Chapter 37 #2
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, tears brimming in her eyes. ‘I hated you, Sindy, even though, deep down, I knew it wasn’t your fault. It was Dad I loathed; it seemed that no matter what I did, nothing was ever good enough for him.’
Caitlin remembered the night when Gillian had stormed out of the rehearsal and had, ever since, refused to be in another production.
They had all been there: Miranda was playing Peter Pan, the principal boy, as usual, and Larry was Captain Hook.
Rachel was auditioning for Tinkerbell, which she won, and Gillian was trying out for Wendy.
Caitlin had been backstage, helping her Aunt Primrose, who was stage manager.
It was not long after Caitlin’s dramatic collapse and George’s medical advice had been for her to avoid the exertion of being on stage.
Caitlin had been relieved; even then, the thought of performing again made her tremble with fear.
Gillian had finished her flawless rendition of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ from The Wizard of Oz and Rachel had been in the front row giving her a double thumbs-up, when Sindy had been called on stage.
‘They’re so alike,’ Caitlin had heard Barbara whisper to Annie, who hastily shushed her.
Sindy had waited for Paul, Annie’s husband, to begin playing, then she too had given a perfect rendition of her piece, ‘The Deadwood Stage’ from the Doris Day film Calamity Jane.
Larry had walked on stage and announced Sindy was to play the part of Wendy.
Gillian had broken down in tears and fled from the hall.
When they had returned home, Caitlin had heard Gillian’s tirade against her father. At fifteen, she was self-righteous and terrible in her fury.
‘You do this to me every year!’ Gillian had shouted. ‘You have never given me the lead, even though you constantly tell me I’m the best. No matter what I do, I AM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. NEVER!’
She had stormed from the house and run to Suki and George, who lived a few doors away. Her friendship with Sindy – which until then had been good – fractured, and Caitlin alone had continued the relationship both Miranda and Vicki had encouraged.
‘I asked Mum why Larry had favoured me over Gilly,’ continued Sindy, ‘and she finally told me the truth. My instinct was to run to your house and tell you all because I was so excited to know you were my sisters. Then Miranda rang, asking if Gilly was with us, she was trying to track her down after she’d stormed out.
Mum told Miranda she’d finally told me the secret but they decided it might be too incendiary to reveal all while Gilly was so upset.
Mum and I agreed, then somehow time passed and nothing was ever said. ’
‘You must have hated us,’ said Rachel.
‘No, it wasn’t your fault,’ Sindy conceded. ‘Mum explained that no one knew, not even their friends, and we’d all discuss it when the time was right.’
‘I’ve always assumed Mum and Dad’s friends knew,’ said Caitlin, remembering Barbara’s whispered comment. ‘Our generation might not have known but I thought everyone in Mum and Dad’s circle of friends either knew or would have guessed?’
‘Perhaps,’ said Sindy.
‘How would you feel about the village knowing the truth?’ Caitlin asked Sindy.
‘As long as I have time to explain it to Rosie and she’s fine with it…’
‘And what about Emelia and Porcelain? They need to understand too,’ snapped Rachel. ‘Emelia is in the same class as your Rosie, they’re friends – how do I explain to her they’re cousins too?’
‘Rache, this is the twenty-first century,’ said Sindy. ‘The kids are used to blended families. Who would care?’
‘I would care!’ shouted Rachel, her voice rising in panic. ‘I hate being the centre of gossip. None of you understand the damage this could do to my family.’
‘We are your family,’ said Gillian.
‘My family, my children, my marriage,’ said Rachel and, to Caitlin’s amazement, she burst into hysterical tears.
‘What’s going on?’ said Caitlin, rushing around the table to hug Rachel.
‘Nothing,’ snapped Rachel but she allowed Caitlin to wrap her arms around her.
‘Don’t lie,’ said Gillian, hurrying to Rachel’s other side. ‘You’ve been twitching with your phone all night and you look as though you haven’t slept for weeks.’
Caitlin could feel Rachel trembling, tears were streaming down her face, all her usual elegance and poise crumbling around her.
‘Pete wants a divorce,’ she blurted out through her sobs.
‘What?’ gasped Gillian.
‘Why?’ asked Sindy.
‘He’s found out I’ve been having an affair and he’s threatened to sue for custody of the girls unless I give him a huge lump sum. It’s why I was so upset when Dad stopped our allowances. I’d been saving a chunk of it every month and my plan was to use it to pay Pete off.’
A stunned silence followed.
‘Who with?’ asked Gillian.
‘Slick,’ Rachel replied.
‘You’re sleeping with Edward Glossop?’ exclaimed Sindy.
‘Yes,’ said Rachel, a faint blush stained her cheeks but there was a hint of her usual bravado too. ‘It’s more than a fling though; Edward wants to marry me.’
‘Tell us,’ said Gillian, her voice was gentle. ‘I’ve wondered for a while if things have been difficult between you and Pete. As the eldest, I should have offered more support.’
Rachel’s eyes welled with tears, while Caitlin stared at Gillian in surprise.
‘What do you mean?’ Caitlin asked.
‘For the longest time, I’ve noticed that Pete’s always picking Rachel up on things, humiliating her, undermining her confidence. I’ve often wanted to intervene, to defend Rabbit, but wasn’t sure if it was my place. Every marriage is different…’
Her voice tailed away as Rachel hugged her.
‘Our relationship has been over for years,’ admitted Rachel. ‘We tried counselling but it was a waste of time. When you’ve stopped loving someone, there’s not much you can do except admit defeat and move on.’
‘And you’ve stopped loving Pete?’ asked Sindy.
‘Now I have but he was the one who backed away first,’ said Rachel.
‘He told me after Porcelain was born he didn’t love me any more, he said he’d stay for the girls.
I suggested we separate but he refused, instead, he had several affairs.
It was humiliating but I always forgave him and took him back because I was trying to protect Emelia and Porcelain.
I think the real reason he stayed was because of Dad’s money.
Pete seemed to think the allowance Dad gives us was his own personal slush fund. ’
Caitlin thought back through the many years of Rachel and Pete’s relationship.
Both were spiky personalities but as she considered the endless snide exchanges, the constant one-upmanship, she now realised all the antagonism had been led by Pete and she was angry with herself for not noticing sooner and offering help.
‘How did things start with you and Slick?’ asked Gillian.
‘Eddie and I have always been friends on social media,’ said Rachel.
‘One evening, I’d posted a picture of a bottle of champagne and he made a comment offering to drink it with me, then he texted.
I’d had a huge row with Pete and began to flirt with him.
At first, he was resistant and I apologised for being forward but we couldn’t stop texting and finally, we realised we’d always had feelings for each other.
‘A few months ago, I suggested a trial separation to Pete, but he refused,’ continued Rachel.
‘A week later, he hired a private detective to have me followed. When he showed me the photos of Eddie and me in a hotel together, Pete said he would stay until after Christmas, then he intends to file for divorce. He’s such a hypocrite because he’s been sleeping with his practice nurse for over a year.
Can you imagine how excruciating it’s been during rehearsals? ’
Caitlin, Gillian and Sindy stared at each other wordlessly.
Gillian was the first to recover and her words were driven by a fierce protectiveness for Rachel.
‘How dare Pete threaten to steal Emelia and Porcelain when he’s behaved so appallingly?
’ she said. ‘Alan knows lots of good lawyers, we’ll fight him every step of the way.
Pete will soon learn never to cross the Kings. ’
Rachel gave another sob and threw her arms around Gillian again.
When Rachel had calmed, Gillian and Caitlin sat back down.
Gillian straightened the diary in front of her.
‘If we’re finally onto Any Other Business,’ she said and Caitlin gave a snort of laughter, which Gillian had intended as she smirked at the reaction.
‘Another reason my moods have been stranger than usual recently is because Alan and I have been trying for a baby for over two years.’
Caitlin stared at Gillian, stunned by this information.
She also knew her sister well enough to know what a huge leap of faith she had taken to tell them about what Caitlin was sure, Gillian saw, as her private failure.
She always strived for perfection and, again, here was a challenge she had probably never anticipated.
‘Three months ago, we began IVF,’ she said.
‘This was why I was upset about Dad stopping our allowances. I’d always thought of it as a safety net in case the IVF took a long time, especially as the first round failed.
We have our second in a few weeks. It should have been sooner but the appointment was cancelled.
It was disappointing because these things are a balancing act of hormones and injections; things are better now and we’re trying again soon. ’
‘Did you receive the cancellation during rehearsal?’ asked Caitlin.
‘Yes, why?’
‘I was watching you and you looked so sad. I wanted to give you a hug but was scared you’d brush me off.’
Gillian hugged Caitlin tightly. ‘What a stupid mess this has been,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry about Stan, too. We should have comforted and supported you when you discovered he was being a cheating scumbag.’
‘I’m sorry, too, Moon,’ said Rachel.
‘Thank you,’ she said but her heart was singing as her sisters finally offered their love and care. ‘Have you heard what’s happened?’
‘No,’ said Gillian.
‘It isn’t common knowledge yet,’ said Sindy as she and Caitlin exchanged a conspiratorial look.
‘Stan’s leaving Goldenwych in a few days and, from the rumours we’ve overheard in the café, apparently Daphne Hawthorne is going, too.’
‘No!’ gasped Rachel.
‘Yes,’ said Caitlin, ‘and do you know what? It’s a relief. Anyway, I snogged Lee.’
A scream of excitement greeted these words, followed by laughter and variations on: ‘About time!’ from each sister.
When they calmed down, Caitlin said, ‘What are we going to do about Dad?’
‘He has made mistakes,’ Gillian said.
‘Lots of mistakes,’ Rachel added.
‘We could forgive him,’ suggested Caitlin. ‘We could do it for Mum.’
Rachel shook her head. ‘No, if we’re going to do it, it must be for ourselves. We have to stop hiding behind Mum and blaming Dad.’
‘He’s the only parent we have left,’ Caitlin said, ‘and he needs us.’ She reached for Sindy’s hand. ‘All of us, all his daughters.’
‘All four of us,’ said Sindy.
‘This changes the hierarchy,’ said Rachel with a grin.
‘What do you mean?’ asked Caitlin.
‘Sindy is Dad’s eldest daughter because she’s six months older than Gilly-Bean. Bean is Mum’s eldest daughter, but Dad’s second child,’ she said. ‘I’m Mum’s second child, but Dad’s third and you, Moon, you’re Mum’s third daughter but you’re also the fourth daughter of Dad.’
One becomes two; two becomes three; and out of the third comes the fourth, the One. The fourth is the Charmed One who will heal the curse, the words whispered through her mind. Face your fears.
Wasn’t that what they had been doing this evening?
What was her fear? The worry the rift between her and her sisters would remain forever?
Yes, that was one, but the other, the fear of performing.
She shuddered at the thought, even though she was desperate to return to her former confidence on stage, to be part of her father’s play, to reconnect with him before it was too late.
Before she could fully comprehend the meaning or discuss it with her sisters, all their phones lit up and a cacophony of ringtones filled the room.
Caitlin saw Lee’s number flash, Alan was calling Gillian, Edward was phoning Rachel and Vicki was trying Sindy.
‘What’s happened?’ Caitlin asked, answering her mobile, fear coursing through her.
‘It’s your dad,’ said Lee, his voice low. ‘He stormed out of rehearsal a few hours ago and hasn’t come back. Is he with you?’