Date with Destiny

Chapter Five

Getting dumped turns out to be a slow burn.

When I get to the store for work the morning after my birthday, Toni asks me how my evening was and I tell her it was nice but quiet. We’re busy all day and I spend two solid hours with a couple who want a bespoke ring, fully designed and customized, but without any idea of what it should look like. I spend a while showing them options around the store and then refer them to the outside company we use for bespoke items.

They’re sweet, I think, as I take their details, but I have a feeling it won’t last. She’s already got that ever-so-slight disdain for him. You can see it when he suggests something she doesn’t like, or when he tries to kiss her. And once the contempt has set in with a relationship, from what I’ve seen, there’s rarely any coming back.

Daniel and I don’t have that. We’re kind to each other, we look after each other, and we compromise. We’re a healthy, functional, affectionate couple who are going to have a long and happy life together. There isn’t any other option.

Days go by and I still don’t tell anyone.

On Saturday, Myfanwy drags me to her summer solstice ceremony in her garden and I laugh as she lights a bonfire. I join in when she and Sonali sing weird nature-y songs. I even find some enthusiasm when she declares that next year we’ll all take a trip to Stonehenge. I laugh even harder when she says we’ll make our other uni friend Emily join us on the pilgrimage. Emily never comes to anything and is only a WhatsApp ghost on our uni group these days.

I want to cry a lot, but I don’t because I don’t want everyone to know. If they know, they might judge Daniel badly for doing this. I don’t cry, not even as he contacts our wedding vendors and the emails start coming in.

‘This is to confirm you’ve cancelled your flower order for 10th August. Unfortunately we are unable to refund your…’

Blah blah. They all say the same kind of thing. We’re not getting any of the money back. Not a penny.

And the only thing I feel is relief that Celeste is not cc’d into any of the messages.

Mostly, I don’t cry because I know – I know – that everything is going to be OK. I know that this is just a blip. Daniel said in his message – his only response to the hundreds of messages I’ve bombarded him with – that he needed some time and space. He’s just overwhelmed. Exactly like I was. How can I blame him for calling off the wedding when I pretty much said I wanted to do the same? This isn’t about me and him – we’re great together! We love each other! – this is about that stupid, awful, OTT wedding. Once we’ve cancelled it and dealt with everyone’s anger and disappointment, we can get back to our lives. Maybe we’ll sneak off to Gretna Green or our local registry office. But either way, we’ll be happy and live a lovely long life together.

This is a blip and it’s going to be fine. So why would I cry?

It is nearly two weeks before I am finally caught out.

Myfanwy

Er, weird question, Ginny, but how come Daniel’s blocked me on Instagram?!

Sonali

Same question here! Is it a mistake? Is he that bad at social media?

Emily

I’m not on social media these days, guys! Sorry.

Ginny

Weird! Probably a mistake?

Myfanwy

Probably?! Ask him!!! Or shall I text him direct?

Ginny

Er, no, definitely don’t do that. Look, it’s not a huge deal and please don’t overreact, but Daniel’s taking a little space. We’re going to postpone the wedding for now. Sorry to mess you all about! xx

Myfanwy

What?????????

Sonali

He’s broken up with you?????

Myfanwy

The wedding’s off????

Emily

Whoa, Ginny, I’m so sorry!!!

Myfanwy

I’m so confused. When did this happen? I just saw Jimmy’s pictures from the stag do a couple of weeks ago?!

Emily

Who is Jimmy?

Sonali

@emily He’s Daniel’s best mate. They went to Amsterdam, right? Has this happened since then?

Ginny

Actually, it was a couple of weeks ago, just before the stag.

Myfanwy

AND HE STILL WENT ANYWAY?

Sonali

But he’s all smiley in those pictures?! They’re all drunk and happy and having a great time, cheersing the camera with their shit beers. THE ABSOLUTE FUCKERS.

Myfanwy

Right???! Everyone was commenting on it, saying, like, ‘Congrats!’ and ‘Can’t wait for the wedding!!!’ The absolute barefaced HIDE on him.

Sonali

Even I commented something like that! Is that why he blocked us?

Sonali

Wait, wasn’t that week your birthday???

Ginny

Um, yeah, it was around then. But it’s just a blip, Daniel needs a minute, that’s all. It’ll be OK, it’s just a small break.

Myfanwy

@ginny are you still in the flat or at your mum’s? Come stay here with Sonali and me.

Sonali

Yes, a thousand times, yes. Stay here, don’t stay in the flat on your own.

Sonali

Shall we have him killed? I know people.

Sonali

I lent that fucker my Point Horror collection only last month

Myfanwy

Are you on your way here yet? The sofa bed is up and ready for you.

It goes on like that for hours, with Sonali and Myfanwy veering between loving support and fury at Daniel. Emily stays quiet, probably worried she will be required to see me or offer proper friendship, but I much prefer her silence to the unnecessary sympathy from Sonali and Myfanwy.

Eventually, I put the group on mute and go to bed.

Unfortunately, muting and ignoring doesn’t work.

Ten hours later, Myfanwy and Toni are on the doorstep of my flat, wearing sad, poor-Ginny faces and holding six tubs of ice cream.

‘Er, this is nice of you,’ I begin, unsure how to handle it. ‘But I don’t really fancy eating ice cream right now.’ I check my watch. ‘It’s 8.35 in the morning and my sugar addiction doesn’t usually kick in until after lunch.’

‘But you’ve just been dumped,’ Myfanwy blinks at me in shock. ‘Of course you have to eat ice cream. And what are you doing dressed? You should be unwashed and stinky, awake all night funnelling ice cream on a drip.’ She squints as she regards me closer. ‘You look well rested, Ginny, what the fuck?’

I stand up taller. ‘I haven’t been dumped. He’s just taking a bit of time. It’s about the wedding; the mad, stupid wedding. It’s not about me or our relationship.’

They exchange a look and Toni offers up a spoon.

I shake my head. ‘Honestly, it’s really thoughtful of you both, but I don’t want it.’ I shrug. ‘I’m sorry, I hate not to lean into a cliché but I’m doing OK. I slept fine, I don’t want ice cream. I’m not wailing into a pillow or screaming into Daniel’s voicemail begging him to come back.’ I don’t mention the forty-odd voice-notes I have left for him; some of them admittedly a bit wail-y.

They glance at one another again and I try not to get cross.

‘OK, you’re fine.’ Myfanwy rolls her eyes to let me know she’s not buying it. ‘But I’m missing my Reiki session this morning for you, so can we at least come in?’

I stand aside and Myfanwy barges past. For her part, Toni looks a little more cautious as she enters, squeezing my arm gingerly as she passes.

As we sit down in the living room, I try not to make eye contact with the many photos around the room. I don’t want these two to catch me looking at all these happy memories and think I’m sad or mooning over Daniel. Because why would I be?

‘Tea? Coffee? 9am wine?’ I offer and then feel annoyed with myself. They might think I’m serious and it’s a cry for help.

‘Tea please,’ Toni chirrups and then jumps up. ‘I’ll make it, you stay sitting, you need looking after!’

‘I’m not sad!’ I say, unable to disguise my exasperation. ‘I can make tea! I was going to get out for a run in a bit, that’s the only reason I’m in my gym clothes.’

Toni freezes, halfway to the kettle, unsure what to do. Myfanwy gives her the nod. ‘Ignore her, make the tea,’ she instructs. ‘I’ll have one, too.’

There is a moment of silence between us, as the kettle hisses into life. Toni is the first to speak.

‘You really don’t want to talk about it?’

I shake my head with determination.

‘Don’t you think maybe you should?’ she asks nicely. ‘Like, oh my god, if Shawn dumped me or my fiancé had just left me before our wedding, I’d…’

‘I’m fine!’ I say again, trying to keep a lid on my emotions. I know they’re just trying to be nice, but they don’t understand what’s happened. They think it’s bigger and more horrible than it actually is.

‘You know, being single could be fun!’ Toni tries again. ‘Mum will probably give you a hard time about meeting someone else right away, but being single seems great. You can do what you like, when you like. You can eat whatever you like and stretch out across the bed. You don’t have to get someone else’s sweat on you or share your dinner. You could travel or move somewhere exciting! You should have some fun.’

This hits me hard, like I’ve been slapped. ‘I’m not single!’ I can’t keep the anger out of my tone. ‘Why would you say something like that? I don’t care if being single is fun or not, it’s not, like, applicable to my situation.’

Toni reddens. ‘Sorry,’ she whispers and I immediately feel awful. I swallow.

‘Sorry,’ I say back, my chest still tight and suffocating from her words.

Toni smiles shyly, then her face falls as something occurs to her. ‘Does Mum know yet?’

I shake my head, swallowing.

Myfanwy leans forward, placing a hand over mine. ‘I’ll tell her, and you’re not to listen to her histrionics about it. This is about you.’

I’m unsure what to say. I want to say again that there’s no reason to be comforting me like this. But I also really, really, really want her to deal with Celeste and the wedding stuff for me.

‘Sonali wanted to come,’ Myfanwy continues nicely. ‘But I told her it would be too much.’ She pauses before adding accusatorily, ‘I thought you’d be really gutted and wouldn’t want to see everyone. Maybe I should’ve made Sonali and Emily both come; we could’ve had a denial party.’

I sigh, imagining all four of them shouting about Daniel all at once in my small living room. I’m glad they didn’t. I love them dearly, but Toni and Myfanwy looking at me with these sad eyes is bad enough. Actually, I note, Myfe is glaring at me.

‘And don’t think we haven’t all noticed that you’ve muted us,’ she says sternly.

I dip my head, feeling bad. But our WhatsApp group, Uni Dicks, is non-stop and intrusive enough on a good day, never mind when I’m going through something. It’s exhausting having loving, caring friends.

I take a sip of the weak tea Toni’s given me. I know they’re just trying to help but I really want them to leave.

‘You know what this is, don’t you?’ Myfanwy says suddenly.

‘A small break so we can both think?’ I offer and she tuts.

‘No, this is the first of the fortune teller’s predictions coming true.’

Toni gasps dramatically and I eyeball Myfanwy. ‘Please don’t,’ I beg.

‘Sorry but it is! The first of the six prophecies was a heartbreak.’

‘My heart isn’t broken,’ I point out, my voice getting higher. ‘Because this isn’t a break-up, it’s just a break.’

Myfanwy ignores me. ‘There are three losses that come first, before the three gains, right?’ She doesn’t wait for confirmation. She knows the six predictions better than me by now. ‘Up first is a heartbreak. That’s what she said, isn’t it? Number one is a heartbreak. This is very clearly the first prediction coming true.’

‘No, it isn’t,’ I say in a level, steely voice.

Across from me, Toni looks anxious. ‘He’s called off your wedding. It’s surely costing you thousands. You really think you can forgive that?’

I swallow hard. ‘I have to accept that he’s a real person who has feelings I have to try to understand. That’s what a long-term relationship – a marriage – is all about. And at least he was honest. He needs more time – he needs this time – to get his head around it all. It’s a lot. You know I was freaking out about the wedding, too. I had cold feet as well!’

Myfanwy looks annoyed. ‘You didn’t have cold feet about getting married, you had cold feet about the oversized event Celeste had foisted upon you.’

‘Well, exactly. I’m sure that’s how Daniel feels too.’

‘You haven’t heard from him?’ Toni gives me a sympathy head tilt and it makes me want to scream that I don’t need her pity. I’m fine. I’m fine because he’s coming back and it will all work out fine. They don’t get it and they won’t get it. But it doesn’t matter what they think or say because I get it. I know what Daniel and I have. I know that he’s not going to throw everything we have – five years together! – away. This isn’t over, no matter what anyone says. They just don’t understand yet, but they will. Give it a few weeks and everything will be back to normal. They’ll see.

Daniel and I will be fine.

‘Look, can we just change the subject?’ I plead and Toni looks down in her lap, sadly. I know she’s just trying to help but all I want is to be left alone to get through this temporary situation. ‘Do either of you want any of that ice cream?’ I gesture over the counter at the sweaty gifts they brought.

‘Ohhhh,’ Myfanwy sighs. ‘Of course I do! I’d love some! I’d love some breakfast ice cream. Why do we only assign certain foods to the morning hours? Why am I not allowed pasta bake and ice cream at 8.50am?’ She sighs again. ‘But I have to be able to get into the next hideous air-hostess costume Celeste insists I wear.’

‘For the record, I thought you looked gorgeous in that costume,’ I comment and Toni nods enthusiastically.

‘Beautiful!’ she adds with enthusiasm, then her expression falters. ‘I can’t believe that was your hen do, Ginny, only a couple of weeks ago.’ I scowl as she shuffles closer. ‘Look, sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about it,’ she says in an urgent whisper. ‘But are you going to be OK, working in a jewellery store that specializes in engagement rings, when you’ve just been, y’know…’ she glances at Myfanwy anxiously ‘… jilted?’

Myfanwy looks thoughtful. ‘Maybe your work is something to do with that second prediction.’ Before I can stop her, she is listing the predictions again. ‘The first three are all losses, as we know. Firstly a heartbreak.’ She does an air tick with her finger. ‘You’ve had that—’

‘Not a heartbreak,’ I mutter but she ignores me.

‘Second in the losses is “An independence”.’ Myfanwy frowns, adding, ‘Whatever the hell that’s meant to mean. It could be your work, maybe?’ She looks to Toni. ‘You think?’

‘There’s not much independence at work with Celeste around,’ I interject moodily.

‘Hmm, that’s true,’ Toni confirms as Myfanwy moves onto the next prediction – the third and final loss. We don’t talk about this one very much because… well, because it’s too frightening. ‘And after you lose your independence, there’s going to be…’ She pales a little, glancing anxiously at Toni and me.

My sister finishes the third prediction for her in a whispered voice.

‘A death.’