Chapter Eight
Banks dragged a half-asleep Kyson from bed at the ungodly hour of four a.m. to leave for Colorado. Kyson had tried arguing he would regret not going to his mother’s funeral. Banks knew his mother would want no one to see her like that. She was gone. Banks needed to deal with it his way.
He had spoken to Boone before waking Kyson. Banks hadn’t wanted to disappoint his brother. Together, they had decided it would be best if Banks left. He couldn’t promise he wouldn’t find his hands around his father’s throat. Banks absolutely did not want to end up at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol or pills. He had to walk away from this before he lost the will to be sober for Kyson.
The moment they were in the air, Banks had gone a step further and blocked his dad’s number. He doubted the move would be permanent, but Banks wasn’t sure about anything at the moment. Kyson held his hand. They didn’t talk much. Once they settled into the ski resort, they went straight back to bed. Life just felt too exhausting. While Kyson slept, Banks stared at the ceiling. His skin itched and his mind raced. He had to force his mind away from his mom. Banks grabbed his phone and searched for jewelers in the area. He didn’t mind paying exorbitant fees as long as they delivered and did so fast. From there, Banks researched getting married where they were. He wanted this now, but he also needed it to be beautiful for Kyson. Thankfully, it looked like he had options. Kyson felt like the only family he had at the moment. He needed to solidify that and ensure Kyson had the protection of his last name. Banks needed something to keep his focus.
With a plan in place, Banks set his phone aside and stared at Kyson. Kyson wore the adorable bat pajamas Banks loved so much. He hadn’t worn them since the day he came to live with Banks. Banks supposed his confession about that day had taken the trauma away from Kyson wearing the outfit. At least, he hoped it had. Kyson was the first person in the world to make him feel like he didn’t break everything he touched.
Kyson rolled. He smiled when he saw Banks awake. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“My mind won’t stop racing.”
Kyson stroked his chest. “What can I do?”
Banks shrugged. “I’m the daddy. I do the soothing.”
A sweet smile touched Kyson’s lips. “Maybe we can take turns sometimes. When you had a daddy—not trying to trigger you—what did he do to help you sleep?”
Banks’ throat nearly swelled closed. “How did you know I had a daddy?” He never wanted Kyson to see him as weak. Banks hated remembering exactly how much power he had handed to someone who didn’t deserve it. His need for love had nearly killed him.
A line appeared between Kyson’s eyebrows. “You told me. That night when I sat with you on the bathroom floor. You told me about him. I’m sorry. It never occurred to me you didn’t remember, or that you didn’t want me to know.” He looked truly upset.
Banks kissed his forehead. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a part of my life I try really hard to forget.” He shrugged. “It’s just…”
“Humiliating,” Kyson supplied for him. “I know.” He took a deep breath. “I’m struggling to hang on to the joy I used to feel being a Little. For a while now, every time I walk into The PlayPen, I feel like everyone looks at me and sees me as a weak idiot. I’ve never been so embarrassed to be me as I have been since Jack. But I also don’t know how to make people understand. Anyone crazy enough to do the things Jack did is crazy enough to kill you. To the bottom of my soul, I knew one day he would do just that and it would come sooner rather than later if I left. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up your past. You gave up that side of yourself to survive. I understand.”
Kyson broke his heart but also made him so fucking proud. He felt safe enough to say all those words to Banks. Banks wasn’t failing him. “No. You’re allowed to talk to me about anything at all. It’s my job to listen, comfort you, and love you. I know I also have all those things in you.” Banks took a breath. This conversation freed his brain from the hell it had been suffering. Banks would take a conversation about the past over current circumstances. “Shutting down that side of myself isn’t how I coped. I opened The PlayPen. Back when it was me, I didn’t have anywhere safe to go. Maybe if I had, someone could’ve helped me before I killed him.”
“It was him or you.”
Banks nodded. “It was, but I also recognize how much I simply let happen to me. Being raised by wolves fucked me up. I wanted to feel some innocence and love so fucking badly, I was willing to do anything. Then one day, something else roared to life inside me. A monster I can’t always control. Maybe he fucked something up in my head. I don’t know. All I know is, I’m not the same.” Banks blinked. He hadn’t realized how far he had fallen into his thoughts until he realized he didn’t even see Kyson in front of him. Banks focused on Kyson. He cleared his throat. “Anyhow, that’s how I ended up owning a very particular fetish club.”
Kyson’s beautiful green eyes moved over Banks’ face. “I wish you saw how absolutely amazing you are. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met in my life, and you don’t even know it.”
Banks laughed. There was no humor in the sound. “Baby, love makes you blind. You’re overlooking who I am. No matter what happens when the dust settles, I’ll always be Banks Bosi. I’ll always be the son of Beau Bosi. There will never come a day when I can walk away from that. When you marry me, it’ll be the same for you.”
Kyson stroked his cheek. “I fell in love with Banks Bosi, son of Beau Bosi, and I have zero regrets. Bring on the wedding.”
A smile exploded across Banks’ face. “Funny you should say that.”
Kyson’s eyebrows rose and a smile that felt evil stretched Banks’ lips. His mom had adored Kyson. He knew nothing in the world would’ve made her happier than knowing Banks had married him. There was no better way to honor her. Plus, he was just sickeningly in love. It was a win win.
Kyson couldn’t say how he went from seeing his first massive pile of snow to getting married. Both were beautiful. There was a hint of sadness, knowing none of their friends or family were there. The devastation of knowing Tabitha was gone still lingered just out of sight the entire time. But Banks needed this marriage to happen exactly when it did. Kyson imagined it was the only thing saving his sanity. He would do absolutely anything for Banks.
Somehow Banks had gotten them rings and a cake. The ring was a little big, and the cake was dry, but Kyson still loved every detail.
“Boop.” Banks bumped a bit of cake against Kyson’s lips and then came in to lick it away.
Kyson couldn’t stop smiling. “Was that your version of smashing cake in my face?”
Banks wore a huge grin. “Yeah, well. No one hits you in the face. Not even me. Not even playfully.”
Kyson’s forehead furrowed. “You mean like this?” He smeared a handful of cake across Banks’ cheek. Kyson had been working on digging his fingers into the cake on the sly for a minute.
Banks roared with laughter.
The sound was music to Kyson’s ears. He had done that. In the midst of a nightmare, Kyson had still given Banks a beautiful moment. Maybe he hadn’t completely lost the childlike part of himself. Kyson wiped his fingers on a napkin while Banks tried wiping the cake from his face. He missed most of it.
“Here.” Kyson took the napkin from him and cleaned his face. It was odd to be having such a moment with a photographer taking nonstop photos. Then again, he kept forgetting she was there. Like almost always, it was just them in their bubble. The way it had been since Kyson came to live with Banks. They had insulated themselves, found peace, and did some healing together. They had fallen in love so quietly, it had been almost natural—like they had always been meant to be together. There hadn’t been a grand moment of realization. It was more of a slow acceptance of the truth. This was a quiet, peaceful love. Perfect in every way.
Banks stared at Kyson with so much adoration, it swelled Kyson’s throat. “Thank you.”
Kyson stopped wiping his face to focus on Banks. “For what?”
“For loving me. Marrying me. For your faith.”
A lump grew in Kyson’s throat. “Same.”
Banks lowered his head.
Kyson met him halfway. Everything inside Kyson melted as their tongues brushed.
“We’ll box up this cake for you.”
Banks pulled away and kissed Kyson’s forehead before focusing on the woman in charge of the wedding chapel. “Thank you. We appreciate how quickly you pulled this together.”
A bright smile lit her face. “Of course.”
Banks focused on him again. “Are you ready to go start our life together as husbands?”
Kyson’s face hurt from smiling. “Absolutely.” He knew the grief would be back to slap them soon enough. But for now, they were carving their piece of happiness from life—just the way Tabitha would have wanted.