25. We Live Ronan/ Silene
25
We Live: Ronan/ Silene
Ronan:
W aking the next morning to see Silene still asleep with a look similar to peace on her face was not what I was expecting after last night. Not when I had picked her up from where she was frozen in place, emotionally numb and staring at the space where her friend had just stood. Her almost leaving and the resulting confrontation had me worried she would no longer be here when I woke, but now, in the light of day, I think I was wrong to worry.
Maybe she needed to see just how much two people care about her to realize she is important. Being gifted the knowledge of knowing she’s been chosen—not once, but twice. She has to know there can be no more running. Not alone.
Not anymore.
“You ready for this?” I’m startled out of my thoughts by Nate’s voice as he approaches. His wary gaze drifts between Silene and me. Thousands of questions go unspoken when I turn away from her completely and slap an arm to his shoulder.
He winces, and I immediately pull back apologizing for hitting his bad shoulder. I’m offered nothing more than a tight lipped smile in response as he stretches his limbs and neck. “I’m not ready. Not really, I don’t think.” I say solemnly. He looks back to me under furrowed brows.
“I’m ready to not worry, of course. I just don’t think I’m ready to find out what comes after,” I admit. He nods, looking around before a smile breaks through and he laughs.
“I don’t think I quite understand. I don’t think the point of getting out of here is to question what comes next. I think what comes next just happens. You breathe and take it one step at a time. Eventually, you’ll understand where it leads. Just appreciate the chance you have to change your outcome,” he says, as his gaze drifts to Carmen.
“And what are you going to do when all is said and done here?” I ask him, as a knowing smirk forms on my face. When he realizes that I caught him staring, he quickly looks away, blushing in a way that makes him appear extremely boyish and young. My hand ruffles his hair, a gesture that feels oddly familiar, and our eyes catch each other’s gaze.
“I think I’m going to take the chance I’ve been given and see about a girl,” he responds, sheepishly turning back to her. I let myself look back to Silene and where she lies on the couch, stretching as she wakes.
“Me too.”
* * *
Silene:
“I’m sorry,” I force out in a rush. I’ve wasted nearly the whole day turning over in my head what to say to her. She has purposely evaded every attempt I made to get closer to her, keeping herself near the others or tucking herself away in the bathroom to shower one last time before we leave the comfort of the home. Finally, I’m close enough to speak, and she stops walking away from me. Her brown hair sways behind her back as she turns to look at me from over her shoulder—any warmth she had previously shown me is gone. All eyes land on us from around the house. Adonis and Nathaniel slow their eating of canned corn in the kitchen while looking over the map, and Ronan stops turning the page he’d just finished reading of one of the books he’d found upstairs.
“I told you that it was already done. There’s nothing left to apologize for,” she replies before continuing on to the room where she slept.
I let out a groan of frustration, fiddling with the hair tie on my wrist while looking around at the men. As my narrowed gaze flickers to each of them, a chorus of clearing throats sound as they continue on with what they were previously doing. But Ronan’s gaze lingers longer than it should with unspoken knowledge of what I’d almost done the night before. A secret it seems he’ll keep from the others without me asking him.
He dips his head in solidarity before returning to his book, and I march into the room behind the young woman, and shut the door behind us. She’s lacing her dirty, worn boots, not paying me any mind. As I approach carefully, she hums in acknowledgement of my presence, but nothing more.
“Can I tell you something?” Her eyes dart up at my question for a moment before looking back down at her nimble fingers slowly tying the laces of her shoes. No words are said, but I take her silence as an invitation to continue.
“You told me a little bit about your family, what you remember of it at least,” I start hesitantly, unsure of where I’m going with this. “I didn’t know what guided me last night as I was doing it. I wrote the letter apologizing in case I didn’t return, but I know if I truly planned on returning, I never would have written such words. I would have left in confidence and returned before anyone woke. Our plan could have changed. We would have been able to leave together.” She keeps her gaze on the floor as she listens, and I have no choice but to keep my train of thought moving.
“You are entitled to your anger,” I confess as I sit next to her, defeated. It takes me by surprise when she intertwines her pinky finger with mine, but something in my chest feels lighter when she does. “I didn’t know if I would come back, but I wanted to believe that I could end this all,” I admit with a long, guilt-filled sigh.
“You don’t have to do this alone, Silene. You never needed to. The plan will work. You still believe that, don’t you?” I smile at her question and belief in all of us, but I would be lying if I said I knew without any hesitation that we will succeed.
“I do believe the plan could work, I just worry…” I say hesitantly, eyes flickering to the closed door. She registers the doubtful tone of my voice and waits for me to continue speaking.
“There is still someone here who’s lying, and I may not know what they’re lying about, but I know that—”
“How can you be sure? Maybe whoever lied forgot alongside the rest of us? Maybe that woman lied. Maybe you’re worried for something that’s no longer a possibility. But wouldn’t we be dead already if…well, if the so-called traitor was among us?”
“I suppose that may be—” I start, but she grabs onto my hand and faces me before interrupting.
“If you’re uncertain, then I want to go with you. Don’t leave me behind with people you’re not even sure you trust. Don’t make me beg you. If I live or die, I want the path taken to be one of my choosing. Si—” she rambles, and I stop her from speaking with one word I didn’t think I would be saying. An agreement that strips my bloody, beating heart bare, even though I know it’s what’s best. Giving her this choice is not easy for me, but the right things in life often aren’t.
“Okay.”
She startles, her hands freezing where they clutch mine, and a smile spreads over her face and tears well in her eyes. Uncertainty temporarily silences her, but her touch doesn’t waver.
“Oh…okay. And you’re sure?” I hesitantly nod my head, looking down at our tightly joined hands before swallowing the lump in my throat.
“I cannot choose for you any longer. You’re right. Your life is your own. I won’t dictate how you live it, but if you go with me, it will be dangerous and—” I’m interrupted again when she lunges into me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I know, but if we’re doing this, then we’re doing it together.”
“Together,” I whisper in her ear as I awkwardly pat her back. For a moment, I wonder how we’ve come from such similar backgrounds, but react so differently to the situations life throws our way. She is willing to trust and hold and accept the affection she was denied once she believed someone fit to receive what she could offer them. Then me, with my inability to trust, even when I’m given every reason to. My inability to do anything other than fight when the opportunity presents itself. “And then we live.”
We sit there for a moment—her holding me as I awkwardly accept her embrace—when a quick knock sounds at the door. Nathaniel’s ginger hair appears from around the corner, and he quickly takes in the scene before him.
“It’s time to go over the plan again, one last time. Last light will be upon us soon,” he says before knocking on the side of the door twice more and exiting the room. He leaves the door ajar, another indication of how quick this must be.
“Well, forever awaits us,” I say as I remove her arms from around me and push to stand. She follows suit, dusting off her pants and stepping around me, walking with more confidence than I think I may have ever seen. I quickly follow her and see the men leaning over the kitchen counter with the map in front of them. Ronan looks at me, a question in his expression, and I grimly nod before closing the distance between us.
“One last time, let’s make sure the plan is clear. Nothing can go wrong on the way,” Nathaniel reiterates, peering at everyone. Everyone seems keen on listening to him recite the plan we decided on last night, but I clear my throat, tossing a look at Carmen’s hopeful eyes. The men follow my gaze before turning their attention back to me.
“The plan has changed. Carmen comes with me,” I state with finality, and although I see understanding fall over Ronan, his arm brushing against mine in a sign of support, he is the only one.
“Absolutely not,” Nathaniel starts. “The plan was fine enough yesterday. She’ll be safer in the tunnels where no one is tracking us.”
“I can keep her safe just fine. It all ends the same anyway, and it’s not us who should be choosing what she does and does not do,” I explain but Adonis’ deep timbre cuts through my reasoning.
“You say you can keep her safe, but you lost her the other day. If I were one of them, she would’ve been dead before you found her.”
“That’s different,” I respond, attempting to find a way to defend myself, but I know he’s not wrong. No matter how much I wish he were, he’s not.
“And why is that?” he questions.
“Because I don’t trust any of you other than her.” Every eye turns to her as she crosses her arms over her chest and keeps her shoulders pulled back. Pride washes through me as she defends herself. Truthfully, I believed I would have to fight for her on my own, but I’m proud of her willingness to fight back. Tension builds around us in the quiet. Tension so thick, you could feel the air shift the longer no one speaks. Carmen breaks the silence.
“I believe it’s settled then.”
Ronan’s shoulders jump up and down as he tries to hold back his laughter, and I harshly jab him in the side to get him to stop, but he isn’t able to. It isn’t long before I’m right there with him, staring at Adonis and Nathaniel’s appalled expressions.
“Okay then, this changes things,” Ronan says, but winks at me as he says it. He points to the map. “We don’t have long before the three of us head out, might as well get everything settled while we still can.”
Shadows seem to fall over Adonis’ face and weariness follows his movements as he points to the map. “There are several entrances into the tunnels. It seems to be how they’re traveling so easily through the forest without any of us knowing,” he says as he begins pointing at the hidden tunnel doors. “We’ve already decided that he and I go in separate directions. Me right, him left. We only go long enough to see what lies beyond, and then we meet back here.” He points to a tunnel that intersects both of theirs directly where Ronan and I are to lead anyone ready for a hunt.
“We meet here no later than sunrise,” his deep voice commands, staring each and every one of us in the eyes, ensuring we understand. “We should know which way leads out for sure by then.”
“And if we’re not all there?” I question, though I already know the answer.
“We’ll know what happened. The rest of us leave if we must,” Nathaniel replies, but there’s an edge to his voice that wasn’t there before. Uncertainty seeps into the air as we all look at each other one more time.
“Are you ready?” Ronan asks, extending his hand out to me. I stare at it, calloused, rough, and sure. Then I turn to Carmen, and nod my head absently before taking her pinky within mine.
“I am.”
I face him one last time, and he just dips his chin to me before heading upstairs, leading the way outside to the forest that lies beyond.
This only works if they believe we don’t know about the map, tunnels, or that there is any way out. They have to believe we’re running again.
Step by step, we walk in the golden light that falls over us. No one says a word as we make ourselves the perfect unassuming bait. And when we make it to the tunnel entrance, wedged into a large tree, we leave Carmen there as previously discussed.
“Don’t move no matter what you hear,” I quickly say before Ronan and I depart. “We’ll return in no more than an hour. Please, do not leave. We’ll only be half a mile away, and then we’ll be back. Stay hidden. Within the entrance to the tunnel if you must,” I add, even as Ronan is grabbing my hand, readying to pull me ahead of him. “Promise me.”
“I promise,” she responds quickly, waving me on as she conceals herself within the bark of the tree, and then I’m off. Rushing along to a battle I know I must survive.