Chapter Twenty-Four
We arrive early at the no-name bar, in a trendy area of Clapham. It’s pretty upmarket and feels like Toni and Shawn have spent a fair bit of money on all of this.
‘Fancy,’ Sonali murmurs beside me, taking in the room.
‘This is the perfect place for you to get some,’ Myfanwy hisses in my ear.
It looks like we’re the first to arrive, and we creep in, scanning the room for signs of life. ‘Hellooo?’ I call out awkwardly and a glamorous but nervous Toni appears from behind the bar.
‘I can’t find the Prosecco,’ she says by way of a greeting. ‘The manager said they’d leave out a bunch of glasses and the bottles so we could have trays of drinks for arrivals.’
‘Don’t worry,’ I say as confidently as I can, throwing off my coat and joining her in her search. ‘We’ll sort it.’
She steps back, giving me a head to toe with wide eyes. ‘Wow,’ she says admiringly. ‘One of Mum’s? You look absolutely devastating. That is stunning, Gin. This is going to blow Mikey’s socks off.’
‘Thanks.’ I suddenly feel a bit overdressed and embarrassed. Toni is wearing a lovely dress but there are no feathers. Why did I think feathers were a good idea? Nobody wears feathers! Will Mikey think I’m an absolute try-hard dolt?
Whatever, it’s too late now and I focus instead on how genuinely excited I am to see him. Our texts have been ramping up over the last few days as we anticipated seeing each other again tonight. I can’t wait to get my hands on him.
I’ve never been that great at one-night stands. Much as I wanted to enjoy them, I just couldn’t. The one or two – OK three – I attempted in my early twenties always ended up being horribly awkward, uncomfortable encounters with men who ultimately just made me feel used, even though I kept telling myself I was using them. So I feel like Mikey is the perfect compromise. I don’t want anything serious with him – at least I don’t think I do – but he’s a familiar, fun presence who knows my body and what I like. Or, at least, some of what I like. I have evolved since we last did it.
I take in Toni and beam. ‘You look beautiful,’ I tell her and she smiles back.
‘It all looks fab,’ Sonali tells her warmly, as Myfanwy glances around.
‘Is Shawn here, too?’
She shakes her head. ‘No, he’s coming with his friends in a bit. I said I’d get everything ready.’
I catch a look between Sonali and Myfanwy but none of us say anything, busying ourselves instead with getting glasses out and onto trays. Guests start to arrive as we finish up and Toni squeals with excitement as she runs off to greet friends I only know in passing.
I check the time. Mikey messaged on our way here to confirm the address, so he must be on his way by now. I feel my stomach flip at the prospect of seeing him and I pull out my compact to check for errant lipstick or mascara gloops. Over the mirror, Myfanwy and Sonali giggle over something as Sonali reapplies her Vaseline. She must get through pots of the stuff.
They both look so happy and excited, it makes my heart explode.
‘Drink?’ I turn to find Zach has arrived. His smile drops as he takes me in. ‘Gosh, Ginny, you look…’ He swallows. ‘Very nice.’
‘Thanks.’ I feel silly suddenly. It’s too much. ‘You do, too,’ I add sincerely. Because he does.
Myfanwy is at my shoulder.
‘When is Mikey getting here?’ she asks impatiently.
Zach narrows his eyes but says nothing. I suddenly feel awkward, like I’ve done something wrong.
‘Um,’ I hedge, still looking at Zach. ‘I don’t—’
A voice interrupts us. ‘Did I hear my name?’
I spin around, nearly choking on my feathers. It’s him. Mikey. And he looks amazing.
He greets Myfanwy and Sonali, hugging them both as they laugh about our last joint outing, remembering embarrassing moments of spilling drinks and dancing in the middle of bars with no music.
Then he turns to me.
He takes my hands in his, his eyes travelling up and down my body with a look I can only describe as intense approval.
‘Ginny,’ he says in a low voice, almost a growl, ‘you look ridiculously sexy. Even better than the last time I saw you.’ He pulls me close and I feel his breath hot on my ear.
I am acutely aware of Zach watching all of this. Pulling away, I clear my throat. ‘Mikey, this is Zach.’ Mikey turns to him with surprise, like he hadn’t noticed the film star standing with us. ‘All right mate?’
‘Hi,’ Zach replies shortly, and they shake hands.
‘Zach works with us at Celeste’s Stones,’ I add hastily, like this will explain the tension. ‘He’s our bespoke ring designer.’
‘Cool,’ Mikey says dismissively, barely looking at him.
‘I was just getting drinks,’ Zach says, matching his tone. ‘Can I get you one, Mick?’
‘It’s Mikey.’ He corrects him smoothly, a crackle of testosterone in the air. ‘And yeah, thanks mate. I’ll have a lager.’ He turns his back on Zach in an open display of disinterest and Myfanwy glances at me, eyes wide and sparkling. She loves drama.
‘Now, let me have another look at you, you gorgeous thing…’ Mikey grabs me, hands on my waist as Zach stalks off, his face thunder. ‘I can’t believe I’m finally seeing you,’ he continues, pulling me nearer. ‘I wish we were alone right now, you really have no idea.’
It sends a shiver through me as I smile into his cheek.
‘We can be very alone later,’ I murmur back and feel myself redden, partly from the adrenaline, partly with embarrassment. ‘I look forward to finding out what you would’ve done.’
He pulls away, staring at me with a small, longing smile.
I am definitely going to get some.
Three hours later and the problem with the party has revealed itself: it’s too fancy. Toni’s twenty-something pals are arriving, looking around with fear in their eyes, downing a drink and then leaving within thirty minutes. Considering Shawn’s thirty-four, I’m surprised to note there are hardly any older people on the guestlist. In fact, I’d say me, Mikey, Zach, Myfanwy and Sonali are easily the oldest ones in the room. A fact we are trying hard not to care about as we forcibly enjoy ourselves, dancing around the room, swigging expensive shots from the bar and punching random helium balloons. Mikey and I have so far been incredibly restrained; dancing close but no cigar. By which I mean no kissing. We’re at a grown-up party; you can’t just snog in the middle of the room like it’s a Year Nine Valentine’s disco. Much as I’d like to.
The initial weirdness between Mikey and Zach seems to have – thankfully – eased up, with the pair bonding over the variety of lagers on offer.
‘I’m off to the loo,’ Mikey announces now and squeezes my hand, sending promising chills through me. Honestly, the sparks flying between us, it’s like someone’s handing out sparklers to teenagers and everyone forgot to do a fire safety notice. We’re going to need a St John’s Ambulance on standby if this keeps up. I watch Mikey’s bum as he meanders across the room in the direction of the loos.
‘Oh my god, he’s so sexy, isn’t he?’ I murmur to Myfanwy, hypnotized.
‘Sure, sure,’ she says hurriedly. ‘Listen, while he’s gone…’ I turn to give her my full attention but my brain is still full of Mikey butt images. ‘I think I’ve found the funfair!’
‘What?’ The bum is gone, replaced by a blurry-edged image of our fortune teller. ‘How? What?’
She nods excitedly. ‘While you’ve been dance-flirting with Mikey and Zach—’
‘I wasn’t!’ I try to protest but she waves my interruption away.
‘—While you were toying with two blokes who are both clearly into you,’ she doubles down, eyeballing me, ‘I was googling a thousand different variations, trying to find a website or something – nothing doing, but then I finally found this random post on a Facebook page for a small town the funfair set up in after leaving London.’ She gets taller as she speaks, her chest puffing out with pride at her detective skills. ‘So then I clicked on their page and I’m pretty sure it’s them! I’ve sent the guy who runs it a message.’
‘Wow, you are amazing,’ I tell her, blown away. ‘This could be it then! We could be speaking to the fortune teller, like, tomorrow! She could tell me who my soulmate is and we could be settled down together by Christmas.’ I breathe in slowly, trying to control the thumping in my chest.
Myfanwy grimaces. ‘Hold your horses, mate. I don’t think it’ll be that quick. I don’t think blokes who run travelling funfairs tend to be particularly quick at answering their Facebook messages. We might have to wait a bit to hear back.’
I nod, ‘Right, sorry. I got carried away. I’ll be patient. Thank you for doing all that, you are the absolute best.’
She smiles broadly. ‘I know.’
Someone behind us clears their throat and I see Myfanwy’s face change. The smile falls away as she pales with shock.
I quickly turn around, coming face to face with… Daniel.
‘What the…’ I run out of words.
He looks embarrassed but gives me a head-to-toe with wide eyes. ‘Wow, Ginny, you look… just wow!’
I don’t say anything, so Myfanwy does.
‘What are you doing here, Daniel?’ she says carefully. He visibly swallows hard, looking between us.
‘Um, I wanted to talk to Ginny,’ he turns to me, his eyes beseeching. ‘Can we talk? Please? I know you said you wanted space and I’m really aware that you didn’t reply to my last messages but… please?’
‘How did you even know I was here?’ I feel so bamboozled, so dazed, I don’t know what to think. ‘Did Toni invite you?’ I glance over at my sister. She’s oblivious, talking to Sonali and Zach, with Shawn glued to her side.
Daniel shakes his head. ‘No, she tagged you all in on Instagram at this bar. I still follow her.’
Ugh, what? Who the hell tags everyone into a place or venue on Instagram? Surely that function is only for celebrities who are getting their holiday for free.
‘Right,’ I say, still unsure what to make of his sudden arrival.
‘Can we talk?’ he asks again, stepping a little closer.
‘Um…’ I’m interrupted by Toni who has just spotted her never-was brother-in-law.
‘Oh my GOD, Daniel!’ she squeals, bursting into our small circle, Shawn close behind her. She throws herself into my ex-fiancé’s arms before suddenly remembering everything that’s happened and retreating, glancing at me guiltily. ‘What are you doing here?’ She echoes my question, before again looking over. ‘Did you invite him? Are you guys…?’ She looks between us excitedly and I jump in, swallowing hard, ‘No! No no no no no no!’
Daniel regards me sadly and everyone falls silent. The awkwardness reverberates between us, zinging from me to Daniel to Myfanwy to Toni to Shawn, and back again.
And it is just then, in the most horribly uncomfortable moment of my life, that Mikey rocks up.
‘Wotcha!’ he crows, throwing lazy arms around me and – oh god – Daniel. He quickly realizes his mistake. ‘Oh sorry mate,’ he unhooks himself and offers up a hand. ‘I thought you were Zach. I’m Mikey.’
Daniel looks at the hand for a moment before taking it. ‘Daniel,’ he replies warily.
‘Nice to meet you, Daniel,’ Mikey says, tucking hair behind his ear, oblivious to the horror each of us is feeling. ‘Are you one of Toni’s mates?’ Daniel looks down at the ground and Mikey glances around, frowning, finally sensing the mood. ‘Or, er, one of Shawn’s mates?’ he adds, looking to Shawn anxiously.
‘Er, no,’ Shawn says, reaching into the group to offer his own hand to Daniel. ‘Hi, we haven’t met, I’m Shawn,’ he nods.
‘Hi,’ comes the reply, but Daniel is now looking at me, and only me, his sad cow eyes penetrating my soul.
‘Daniel is, um…’ I begin and Mikey raises his eyebrows at me. ‘He’s, er, he’s…’ I can’t. I don’t know what to say. Honestly, I don’t even really know how I’m supposed to describe him. Where to begin! He’s my ex-boyfriend slash fiancé who I loved and adored for five years and thought I’d be with forever, until he moved out of our flat weeks before our wedding, ending our relationship without really telling me.
Would that cover it? But no, of course it wouldn’t.
I would also have to point out that he’s also the man who’s suddenly back in my life months later, desperately sorry and wanting… what? To get back together and forget everything that’s happened – everything he did? And maybe I could add that I don’t know how I feel or how much I still love him or whether I should get back with him or not. Should I also mention how much I desperately miss our old life and all the dogs we would’ve had and the future babies we could’ve brought up? But that I don’t know if I can forgive or trust him?
Mikey looks nervous, glancing between us. ‘Ha, don’t tell me,’ he begins jokingly. ‘You forgot you accidentally invited another date tonight!’
‘Date?’ Daniel chokes out, like he has been slapped. He looks to me for confirmation and it’s now my turn to stare down at my feet.
Shawn clears his throat, reaching across the circle. ‘Er, Daniel, mate, let’s go get a drink while this lot chat. You can speak to Ginny later.’
I meet Shawn’s eyes and nod, grateful, as he moves my shellshocked ex away towards the bar.
‘Phew!’ Mikey lets out a short laugh as everyone else breathes out. ‘What was that all about? Talk about awkward!’
‘Sorry,’ I mutter, humiliation crushing me. ‘That’s Daniel, my ex. I had no idea he was planning on turning up tonight.’
‘Oh shit.’ Mikey covers his mouth with shock, his own casual words to Daniel hitting him in the face. ‘God, I made that stupid joke about a date! I’m so sorry.’
‘Humph,’ Myfanwy grunts. ‘I don’t know what he’s playing at showing up like this.’ She turns to Toni. ‘And I’m not sure what you’re playing at either, tagging everyone into this place online. That kind of shit is a stalker’s dream.’
‘Daniel’s not a stalker!’ Toni scolds. She was always very fond of him. ‘And I think it’s romantic anyway! He’s come back here to win Ginny’s heart back.’
‘It’s not romantic!’ Myfanwy rolls her eyes. ‘Ginny has told him over and over to give her space. She couldn’t have been clearer and he’s chosen to ignore her wishes and put his own pain above hers – again!’
‘But they never take no for an answer in the movies.’ Toni blinks hard. ‘Men are always turning up unexpectedly to win someone back!’
‘Patriarchy horse shit probably paid for by the Harvey Weinsteins of the world,’ Myfanwy declares. ‘We brainwash young men into thinking persistence is romantic. Never take no for an answer! It’s rape culture in an acceptable form.’
When Myfanwy gets going on rape culture, it’s quite hard to move her off it, so I step in. ‘Either way, it was really decent of Shawn to defuse the situation.’ I direct this at Toni because it’s probably the first almost-nice thing I’ve said about her boyfriend. I want her to know I see this other side to him. Maybe he’s not so dreadful after all.
I realize suddenly that we’ve all gotten quite loud, and our voices all sound oddly echoey. Glancing around, it’s clear why. Aside from Zach and Sonali chatting in a corner, plus Daniel and Shawn doing shots at the bar, the only people left at this party are me, Mikey, Toni and Myfanwy. Toni follows my gaze and her face falls as she takes in the remnants of her first real attempt at adulting.
‘Oh,’ she says sadly and Mikey slings an arm around her. ‘Oh Tone, don’t be sad. We’re the best people anyway.’ He whispers something in her ear and she giggles.
‘Are you serious?’ she asks and he nods, shooting me a mischievous look.
‘What?’ I ask, as Daniel and Shawn return from the bar, both looking a little more relaxed – and cross-eyed from shots.
‘Sorry about before, mate,’ Mikey says to Daniel nicely. ‘I have a plan to make up for it.’ He gives him the same cheeky grin and I feel frustration rise. He raises his voice to get Sonali and Zach’s attention. ‘Guys! Over here!’
‘What’s going on?’ I ask again, exasperated, as the room gathers together.
Mikey looks around the group. ‘We are all going to go sit over there,’ he points at a huddle of old sofas pushed together in the corner of the bar, ‘and we’re going to take some mushrooms.’ He glances over his shoulder, checking the bartender isn’t listening or watching. She’s sitting down, bored, on her phone, ignoring the rest of the room. Mikey turns back to us, raises an eyebrow, and pulls out a couple of smallish plastic bags with brown contents.
‘You’re joking?’ I am incredulous.
Mushrooms!
I’ve never done shrooms before. I don’t think people even call them shrooms anymore, do they?
‘I’m in,’ Myfanwy says way too fast and I glance at her. She looks faux innocent and it’s obvious she was already in on this plan. An excitable Toni looks to Shawn for a reaction.
He shrugs. ‘No big deal – I’ve done it loads of times before. I’m up for it.’
‘Me too,’ Daniel surprises me by adding.
‘Sonali? Zach?’ I ask desperately. Zach looks as terrified as me but nods. An obviously thrilled Sonali is useless, too, declaring only, ‘This is going to be epic.’
‘Yes!’ Mikey punches the air, as they turn to look at me, awaiting my response.
I mean, I don’t really want to, but there is no chance I’m leaving this lot to do it without me. I’d rather die from the mushrooms than the FOMO.
I take each of them in: my friends, my family, two exes – oh, and Shawn – all here tonight, wanting to take drugs.
I take a deep breath. ‘OK,’ I say at last. ‘Let’s do it.’