Date with Destiny

Chapter Fifteen

It’s the last night of our holiday, and since nothing life-changing has happened, we’ve decided to get life-changingly drunk.

We are delighted and appalled in equal measure to find an Irish bar down the road from our hotel. So now we’re drinking horrible Guinness in a horrible pub, full of horrible Brits Abroad shouting at one another about foreigners.

It at least makes me less homesick.

A group of lads in their twenties – also drunk – make their approach to our corner table.

‘All right?’ the leader smirks. ‘Want a drink, ladies?’

‘No thanks, kid,’ Myfanwy slurs, struggling to be heard over the offensive music. ‘We’ve got loads of drinks.’

It’s true, we do. We decided to do our rounds all at once when we got here. And because the bar was busy, we all bought four drinks per person. We still have, like eleven warm pints on our table.

The twenty-something looks excited. ‘Oh, you’re an actual Irish!’ he accuses Myfanwy, who rolls her eyes.

‘No, I’m Welsh,’ she says and he looks sceptical.

‘Nah,’ he shakes his head, glancing around at his ladz ladz ladz. ‘Don’t try and fool me, I know Welsh ain’t real. You’re Irish, that’s an Irish accent!’

Toni leans in, more used to dealing with men of this age group. ‘No really!’ she smiles sweetly. ‘Myfanwy’s from Wales.’

The boy laughs. ‘Babe, that is well cute, but I know you’re just flirtin’. I did go to school y’know! I did my SATs and everything. So I know Wales is that mythical place in the ocean where the mermaids live.’

I frown. ‘Are you confusing the animal whales with… but how do you get to mermaids from…’

Toni turns to Myfanwy. ‘Is that true?’

Myfanwy smiles tightly. ‘Yes, of course! I used to be a mermaid but then a sea witch, also from Wales, gave me legs and encouraged me to move to England where I would meet a prince and lots of micro-xenophobia.’

‘Was the sea witch from SwanSEA?’ I ask, trying not to laugh.

We both snort, while Toni looks surprised. ‘Was she?’

The boy and his ladz ladz ladz are getting impatient now. ‘All right then,’ their leader says. ‘If you’re really from Wales, say something in your foreign language.’

Myfanwy sighs. ‘I can’t speak Welsh.’

‘No!’ he rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, like she is dumb. ‘I said say something in the Wales language.’

‘Right,’ Myfanwy says slowly. ‘Sorry, the mer-language. Actually, they did send me to school to learn Wel- sorry, Mer-glish, but I’ve forgotten it all.’ She pauses. ‘Apart from the word coch, which means red. And I only remember that because it sounded like a naughty word.’

The boy looks awed. ‘Wow,’ he says. ‘You really are from Wales!’

‘Wow,’ agrees Toni, staring in the same impressed way at Myfanwy, who is nodding sagely.

‘I really am.’

‘Anyway,’ the boy says breezily. ‘Speaking of which, does anyone fancy a shag? Asking for me or any of my bros.’ He waves at the ladz ladz ladz, who are all smiling hopefully, apart from one who is distracted, picking something out of his teeth.

God! Dating hasn’t gotten any better than it was in my twenties, then. I thought the new generation would be much better at all of this. I thought they’d be smoother and cooler, with fewer idiotic men embarrassing themselves in the vain hope of a fumble. Is this what the dating market looks like? Is this what I’m supposed to embrace? What I’m supposed to throw myself into for the next few years? Are these kinds of men my only option now I’ve lost Daniel?

Well, no bloody thank you. I will avoid the whole thing and eventually Daniel will come to his senses and marry me. That’s it. Final word on the subject.

An hour later, I find myself snogging the boy.

His name is Matt and he’s actually very sweet. Dumb as a rock, but he totally has depth. I found out he likes painting! Rooms and landscapes! And he has an old motorbike he’s doing up with his dad. I don’t ask how old his dad is because I have a feeling we’d be quite close to being peers. And the main thing I found out is that he is a great kisser and he really fancies me.

We pull apart at last in our dark corner, saliva all over the place; hands all over the place. ‘I’ll be back in a bit,’ I gasp at him, staggering back towards Myfanwy and Toni and flopping down. ‘I feel like a teenager!’ I giggle happily.

‘That might be because you were literally feeling a teenager?’ Myfanwy points out, smiling widely.

‘I know!’ I swig from the nearest glass of alcohol. ‘But it was great. I miss snogging. I haven’t just snogged someone in so many years.’

‘To snogging!’ Toni waves her glass around, waiting to cheers and we oblige with our warm, horrible Guinness.

‘Come dance with me!’ Matt is suddenly at our table again, all wide-eyed pupils and horniness. I suspect he is on something, but he hasn’t offered me any of it. I’m relieved and also offended.

‘There isn’t a dance floor,’ I point out. ‘This is a pub.’

‘Who cares!’ he grins excitedly.

‘Maybe in a bit.’ I wipe some sweat off my forehead. ‘I’m just going to sit for a few minutes.’ He looks sad and I add by way of explanation, ‘I’m old, Matt.’

‘Ah,’ he nods, understanding now, and off he bounces towards the ladz ladz ladz.

His energy suddenly reminds me of Daniel and I’m hit with a crashing wave of sadness. It’s followed quickly by guilt. Oh crap, I shouldn’t have got so drunk, I’m going to start being boring and emotional now. Here it comes, I can’t stop it…

‘I really miss Daniel,’ I slur, taking my companions by surprise.

‘Where’s this come from?’ Myfanwy asks nicely, shuffling her chair around to me. ‘I thought you were having fun! You had your tongue in someone at last!’

‘It’s the first person I’ve kissed since Daniel!’ I say, realizing it’s true. ‘And this is our honeymoon. I shouldn’t be kissing young boys. I should be kissing him.’ I swallow, knowing everyone is sick of this chat. It’s been months, everyone wants me to be over him by now, but I’m not. Seeing him at Diane’s wake has thrown me back ten steps. I gulp down drunk tears as I continue, ‘In some parallel universe, I’m sitting here in this bar with him, laughing at those ladz ladz ladz over there. We’d be holding hands and reliving memories from our wedding, saying it was the best day of our lives.’ Toni strokes my shoulder nicely.

‘It’ll be OK,’ she lies kindly.

‘I just don’t know what I’m meant to do,’ I admit. ‘That tarot woman said I have to stop obsessing over the past and the future, and live in the now, but most of the time my now feels really rubbish.’

‘Oh, cheers!’ Myfanwy says jokily.

‘Sorry,’ I say, biting my lip. ‘I don’t mean right now-now. Obviously I’m having a lovely holiday.’

‘Why aren’t you focusing on that then?’ she asks. ‘That’s literally what living in the moment means. Enjoy where you are right here and right now. You’re in a bar, having fun, snogging randoms like this is 2012.’ Myfanwy pauses, something occurring to her. ‘I’ve got an idea to distract you!’ she says brightly. ‘Maybe we should do a Ouija board! See if the spirit world can give us any answers.’

‘Er, I don’t think…’ I begin and Toni looks between us, a little panicky.

‘Shawn says Ouija boards are stupid and evil,’ she says nervously.

I sit up straighter. I definitely don’t want to be on the same side of history as Shawn. ‘I think it’s a great idea,’ I say forcefully. ‘Let’s do it, Myfe!’

She goes to retrieve a pen and paper from the bar, while I consider what I should ask the spirit realm. What do I want? What do I want and what do I need?

I want to marry Daniel.

Scrap that.

I want to meet my soulmate, like the predictions promised. And if that happens to be Daniel, so be it.

What else?

I want to make Celeste’s Stones even more amazing. I’ve been thinking about a concept recently that I really want to bring in as a new in-store service. I’d be an engagement concierge, specifically helping people, not just with their rings, but with their proposals. It would be a really hands-on benefit to visiting the store. From what I’ve seen, people increasingly want that kind of next-level personal service.

I want to stop being a pushover. I want to be strong and brave, especially with Celeste. I want to be able to tell her what I really think and have her see me as an equal, instead of a silly little child. I have been too weak for too long. And I can’t blame what’s happened these last few months because I’ve been a coward my whole life. Look at what happened with Flo Williams back at school.

Myfanwy returns with paper and begins sketching, writing out yes and no at the top, adding letters and numbers below. ‘Here we go,’ she pronounces, flourishing the makeshift board. She places a small glass in the centre and instructs us to place two fingers each on the glass.

‘Helloooooo, spirits!’ Myfanwy says in a spooky voice. ‘Can you hear us?’

Nothing happens and we all giggle.

‘Maybe they’re not here?’ Toni says, nose crinkling. ‘This Irish pub in Madeira might not appeal to ghosts.’

‘Should we ask a question?’ I whisper nervously.

‘Erm,’ Myfanwy considers this. ‘Does Sonali miss me?’ she asks with delight. The glass jerks, wrinkling the thin paper and stopping awkwardly.

‘Oh my god!’ Toni breathes, as we all regard each other with wide eyes.

‘You moved it,’ I accuse Myfanwy and she shakes her head.

‘I didn’t, I promise!’

Toni leans in to inspect the position of the glass. She frowns. ‘It’s stopped just under the C,’ she says. ‘What does that mean?’

Hazy with booze, I start singing ‘Under The Sea’ from The Little Mermaid, and Myfanwy gasps. ‘That’s definitely a message for me! Didn’t we literally just decide earlier that I’m a mermaid from Wales? Under the sea!’

‘That’s SO weird!’ Toni declares, but I pout. ‘What does that tell you though? What does it mean?’

‘Maybe I should go for a swim?’ Myfanwy muses and I shake my head vehemently.

‘If that’s the message, it must be from a demon. We should not swim after eight pints of Guinness.’

Toni has lost interest. ‘My turn. Will I marry Shawn?’ She smiles eagerly and the glass shoots immediately over to no. ‘Oh.’ She observes the answer without much reaction.

‘Do you want to marry Shawn?’ I ask her carefully. She blinks at me with surprise.

‘Of course?’ she says with a definite question mark. ‘I mean, I guess I do.’ She pauses. ‘Mum says he’d make a great husband and father, and I should be dropping hints about a proposal. She says three years is too long just to be dating.’

‘But you’re only twenty-three!’ Myfanwy cries. We try not to comment too much on her relationship, but sometimes it’s too much to resist.

‘That’s what I thought, but what do I know about love?’ Toni tinkles at this, failing to see the irony of her sentence. ‘Plus,’ she continues, ‘I’m almost twenty-four! That’s, like, well grown up.’ She looks at us both anxiously, adding, ‘Isn’t it?’

God, I thought Gen Z were all supposed to be brimming over with certainty. They’re supposed to know what they want and who they are. I thought they took no shit and were going to save us all from ourselves. Turns out they’re as insecure and broken as the rest of us.

‘Your turn.’ Myfanwy nods at me encouragingly and I swallow.

‘OK, um,’ I pause. There are too many questions and I don’t know if I want the answers. At last I settle on something important. ‘Is Diane OK?’

Nothing happens for a few seconds, and then the glass moves slowly, more gracefully than before. It lands softly on yes.

‘Shit, you guys, it’s 3am!’ Toni pronounces suddenly, leaping up out of her chair. ‘We’ve got to be at the airport in a few hours!’

‘Crap,’ Myfe mutters, reaching for her drink and draining it.

My young paramour Matt bounds up as we gather our bags. ‘You’re not leaving, are you?’

‘Yes, sorry!’ I tell him. ‘We’re heading back to England today and—’

‘Or,’ Myfanwy interjects happily, ‘under the sea, for some of us.’

Smiling at her, I continue. ‘We have to go pack. Our taxi is picking us up in a few hours.’ I pause. ‘Also I’m super freaked out. We just did a Ouija board and it said some weird stuff.’ Matt looks baffled and I explain nicely, ‘A Ouija board is a kind of talking board where you can speak to ghosts.’

He nods. ‘Oh, yeah, I know what a Ouija board is! My dad is a professor of neurology, he says it’s all just the ideomotor response.’

I squint at him, ‘Ideo… what?!’

‘It’s a psychological phenomenon where a subject makes unconscious muscle movements. It’s something a bit like a dissociative state. Lab studies have measured people moving the glass in a séance without having any idea they’re doing it.’

The three of us gape at him as man-child Matt continues, ‘Anyway, Ginny, d’you want my number or what? Be great to bang when you’re back in England!’

I blink, taking all of this in as he rips off a piece of the Ouija board and scribbles down his number.

I don’t look at it until we’re in the taxi on our way to the airport two hours later. The number is there in big loopy handwriting, beside his name: Matt Williams.

Yet another Williams. Flo Williams, Zach Walliams, Matt Williams. What is the universe trying to tell me?

My head sags back into the headrest, as exhaustion overwhelms me. I feel surprisingly calm.

Maybe this didn’t need to be a life-changing trip in a huge sense, because in a way it does feel like my life has shifted. Maybe that’s all it means, that prediction – that it would be life-changing in a small way. Small changes can be just as important as big ones. Maybe I only need small shifts – several small, life-changing moments – to find my happiness. To get everything I want.

And maybe I should WhatsApp Matt Williams for a bang.