
Okay, okay, be nice
I think it’s sweet. Very…rule-followy of you.
Are we making up words now?
Why not? We’re grown-ups. We can do what we want.
Bring on the chaos!
Exactly
But…back to the option to add a photo
Okay, what are you thinking?
A photo of our faces is out.
Okay. Any other body parts? Is now where the app starts to be like those other apps
Whoa now. What are you sending on those other apps? Wait—are you on other apps??
Lol no, I’m not on any other apps. But you know how guys are.
Pretend I don’t.
Okay, you’re playing the innocent right now, I see how you are
Seriously, Dawn, explain it to me like I’m five.
Dick pics, James. Are you saying you want to send me a dick pic?
Jesus! No!
I think I’m traumatized
*You’re* traumatized? Try being on the receiving end of those things. I get them in random Instagram messages.
Holy shit. Seriously?
What, you thought it was an urban legend or something?
No…I don’t know what I thought.
Welcome to the internet, James. It’s a wild place out here.
Clearly.
What I’m getting out of all this is that you won’t be sending me a dick pic.
That’s *exactly* correct
Then what would you propose we send?
How about something related to our jobs?
We’ve not told each other what we do, though—are we ready to do that?
How about we let the photos speak for themselves?
Gold star for vagueness, James
Fair. I’m still freaking out over here
Why?
I don’t know.
Okay, *now* you get a gold star because you’re a man who just admitted he doesn’t know something.
Me admitting I don’t have a good reason for something isn’t worthy of a gold star. If anything, I probably deserve a whack upside the head.
Hmm. You might be right.
I know what picture I’ll send, though—I guess I’ve got that going for me?
Sure. But I want to go first.
Okay, send when you’re ready.
[photo of a close-up of the base of the clock tower in Lucky’s town square]
Um, what is that?
If I told you, it’d be a pretty big hint for exactly where I live.
Interesting. Hold on while I obsess over it.
Ha. Your turn.
[photo of a brown horse looking at the camera]
omg that’s a horse!
Lol very good.
Aw, it’s beautiful. Boy or girl?
Girl
Clearly you’re a cowboy
Wait
Nope—that’s it. Cowboy. A cowboy who lives in Southern Alabama. Because that’s super practical.
Hey, it’s possible
So you *are* a cowboy?
Not exactly
Okay, you’re not exactly a cowboy, but you’re not *not* exactly a cowboy?
Um…maybe? I’m not sure what I’m admitting
You’ve just confirmed you’re a cowboy. Do you have cowboy boots?
Yes
Are you wearing them right now?
Lol yes, in fact I am
Ha! See? You’re a cowboy. You sent me a picture of a horse and you’re a cowboy
Again: not exactly
Agree to disagree
Want me to tell you the horse’s name?
Sure
Peppermint
Well, that’s adorable
She’s a good horse.
Where is she located?
Oh, I see what you’re doing there—nice try.
It was worth a shot.
Though technically, I could tell you where Peppermint is, and you’d still not know where I live.
Wait—how do I know that the photo is even yours? Like, you could have just grabbed that off the internet.
That’s true. I didn’t, but how can I prove it?
You need something to show today’s date. Then put that in the photo with Peppermint.
What, like a newspaper? When are we?
Ha ha. Newspapers are still a thing, you know.
They are, but I can’t put my hands on one right now. I’m in a barn. Pick something you’d find in a barn and tell me what that is, then I’ll send a picture of it
Okay, but what if I don’t know what’s typically found in a barn?
A barn with horses. Does that help?
Hay?
Okay, hang on.
[photo of hay in front of Peppermint’s face]
I gotta tell you, James, you are not the best photographer
That’s fair
But I believe you now. You’re a real cowboy.
That backfired spectacularly
Lol it’s going to take a lot to convince me you’re not one.
I sent you two photos—send me another?
Nah
Nah?! Rude.
Hey, you offered that second photo.
Only to prove that I wasn’t catfishing you.
All the same…
Fair enough. I do need to get back to what I’m doing.
Is it your job? Are horses your job?
…
HORSES ARE YOUR JOB?!?!
Maybe, maybe not.
Ughhhh James you’re killing me
Just keeping the mystery alive, Dawn
Something like that. But yeah, we should probably act like we have jobs to do.
Can I text you later tonight?
Sure. Give Peppermint a kiss for me.
Will do.