33. Matty
Chapter 33
Matty
WILLA
I expect you at yoga and a walk.
Matty
I’m not really up to it
I don’t really give a shit, Matthew. Yoga. Walk. You and me. Alone.
K iller licks my face as I stare at her text, and I have a feeling she’s dead serious. “You know what, little guy? Miss Willa has been awfully bossy these last months.”
He barks and licks my face again. “I guess we have Reid to blame for that. Or thank.”
The chihuahua hops off my lap, yips, and heads to the back door. I stand up. “I know. We thank him. Even if we’re a little scared of Willa right now. You wanna go out?”
He prances in a circle, his nails tapping on the hardwood. Kitty watches dispassionately from his bed in the corner, clearly not sharing Killer’s need at this time.
On a sigh, I let him out and get ready for yoga. To be honest, I’ve not felt like doing anything these past few days. All I can see are Goldie’s eyes. The way they blinked so innocently at me, then seemed to empty of all emotion when she realized I wasn’t going to speak.
Why didn’t she fight for us?
My stomach aches with guilt. That’s not the question I should be asking, and I know it.
I arrive at the appointed time, Killer wrapped in his usual carrier around my chest, and find Willa waiting for me outside the studio. “Let’s go.” She points toward the pier.
“No yoga?”
“No.”
“O-kay,” I say, trying to feel her out.
She doesn’t speak as we walk, but it’s clear she’s getting more and more pissed. Once we’re out on the pier, I decide there’s nothing to do but dive on in. Metaphorically, that is. “You wanted to talk?”
She stops and whirls on me. “What in the actual hell have you been thinking?”
“Me?”
She pokes my chest. “Yes. You , Matty. Or should I call you James?”
I exhale. “You know.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
Head hanging, all I can say is, “Shit.”
She pokes me again. “Yeah. Shit. You’re lucky we’re not at the diner. There are no knives around here.”
I back away. “Jesus, Willa.”
“Oh, no way, buddy. You don’t get to act all offended or worried. What. Were. You. Thinking?” she growls.
I wipe a hand down my face. “I…wasn’t?”
“You’re damn right you weren’t!” She swivels and stomps away, then stomps back. “Seriously, Matty, how could you be so stupid ?”
And that’s the question I should have been asking myself these past four days. Problem is, there’s no answer. “I’m…not sure what you want me to say.”
She throws her hands up. “What do I want you to say? What I want is for you to start at the beginning and explain to me what happened!”
“I didn’t know it was her at first?—”
“But then you did . And you acted like a certifiable asshole!”
I blink. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”
She crosses her arms and levels a look that I didn’t think she was capable of. I am officially terrified for any children she may have, because holy shit. “I’m waiting, Matthew.”
Suddenly, my mouth is dry. “Right. Okay. Can I clarify something first?”
“Sure. Who knows? It might even help your case.”
“Are you mad because I was dating her? Or?—”
Willa scoffs. “Since when is that a big deal? I know I told you to consult your romance novels when you told me there was something ‘complicated’ going on with a woman, but I didn’t tell you to take the novels to be actual reality.”
“Meaning…”
“Meaning I don’t care that you were dating Goldie. What I do care about is that you broke her heart, you idiot!”
I frown. “What?”
She thumps my forehead.
“Ow!”
She thumps it again. “You deserve more than that. You are so dumb, Matty. That girl has had eyes for you since forever. I mean, believe me, I wish she hadn’t. Especially the way you’re acting now.”
“Hey,” I protest, but she keeps going.
“I ignored her crush for a long time, and you did an immaculate job of being totally clueless, too.”
I’ve had it. “Okay, that’s enough. She did not have some lifetime crush on me. That’s insane. She’s…Goldie. I was the skinny nerd hanging out with her older sister. Why would she like me, of all people, her whole life?”
Willa groans in frustration and moves to thump my forehead a third time, but I swat her away. “Yes she did, Matty! She even told you so, you stupid, stupid man. Think. She’s always looked at you like you hung the damn moon. Is it any wonder that when the app put the two of you together, she was going to hold on for all she was worth?”
“I just?—”
“What? What? Are you only now realizing what a complete and total jackass you’ve been? Because believe me, I can list all the fucking ways.”
I flinch. Willa doesn’t really cuss, so hearing her do it is jarring. “Um.”
She holds up a finger. “You made her feel special.” Another finger. “The two of you do…all sorts of things that I do not want to hear about, and have all but told each other you love each other.” A third finger. “You act like a baby when Ox’s idiot self names your receptionist as the woman he thinks is the love of your life.” A fourth. “You can’t answer when Reid asks if it’s serious.” A thumb. “And then, you tell her ‘you can’t do this?’ Are you out of your fucking mind ?”
I duck. Because Willa is coming for me fast and furious, her open hands slapping my arms and head one after the other as she cusses me out. Even Killer gets into the game, yipping and wiggling as if he, too, is profoundly disappointed in me. “Okay, okay!” I holler, covering my head. “You’re right! I love her!”
She keeps whacking me, each word punctuated by an open palm on my bicep. “You’re. Not. Acting. Like. It!”
“Of course I love her!” I yell. I pull in a deep breath of air and back away from her again. “How could I not? She’s everything, Willa. Everything. She is the sun, the moon, and everything in between. Fuck. ”
Willa beams. “Finally.”
I straighten and make sure Killer is good. I pat his head as he snuggles back against me. “Finally?”
“Yes. Finally.”
And it hits me.
I love her.
I love her.
And she loves me. Or at least, she did.
And wow, have I been a complete and total ass—just like Willa said.
“Oh no.”
She smirks. “Yeah. Oh no. God, you’re so fucking stupid.” She jerks her thumb at a bench, and we sit. “Now, are you going to tell me why you acted like such a jerk in the first place?”
I hook a small leash on Killer and let him down to sniff, then study the ocean. “I’m not worthy of her.”
Willa snorts. “No shit. What else?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
“No one is worthy of my sister, Matty. There’s more to it than that.” She slides her gaze to me. “Is it your parents?”
Her question is a merciless arrow hitting its target, and I wince as it digs into place. “Maybe.”
She’s quiet, letting me stew in my own pot of emotions, but when she opens her hand on the bench beside me, I thread my fingers through hers and relish the comforting squeeze.
“Did you know they thought I was boring?” I finally say. Her hand squeezes tighter, giving me the strength I need to keep talking. “Said it more than once. And I don’t think they meant it to be cruel, I think they thought they were making a joke. But it…I guess it dug deep. Even though I told them I didn’t care if I was boring. And when they left town, it didn’t hurt like I thought it would. Like I thought it should. ”
“Your parents are idiots,” Willa says softly. “You’ve brought nothing but excitement and color into my life, Matty. I can’t imagine growing up without your underground kitten ring, or the summer we spent mowing lawns because you wanted to use the money to adopt all the animals at the shelter, or the months we spent talking like pirates.” She laughs. “And now, you’re a cowboy.”
“I am not,” I smile weakly.
“But how does all this come back to Goldie?” she prompts.
I sigh. “I’m scared that she’ll realize I’m not nearly as interesting and amazing as she is. That she’ll wake up one day and decide I’m not exciting enough. That I’m some weak, nerdy vet who spends more time with cows than humans sometimes. And I might miss things because of animal emergencies—big, important things.”
“But all this is conjecture, babe. If Goldie’s deemed you worthy, then shouldn’t you believe her?”
“I’ve really fucked up, haven’t I?”
Her smile is rueful. “You’re not in a great place. But all hope isn’t lost.”
I look at my best friend, utterly helpless. “What do I do?”
“Don’t look at me,” she says, then smirks. “Maybe your buddies can help.”