Defensive Line (The Unlovabulls #1)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Wear your brown pants, Dick Head.

I’m coming for you.

Lily

Brody wasn’t answering his phone.

I left him voicemail after voicemail, texted him, tried calling again. Nothing.

I spent a solid hour in the shower crying. Thank God for tankless hot water heaters. My classes—all those dogs and people. I wouldn’t get to see them two or three times a week, watch my puppy class grow up, and my agility students at their first trial.

I wasn’t sure I’d even have time to trial anymore. There was no national team in Jet’s future if I didn’t have a career that allowed me to run my own dogs between classes. Now, they’d have to stay home.

After drying my hair, I put on clean clothes and got in my car to head over to Brody’s place. If he wasn’t there, then I’d wait until he got home.

I’d have to tell Brody about Trey, too. I’d been trying to avoid that. I knew Brody had regular appointments with him and I didn’t want to taint things if I could help it. But part of me was embarrassed, too. He’d cheated on me before he worked for the team, and my stepfather hired him after the fact. Dick chose my cheating ex-fiancé over me because Trey’s father was a senator. I guessed politician trumps stepdaughter.

I rolled down the window and cranked up Post Malone, letting my hand dance through the wind.

The dude wasn’t right. At first, it had been pleas to come back and pledges of undying love, but it had eventually progressed to repetitive phone calls and texts where he was verbally abusive. He even tried threatening my livelihood with false accusations. Trey threatened to tell my clients that I abused my own dogs unless I came back to him. When I refused, he went as far as to report me to animal control who showed up at my home to search for signs of abuse. It came to a head when he confronted me while I was on a date. He screamed in the middle of a crowded restaurant that I was a cheating whore, then punched my date. Trey’s daddy covered the arrest up for him, but not before I managed to file an order of protection. Dick had asked me not to, spouting some bullshit about uniting two great families in a bid for world domination or whatever.

I had zero doubts this job with Dick would reescalate things.

My one bright spot in all of this was being able to tell Brody I’d leveraged the Bulldogs into funding the rescue and helping us locate the mill. I’d tried him back several times, but the calls were going to voicemail.

Pulling in the garage, I noticed Brody’s truck was in his spot. I checked my eyes in the mirror. The change of attitude and fresh air had taken out most of the redness. When I knocked on the door, Staci answered.

“Hey, hi. Is he here?” I put on a smile.

She didn’t return it. Instead she called over her shoulder, “Babe, I think we should give them some space.” Stepping back from the door, she motioned me in, and Erica sent me a sad smile on the way out. Brody was in his bedroom packing a bag.

He didn’t acknowledge me when his eyes darted up. Something was very wrong, here.

“Shaw, what’s going on? I tried to call you back about a million times.”

He didn’t look up.

I walked his direction and he didn’t answer. Instead he slipped past me, going out to the living room. Following him, I stood behind the couch as he tucked several suits into a garment bag. “Brody?”

His head came up slow. “Just don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you.” He zipped up the bag. “You should go.”

CC didn’t get up to greet me. She was lying on a bed by the balcony, head between her paws.

“Nope.” I didn’t know what was wrong, but I wasn’t in the mood to make nice with some surly asshole who was being as petulant as a thirteen-year-old girl. “To say I’ve had a shitty day is putting it mildly. I’m not playing games with you, big man. I don’t know what you’re mad about, but unless you tell me why you’re pissed, I can’t apologize, either.”

He didn’t respond and all the wind went out of my sails. Turning away to lean my butt on the back of the couch, I was too tired to hold the tears off anymore. “They traded you, didn’t they?”

He picked a folder up off the coffee table, threw it on the couch. “Miami.”

Peeling myself up, I walked around the couch, putting a hand on his bicep. He stopped moving but didn’t look at me. My heart was breaking for him. For us. “Brody, I’m so so—”

He nodded at the folder. “Open it.”

I did and my heart split in two. My legs failed me, and I slid to sit on the couch next to his garment bag. “Dick knew about us? How?” It came out in a whisper. My hands shook as I leafed through the photos. Shock settled into every muscle of my body. There was picture after picture of Brody, holding me. Kissing me. Pictures of him taking my trash out. Playing with my dogs in the backyard as I watched. Me hugging him from behind in nothing but a T-shirt. The night I’d gone out to his balcony. God, that must have been two a.m. Me leaving his building the morning after I’d taken CC home.

The one that truly broke my heart, though, was of him sticking his head through the window of his truck to kiss me.

He looked so young. So open. Like a college kid sneaking out of his girlfriend’s dorm. I remembered exactly what I felt then. Everything would be okay. All hope was not lost because I had the most amazing man in the world, and he was in love with me. This sweet, big-hearted football player who would be there for me because I was loved.

Brody’s voice came out soft, pained, shattering the moment in my head. “You used me. I took a leap of faith. Told you I loved you, and you were using me to get shelter funding out of your stepdad.”

“What?” Mouth wide open, I turned to him. The shock was a ball of dread sitting in my stomach.

“I know about the rescue, Lily. What I don’t know is was it the plan from the beginning, or only since we found the empty building?” His hands were on his hips as he stared into the duffel on the table.

“What are you even talking about?” I was so utterly horrified he’d been traded. Because of me.

He met my eyes and I didn’t care that he saw the fat tears or dark circles. “When I heard them talking about your fiancé at camp, I should have run in the other direction. But I’ll give it to you, you’re a decent actress, sweetheart, and hey, we lucked out with all that chemistry in the sack, right? I know you didn’t fake the orgasms, so at least there’s that much.”

“Brody, stop. This isn’t—”

“For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why you would come up in the same conversation as my shoulder at training camp of all places.”

“You think I knew about this?”

“Stop, Lily.” He threw a hand up. “Nobody but Hayes and my neighbors knew, and they had nothing to gain by telling Dick about us. But you did.” His face was a mask of disappointment, and I could see the ache hiding beneath.

He had so much wrong, I didn’t know where to start.

I wasn’t even sure it mattered. He wasn’t interested in listening, anyway.

Running a hand through his hair, he sat down on the couch, elbows on his knees. “Why didn’t you come to me about the money, Lily? If you didn’t know anything about this, why wouldn’t you just come to me first about starting a rescue?”

I spun to face him, not only hurt, but angry. The longer this went on, with each word that left his mouth, I knew how wrong I’d been about Brody. He didn’t trust me, and I couldn’t count on him. “Really? Come to you for money—right. The dude that is sure everyone in the world wants in his pockets. Brilliant idea.”

“Bullshit. You could have asked me for the moon and stars, and I would have found a way to give them to you. I would have emptied my bank accounts, given you the shirt off my goddamned back. I would have left football for you, just to stay here. With you.” His head sagged forward on his big shoulders. “I tried.” The words came out soft. So soft, I wasn’t sure I’d heard them right.

“You what?” Circling around, I tried to see his face. Everything in my body wanted to reach out and touch him. But I couldn’t. Not when he thought I did this to him.

He steepled his hand over his nose. “I asked for my release. When Dick told me he arranged a trade, I told him I wanted my release.”

Pushing the folder over, I sat on the table facing him. “ This is exactly why I couldn’t come to you. You’re accusing me of using you, yet you think if you could give me everything I’ve ever wanted, we’d live happily ever after. Don’t you think I know you would always wonder if I loved you for what you could give me instead of for the man you are?”

When he didn’t respond, I knew it didn’t matter what I said. His mind was made up before I ever walked through the door.

Shit got hard for Brody, and it was time for him to flake. Imagine that. “I always thought it would be my baggage that got in our way.” I just wanted to be done with this. I couldn’t trust a man that didn’t put his faith in me, no matter how much I loved him or how much my heart hurt. A man that would leave without hearing my side of the story? He’d written me off so easily. Taken the word of someone like my stepdad. At the first sign of trouble, he was running. Like everyone else I’d loved.

Really, Lily? Couldn’t he say all those same things about you?

I supposed I never really let go of my own baggage either. I guess I’d expected this moment all along.

“Why you didn’t mention a shelter, Lily? Seems like something you’d tell someone you love. Unless he wasn’t part of your plan.” His raw voice sounded incredulous, and he had every right to be. Not because I’d used him like he thought, but because deep down, I wasn’t any more capable of checking my own shit than he was.

With a slow shake of my head and a continuous flow of tears, I met his eyes. My voice came out choked, full of what might have been if we both weren’t so screwed up. “You’re right.”

He searched my face, a tear tracking down his own cheek that broke my heart anew.

“It’s only the why of it you’ve got wrong, baby.”

I spotted the picture of us kissing through his truck window on the edge of the table, and picked it out of the pile. Held it to my chest.

The absolute anguish in them...so conflicted, so wounded. Like CC’s eyes months before. When I’d seen her eyes while she was huddled in her kennel, I knew I could help her to trust her human. But people were a different story. They were much too complicated.

Dogs were easier. Loyal. They never let me down the way people did. As long as I remembered the golden rule of rescue.

Don’t let yourself get too attached, because they’d be moving on soon.

I should have never gotten attached.

“Brody, if you truly believe I could use you as a means to an end...” Pausing, I tried to clear the lump from my throat. “...then you don’t know me at all.”

Steadying myself, I put my palm over his heart. Pressed my mouth to his. The salt from our tears mingled on our lips, and I allowed myself a few seconds before pulling away.

“Lily...” He pressed his forehead to mine.

I reached down to pat CC, who had been worried enough about her people to join the fray. After placing a kiss on her head, I whispered, “Take care of him for me, puddin’. I love you, and I love him, too.”

Wiping my face, I stood and left, the picture in my hand.

The following morning, I turned in my notice at the training center. Funny that the hardest part hadn’t been leaving the dogs I taught, but the people on the other end of the leash.

With some vacation time stored, I took a week off that Rob was happy to give me. Honestly, I needed it.

I wasn’t doing great.

I slept. And I slept. Then moved out to the couch to stare at the idiot box and slept some more. I also took to living off generic cereal and Blue Bell ice cream.

My wake-up call came by way of the last person I wanted to see. My mother. When she knocked and I didn’t answer, she used her key.

“Liliana, when was the last time you showered?”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, Mom. Go fuck yourself.”

Quicker than I could blink, she reached out and slapped my cheek. It wasn’t hard; it wouldn’t leave a print. It was meant to shock me, and it did its job. “Now listen here, girl. I know I’m not going to win any prizes for mother of the year, but I brought you into this world and you will treat me with respect. You think you’re the only one who’s ever had a rough go of it, Lily?”

Stunned, I reached up to hold my cheek. In all my years, my mother had never laid a hand on me.

“My own mama was a stripper and a drug addict who cared more about her next fix and her next boyfriend than her children. I will never tell you the horrors I endured in the house where I grew up. When I started up with your daddy, I wasn’t in college like he told people. I was on the pole at night and in a cheerleader’s outfit during the day because I had no other way to feed myself.”

It was like being slapped again. My mom never talked about her life. My dad told me what little I knew, and apparently, I got the fairy princess version.

Audrey sat on the arm of the chair. “I know you think the worst of me for marrying Richard so soon after your father died, but I loved your father, Liliana. Very deeply. Not because he provided for us, but because he was larger than life, he had an amazing heart and spirit and for whatever reason, he wanted to be with me . In the beginning, I constantly thought to myself, ‘Dear God, please don’t let him change his mind. Being in his orbit was like standing in sunshine that never set on the world.’”

Her smile slipped away. “But the longer he played, the worse the depression got... His death broke me in a way I never expect you to understand. Every day it hurts, every day I miss him. And every day, I pray you’ll find the courage to let go of all the harm the three adults in your life did to you, so you find a love like that. I’d hoped that might be Trey, but clearly he wasn’t it, and I’m glad you saw what I didn’t and took care of yourself.”

A sad smile touched her lips as she ran a hand over my cheek. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. For leaving you. I never wanted you to have the kind of life I did when I was your age. Can you understand that?”

I nodded, slipped my hand into hers. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I, my love, more than you will ever know. Now, I find it perfectly acceptable to wallow for three days. I gave you a fourth, because I’ve met that young man a time or two, and Brody Shaw is... Mercy.” She fanned herself. “But it’s time to remember whose daughter you are, Liliana Costello. You’ve never hidden, never felt sorry for yourself, never wallowed in your entire life. You stand up, shake off the grass, and go back to the huddle. If there’s anybody in the whole of this city that can walk into Bulldogs headquarters and tell Dick to shove it right up his ass, day in, day out, it’s you. I’m quite sure that backbone you inherited from your father is why Richard never warmed to you.”

A little grin flitted across her mouth. “Do you know, when your daddy was at the top of his game, and Richard was a glorified water boy, that he came on to me? This was before I got pregnant with you.”

“No! Really?”

She nodded. “When your father found out he’d groped me and several of the girls on the squad, Billy pinned him to a plateglass window. By his neck.”

“Oh shit.”

“That’s what he did, alright.” She guffawed, laughed in a way I hadn’t heard since before my father died. “That’s the backbone you inherited, Liliana.” She squeezed my hand.

“Mom, did you really just tell me to rub some dirt on it?”

“Indeed, I did.”

After she left, I got in the shower. I took my dogs for a walk, and something occurred to me between making notes about the rescue and pulling my old anatomy books out of the attic to brush up.

For a long time, I’d pitied Audrey because I thought she was weak.

But there was more strength and depth to my mother than I had ever known.