Date with Destiny

Chapter Thirty-Six

Obviously I don’t want to see or speak to or even hear about Mikey’s existence ever again, but I’ll be honest, so far this party would be way more fun with a few of his magic mushrooms.

We’re an hour into Sonali’s birthday party, the event Myfanwy has thrown together as a proposal cover, and it’s not really happening yet. People are awkwardly milling about in corners barely speaking, the music is too low and the bartender keeps disappearing, so the booze isn’t flowing like it should.

The trouble is, Myfanwy is too nervous. She’s usually really on top of things like this, making sure everyone’s having fun, turning the tunes up and ordering shots at the top of her voice so everyone gets involved.

Instead, she’s sitting in a corner, looking beautiful but pale and sweaty.

I stride across the room to join her. ‘You have to calm down,’ I tell her out of the side of my mouth, worried someone might be watching.

‘I’m trying,’ she hisses. ‘I’m just so scared. What if she says no?’

I shake my head. ‘Of course she won’t. She’s going to be so happy.’ I feel a pang. Is she going to be happy about a public proposal like this though? I hope Myfanwy knows what she’s doing. I swallow hard.

I’ve been feeling so conflicted about Myfanwy’s proposal plan. I’ve talked myself in and out of telling her not to do it so many times, and then it was suddenly too late. But I think I’m doing the right thing by not saying anything – it’s not my place to tell Myfanwy how she should propose. She and Sonali are in love, Myfanwy knows what her girlfriend would want, she knows her best.

She looks around. ‘Well, I can’t do it if this party doesn’t improve,’ she says sadly. ‘It’s terrible so far. There aren’t enough people here!’ She looks at me anxiously. ‘Do you think more people will turn up? You invited loads of extra people, right?’

I regard her with bafflement. She knows literally everyone I know. Our friends are the same people. Suddenly she pales, looking behind me in the distance. ‘Oh,’ she says quickly. ‘I forget to mention someone I did invite!’ I turn in slow motion as she continues, sounding panicked. ‘I asked Zach to come and I meant to tell you, I’m really sorry. But he designed the ring for me, I couldn’t not invite him to the proposal party!’

‘It’s fine!’ I choke out, watching in slow motion as he approaches across the room. ‘Of course you invited him.’

He’s just some guy, I remind myself. Just some random dude I worked with for a few months. He’s just a hot man who I stupidly convinced myself – briefly! – was my soulmate. I force myself to laugh at my own ludicrous vulnerability back then. I only decided he was my soulmate because I was sad and lonely after my break-up with Daniel. I was looking for an instant soulmate jigsaw piece to fill the hole, so everything could just go back to how it was.

But I’m really glad now that I didn’t fill that hole right away. Being single for all these months has forced me to spend some time with myself. And I’ve decided I mostly like what’s going on here, inside me. Sure, I have many things I need to work on, but that’s good, too. Sometimes you need to be on your own to figure all that out.

Zach smiles as he closes the gap between us and we reach in wrong directions for an awkward hug.

‘Whoops!’ I cackle horribly as we crash into one another.

‘Ginny!’ he says with apparently genuine happiness. ‘It’s so nice to see you.’ He turns to Myfanwy, greeting her with warmth. ‘Myfe!’ he says, hugging her in a normal way. I feel a pang of jealousy that they have connected in the last few months without me around.

‘Great!’ I shout. ‘Yes! I mean great seeing, erm, you,’ the nerves are crushing my windpipe. I step back, taking him in. He’s as absurdly handsome as ever. He’s wearing a shirt that hasn’t been ironed very well – a part of the collar is crumpled and bending the wrong way. I fight the urge to reach over and straighten it.

‘I’m going to go practice my speech,’ Myfanwy says after a moment, looking between us carefully. ‘I need to settle my nerves! Do you guys want a drink or anything?’ I shake my head dumbly, nodding at the huge double gin in my hand, as Zach requests a lager. With Myfanwy gone, he steps closer, an urgency to his tone. ‘It really is nice to see you, Gin,’ he clears his throat. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch since Christmas. I—’

‘No, no!’ I cut off his apologies. Please god, I don’t want another rejection speech. ‘I totally understand! How’s work been?’

He is silent for a moment, and I can tell he is mulling over what to say next.

‘It’s really good,’ he says at last. ‘Of course, I miss working for Celeste’s Stones, but I made a lot of new connections and the clients I met there have been very kind. I’ve had a lot of recommendations come through and I’m keeping very busy.’

‘I’m so glad!’ I say with genuine feeling. I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt over what happened.

‘Look, I have to explain something,’ he begins and I turn quickly towards the bar.

‘I better help Myfanwy!’ I get out in a strangled voice, making a run for it. I find her in a corner with Toni, both giggling.

‘Ooh, saw you with Zach over there,’ Toni says, wiggling her eyebrows at me suggestively.

I groan. ‘Don’t!’ I warn.

She cocks her head. ‘You’re not interested? I can’t believe that. He’s so gorgeous and sweet!’

‘Er, I’m not interested in getting rejected again,’ I roll my eyes.

‘What?’ She looks utterly baffled. I guess I never told her about how I came on to Zach – twice. ‘But,’ she frowns, ‘he totally fancies you.’

I laugh. ‘I promise you, he doesn’t, Tone. Believe me, I’ve double checked. He just wants to be friends.’ I sigh. ‘And not even that really anymore, I don’t think.’

‘You’re wrong,’ Toni tells me stridently. ‘Have you forgotten about the note?’

It’s my turn to be confused. ‘What?’ I glance at Myfanwy who looks as befuddled as me.

‘Toni,’ she shakes her head. ‘What are you talking about?’

My sister tuts. ‘I’ve told you this, I’ve definitely told you this.’

‘What note?’ Myfanwy shrieks.

‘You know…’ Toni laughs and then she pales as a thought strikes her. She looks at me, ‘You do know, right? I definitely… I did… oh my god, didn’t I?’ I shake my head slowly and she covers her mouth. ‘I was so sure we’d talked about it, Gin, I’m really sorry—’

Myfanwy screams it this time. ‘WHAT NOTE, TONI?’

‘Right…’ She wets her lips, looking a bit frightened. ‘The first time we met Zach was in the store, remember?’ She looks to me for confirmation and I nod impatiently. ‘And I thought he was that actor guy, you know the one from that Amazon Prime show?’ She giggles now. ‘I was so sure he was! He’s got that kind of look, you know? That bone structure and that—’ Myfanwy looks like she will strangle her and Toni gets the hint. ‘Um, anyway, I asked for his autograph and he handed the bit of paper back to me as he was leaving.’ She swallows as we both stare at her, utterly hooked. We’ve never been this interested in one of Toni’s stories before. ‘He wrote his name, but also a message,’ Toni pauses. ‘He wrote, Hi Toni, sorry I’m not your TV star, but can you please tell your sister that I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’d like to take her on a date. Love Zach x.’

My mouth drops open and I look at Myfanwy. Her mouth is also wide open.

I remember the piece of paper now. The way Toni took it from Zach, squealed and ran off with such delight. I thought he’d just signed it with some A-lister’s name to give her a kick. ‘But…’ I don’t think I’ve ever been this flummoxed, ‘Why didn’t you give it to me right away?’

Toni looks down at her hands. ‘Well, we got the call about Diane being in hospital literally, like, two minutes later and it completely went out of my head.’ She shrugs. ‘I’m really sorry, it was such a horrible time, I forgot all about it. But if you’d ever mentioned liking him…’ she trails off. ‘You always seemed so keen to emphasize that you were just mates. Then there was Mikey, and Daniel was back… I figured you just didn’t like Zach and I didn’t want to embarrass him.’

‘This is… so… much,’ I say quietly.

Zach wanted to go out with me.

‘But he kept rejecting you,’ Myfanwy frowns. ‘What the hell is up with that?’

I stand up, surprising Myfanwy and Toni. I have to find Zach. I think I’m about to humiliate myself with him for a third time but I don’t care. I’m brave now and I need to understand what happened. I need to know why he changed his mind and what it means. I want to know what I did that so repulsed him.

I spot him by the bar and stalk over.

‘Hello, you,’ he greets me with a smile before catching my expression. ‘Er, are you OK?’

‘Can I talk to you?’ I am determined, taking him by the arm and leading him out into the hallway away from the music. Once we’re alone, I stare him down, face-to-face, no escape. After a few seconds, I speak. ‘Toni just told me about the note.’

Confusion clouds his face, ‘The note…?’ What I mean suddenly hits him and he looks away, reddening. ‘Oh,’ he adds in a low voice. ‘That must be confusing after all this time.’

‘What happened?’ I ask, feeling helpless. ‘What did I do wrong?’

He takes a deep breath. ‘OK,’ he begins, faltering over his words. ‘OK, right, I should explain. You should know. The truth is,’ his turn to swallow hard, ‘Gin, we know each other.’ What. He takes in my blank expression and nods. ‘I mean, we knew each other from… before. And I know you don’t remember. I didn’t remember at first either. It only clicked when we were leaving after that very first meeting.’

‘How?’ I interrupt urgently. ‘What are you talking about? When… who… what?’

‘Primary school,’ he says simply, breathing in deeply. ‘I was a couple of years above you. But you were best friends with my little sister…’

It all floods back. Flo. Florence Williams. She had a big brother, of course she did. Not that I ever dared look him in the face back then; I was too shy. No wonder I didn’t recognize Zach.

He continues, ‘As I was leaving the store, just after giving your sister that note, you told me your real name was Jenny, and that your school friend Flo was the only person who called you that. It clicked. Jenny Bretherton. My little sister’s best friend. The one who… well.’ He finishes lamely and we both stare down.

I understand now.

No wonder.

Florence and I were best friends in Year Four, Five and Six at primary school. But when we went to secondary school it all changed. We met a new girl, Mindy, who joined our twosome with enthusiasm. She had so much more confidence than either of us and soon the trio had a leader. But after a few months, things changed again. She kept trying to separate us, always trying to keep us apart. She ‘forgot’ to invite Flo to things, she told me secrets I wasn’t allowed to share with my best friend. She was mean about Flo and I swallowed hard and nodded. And when Flo got upset – when she stood up for herself – Mindy turned on her. And I was too pathetic and cowardly to say a word. I didn’t want Mindy to start on me, too, so I just started avoiding poor Flo. I hid from them both, ignoring Flo’s phone calls and messages while Mindy’s bullying got worse and worse. Eventually Flo’s parents moved her and her brother away and I never heard from her again. I never made any other friends at school and spent my days alone, hiding from Mindy and desperately wishing I could just grow up and escape. I’ve felt unbelievably awful about it ever since.

‘But you’re Walliams, with an a,’ I say desperately. ‘Flo was just a normal Williams, wasn’t she?’

Zach sighs. ‘It’s just branding. Williams is too easy to lose on Google. So I decided to be Walliams’ Custom Designs. It worked for David Walliams, right?’

‘Was he a Williams first then?’ I’m aware this is off topic.

He nods slowly. ‘To be honest, I thought you’d have seen my real name spelled on my invoices.’

‘I never looked at them,’ I say vaguely. ‘I just forwarded them to the accountant.’

‘Right,’ he replies quietly and we share another long silence. ‘Flo was so devastated by what happened back then,’ he begins and I nod. ‘I knew immediately that there was no way I could date you. Not ever. She’d never forgive me.’ He looks sad. ‘And of course, I would’ve told you who I was then, but you got that awful call about your aunt and I had to get you guys to the hospital.’ He pauses. ‘I nearly told you again, that day we visited the new store and were dancing to Girls Aloud.’ He looks down at his right wrist. There are letters there he didn’t mention that day we talked about the rest of his tattoos. One of them is F, I now realize. He continues, ‘I used to dance with Flo to that same song.’ Ah. So that weird moment between us wasn’t about Cheryl Cole getting cheated on, it was about Flo.

‘I get it, and I’m so sorry,’ I breathe, trying to take all of this in as moments from the last six months all fall into place. ‘God, you must hate me. I think about what happened with Flo a lot. It’s been a huge regret for me, my entire adult life. Flo was my only friend back then and I betrayed her. I let her down. I’ve always felt terrible and wondered where she ended up.’ I pause anxiously, remembering Sonia, the dog walker I accosted not so long ago. ‘How is she?’ I continue carefully. ‘Is Flo OK?’

‘She is,’ he nods carefully. ‘She’s doing great. She’s a doctor, actually. I don’t see a lot of her, she’s so busy, but she’s happy.’

‘She’s really OK?’ My body floods with relief.

‘That school we moved to was brilliant,’ he half smiles. ‘No psycho Mindy types! She made friends, did well in her exams. She’s married now, two kids.’

‘That’s so good to hear,’ I say tearfully.

‘And I also realized that you were, like, eleven, twelve years old back then!’ he laughs. ‘You were just a kid; I can’t blame you for what those bullies did to my sister.’

‘You can blame me for abandoning my friend though,’ I reply, hanging my head. ‘I was such a coward. I was so scared of Mindy.’ I gulp. ‘I ran away and hid from her – and from Flo. I’m really ashamed of it. Honestly, I regret it so much.’ I pause, looking around the bare hallway. ‘We talk about abusive, controlling relationships in adults, but I sometimes think the way Mindy manipulated us…’ I shrug. ‘I don’t know.’ I look up, adding hastily, ‘And I’m not trying to shift the blame. I was awful. I can’t believe the way I treated Flo. The truth is, I’ve been a coward my whole adult life. I’ve never stood up to people the way I should.’ I meet his gaze. ‘But I’m working on it.’

He smiles. ‘It’s all history,’ he says, looking lighter. ‘And it turned out so much better with us being just friends! I loved working with you, we made a great team – short-lived as it was!’ His words hang between us. Better as friends. ‘We better get back in there!’ he says now, brightly. ‘We don’t want to miss Myfanwy’s big moment!’ He throws a brotherly arm around my shoulder. ‘Come on, mate!’ The certainty hits me square in the chest that he will never again think of me as – how did he put it in the note? – the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He’s been clear how he feels, and – you know what? – that’s finally, really OK with me.

I sabotaged any chance we might’ve had twenty years ago, when I hurt his little sister.